How High a Price: Long Ending

As Susan listened to Anderson talk her heart sank lower and lower. No wonder Stickner had known so much about the Melrose account and was so helpful. He was the one who created the mess in the first place! He let her fix it and then took credit for it! How gullible she had been. As Anderson continued she began to understand how her own ambition and ego had blinded her to what was happening. With a sudden clarity she understood that John hadn't been some great guiding light and mentor. Quite the contrary, he had used her ambition and greed to use her to advance his career and then seduce her!

"Susan, are you all right? You have become very pale. Would you like a glass of water or something?"

"Yes thank you"

Anderson poured her a glass of water then continued on in a quiet personal tone. "I appreciate your candid honesty and believe your choice to leave is the right one for you and the firm at this time. After I review the circumstances with my other two Senior Partners I am sure your leaving will be without prejudice."

"Thank you, I appreciate that considering the short notice I am giving you. I really could never have imagined leaving Jenson, Sharone and Anderson under these circumstances."

Susan sensing that the conversation was reaching its conclusion started to get up but Mr. Anderson indicated that she should stay seated. "Susan if you will pardon me getting personal I would like to pass some advice on to you. You have admitted that you have made a serious mistake, and I agree that you have, but don't destroy yourself over it. You are a fine attorney and you have done much to be justifiably proud of. It is easy to loose sight of the really important things of life in this business. The truth of the matter is we can't change the past so what we do is learn from our mistakes to make us better representatives of the legal system and better people. This is not the end of your life."

"It may be for me" Susan sniffled, "I am about to loose the most important thing in my life and I don't know what to do to stop it."

"Your husband found out didn't he?" Anderson asked in a fatherly voice.

"Yes" Susan choked out barely able to keep from breaking down again.

"Have faith, I have met Early and he seems to be a man with compassion and understanding. I also know a little about him from my acquaintance with Sam Mattuizzi at the country club. Sam thinks very highly of him and says he is a fighter and a thinker. Be honest with him and with yourself. I am sure you will be able to work things out if you really want to and are willing to work hard at it."

"Thank you Mr. Anderson, for your concern and your understanding and thank you for giving me a chance here in your firm. I wish things had turned out better."

The conversation over, both rose and Anderson escorted Susan to the door "Susan, I am sure we will be seeing each other again, the world of lawyers is a fairly tight knit community. Keep up the good work and you will achieve those goals of yours. When you decide to go back to work I will be more than happy to provide you with a referral, both personally and as the head of this firm."

Exchanging goodbyes Sharon and the Senior Partner shook hands and she returned to her office to get her things.

Watching Susan walk away Anderson felt a sadness and sense of loss, then turning to his assistant with hard set eyes and clenched teeth, "Judy, I need to talk to Bob Jenson and Sal Sharone. Would you ask them to meet me in my office? Tell them it is very important. Then locate John Stickner and tell him to be in my office at 1 o'clock sharp this afternoon. Also please call the president of Melrose Data Systems, I want to speak to him personally."

Susan returned to her office and explained to Jennifer what had happened and the gist of the conversation between herself and Anderson. In silence Jennifer helped Susan pack her personal belongings and take them to the car.

As they said their goodbyes the two women hugged each other. Susan said she would keep Jennifer up to date on what was happening with Early and herself and each promised to stay in touch.

Driving home gave Susan time to ponder the things she had learned from Anderson. "How could I have been so completely taken in by John Stickner? Have I become so shallow a person that I would do anything to get to the top including risking destruction of her marriage and loosing the most important human being on the planet? Whatever possessed me to do what I did." The thought of not having Early in her life was unbearable. With these thoughts going through her mind Susan's perceptions slowly became clearer until she understood the true magnitude of what she had done and the price she was paying. With clarity came determination to repair the damage that had been done, to right the wrong and to understand what had been the cause. There would never ever be an occasion where she would again loose sight of the important things in life. She could only imagine the pain she had caused Early and that thought was breaking her heart. She vowed to herself that she would do whatever it took to keep her marriage and take away Early's pain.

