All Comments on 'How Could She Think This Was Okay?'

Mediocre rewrite of existing story themes, it's a solid meh from me, dawg. The only thing original in this story was the uncle's art.

but I'll be Andrew's nuts can answer that question

Interesting story!

5

at least andrew got his

The problem here is that the wifes character is kind of shallow .

Her view that since the husband has had multiple sexual partners before they were married and therefore she's entitled to a sexual partner after the married never actually conduct in the story ignores the KEY point

The husband never says to her well I had those sexual partners before we were married. That's the difference that's what's wrong.

It seems obvious that in this kind of discussion or situation that the husband would make that point.

yep I done the same thing except I divorced her

A story about a crying spineless man who has balls the size of raisins and a woman with the IQ of pond life....... in other words Biden voters.

Nice but has been done before. Molly is going to screw a "one time" affair, and Billy is just going to have to accept because we "love" each other and it will help out marriage. Ha ha, what a crock of bull. I am surprised that there were no other secondary characters to defend or befriend or hate with the main characters. Usually, there is a co worker girl friend who is friends with both but not here. Molly played her part of a ignorant slut and Billy as a standard husband who is struggling to get his wife to understand that she is killing their marriage. Molly paid for her infidelity and Billy did what he HAD to do and moved on. It might be interesting to get another chapter in to see IF Molly and Billy do reconcile or at least become friends (after a divorce)... Have this at 4/5 stars because of how it went, it was better than most but not great.

It goes severely against the grain to hurt any woman, let alone my wife.

But I tend to think the best way to deal with her scenario of get picked up by her bit of strange is this.

As she gets to the door go as if to kiss her deluded self good bye.

Then rip all her clothes off and drag her naked arse out for lover boy to see .

Then issue a challenge.

If he is man enough to take the slut from you.

Of course have the appropriate issue weapon in your back pocket if the fool is a monster.

Then after the showdown dump the slut outside her locked house and drive away.

I thought it was a good read, would’ve like to known the outcome after a year or so.

Thanks again..

An oft- repeated story with nothing new to add. Poorly written with too many frequent changes of viewpoint.

I'm only halfway down page one, and I've seen unneeded background, change of POV, and several cliches: New guy at work that wife raves about, then suddenly doesn't mention; wife's mood changes; hubby (maybe) has had more sexual experience; "just" this one weekend; if hubby loves her will allow this.

/

Learn how to punctuate dialog. If one person is speaking across several paragraphs, each paragraph gets an open quote, with a close quote at the end.

/

"knowing that this young man that I am incredibly attracted to wants to fuck me" - Don't feel so special! Many young guys want to fuck every pretty woman they see!

/

"allow me to give you more love and attention in our future than I ever have!" - So you haven't been giving all of your love and attention? This is suddenly going to expand your "love" tank?

/

"this is just me getting something that I never got in my past" - "Never got?" She maybe didn't have as much experience as he did, but she wasn't a virgin wen they got married.

/

That's just the first page, I'll stop now and see if you can save this mess.

/

"that she could profess her love for me but still insist on having sex outside of their wedding vows." - I know I said I was going to stop, but this jump out and grabbed me! HE'S narrating (her love for ME), then he says "THEIR wedding vows?" It should be OUR wedding vows! Okay, I shut up for now.

/

She keeps saying she has "nothing," but nothing was said about her not having ANY other partners. And how can she keep thinking that they'll be okay, when he keeps TELLING her that they won't.

/

I'm still a little confused. At the beginning it says that she didn't have a "myriad" of sex partners, then it seems to say that she hadn't had any. Not that either would make it okay, but if she had had ANY it would make things worse.

/

REALLY needs an editor.

Is she the dumbest person on earth? He spent an entire week telling her repeatedly that they would be done if she proceeded, and then she was shocked when he was gone when she came home? He should have divorced her for rampant stupidity, not for cheating.

. . . this story theme can be written, and they've already been done to death:

The shifts in perspective did this story no favors; they were jarring and led to having to go back and see if you'd missed something.

As always, the wife is made out to be an idiot. Not only did she spring this on her husband without any preparation, she didn't know her husband at all, and even when he told her the consequences of going forward, she was too stupid to believe him.

Do men who would react like this really cry like babies all the way through it?

