How High a Price: Long Ending

..."And there you have it. Not much left to tell" Early concluded.

Susan sat in quiet contemplation of what she had just heard; looking at Early and seeing something she hadn't seen before. His revelation about his "service" career was at direct odds to the man she had known for the past 10 years. "I would never have guessed you were ever involved in those kind of things, the secrecy and violence. Why have you never told me these things before?" she asked with a quiet intensity.

"Because it didn't belong in our life together. Susan, I did those things because they were my duty and were necessary. I don't enjoy violence. It is not an environment I want to live in. It's not an environment I want you exposed to. I want to exclude it from our lives as much as absolutely possible. But, there are times when it is required and you have to defend yourself and what you believe in. I've learned to operate in that environment if there is a compelling reason to do so. The bottom line is that I love you and want to shield you from that kind of unpleasantry and so, until now, I didn't see any reason to tell you about it. It's as simple as that."

"Does it bother you that I did those things, does it change the way you feel about me?" Early asked after a long silence and Susan had made no response to his revelation.

"No not at all, it is just such a surprise that we've been married for ten years and I didn't have an inkling about that part of you. Early I never had any idea you even knew about things like that, you have always been so caring and gentle. Does it ever bother you, those things you did? Were you embarrassed to tell me?"

"No, I'm not bothered or embarrassed but it's just something I don't believe in advertising. It's generally best if you don't let all of your hole cards show. Having something in reserve can be a significant advantage sometimes. This doesn't apply to you of course, I have never consciously kept anything from you."

The conversation had reach an awkward moment where Susan didn't know what to say and Early didn't know what else to tell her so Early abruptly changed the conversation to his promotion. He outlined what he thought it would mean to their immediate and future lifestyles. He described his new office, the added financial benefits and the other perks that went along with being a VP at Intertec.

Susan's face beamed as she listened to Early talk about his new position, "Early I am so proud of you and so glad for you that I am just bursting at the seams and I know that you will be the best Vice President that Intertec ever had or will ever have."

"Thank you, I hope I can live up to your vision of my abilities."

Early replied with real modesty.

Susan's face turned sad "I wish I had done something to make you proud of me" she said wistfully. "I really do want for you to be proud of me. Now I am further away from that goal than when we first met, I'm not starting out even, I'm starting out in the hole."

Early went to Susan and taking her into his arms he held her tight against him. "Come on now, no more of that kind of talk. You are an intelligent, beautiful woman and an outstanding attorney, your time will come."

The familiar feel of Susan's body against his felt good and as he held her and smelled that special fragrance that identified her as a unique woman Early felt an urge that he had almost forgotten in the events of the past week. Susan felt his erection growing and pressed herself against it and turned her face up to looking expectantly into Early's eyes, "Oh God Early I've missed you."

Susan put her arms around Early's neck and tilting her head up drew him into a passionate kiss. As her passion flared she ground her body against his, feeling his erection hard with his excitement. Their tongues intertwined, Early ran his hands up and down Susan's back, cupping the cheeks of her ass, pulling her tight into him, rubbing his hardened member against her mound. Before long they were tearing at each others clothing until Susan lay naked on the couch looking up at Early through heavy lust laden eyes, her legs spread wide invitingly.

For a moment Early drank in the vision that was his wife and thought of how much he loved her and desired the pleasure of her body. Fleetingly he thought of John Stickner possessing that gorgeous body, that woman that was his and his anger flared hot, joining with his passion. "I'll fucking kill you Stickner" he thought as he hooked his arms behind her knees and bending her nearly double with her ass forced up at him he drove his engorged member deep into her in one motion as hard as he could.

Their coupling was not an expression of love, there was no tenderness, no words of endearment, no slowly reaching a mutual, pleasurable release. It was the forceful taking and claiming of a female by the male, the establishing of an irrefutable claim to her and the banishing and rendering impotent any that had come before. The act was as old and basic as time itself.

As their violent sexual union ran it's course each looked directly at the other with eyes wide open, looking into the depths of the others being. Susan saw something in Early she had never known before, here there was no happy, smiling, good natured Early, here was the alpha male; violent, merciless, conquering. Slowly she yielded to him without reservation.

Early imagined he could see and smell John Stickner on Susan, could feel where he had touched her, possessed her body, left his essence. Then using his engorged cock like a weapon he pounded deeper and harder into her with each stroke, driving out and destroying all hints, all memories, all vestiges of the interloper. Stickner's ghost screamed its pain in Early's mind as with each stroke it was broken and battered into dissolving pieces until disappearing altogether.

Early refocused on the here and now and realized the screaming was coming from Susan and himself as they reached their mutual release in jolting, numbing spasms until they both lay still inhaling great gasps of breath.

For a long time they lay together in silence, Early holding Susan to him, she snuggling against him, each with their own thoughts. Now Susan really understood what it meant to be "taken" by a man. This had not been the considerate gentle love making she had always associated with Early. From the time of their first sexual encounter Early had always been the caring lover, always making sure that it was an expression of love and desire, lifting Susan to the heights of pleasure. It was one of the things that had endeared him to her. The sexual style reflected the man, compassionate, tender, caring and always a joyous expression. This had been none of those, this had been a storm of raw unrestrained sex. He had taken possession of her body and soul, he had spread her wide open and had used his manhood like an all conquering weapon, seizing what he wanted.

