How Could She Think This Was Okay?

He didn't pick up so she left him a voicemail saying "Billy, I am sorry that you took this so dramatically and that this hurt you. Please don't be hurt. I love only you and want to be with you forever. This isn't about you and me, this is just me getting something that I never got in my past and working this out of my system. Please understand and come back to me."

She got ready for bed, checked her phone again and had no response from Billy. She laid down on their bed and drifted into a fitful sleep.

I cried as I drove over to the Hilton in the next suburb and checked in for the night. Then I ended up spending way too much time in the hotel bar, getting hammered, and falling into bed later that night. I ignored the calls and voicemail from Molly, still shocked and in disbelief that she thought this was okay and that she could profess her love for me but still insist on having sex outside of their wedding vows. I knew how incredibly stubborn she could be when she made up her mind, but this wasn't one of those times when I could acquiesce and let it go. This was a marriage ending mistake and I had to convince her of that before it was too late.

But was it already too late? Even if I convinced her to say no this time, how long would it be before she went ahead and did it without telling me, going behind my back. That would for sure be the end of any trust, respect and our marriage. But by the same token, I knew that if I let her do this, I would never feel about her the same way again. And if I said yes, how long would it be before she met another guy that she "Just had to get out of her system." And would she at some point resent me for letting another man take her and not standing up and demanding that she belong to only me?

There were no good options and I started to feel that this was already the beginning of the end. I finally decided that my only hope and option was to talk her out of this and get her to go to counseling with me and see if we could get to the bottom of what was driving this need for her to have sex with another man.

Wednesday morning Molly woke up, moved over to cuddle with Billy and gasped as she realized he hadn't slept in their bed. She figured maybe he was in the guest bedroom or on the couch but after looking all around the house and seeing that his car was still gone, she figured he never came home. That had her extremely upset. She went to her phone and saw there was no text or voicemail. She called him and he didn't answer, but after she hung up, she got a text back.

"Molly, I'll be home at 7pm tonight. Please go ahead and eat before I get there. We have to talk more about this and have a serious discussion about our future together."

Molly looked and first thought, God Billy, quit being so damn dramatic. She was pissed. But she then started to worry about the message. Billy was telling her that maybe they didn't have a future together, which was the very last thing she ever wanted. She loved him and wanted to be with him. Why couldn't he understand that. She would have to make him understand tonight.

Molly went to work and as soon as she sat at her desk Andrew approached her and said, "Good morning sexy. You look good enough to kiss and cuddle and I hope to be doing just that this Saturday. Are we still on? Did you tell your husband? Should I be worried?"

"Andrew let me worry about Billy. He would never hurt a fly. He isn't sold on the idea but he'll be okay and yes, we are still on for Saturday and I get very excited thinking about it."

When he left her desk, that being said, Molly texted Billy again, "Billy, are you okay? Please know that I only love you, I only want you, and my future with you is going to be better and better."

After one hour I texted with a sarcastic short two-word response: "Yeah sure."

She was getting mad at how immature Billy was being about this whole thing, but she was also sad at how much this was hurting him. She had convinced herself that she would more than make this up to him and he would be so happy with the love making and attention she would give him that in no time at all things would be at least as good as they had been if not better.

Wednesday, I called in sick from work and after I knew Molly had left, I went back to our house, got my tools, and finished up some of the details on the RV. I got the solar panel mounted and functioning, finished all the electrical and WIFI connections, got a new cassette for the toilet, filled up the tanks with water and basically knew that I could finish the cabinetry on Thursday and it would be road-ready.

The work kept my mind off the constant pain and sorrow I was living with. With 2 hours left until Molly returned, I did some research on the internet about divorce, finances, counselors and felt that I had a preliminary set of plans for either contingency that I needed to take.

I then went around the house, made a list of everything that was mine that I cared about and then had just enough time to head to the bank. At the bank, I cancelled our joint credit card and opened one in my name only. I cancelled our joint checking account and opened one is my name only. I prepaid the mortgage on the house for the next two months out of our joint account and then split the balance with a check cut to her for 50%, and my 50% going into my savings account. I then went to a pub that I liked and had a craft beer and a burger and got ready for our discussion at home.