Yes, I can easily see how with great disparity in previous sexual experience, the partner with less would be wondering if she had missed out. But the partner with far greater sexual experience ought to be able to understand the "it's just sex" argument, since he would have had plenty of "it's just sex" himself. He still might not go along with it, but Billy showed no understanding at all about Molly's concerns.

"She wanted to know if I fantasized about the past women, or thought about them when we were making love. Obviously the only answer you could give to that question was a resounding Hell NO!"

That might be the only answer you could give, but it's obviously a lie! If you've had past lovers, of course you remember them and fantasize about them, certainly not all the time, but it stil happens.

Complete fantasy.

Great story, got a lot of cliches in to it as well. But I thoroughly enjoyed the tale.

Please write another.

Such a good BTB deserves 5/5 and that’s what I gave you.

It was a well-written story, but the substance was nothing more than copy-and-pastes of standard cliches and story lines. Thus, the story was unsatisfying and somewhat boring. One question, why did not the husband talk to Molly's parents or siblings before the event? He was certainly thinking about it, because he was composing an email to them.

"I deserve this!"

Entitlement, plain and simple. Cheaters cheat because they feel entitled to cheat. In Molly's case she also felt entitled to reconciliation and forgiveness as evident that she expected Billy to approve of her cheating in advance. Talk about a big set of balls.

Giving this boring hashed over rewrite a one was so easy. Stop while you can,

This is a step back in your posts. Not as well written as the two previous stories.

Was this the first story you wrote but the third post on this site??

Thank you for the effort. It was an interesting story.

I'm

AMerryman

It was really hard to get through the abrupt changes from first person (with multiple characters) to third person. Also, they’re your characters, but I can’t imagine a husband having sex with a wife that has told him she’s going to have a weekend fuck fest the next day.

Can't you see, they still are married? He put the responsibility for divorce on her and later, she put the same responsibility on him. This means it's a stand-off. They could just slide back together without having all the reasonable legal stuff to go through. They don't even have to blink, he could just drive up and move back in then they are good to go.

Yes, as others have said its been done before but I still enjoyed it. Yes, there are some grammatical errors but they weren't so bad that I didn't enjoy it.

The only thing I would suggest is that you write a second part telling us about his adventures and his eventual return home for a face to face confrontation that either sees the final nail being struck or where they agree to counselling and reconcile. I don't mind either outcome. Maybe he meets someone else and starts a family before going back?

A really feeble collection of over-used cliches; poorly constructed and, apparently, unedited. But don't worry, simple-minded LW readers will give it a high score.

Why do US men cry so much in LW?

The continuous POV changes without making it clear that’s what was occurring, made the flow uneven, and confusing.

There’s nothing new here, it’s all been done before, some better some worse, finding a new way to describe what has been done a million times before is like lassoing a unicorn or trapping Bigfoot, still the authors here have a lot more bottle than me, putting themselves on the line with their stories for us to ravage in the comments section.

Prerequisite for authors here? Thick skin.

Hi! I appreciate your posting, it takes courage. It's especially hazardous to post a story in Loving Wives.

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May I offer a few suggestions?

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The random switching of narrative styles (first to third person) was odd and off putting. You might want to consider sticking with one. If your story depends on the female lead being an idiot, you may want to reconsider the plot. You may want to read your dialogue aloud and determine if it sounds stilted as opposed to naturalistic.

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Good luck with your future stories!

.... and you really need an editor. Couldn't finish the first page...

Yes it was an old theme, but you did it well. I would have liked to seen Billy rip Andrew a new butthole when he had the balls to come to their home to pick her up.

Hmm, the phrases used all too often in these "date-night, one-time sex experience" type tales: "It doesn't mean anything" and "It's just meaningless sex." really need to be explored. If those phrases are true in the minds of those making them, then why do it?

This seems to be a rich area to explore in the mental gymnastic olympics. I can see the antagonist and protagonist having a great set of volleys about just what they mean.

Hmmm, opportunity?

Please, pick a POV. The story concept certainly isn’t new, but I forged through and somewhat enjoyed it. But get an editor.

Words are a writer’s tools and it distracts readers when they aren’t used properly or well. Sbrooks has called attention to several things you should have caught and corrected. Here are two more:

* “She rubbed her face up and down on my mouth ...” until she had an orgasm. Really? How does that work? I disconnected from the flow of the story and reread it several times before I realized it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t make sense of it.