Early felt almost at peace for the first time in days, and as his lust blurred awareness became clearer he again became concerned for his wife.

"Susan, are you alright?" he whispered in her ear.

After a long silence Susan opened her eyes and looked intently at Earlys face "Yes my love I am fine now, I'm going to be really sore for a while but I feel marvelous. How are you?"

"Calmer than I have been for a while."

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know about you but I am desperately in need of a shower" Early replied in a dreamy far away voice.

"I think that would be a good idea all things considered, although right this instant I wish we could lay here like this forever. But seriously Early, what do we do now, are we OK, is everything going to be alright?"

"Yes, I think we are going to be alright although we are still a long way from where we want to be" Early replied thoughtfully, then with a grin on his face "Seriously though, a shower really is the most important thing at this very moment."

Without speaking they untangled themselves and went to take a shower. As Early followed Susan he marveled at her heart shaped ass and shapely legs "I had forgotten how gorgeous she is " he thought to himself "how long has it been since I have really given much thought to her? Maybe if I had been paying more attention to her and less to being a "success" none of this would have come about."

Early turned the water on in the shower and fiddled with adjusting the temperature until it felt right "Do you want to go first or do you want me to go first?"

"Why don't we shower together, we can wash each others backs, and things" Susan said with a twinkle in her eye. "It's been a very long time since we've taken a shower together."

"Yes it has" Early replied soberly. "Way too long"

And with that they stepped into the shower and proceeded to gently caress and lather each other until the hot water turned cold.

"How about we go out tonight for dinner?" Early asked as he toweled himself dry.

"I'd love to, where do you want to go?"

"How about The Ponderosa? All of this sudden exercise has given me a hankering for a big juicy steak."

"OK but let's sit in the back where we can be alone and it isn't so noisy, I don't want anything to break this spell,"

They dressed in silence each with their own thoughts. As they started to leave Early detoured to the phone in the study "I'm going to call and see how busy the restaurant is and make sure we can sit where we want, I don't think there will be a problem during the week like this but just to be sure."

Early found the message waiting light blinking and thought, "Someone must have called while we were in the shower, probably Sam from the office " and raising the receiver to his ear, punched the play button.

Standing in the doorway Susan watched as Early listened and the obvious change in his expression told her that it was something that he was not happy about. Almost immediately he punched the erase button and hung up the receiver with more vigor than was really necessary.

"What was that all about" Susan asked.

"Nothing important" Early answered brusquely.

"Aren't you going to call the restaurant?"

"No"

"Early, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

"Nothing I can't deal with, don't worry about it."

Susan gave Early a questioning look but said nothing further as they got in the car and left for the restaurant.

As they drove along both sat in silence, it was obvious that the mood had changed to a somber one. Susan knew it was the result of the phone message Early had deleted but all attempts at conversation about it were met with flat monosyllabic responses.

Early knew his mood had changed and was affecting what should be a healing moment in their struggle to return to a normal relationship. Still the message from Stickner had rekindled Early's anger and put him into a black mood. Susan's questions about it didn't help either, he really didn't really want to think about the son-of-a-bitch and so he ignored her as much as possible.

Finally Early realized the silence was going to cause more harm than being open and honest, no matter how painful the subject so he finally said in as neutral a voice as he could muster. "It was Stickner on the phone."

At Early's comment Susan turned to look at him with a look of dread and it was obvious from his expression he was seriously upset "What did he want?"

"He wanted to see you."

"What for?."

"He didn't say, just said it was urgent."

"Is that all, he didn't say anything else?"

Glancing over at her Early could see tears forming in her eyes "What do you think he wanted Susan?"

"I don't know." She answered in almost a whisper. "I can't imagine why he would ever want to see me or speak to me again."

"I think you are being naïve about Mr. Stickners intentions. He wants something and the list of things to choose from isn't very long. Maybe he's looking for someone to play house with him over the weekend!" Earlys last comment was delivered in a nasty cutting tone that he regretted as soon as the words had left his lips.

Susan reacted as if she had been slapped, a horrified look came over her face and she began crying with her hands covering up her face.

"No! Early please don't do this! Are you going to take a cut at me every time something comes up that reminds you of what I did?"

Early quickly turned into the parking lot of a convenience store and parked away from the other cars there.

Early pulled Susan to him and as he held her while she cried into the front of his shirt he whispered into her soft hair "Susan I am sorry for that. Please forgive me, I am afraid that the call from Stickner took me by surprise and caused me to lose it."

"How are we ever going to get past this?" Susan whispered trying to dry her eyes. "Will we ever get to have a normal life again?"

"I guess it depends on our definition of normal. I don't think we will ever be the same people we were two weeks ago. In some ways it may be better, we have both learned a painful lesson from all this. Hopefully we will be happier with what we have and live for in the here and now and not so much for tomorrow. I don't think we will ever forget what happened and I am sure it will cause scars and changes that neither of us ever wanted, but that is the price paid for mistakes made."

