All Comments on 'Hotel Room for Two'

The story line itself is fairly good. A standard plot to be sure, but a nice way of bringing it forward. The writing itself could use a lot of work. The "scene" intro that morphs into a third person present narrative is awkward. The build up to the sex is good and then BAM it is over and orgasm recorded. So good idea the development needs some work/editing.

Thank you for the feedback.

It's very observant -- and I think what you see is intentional and exists because of the distinction between a pure story and the description of a video. (Ironically, on one site, the complaint was that I did more than describe the bare outline of an idea and leave it to the director and actresses to negotiate the actual scene development and the sex.)

But the motivation for this series came specifically from seeing too many videos that just presented the foreplay and the sex and didn't provide an interesting scenario in many cases. I hope I'm successfully transcending that complaint.

if this is your first time writing for this website you might consider looking at some of the other stories out there and expand your story line as in more pages in a single story check out "SCATTYSUE" some of her stories I think you might learn from her as well as "HLD" some of his as well like "McKayla's Miracle" a 3 chapter story you might like.... (from an avid reader of Literoctica) (Marcus Horton)

Marcus,

thank you for your feedback and for your encouragement.

I've been enjoying some of the authors on this site. I may add some stories in the future that fit into the short-story fiction genre better. For at least the immediate future, I will probably stick to the video-script genre.

I love that you put the detail in the story about what they’re wearing and go into detail. I’d love to read more of the details about their movements while making love. I want to know how Ashley brought Claudia to orgasm, not just that she did.