* There is no such thing as a “quick claim deed,” despite the fact that this phrase appears all too frequently in stories here. What you wanted was a “quitclaim deed,“ in which someone gives up or “quits“ their claim to a piece of property.

Please learn to use your tools the right way. Your readers will thank you.

The story was overall enjoyable and I hope you keep writing. If you want to improve you really need to work on your POV. You change all over the place without warning and sometimes even in a single sentence. It can confuse and makes us really concentrate to follow the story, reducing the reading enjoyment. That would greatly help the story. Don’t care about “something new” so much since we all know what we want to read when we come here. While something different is nice sometimes, most people will still rate a familiar plot high since they are looking for that type of story. Think Harlequin Romance. All very similar but still sell a ton. The end also leaves too many unanswered questions and feels unfinished. A common problem on this site and authors often defend it but it does reduce the quality of the story, sometimes significantly. Keep going! You have some fun stories to tell.

The random switching from first person to third was really off-putting.

So many more negatives to voice, but all that can be said is that this submission is truly under par for JC.

Better luck next time

I like this topic story but this one was a bit like most of the others so it isn't at the top of the list. But I enjoyed the fact that the sex was terrible. I am torn on how the guy is alone in an RV. I don't always like the story where the husband immediately finds a gorgeous red head and they fall in love in a week. I don't like how the guy ends up miserable. Somehow we need to know he does come out OK.

That was just terrible. Infantile writing. Four pages of drivel.

...there are cliches. There's only a certain number of variants available here, and the rest of the story is background, padding, etc. IMO, what's missing here is that background on her stubbornness, or fixation on what's right. There's one sentence where Billy cites that as an issue, but examples would have made it more plausible.

Derp derp.

Mental illness.

Three stars ⭐️ for effort and attempt. However this story was repetitive and WAY too long and way too trite! Also, it seems that this author used every time-honored cheater’s trope known to man. Despite being repetitious, the story ended abruptly, and didn’t create resolution, in my mind, at least. This author should keep writing; he produced a good (but too predictable) story, but certainly has potential to improve.. I suggest that he get an editor to assist with paring down content, as well as cleaning up confusing/abrupt changes in POV. Once again, I applaud the effort.

I could feel the husbands pain and sense of loss. I kept asking myself if any woman could be this stupid? The way the wife in this story was written, I could believe she was actually that stupid. She wasn't evil, just absolutely clueless.

Well done!

I enjoy btb stories.

She didn't get punished. She got everything she was entitled to and more-there was no reason to give her the house. The other guy got punishment.

The biggest problem to me with this story was how poorly it was written. Changing back and forth between first and third person with no breaks is confusing to the reader.

I also didn't like him begging her not to go and spending intimate time while she intended to stray. Not only is his behaviour repugnant to me, it allows her to think he loves her so much that nothing has changed, there is no serious problem and no reason to alter her plans.

nuf said.....

While I've been cheated on and disrespected a number of times in my life, it's never been to this level. So, while I found it far fetched I still enjoyed it and gave it five stars. Remember folks it's just fiction.

Might have been a 3***, but the constant change of POV was so distracting as to deprive the reader from even a casual enjoyment of this oft told tale.

2**

If they worked for a big five accounting firm, why not report the matter to HR and see if it wouldn't bring hellfire and damnation down on them? Oh, and it's a quit claim deed, not a quick claim deed.

Needs finished nothing is solved just in limbo

This weekend hall-pass is a standard template at this point, and it still can be crafted in an effective manner. I can't really get into these characters, though. Molly is way too far removed from reality. Billy practically drives the point home with a sledgehammer that she's already on the edge even thinking about her idiocy, but she just la-di-dahs her way past. So they're basically talking in circles for most of the story, living in separate realities. And if she's going to be that dense, then Billy needs to be way more action-oriented to drive the story. No point trying to reason with a crazy person. Ultimately a lot of drawn-out drama for a predictable outcome, which is not optimal for a theme that's been done several times before.

just another 1 star WIMP story...

Ignore the idiots.

I usually like stories with this theme. This one could have gone on further. There should have been more with the wife's reaction when she got home and over the ensuing weeks.

