How to be a Good Son

*****

2 weeks pass.

"Hi mom, wanted to call and see how you're doing."

" Hi honey. Doing the usual. Assume you're coming in? You know what I'm going to say."

"Actually mom I do have plans, just checking in, and I'm still not bringing laundry home. Roger wants to check out a new bar across town and wants a wing man. If I'm lucky he'll find someone that has a needy friend."

"We talked about this. You are a wonderful catch, just need to get your confidence up. Promise me you'll go for it this time."

"OK, for your sake, I'll give it the old college try this weekend. Take it easy and let me know if you need anything. I'll see you in a while."

"Good, just don't make it too soon. Keep trying. Momma needs more grandkids."

"OK mom, love you, later."

"Love you too. By and good luck."

OK, so far so good. Mom will be home, and not expecting me. This is a huge risk. What if I have mom figured wrong? She could freak out, disown me, call the cops, or have the most exciting night of her life. Or all of the above. Am I turned on as well? Absolutely. A couple of 'accessories', for ambiance. I haven't shaved for a couple days, to give me a scruffy feel when I rub my face to hers from behind. Also, I'm going to have a beer just before, and have a cigarette. I don't normally smoke, but I thought having it on my breath would somehow add to the wrongness, the rawness. Make me a 'bad boy'. And make her question a little if it's actually me.

I know mom's nightly routine from my frequent stays. She will be asleep by 11:30, even on a Saturday night. Give her an hour extra to make sure. Leave my place at 10:30 and drive straight there.

*****

Saturday finally got here. Bruce is off doing his thing tonight, I'm by myself as usual. I'm getting really nervous, and excited. Can't believe I'm actually going to do this. I've even been online trying to find how-to hints on how to rape your mother. Sounds creepy just thinking it. This is just her fantasy, not a 'real' rape. If she tells me to stop, I will. But what if she says stop but really wants me to keep going? Will she know it's me? We talked about this fantasy. She needs to know it's me logically, but think it's a stranger emotionally. If I can get into bed, behind her, and she never sees me, at least part of her can pretend it's not me. Very tricky tightrope. God, am I really going to do this? What will this do for my 'good guy' persona? My self-image? I decide to keep going till (if or when) she says my name and breaks the spell. I really love my mom and don't want to hurt her. Thoughts keep swirling in my head. Enough already! I'm, we, are really doing this, tonight. Intense.

10:30. I load a 6 pack of beer and my just bought pack of cigarettes in the car and take off for mom. My thoughts are still swirling. My arms are actually shaking. Got to get a grip. After 45 minutes I pull over into a rest stop to have a smoke. I messed around with smoking a little in college, but thankfully it never became a habit. I think having one now will calm me down. I'll have another, with a beer, just before I get there.

OK, in town, 5 minutes from mom's. I pull into a convenience store parking lot and down a beer with a second smoke. Help take the edge of, a little. One beer is good, but I want to 'fully' experience whatever is about to happen.

I pull up to the house, get out with the beer and smokes. Approach the front door. Get my key out. Wonder four more times if this is a bad idea. Say screw it, of course it's a horrible idea, and go inside anyway. Close the door. The house is as dark as I knew it would be. On the way to mom's bedroom I pass the kitchen and set my stuff down. Still quiet. Shoes off, then I take my clothes off and set them on the table. Nude, in mom's house. Instant erection. Feels very wrong, and good. Electric.

Mom's house is on the edge of a little town, nobody for several hundred yards. If she gets too loud, or starts screaming, it would be bad. A little noise would be OK. I decide to cover mom's mouth initially, to see where it goes.

There is a little night light in the hallway to her room. I walk to her room, and the door is half open. With the light from the hall and a little light from outside, I can see mom laying on her side, facing away from me. Perfect. She sounds to be asleep. OK big boy, now or never. Last chance to back out.

Mom's wearing a t-shirt and, probably panties. Her normal sleep ware. The covers are half off her, it's a warm night. I cross the distance to her and just look down. My lovely, needful mother. Its time.