Molly came home about six p.m. and saw that Billy was still not home and she couldn't tell if he had been home or not. She got herself a sandwich and tried to decide how to have a more positive discussion with Billy this time around.

When Billy came in, she ran up to him and gave him a huge kiss on the lips and hugged him for a long time and admonished him for leaving. "Billy, Damn it. Don't ever leave like that and not let me know you are okay. I know you are hurting but I was so worried about you and needed to know you were okay. Billy, I love you. Only you. I'll always love only you. You don't have to be hurting Billy cause you and I are solid and together and always will be."

"I wish that were true Molly, but I am no longer very sure of that. A week ago, I would never believe you could ask me for what you are now wanting me to approve; have an affair outside of our marriage and ask me to accept it and then continue as we were before. It is inconceivable to me that you can tell me you love me and we will always be together and then ask for permission to commit adultery."

"Billy, don't you dare say that I don't love you. And it isn't cheating if you approve and it is only sex and only one time. Quit being so damn dramatic and immature."

"Molly, you want to hear about drama and being immature? I'm looking at the woman I loved as if she has been possessed by someone or something that I don't know. I'm looking at her trying to convince me that she loves me and that I should accept her fucking another man for a weekend and just go back to being the same couple and partners we were before. But I know that will never happen. We will never be like we were before. How the fuck would you feel Molly if I went out and got laid by someone else and told you it was just sex."

"That isn't fair and you know it Billy. You've had dozens of women, and all kinds of sexual experiences in your past and I didn't get to have any of that. And to answer you, no, if you went out and had sex with someone then I would kick your ass out and I wouldn't know if I could forgive you."

"And why should that be so different for me? Why shouldn't I kick your ass out and why do you think I can forgive you?"

Molly got teary eyed and said, "Billy, I couldn't live without you. I love you and always want to be with you."

"Bullshit Molly or you wouldn't be proposing this. By the way, have you agreed to this already? Did you talk to your lover today and assure him that you would be fucking him before he knew it?"

"God Damn you Billy why do you have to twist this. He isn't my lover; at most he will be a one and done sex experience. And yes, I did talk to him and this Saturday he is picking me up in the morning and I'll be back Sunday evening. And on Monday, I will rock your world and be the sexiest, best loving wife you could possibly hope for."

"You already were that, but you won't be that ever again if you go through with this." Molly gasped at that and recoiled back to the kitchen and sat in a chair. She looked at Billy with a pleading in her voice and eyes.

"Billy, please know that I love you so much. Please don't let this hurt our marriage, our partnership. You are my husband now and always. My lover, my best friend. The one I want to father our children. You are my everything."

"God Molly, you are just not at all on the same planet I am. If all that were true you would never consider what you are telling me you are going to do Saturday. This conversation is getting us nowhere. I'm telling you if you go through with this we are done.

I'll be back on Friday night. Let's spend the night together, making love and enjoying each other while we can."

"Billy, don't walk out on me again. We need to get through this. Please."

"Friday night Molly. I'll bring dinner around 7pm. What time is Andrew picking you up Saturday morning."

"I'll tell him 11:00am, but you don't have to leave. I would like you to meet him."

"Jesus, Molly, meet him? If I see him, I will literally kick the living shit out of him. Why would I possibly want to meet the bastard that is trying to destroy our marriage. Think hard about this before we meet on Friday."

"Billy, no wait. Please don't leave like this. Tell me you are okay, that this isn't going to hurt us."

"Molly this has already hurt us more than you seem to comprehend. I'll make this one promise to you. If you cancel this cheating affair, and tell him you don't want to see him now or ever again; and if you promise to go to counseling with me to work on our relationship; then maybe we will be okay. If not, then I know were finished. Tell me your answer Friday night and think hard about what you are doing to us!"