SlutWife (SW) "Honey, it will be only one time and I'll be yours forever afterward"

Husband (H) "So, you've already decided to do this"

(SW) "Yes, I have to do this"

(H) "We're done. Pack your shit and get out"

(SW) "I will only be once and done. Our sex life will be so much better after, you'll see"

(H) "Are you dumb or just plain stupid. It no longer matters. Pack your shit and get out. I never want to see your fucking face or hear your fucking voice again! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

That's the alternate conversation I had in my head when reading this. Didn't care for either of the characters. The wife is a moron and the husband is a coward. Fuck running away.

Generally, I found the story well written and had decent character development. I did not like how you tied it all together in the Epilogue and would like to hear the "rest" of the story in a follow-on chapter. You general plot has been used several times in LW here, but your writing overcame my bias that I was rereading another story. Not sure if anyone will read my comment, but if anyone has actually had a spouse try to pull this in real life, please message me about the details. As I said, I've seen this plot enough that I'm starting to think maybe people this emotionally dumb actually exist. 4*

The actual story would have been entertaining as a fiction tale but the constantly switching POV was disruptive to the actual reading of it. The most experienced and highest talented writers would never dream of doing this it just makes a mess. You can undoubtedly tell a story just get a proper editor to work with. Good luck and thank you for your efforts.

Story has been done many times before in LW. Some have been better, many have been much worse. This was a good one that I enjoyed. It did bounce around a lot with it's changing perspectives, and that was confusing,.but the story still came through. The.letter was good, although face to face confrontation is always better. I disagree about the BTB. She lost the most important thing in her life, and that was Billy. Her temporary insanity destroyed her happy life. It was a good story. Also, Tom was a bro.

Just send out the email ahead of time and you probably stop it

But she reasoned, this is only sex, only one time and if Billy loves me as much as I know he does, he'll allow this and we will get past it and be stronger than before. She only hoped she wasn't kidding herself, but her mind was made up........ At this point on page 1 I already had the divorce papers drawn up ready to serve and was loading up my RV

Yeah, there are other comments about this, but here are some examples.

<P>

Pick a POV! This keeps changing from first to third person.

<P>

If a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative. When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.

Very good. I did have a couple of minor issues: Why didn't Billy get her parents or siblings involved? Someone in the family may have been able to set her straight. It would have been nice to know more about what happened to Billy. I'm sure at 30 he would need to find another job sometime soon. It would be nice after 1 - 2 years if he found someone else and filed divorce against Molly. Any attempts she would make to reconcile would be too little, too late, wished you had thought of that before cheating on me, etc... If Molly had a close relationship to anyone in Billy's family (Mother, sister) that would be an interesting conversation. And of course the reaction of Molly's own family - you made the bed, you get the sleep in it - you chose to throw away your marriage - live with it. Hopefully Molly never finds someone else that could match the love and companionship she had with Billy - she'll be regretting this for the rest of her life.

One last thing - those big accounting firms would be VERY upset that she cheated on her marriage with a direct subordinate. That not only is asking for a sexual harassment lawsuit, but she risked her career in addition to the marriage for that. Why doesn't Billy draft a letter to the head of HR and explain what happened. Can you imagine what will happen if she is demoted or fired for breaking a morals clause?

Yes, the theme has been done a thousand times but I still enjoyed your story. As others have said the changing POV's was somewhat distracting. Also give some thought to turning off anonymous comments on your stories. If they're too lazy to create an account why be bothered by their opinions?

Great story with emotion packed dialogue. Thoroughly enjoyed the read and looking forward to more of your work. This one could benefit readers with a sequel; it has the same appeal as the Classic “February Sucks..”

Thanks

Get an editor! Constantly changing between first and third person, and between past tense and present, makes a story unreadable. You obviously don't understand how to use a semicolon; I strongly suggest you never use one again. And "fantasying"? The word is "fantasizing". Or "quick claim deed"? The phrase is "quitclaim deed". There were too many other errors to list here. Good luck.

A story that has been told many times with little changes but still the same outcome. That makes it a hard read because the reader keeps thinking don't let that stand. Make the right turn not the wrong turn, give her the reason that will change her mind. Others have commented about structure and other problems in this story so I won't go there. Someone, sometime, will figure a way to turn the story around and figure a way to get the wife to wake up and realize the folly of her thinking and yank her back from the edge of her doom. Maybe she wakes up the next morning and realizes it was just a dream or more to the point a nightmare brought on by her just having these kinds of thoughts and it is that, that allows her to realizing what would be the outcome of taking these thoughts into reality. Do a story like that and then you might have a winner. Keep trying and read the constructive comments because some are good while others not so much. Thank you for your effort. Keep hanging in there. It will happen.