Early was surprised to find that his new office was ready and by mid afternoon the move from the old office was complete. It was both large and luxurious. Setting alone at his new desk behind closed doors he allowed himself to revel in the sheer joy of having finally ascended to the executive floor. In his mind he ticked off all of the pluses, money, power, prestige, position. He had come a long way from being a boy on a ranch in Wyoming. At last all of his hard work and dedication had paid off, he had hit the proverbial jackpot! The longer Early sat in the big leather chair at the shiny mahogany desk the giddier he became until he felt like he was intoxicated. "This calls for a celebration! I'll call Susan to meet me at...!" For a moment he had forgotten about his marital problems. "God damn her, why had she done it!" Next to his wedding day this was the most important and exciting day of his life, now he couldn't share it with her. "To hell with her I'll find someone else to celebrate with." And for a moment he sat and considered the possibilities of who he could ask to go out and "celebrate," someone who cared, someone who was there during his time of triumph.

There was a short knock on his door and May came into the room.

"Early, are you Ok? You have a look of thunder and gloom. This should be a day of celebration"

"Your right May, we need to celebrate, would you like to go to a fancy restaurant for the best meal of your life and then dancing afterwards?"

May gave Early a strange look "What are you babbling about Early? You have a beautiful wife that you should be celebrating with. I'm sure Susan is overjoyed at your promotion."

Early's face fell and May thought he looked like a little boy about to cry "She doesn't know about the promotion" she stated in the tone saved for those times when a mothers care and concern are needed to set the world right.

Sitting down in the chair closest to Early, she continued, "Early, what's wrong, what has happened between you and Susan?"

For a long moment Early considered what May had just asked. She had taken care of him and been his right arm and conscience since his first day at Intertech and so with a feeling of relief he began telling the entire story. .

May listened quietly, watching Early's face as he talked. She occasionally asked a question for clarity but otherwise remained silent.

When Early completed telling his story it was like a huge load had been lifted off his chest. "And that is the whole story. I don't know what Susan is going to do at work today or how she will react to being there. She may come home tonight feeling totally different than she did when we talked yesterday."

Leaning towards Early May put her hand on his arm "I'm so sorry Early. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes, help me to understand why it happened. You are a woman, your insights into her actions may be clearer to you than to me. Maybe I'm too close to see clearly. Tell me why she did it May!"

"Do you still love her?"

"More than you can imagine, that is why it hurts so bad."

"Does she still love you?"

"She says she does"

"Do you believe her"

"I believe she believes it."

The two people lapsed into a period of silence again until May spoke up, "The key to resurrecting your marriage is you are going to have to forgive her. If you can't do that, and mean it, your marriage won't survive."

"How do I make myself do that? How can I come to grips with something I don't understand? Why did she do it? Her story about paying Stickner for something she owed him is the most ludicrous thing I have ever heard."

"Early, I know Susan pretty well and I know that unless she has suddenly developed some sort of mental problem she adores you as much as you do her. And from hearing what you have said, I believe I have an idea as to why she did what she did."

"Well, if you have even a hint of a clue please share it with me as I don't understand it at all"

"I believe it wasn't any one thing but a set of circumstances coming together at one time."

"What circumstances?"

"Susan, like yourself, is very career and goal oriented. She is above average intelligent and wants to achieve her dreams the same as you do. The difference is that it is twice as difficult for her because, despite what the newspapers would lead you to believe, there is still a glass ceiling for women in corporate America. They have to be twice as good and work twice as hard as their male counterparts to achieve status and recognition. She has toiled at her firm for quite a few years and now suddenly she's offered the opportunity to show her stuff."

"What does this have to do with her cheating on our marriage? I work just as hard as she does and I have never cheated." Early interjected with a slightly exasperated tone.

"Just give me a minute here OK? She is also a woman and nurturing and sympathetic by nature."