"Billy you asshole. Don't give me ultimatums and don't walk out on me. Please, we will be alright, even better after this!"

"Yeah, right. Fucking unbelievable!" I said, with my words dripping with sarcasm. I turned and walked out the door, headed back to the Hilton and booked a room for Wednesday and Thursday night. I then called my boss and told him I had a family emergency and needed to take the rest of the week off, which he agreed to but only reluctantly when I wouldn't tell him the nature of my emergency.

Molly slumped over and put her head on the table after Billy left. How could he be so damn stubborn about this. She was sure he would never leave her but had she and him already done severe damage to the relationship. And if that was the case, would going ahead with this make it any worse. She was committed to the idea of being with Andrew. She had a longing and lust for a sexual tryst with him that was so obsessive she couldn't seem to let it go. She decided that she would compromise with Billy and tell him she was going ahead with the weekend but that she would gladly attend and participate in marriage counseling with anyone he chose after that.

She dragged herself up to bed and lay in the bed with her thoughts racing. Billy was her world and this was what she was doing to him. The pain, the anger; it was as hard on her now as it was on him. Did she really need this? But she felt trapped; she had already decided she did need this and she had already committed. She was convinced that Billy's arguments were unreasonable. He had had dozens of women and could look back on all of those times when he was feeling restless or bored in the marriage but she had never had that. This was just sex, just one-time, and just for her. He needed to get over himself and get over this.

On Thursday after Molly left for work, I came back to the house and started moving all of the things I wanted, but that Molly wouldn't notice missing, into my RV. I also made a trip to the Thrift store with all of the clothes that I never wore and wouldn't need. I brought all of the tools, sports equipment, and recreational items that I just didn't have room for over to my best friend Tom's house. I also gave him a couple of the pen and ink drawings that my uncle had done and that I knew Tom would appreciate. We then sat down for a beer and I told him what was up and what my options were.

Tom looked at me with an incredulous expression and said "Billy, you've got to be shitting me. No way would Molly do that to you. I've never seen a woman so in love with a man as Molly is with you. Are you sure this is what you want to do? Maybe she has a concussion or something is wrong with her?"

"Fuck, I'm not sure of anything. I don't know what is up, what is down, what is right, what is wrong. My whole world has been fucking blown up in the course of one week and it's as if Molly is another person. I just don't fucking get it, but I know that the love I have for her is already under attack and gets weaker with every fucking pitiful excuse she makes for why this will be so fucking good for our marriage. She has gone fucking crazy."

"Can't you forgive and forget, get some counseling and get over it?"

"Fuck no. I've told her we can do that if she doesn't go fuck the guy, but if she does, I don't see any way back from that. I've tried talking her out of it; now I'm going to see if I can give her so many orgasms and such great sex Friday night that she will listen to reason. It's really my last chance at this."

"Good luck man. Let me know if I can do anything to help. I mean not with the orgasms, but anything to ease your pain and help you out. I hate to see you guys hurting like this. You were my role model that made it seem like a strong and healthy marriage is possible."

"Well, I guess both our bubbles have been popped, because I could never see this coming in 100 years. I'm doing everything I can not to go beat the living shit out of the guy."

"Well Billy if nothing else and worse comes to worse, let me know and I will definitely help you out with that payback."

"Okay, I'll think about it. Well take care bud. By the way I'm getting a new phone and number and I'll text it to you so we can keep in touch."

"Later brother. Keep calm and hang in there."

I then drove to the Verizon store, got a new phone and number and changed our current plan to Molly's name only. Finally, I went back home, took the RV for a maiden test run, and was pleased with the results. I finished up the cabinetry, went and got new license tags and insurance and was ready to go. I went into our home computer, cleared out all of my personal e-mails, documents and basically rid the office of any of my past life.