Same old, same old. Over the top and ridiculously stupid wife, just like every other one in these stories who doesnt get it until the collapse onto their floor and they magically get that epiphany the husband kept handing them on a silver platter.

And of course the pathetic, egotistical, lame 2 pumps one squirt lover thrown in just to make her look even worse than she already was.

This is a way over used plot device. Seriously if Billy didn't realize he married a self absorbed moron he got exactly what he deserved afterwards. Maybe I'm old fashioned but what grown ass man answers to Billy ? To add to the crowd the pov shifting all over really didn't work from a technical standpoint. All that aside it's probably better than I could ever manage. Thanks for the free entertainment.

Outstanding....he tried and she gets to deal with it. Well done.

Not one part of that made sense.

Not good enough.

In case the writer reads comments,

I've got some advise for him to consider.

1. Include something that is different

from similar stories.

2. Let him see light at the end of the tunnel.

Breaking up a relationship is difficult.

Give him a reason not to regret it.

3. Don't repeat yourself.

Reading the same statement more than once is boring.

So should be writing it.

4. Don't have a man, leaving a slut,

call himself a coward.

A coward is one who hasn't guts to change his life.

5. Add colorful characters.

We all love them.

6. If you have the talent, add humor.

You will have a hard time

finding a reader who doesn't appreciate the effort.

This was all in all an average story.

3 out of 5 from me.

Let us see what you're capable of JClife.

You are not the only one that is a dumbass about this

Wow... what's wrong with these guys? First, you show up at her work and wait for Andrew to leave. You sucker-punch his ass, and while you are sitting on his chest, you hover over his face and promise that if doesn't steer clear of your wife, he'll never see you coming, next time. Then, you take your obviously mentally-ill wife to seek help. To her employer, you tell them that a "hostile work environment" (legal term) caused by a sexual predator has made you wife sick. She will be filing a Workers Comp claim, and probably a law-suit. They will shit bricks and send Andrew to the street or to their Point Barrow, AK branch. Or, when he shows up for your wife, you just beat the living shit out of him. Instead, we get a whiny, passive aggressive little bee-yatch who won't fight for his wife. Now, having vented my spleen, I can see where what occurred is possible. Good story. Major issue: Your use of quotes was flawed. There is a GREAT article on quotation use in the Literotica "How To" section; POV and Voice changes were also problematic. Edit it and report, and it be first rate!!!

“ I also have penned an e-mail ...” That tidbit is why it was not a 1* !!!

Four LIT pages for Hubby and Sweetie to repeat the SAME litany. Coulda done it on a half postcard! And a person can ‘pen’ a message on those! (The other half is for the addressee info.)

2*. I can wait for Ch. two.

Loved the story... Hopefully there will be an aftermath story

Stories can be written in first person using i, or in third person using he. But when you mix them together it gets confusing to the reader. Pick a tense either first person or third person, and use it all the way through on all the characters. Your readers will appreciate it and give you better marks for your story.

have husbands written who don't go around blubbering, getting drunk, and almost groveling? Plausible that he left her, but the rest of it was the same old, same old.

Billy found out and came to visit her during her last days. He told her he had 3 children with a lovely woman but because they never divorced he never married her. He also said that as soon as she passed he would marry the mother of his children so his last years would be spent married to someone who loved him AND respected him.

Molly cried at what he had said and asked Billy if he had ever forgiven her. He responded No he had not and he never would. The disrespect was unforgivable.

Billy also said that Andrew suffered worse than she did.

She asked why he had said that. Billy answered that not only was he the person who wore the ski mask when Andrew was first attacked but every time after that as well.

Billy attacked Andrew every year on the Anniversary of the destruction of the marriage no matter where Andrew was.

On the 5th anniversary Billy crushed Andrews balls as that was the year he and Molly had planned to start having children. By the time Andrew was 40 he could no longer walk or even hold a pen or pencil as Billy had destroyed everything. The only reason the attacks stopped was Billy died when Andrew was 65 and due to retire.

Andrew never worked out who was causing him grief as he always thought he was a great lover.

