All Comments on 'How NOT to Fuck - A Primer'

Broadly agree. Well said.

Ten Step Program

Good common-sense advice. (I thought at first from the title that it was going to be a plea for celibacy, but luckily I was misinformed.) I second the 'ditch the measurements' axiom, the inclusion of which is capable of ruining almost any story. Less is more, hints better than full blown descriptions, anything to extend and tease out sexual tension is good. Thanks.

You really either love or hate the word "steaming". Not sure which but there is no middle ground. I found this useful, thanks. The actual sex scene is the hardest part for me to write.

Very well put! Two things I would add to your list---(1) Use names, not initials. (2) Learn about anatomy. When having sex "doggy style", it is impossible for the testicles to hit the woman's buttocks!

You make a lot of good points and many of the 'turn offs' you've highlighted ring a bell when it comes to the stories I enjoy reading.

Interestingly (or maybe not) I've found that whilst my characters still have sex, and often a lot of it, I now enjoy writing more about them and what they're thinking rather than describing the sexual act. I think this is because i find it more interesting but also because I struggle to describe the sex in a way that doesn't make me cringe.

Thanks for an interesting essay.

Some other observations:

1) The Literotica Magic Orgasm : far from being a normal part of everyday life, the Literotica orgasm turns straight women into lesbians, faithful wives into sluts, and white women into Big Black Cock-loving addicts

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2) Men -- have you ever masturbated? Looked at the amount of semen you produced? That's it folks, for everyone, even for those with 10 inch cocks -- a teaspoon amount. Semen in visual pornography is faked (shampoo, condensed milk). It throws me out of a story when I read of blow jobs wherein the woman swallows mouthful after mouthful, her cheeks puffing out with the sheer volume.

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3) The distance between the vaginal entrance and the cervix in a fully aroused woman is 7.5 inches. Every cock larger than that is surplus to need. When I read a story that has a guy sporting a 9-incher going balls deep, in reality he's just ruptured some poor women's cervix -- or more likely, he's just broken his cock.

Something I am learning from reading comments: Writers -- You don't have to use heightened 'porn language' or 'sex terms' in order to describe your tryst. She doesn't have to have "hot swollen double-Ds". She can just have beautiful warm breasts with creamy skin. No advertising slogans. Just be there and show us what you see (and hear) and why and and how your chacacter likes it.

Spot on. You've listed all of my fetishes about erotica, especially about mathematically dimensioned body parts of biologically impossible proportions. Describing sex is bloody hard, especially when,like me, one is working from distant memory.

Just out of curiosity, do most/any women get so wet that it runs down their legs (squirters aside)

barcomber and others,

I think it's important to remember that erotic stories are *fantasies*. So poetic license is in order. We describe and want to ready about how a super sex sex *feels*. Many people come here because the true description of their sex life is:

"Hey, you wanna do it?"

"Dunno, I'm kind of tired what with __, __, and __. "

"I'll be quick."

"I know you will. Okay, what the hell."

"Oof, oof."

"Rrrgh."

"Y'okay now?"

"Yeah, thanks. Pass me a beer."

I really enjoyed reading this. It gave me a lot to think about. Thank you!

I second your comments on ‘Babe’ and ‘Baby.’

I believe you meant to write ‘hotter’ and not ‘more hot.’

Given that writers say they are often hard put to write good sex scenes, maybe we should all try some with no mention of sexual body parts at all:

"She was ready, and when his arm pulled her in very tight she went with it. Spread her legs right away, feeling a bit like a slut, and enjoying the feeling.

"May I?" His eyes were all cloudy.

"Hell, yeah!" She wrapped herself around him."

"Here!"

"Oh, yes. God, that's ..." She couldn't talk and her breath was so high in her chest.

He was roaring now, his face red and sweaty.

For a while they lost each other, each in a place that is both 'right here' and 'absolutely nowhere. Then the moment came when they both knew the child they wanted was being started in that exact moment.

Long after, when they both could breath again, she said those words she knew would light his fire.

"Have a Cheeto?"

"Hell, yeah."

God, she loved to watch him chew.

With help from Literotica, I have written for myself only for 20 years. Getting better slowly. It has been difficult since in 18 years of marriage I can count on one hand how often the sex was good. I expected him to teach me, but he either didn't want to or didn't know how. So how to write what I never experienced? It means reading many many stories to find what works on me. After reading this I'm going to start anew once again to refresh what I've already written. Thank you.

Thank you for this. I'm sending this to everyone who asks me to edit from now on...