I composed an e-mail to all of our family, friends, relatives, and co-workers to explain Molly's actions and my response. Basically, if I couldn't talk her out of this, I would explain to them that she decided to have an affair (She could use the lame excuse that it was only sex) outside of our marriage; had asked me to approve and although I had begged her not to and told her it would end the marriage; she went ahead anyway. I prayed to God I would never have to send this but if worse came to worse I wanted to make sure people understood what had really happened.

On Friday I went ahead with a discussion with a Divorce lawyer and was told generally that with their incomes being comparable, and with no kids, it would basically be a 50/50 split of all assets. The only thing that was a bit uncertain is if she would get half of my 401K plan, which I had contributed heavily to and had over $200K in tax deferred accounts. She was on a defined pension plan so it was hard to predict how that would play into the divorce.

I decided that I had worked my ass off for that money and instead of losing 50% of it to a cheating wife, I would take the 40% tax hit and pull the money out before any divorce happened. This would wait until the weekend was over, as I still hoped I might persuade Molly to wake up and stop this nightmare.

I had done what I could and as Friday approached, I felt our future, our marriage, and my love for her were all in the hands of Molly and I could only pray she would make the right choice. I bought some shrimp, swordfish, and a Caesar salad on the way to his house, and started up the grill. I put a couple of bottles of white wine in ice, and mixed up a batch of Gin and Tonics and waited for Molly to get home from work.

She was excited to come in and see me in the kitchen preparing our meal. "Thank God you came home Billy. I missed you so much and I hate it when you aren't home with me. You have to promise me to quit doing that. You love me, I love you; we need to be together!" With that she approached him and was a bit surprised and very happy when he took her into his arms and gave her a long and tender French kiss; their tongues exploring each other's lips and mouths while he moved his hands down to her ass and cupped her perfectly shaped bottom.

"Molly, why don't you go up, catch a shower, and put on something sexy. Here, bring a G&T up with you to start the celebration, and as soon as you come back down, I'll get the food on the grill and will enjoy a nice dinner. Maybe it will be the last dinner, but tonight is a celebration of what our marriage has been."

"Billy quit talking like that. You upset me when you question our marriage. I am starting to get annoyed. I have told you over and over that I love only you; will always love only you and that this isn't something about you; it's strictly something about me that I need to get out of my system."

"Molly, we've been over and over this; please let's rest that conversation for now. Drink your G&T shower and we can eat and get on to the enjoyable part of our evening."

"Okay mister, but I expect you to stick around tonight and not leave me in a state of anger and not leave me worrying if you are okay or not. I'll be back wearing something that shows you how much I appreciate you and want you forever!" With that Molly went upstairs and hopped in the shower.

When she came back down and I turned to greet her, I couldn't help but let out a gasp. Or was it a moan. Molly wore a French Maid outfit, with a little white cap; and tight white blouse low cut enough to show most of her breasts and show her midriff. She had on black thigh high silk nylons, a short skirt that stopped well before the top of her nylons and 4" fuck-me heels.

"My God Molly you are incredibly sexy and you look absolutely stunning!"

"Well, I want you to see just a peak of what our next several weeks will be, because I bought a variety of outfits that you are going to enjoy just as much as this one. Now let's get that food on the grill, I am hungry but I really want to finish and get to desert!" and she gave him a wink and flashed her crotchless panties at him at the end of that last statement.

We rushed through dinner, finishing off the G&T's and drinking ¾ of the first bottle of wine when I just couldn't wait any longer. I lifted her into my arms, carried her upstairs and laid her on the bed. She quickly reached for my belt and zipper but I stopped her. "Tonight, is for you, Molly. I am going to worship your body and make our love-making tonight so memorable that you will understand how good we are together and why we should only belong to each other!"

"We do belong only to each other honey, and that will never change. Please just make love to me tonight and let's get beyond the stress of the last few days and cement our love for each other!"

I slowly started to massage her legs, took off her shoes and began to give her a slow sensuous foot massage; first one foot then the other. I slowly kissed and licked my way up her stocking clad leg; lightly brushing her pussy with my mouth and warm breath, before taking up the other foot and leg and kissing and sucking that leg up to her pussy.