Nothing pisses me off like these stories "I took my name off the mortgage" = Please, you can, it is called 'write a big check, otherwise fuck off' or better "I sold/cashed out my 401K" = No you can't, whether you like it or not, it is AT LEAST 50% hers. She gets 50%+ of all your f***ing assets you had during and generally before the marriage unless and this is dependent on the judge - you have a freaking iron clad bullet proof prenup. This is generally true regardless of the state - 39 years of family law here people.

That at the end of a question there is supposed to be a ???? not a .....

The 1st & 3rd person switch was already addressed

2

Your going to have to do a second part. I can see readers wanting to see more of this hot mess.

Please, oh please, don't turn a chapter 2 into a RAAC bullshit story? She needs to pay the price for being a cheating whore! This story can stand like it is, or he can come back, do Andrew another disservice, and leave her a broken, homeless whore who is friend less and diseased!

You write very well but the subject has been done and redone so many times. It needs a rest. Can’t you guys come up with a new plot? Doesn’t anyone have an imagination?

R.

To similar to recent stories already written. Are their any really dumb wives who think like this writer portrayed her.a loving beautiful caring sexual women decides to have sex with another and expects the husband to accept that. Not for the average married male.

Entertaining story. I think you could do better with more rewites. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing your story. I hope to read more from you.

There are comments about a second chapter. If you were to ask me, I would suggest a realistic description of the aftermath. The destruction of the marriage should be emotionally tramatizing. The emotional aftermath severe, with only time healing them. But of course both can and should move on. End with both beginning to look for new lives and new companions.

But I think this story ends here just fine.

Again, thank you for your time and effort in writing and posting this story. I hope you continue to do so.

I just don't know how you did it, spending all those years in family law watching the inequity of our system. The law says they get x in a divorce regardless of their actions that is not fair and should count against the individual. Can't imagine spending 39 years and watching that Injustice.

This premise always has the same conclusion. It's been done so many times, I'm actually hoping someone takes the premise and writes a story where it actually improves the marriage. At least that would be different.

Quite a good version of the wife wants to date. However switching views from first person to third then back to first with the other person was very confusing.

The CONSTANT repetition was infuriating.

After about the fifteenth to twentieth time I read the exact same arguments being made by both of them over and over, ad nauseam, I no longer cared how the story played out. By that time, I was spending more time getting pissed off at the author than I was paying attention to the plot.

To make matters worse, this story covered no new ground, so it was all a complete and utter waste of time. (2*, and that's being generous)

The same lame story as told here dozens of times. Just in other words. The dialogues should be more sophisticated and reflect a little more emotion. The whole thing seems too artificial to me. You have to trust women already wits. A normal woman will not behave as stupid as you describe it. But your rules apply in your imagination. For me it was an average story, therefore only 3 *!

It never ceases to amaze me how many literary geniuses are named Anonymous. I am not a writer and will only use my vote to say anything negative. As a reader of 60 years I can chose what I read or not. If you can do better, please do so. I chose to thank JClife for his story and hope he continues. Thank you.

somewhere east of Omaha

...but isn't that the truth behind her decision? I read these stories and I wonder why, but then there is seldom a good answer to that question. How can there be? It is every married man's fear with little that can be done about it other than leaving as this husband did.

...what? Nothing new here. A copy of a copy of a copy..... *

To the rocking chair commenters that say do something different.....I see that those that complain the most have NOTHING in their bio to offer.

In addition to this entire story being one big cliche', it was also terribly written. Quotation marks are used very infrequently and you skip between 1rst person and 3rd person constantly. I realize this is an amateur writer's format, but at least learn the basics before attempting to write stories. This was a piss poor attempt.

Too patient marries too stupid. Trouble ensues. The end.

And it's a quit claim deed not a quick claim deed.

Pretty good but not good enough to be worth suspending disbelief for. It's hard to pull off having a believable wife say "I'm just going to have a quick fuck since I didn't fool around before marriage. But then I'll come right back and be the best wife ever."

I've seen much worse on here. Gave you a 3 and I almost never give a 5.

I did give Never To Be Seen Again a five. THAT was a damn good story.

Either narrate in 1st, 2nd or 3rd person, but pick one and stick to it.

Personally, I hate 2nd person, but I don't like being spoken at in RL either.

1st person can shift to different people, but make sure the changes are 100% clear.