Susan sat up and looked dejectedly into the lighted mirror on the visor "Look at my makeup, my crying has made a mess of it. Early, do you still want to out to eat with someone that looks like this?"

In an attempt to return to an upbeat mood Early answered in as cavalier a note as he could muster, "You look gorgeous and yes I am still famished."

"Can we just set here for a minute while I try to fix my makeup?"

Early watched Susan closely as she fixed her makeup the way women do when making a quick repair. He could still see the pain in her eyes even though she had quit crying and was obviously struggling to give the impression she was calm and in control. Rubbing her lips together one last time she sat back in the seat and sounding more cheerful than she looked "OK, I guess I'm as ready as I will ever be."

Early pulled out into traffic and they were on their way, once again riding in silence.

After a few miles Susan spoke up "I can't stand the silence Early, we are going to have to talk about what's on our minds or we will never do anything but tiptoe around every issue that comes up. I would prefer that we be dead honest about things upfront and not keep things hidden no matter how much we want to keep it buried."

"Are you sure you want to do that? Our feelings are pretty delicate right now."

"It isn't what I want but I think it is what we need."

"OK what's on your mind?"

"Early, I don't know what John wants, I told him I never wanted to speak to him or see him ever again. Also, I can understand your anger but are you going to punish me every time something happens to remind you of this? Please tell me what I need to do to erase the memory of this past week. I will do anything you want, be anything you want me to be. You know that I love you more than anything in the world but I have to know what needs to happen to prevent each reminder from ripping open the wounds and us having to start over again."

"I don't know the answer to that Susan. I can't control how I feel, only how I react. I will try to keep my reactions to myself as much as possible but I can't promise that I'll always be able to be pleasant. My heart as your lover and husband and my ego as a man have been sorely wounded, they will take a while to recover."

Staring down the road Susan listened to Early, trying to come to grips with what he was saying. As she listened and considered the events of the past few days it became clearer than ever to her that things would never be the same again. She wasn't sure where they were headed exactly but their lives were forever changed, and not all of it for the better.

They arrived at the restaurant and succeeded in getting the seating they had wanted back towards the rear in a semi private alcove. They ordered dinner with wine and made small talk mostly. As the evening progressed Early became more talkative while Susan became pensive, not speaking unless she was responding to something he had directed at her. She was content to listen to Early and observe him as the evening wore on. "Early has changed," she thought as he talked about events at the office "He is more assertive and less laid back than he used to be. I've always taken his good nature for granted, I don't think it will be that way from here on out."

"Susan, what are you thinking?" Early's voice broke into her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? I guess I drifted off there for a minute."

"You looked a million miles away, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking about how you have changed, how sorry I am for causing that change."

"How have I changed?"

"It's hard to put into words, just a feeling that something is different about you. You seem harder, more forceful, I don't know. You have definitely shown a side that I didn't know existed. The details of what you did in the "service" were real shockers. It seems so out of place with the Early Conway that I have known for the past 10 years."

"I had wanted to put that part of my life behind me, it's not that I intended to hide it but I had wanted to go a different direction, to steal someone else's phrase I wanted a "gentler and kinder" life. I think part of our problem is that I became too "gentle and kind." I apparently gave the impression that I was indifferent to things that I should have been much more positive about."

"I'm not sure what you mean by that, what should you have been more "positive" about?"

"I'm sure you know what I mean Susan, you are neither stupid nor naïve" Early replied with his tone getting an edge indicating that his patience was being tried and that the conversation was headed in a direction he wasn't comfortable with.

"I still wish you would tell me what you mean." Susan replied not recognizing Early's discomfort."

Early looked directly at Susan for a moment as if struggling to come to a decision, then calmly he said, "OK, if you really want to know, you may not like some of it but it may help for future reference. Maybe clarification will help us both."

Sipping his wine Early said nothing for a long moment. Susan sat on the edge of her chair in anticipation until it seemed she might say something to get Early talking.

Setting his wine glass down and leaning back in his chair he spoke directly to her in a firm but friendly tone.

"I have always made a conscientious effort to not intrude into what I considered to be your personal space. I have tried to be supportive but without digging into all of the details of what you were doing or where you were going. I had faith that you would always do the right thing and that you would ask for my input if something came up that ran counter to our relationship. Or at least how I viewed our relationship. I had always assumed that you and I had the same ideas in those regards. In short, I trusted you."

Early drank from the wine glass again, watching as Susan's eyes began to get misty in their corners.

"My failure is that through my inaction I lost direct presence in your mind. I was there but in the background and when the heat of the battle for recovery of the Melrose account was on and the euphoria of success set in I wasn't part of your immediate reference "set." Put simply it's what leads to what we call "taking for granted" whether it's a person or a privilege or something else. It's a big part of what makes a relationship go stale."

"You make it all sound so technical, for me the whole sordid episode was caused by emotion. How can you make something like that so mechanical?"

"It is mechanical in a way. I make a living negotiating with people. The reason I can do it successfully is my ability to see the mechanics and dynamics of why my opponent is taking a particular position. I've been told I am very good at it."