"I know, that's one of the things I have always loved about her. She is always concerned about other peoples well being."

"So imagine the circumstances where her professional lifelong goal is suddenly within her reach. Someone she has worked very closely with has provided the mentoring necessary for her to achieve this goal and has stroked her ego and sense of gratitude. You are out of town and are not available for sharing this triumph with her and she feels rejected. In addition this Stickner character has laid a big sob story on her and she responds with the nurturing instinct. Much of this is a subconscious reaction and not a planned event at all."

After a moment of thought Early responded to Mays explanation, "Well, I guess I understand what you are saying. It's an accumulation of events and circumstances all coming together at once. How excited were you today with your promotion and the new big office and all? Have you ever been a vice-president before? Did you want to go out and celebrate, carry on like a kid with his first bicycle?"

"May you well know that this is the pinnacle of my career to date and yes and if you must know the excitement has been almost more than I can contain."

"Then knowing this, put yourself in Susan's place and consider what it was like for her."

Early acknowledged her last comment with a nod and his expression took on a more somber note.

"Also Early, how long exactly have you and Susan been married?"

"Ten years"

"Another thing, if she has been pursuing her career as hard as you have yours, your marriage has been on autopilot for a while now. When was the last time you went away for a romantic vacation somewhere you could relax and really enjoy each others company? And you know what I mean by "really enjoy" each other!, May stated pointedly.

"It has been awhile, it's been a couple of years since we went to Cancun."

"So what has been the most exciting event in your life in the past year? Be honest about it and don't include your promotion today."

"Probably the negations last week with RCS."

"Does that tell you something?" May asked.

"It does give me something to think about"

"Then considering all of these things don't you think you can forgive her? She is just human after all and we all make mistakes. She made a mistake, an extremely serious one granted, but are you going to let one instance of poor judgment end ten years of marriage to this glorious woman?"

"No, I don't want it to end, and now that you pointed out all of the things that were affecting her at the time I can appreciate their influence on her actions. What I can't bring myself to grips with is how she decided, regardless of the circumstances, that it was OK to break our wedding vows and to lie to me. This isn't like banging up the fender on the car and then getting it fixed on the QT and pretending that nothing happened."

Listening to Early, May could almost physically feel his pain and despair. After giving him time to calm down she spoke as tenderly as she could "Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?"

"Yes but what does that have to do with this?"

"What were the circumstances?"

"What do you mean what were the circumstances?"

"What were you doing when you got the ticket? Was it day, night? Were you tired? Were you late for an appointment? What were the circumstances?"

"We were on our way to my folks' place for Thanksgiving and because of a last minute problem at the office we were running late. I don't like to upset my mother, she worries when we are late and Susan and I were discussing whether or not we should have flown. The next thing I know there is an Idaho State Trooper asking me what my hurry was? I told him I was thinking of getting to the parents house and I just sort of spaced out the speed limit."

"How far over the limit were you?"

"85 in a 65 zone."

"Did you do it on purpose?"

"No, of course not. Sometimes I might push it a little but normally I'm fairly careful."

"So you didn't make a conscience decision to go over the limit by 20 Miles Per Hour?"

"OK, OK I get the point. You can do something wrong without it being a conscious decision to do so. Especially when a lot of emotion and outside pressure is involved."

"Very perceptive."

"Thank you mother May," Early answered in a false voice trying to sound like a small boy being corrected in class. May and Early both smiled at his attempt. It was the first time in a while Early had smiled and it felt good.

"Early you know what to do. Now you have to find it in your heart and your soul to do the right thing. I'm not suggesting that this is something you should dismiss lightly or that what Susan did was inconsequential. There is a great deal of hurt to overcome and there will probably be scars forever, but scars heal and fade with time. Sometimes they even lend a bit of character. Good luck. Oh, and don't forget to turn the lights off in your washroom before you leave for the day."

May got up and returned to her desk in the front office but as she went through the door Early spoke up. "May, how did you ever get so wise?"