RedMockers, et al. The old 'saw' "write what you know" applies to erotica. If you aren't getting any from a mate then write your perfect masturbation fantasy. Describe in detail what or who is touching your body and where it is being touched and how that part of you feels. Don't forget how you feel inside, and I don't just mean in those inner sexual places. Suppose solo sex makes you cry. Write about that, how the tears come as you come. You can also write about how your demon loved feels, or how your boss feels as she bends you over your cubicle dest after hours, or in the middle of the work day, and somehow no one (but the person you secretly crave) notices. Play with fan fiction; your accidental date with Buffy, or James Bond, or Barnabus Collins. or imagine a magic potion that turns that unresponsive spouse into a sexual tiger. It's all "real".

Much of this is Very Good advice. As were many of the comments I've read. Thanks.

But how do you describe a person's reaction to a climax, if no; Aaaarrggghhhh, or Oh Shit, Oh Shit, Oh Shit! ?

yarnspinner, perhaps we need to do our homework; listen to some of the audios on Literotica. Consider almost any word containing a vowel as an expletive. You could also use metaphor. "A miniature firworks display exploded in his balls," though that sounds painful. But imagine your own equivalent, surfing a wave, cruising down a triple diamond slope, skydiving. And then one could just go for the intimacy between the two people. "She felt like he was pouring his soul into her." Play with it, to coin a phrase.

I’d like to add, don’t take too long to get to the sexy bits.

Momma bird, I struggle with how quick to get to the juicy bits in writing a story. Writers like Chloe Tzang get quickly to the spicy and Chloe often repeats the action with variations. Sarah2000Z on the other hand writes great romantic features where the sex can be a culmination or flesh out a relationship. So, huh. Stories aimed at women readers often seem to relish the details and the slow build. But I had a mature female co-worker tell me, when Our recording company was thinking of doing the Barbara Cartland slow-build romances. " I like it when the characters are banging on every other page." So, jury's out. ETTOT.

On the words that we use. Men should listen to their partner for her language. In my experience "cunt" is demeaning. "Pussy" is not and most women use that word. Most women say "fuck." Where I live, northern New Jersey, "porking" is often used to mean the same thing but I think it sounds crude and I would not use it. Again, there is nothing to prevent a man from being sensitive to what his partner says.

For a long time I had real problems hearing a women say "balls" or "nuts." I would explain that the correct word is "testicles" if you have to use the word at all. I mean, I would get upset--not angry but upset when she called my testicles "balls." And when she said "Our balls" it reduced me to a kind of fury. But it did not stop our fucking and the fucking was really good. Now I am beyond that point but even now when a woman says "balls" I feel myself getting hard and wanting her.

Inspiration from the last Anonymous: It would be great to see more writers, especially women writers spend more time describing what they like about a man's body. Many women really love squeezing a man's spongy package. What do you enjoy about watching him grow erect? What features of his organ are beautiful? A turn on? What are sexy parts of the rest of his body? If he has impressive "guns" is that a turnon? Why? What do you like about his hands? His mouth? His eyes?

I notice you're saying don't use the term "pussy" unless the woman uses that term. In reviewing my story, I see that's like overusing the word "that". In most cases, I can delete "that" without changing the sentence, and "inserting my cock in her pussy" has the same meaning when deleting the one word.

Thanks, it was all good advice

Well said. The aims of realism, sensuality, subtlety, and cleverness (e.g., formatting that creates an effect, which is so easily achieved in my MS Word drafts, simply doesn’t “work” in HTML), sometimes come into conflict with one another.

I also appreciate RedMockers comment below. I am rapidly reaching a place in the overall arc of a story (which will—should I live long enough—be fleshed out into an epic, or at least a novel), where I will soon have to confront realms of sexuality that I have barely, or never, experienced. How can I (an older, cisgender straight white male) write with authenticity and respect for people who embrace different lifestyles than myself, and are “othered” by many people who look like me? These are seriously complicating factors to consider.

D4Raver, it's good to try to expand your horizans, to *feel* through anothers skin. Perhaps the best course is to write the story with as much courage as you can, listening as hard as you can, and then give it to the sort of people you have depicted and say, "Please help me." And if they say, "Fuck off. Let me tell my own story, respect their wishes, or take the slings and arrows.

Seeing new readers favorite this essay, and how folks have trouble with sex scenes, I thought of two rules of thumb, or techniques. First, spend more time on the foreplay. Describe anything but genital stuff and take your time doing it.

Second, describe the sex as an activity that isn't sex: a meal, a walk in the woods, a competitive swim, a visit to a museum with your favorite art, a concert. You could actually use terms like 'harmony' or 'uphill climb' or 'sailing before the wind' or you could just adapt the talk (remember that?) and the interaction to the energy of the other event. Imagine skiing downhill with someone. How do you see their body? Who is in front. Are they breaking a sweat. What are they yelling? If you stop and rest what do you say? If you race what do you scream?