You jump from 1st to 3rd and back again and jump between Molly and Billy with no indication of change.

Also in 1st person the narrator does not know the internal feelings of the other people. EG Billy would not have known 'Molly was stunned to see me slump'. She may have 'looked stunned when she saw me slump'.

/

Speech marks - open them at the start of every paragraph, but do not close them until the person has finished speaking, no matter how long their monologue is.

/

Dialogue - yours did not feel at all natural. It was like watching a b or c movie with bad actors delivering poor lines (think a 2nd rate (for them) Asylum production).

/

"I love you and making love to you is so much more than sex. It is the most fulfilling thing I have ever felt."

If it's so fulfilling, then why does she need anything or anyone else.

/

She's already dined, danced and kissed him, before asking Billy's permission. IF Billy agreed to the sex and IF it was a one-time deal, would she continue to go out drinking, dancing and kissing Anus....erm Andrew?

/

An afternoon of sex, followed by a night of sex, followed by a Sunday of sex; as much sex with him as she could.

What happened to one-off?

/

"I only want you" and Andrew for a one-off, well, one weekend.

/

Sad at how much he was hurting, but not sad enough to forget about her plans. Good job she loves Billy

/

"things would be at least as good as they had been if not better", but she had just texted Billy to say things are going to be better and better.

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"Billy, don't you dare say that I don't love you. And it isn't cheating if you approve and it is only sex and only one time."

He didn't say she didn't love him, only that he finds it inconceivable to love him and ask permission.

He didn't say cheating, he said adultery.

Again, only one time? Afternoon, night and day of sex and Andrew will only manage once?

/

Have to ask why when Andrew started honking, Billy didn't

a) ask her if he was trying to humiliate him

b) tell her if she walked out the door, he would empty his stuff and be gone before she got back. Next contact would be from a lawyer

c) go out and warn Andrew off, violently if necessary.

/

Technicalities like joint accounts, mortgages, deeds, mobile phone accounts, etc. need time, money and people to sort out. Lawyers, joint named people, paying off contracts, remortgaging, etc.

A little research into factualities goes a long way to making stories work better.

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An epilogue is for tying up loose ends not for making the ending even more open that it would have been without.

/

Get an editor, use Grammerly or other free checking software or website.

Beyond getting the writing tighter, work on your characters, and the arguments, she was just an imbecile and neither tried any different approach to getting the other to appreciate their point of view.

Good story but would have liked a more detailed finish. He never brought up on top of everything else how she would be working every day with the guy she fucked. She never thought what would this younger coworker think about her husband after he fucked his wife the whole weekend. The more sex partners before they married has no meaning to the marriage. All that played a difference in him falling for her . Maybe if she had more partners he would never got serious with her, I know if I knew for sure a girl I was seeing was wild with a lot of sex partners I’d never allow myself to get serious with her no matter how much I liked her . It would just be a fun friendship with benefits relationship. As a man it very well my be sexist or a stigma on woman with a lot of sex partners but among men it is a reality. Guys fuck everything they could and get a pat on the back , girls would be labeled a pig , slut , whore etc. . She was a good woman in a great loving marriage but was dumb enough to thing what she did was going to be ok . I’m a firm believer in emotional cheating and me personally would’ve drawn up separation papers the next day with divorce papers delivered to the hotel room at there brunch, marriage over.

Enjoyed the story and others from this author. Seemed like there were many similarities with the story Where’s Buster.

Occurs when emotional and mental begins.

Kissing added physical and nothing further needed

But as others why blubbering. Knew it was over

Trying sex to win back. Get real

jtwheels

Not bad at all. Switching between characters was confusing at times and didn't help the flow

After the big build up, the ending and aftermath felt incredibly rushed and was a disappointing end to a great story

very good story flowed well really felt like a true and actual life events. Keep up the good work. a6 if that was in the grading.

But the abrupt switching of PoV without breaks makes it really difficult to to get invested in the story and the characters. If you want to show the thoughts and emotions of both characters then either keep it 3rd person or do both from 1st person and put in clear breaks in the story whenever a switch occurs. Like this it feels like two stories smashed together instead of one coherent plot. The dialogue didn't feel very natural either.

I do appreciate new writers sticking with tried and tested plot lines though to develop their skills so I hope you won't feel discouraged but to keep writing. On the positive side the characters did feel consistent, both in their flaws and their virtues.