Turning towards Early and giving a small giggle she answered in a contrived voice of exasperation "Practice, Practice, Practice." Then she closed the door behind her.

Thinking of what May had said, Early sat mulling over in his mind the events leading up to today. "I can understand why Susan did what she did, I can accept that she needs forgiveness and compassion. To bad my heart can't think logically and arrive at conclusions through reason. This is not going to be easy." And with that thought Early turned out the lights in the washroom and left for home.

Parking his car in the garage Early was surprised to see Susan's car already there. For years he had arrived at home before she did. He had gotten into the habit of fixing dinner and having it ready when she arrived. Something must have changed at her office for her to be home so soon and he was not sure if it was a good sign or a bad one. As he entered the house he steeled himself for facing her.

Entering the house from the garage into the kitchen the first thing he noticed was the smell of cooking. Susan had her back to him checking on something in the oven. The sound system was playing one of the "new wave" tunes that she was so fond of. He stood behind her as she straightened up and noticed him for the first time.

"Oh! I didn't hear you come in! You gave me a start."

"Sorry"

Susan looked fresh scrubbed and radiant with just a hint of lip gloss being her only concession to makeup. He preferred her this way instead of the meticulous makeup she wore when she was working, her "war paint" as she referred to it. He was amazed at how much he felt for her and thought how much easier it would be to deal with the current situation if he cared a little bit less. Looking closely he could see her face had a tired and drawn look and her eyes were still swollen and bloodshot.

'I fixed lasagna for dinner and picked some things from our garden for a fresh salad. Why don't you open a bottle of wine." Susan was obviously trying to be upbeat and cheery, a marked change from the past 3 days. "We can talk over dinner, I have some things to tell you."

"OK, I have some things to tell you also."

Each gave the other a questioning glance, wondering what kind of bomb was about to be dropped.

Susan and Early made small talk as they worked together setting the table and serving the meal. They avoided mentioning anything that would lead into their current crises.

Conversation was light and sporadic until after dinner and Susan brought their coffee. They both fidgeted for a while until Early spoke up finally, full of dread at what he might hear, "Well, what is it you wanted to tell me?"

Hesitating for a moment and then with down cast eyes like a small child caught doing something they shouldn't she spoke quietly "I quit the firm today." Early could see the tears swelling in her eyes and anguish on her face. "I couldn't bear to spend another day there, I'm sorry Early but I just couldn't stay!"

Stunned, Early opened and closed his mouth several times until finding his voice "What happened Susan, why did you decide to quit?"

Early's question opened the floodgate for Susan and she began relating all of the details of the day, her conversation with Jennifer, her encounter with John Stickner, and her conversation with Mr. Anderson.

"How could I have gotten myself entangled with John Stickner! I normally wouldn't have given someone like him the time of day! I would not have done anything remotely to hurt you and endanger our marriage for anyone, much less for a lowlife like him! I know this sounds lame but now looking back it's like I've just awoken from a bad dream where I was someone else. I don't know what ever possessed me to do what I have done. I am such a fool." And with her last statement Susan held her head in her hands and cried uncontrollably.

Early just sat and watched his wifes anguish, his heart tearing in two. "Maybe I will kill John Stickner after all," he thought darkly. At last his pride and hurt were overcome by his love and concern for Susan and he went to her and picked her up. Then he wrapped her in his arms and held her while she sobbed out of control until the front of his shirt was drenched with her tears.

"Shush, everything is going to be OK." Early whispered. Standing a long while, he managed to get to the couch where he pulled her down into his lap and held her close until her crying became quiet little shudders. All the while he held her he stroked her hair and whispered over and over that he loved her and that everything would be all right. Finally exhausted from the emotional stress Susan fell asleep in Earlys arms. He sat for a very long time thinking about her and how they would fix all of the hurt and ills, recognizing that he too had played a role in this drama and had a responsibility to help fix it.