In one motion I lay on the bed behind her, spooning her, my right arm going under her body trapping her two arms, the other hand covering her mouth. I'm trying really hard to restrain her, not hurt her. A muffled scream comes from mom's mouth and she starts to struggle. I just hold her. For 20 seconds mom is thrashing, then settles down. I could see her mind start to make connections. What's going on, and who is beside her?

Mom stopped screaming, so I took my hand off her mouth.

"What are you doing? Who are you? Please don't hurt me!"

I don't say anything, just hold her. At least she's not screaming. She keeps asking, pleading, but I keep silent, my right arm still holding her arms. I reach down mom's backside to her panties and yank down as far as I could, they are kind of trapped by laying on her side. Then I reach around in front and pull down further. Back and forth. Holding mom's arms I couldn't reach down all the way. Once her panties reached her knees I twisted a foot up between her legs and pulled them down and off. They were caught up in my foot. I flip then off, over the side of the bed onto the floor.

My left hand reaches up to her breast. God, they feel good. After a few seconds I reach back down under her t-shirt and back up to her breast, feeling them for real, wondering what they look like. I find a nipple, tweak it, play with it. It's hard instantly, mom's pleadings are turning towards moans. All my pent up emotion and energy has me going full on.

Next my hand starts heading down. Down Over her little belly until I feel her pussy hair. I stop there for a while. Running my hands over the little tuft. Playing with it, even yanking it, again wondering what it looks like. The shape, the color, the smell. The whole time mom is squirming, twisting under my right arm holding her. Then onto her pussy. My god she is wet. Warm and inviting. I move one of my knees between her legs to open her up a little more. I put one, then two fingers into her opening. In and out for a few seconds. I'm losing track of what mom is doing, how she is reacting.

Enough foreplay. Using my hand in front to direct me I enter mom from behind. Forcefully. Then I roll mom onto her stomach. My full weight laying on her back, pinning her to the bed. My face up against hers. Breathing into her ear. My face scratching hers.

I then lift off mom, my arms on either side holding her arms, and start pounding. The energy level is incredible. In and out, in and out. Not caring what mom wants or needs. Just letting myself go into the moment.

Mom's pleas for me to stop have slowed down, then stopped. She never says my name, acknowledges that it's her son doing this to her.

After a while, 5 minutes, 10 minutes, who knows, I feel mum shutter and moan. Her sound soft and quiet, like she is trying to hide her pleasure, not let her attacker know she is loving this treatment. A few seconds later I let loose. I knew I was not going to last long, this first time.

I never deflated all the way, stayed semi hard, and kept inside mom. I rolled us back on our side to be more comfortable, back to a spooning position.

Then it hits me, hard. Doubt. Shame. Revulsion over my act. The earlier emotions fading away. This is not me. I always considered what limited sexual experience I had to be a shared thing, giving to each other. This was something else. What have I done? Can I get out? Run away? If I get up now mom will know it's me.

After a couple more minutes just laying with mom I can feel her weight shifting against me, rocking. Subtle, then more forceful. Mom is trying to get off on my semi hard still inside her. Mom wants this. Mutual. Together.

Instantly my dick reacts, coming back to attention. I start moving with mom, in rhythm. Slowly. My left hand reaches back down her front to her pussy. I can feel my dick with my hand, going in and out of mom. I can't see anything so I have imagine. I start playing with her clit, even reaching in a little way inside her with one finger, past my dick. All of this seems to awaken mom. She speeds up and I go with her.

After some time I can feel mom moaning again, another shutter. I'm doing better this time, lasting longer. 5 minutes more, 10 minutes more, who can say. Time doesn't mean anything. Just being with mom sharing this. Mom might have, probably did have another orgasm, not sure. Eventually I do reach my limit and I cum into mom's pussy for the second time that night. Kind of a crude way of describing an act of love.

My earlier shame and revulsion pushed back in my mind, replaced with a happy afterglow. I did it to her, but this time we did it together.

We just laid there, me spooning mom. Each to our thoughts. Mom had stopped talking and I never said anything from the start. I was still in, still semi hard. Every once in a while I could feel mom shifting again, feeling me inside her. In my mind she was smiling.

Now I was getting myself ready for the third act of my play. If not for the loving second act, I would not have tried this. It's going further. Will it be too much? Can I go thru with it?

I move mom and I across the bed to the edge so I can reach the night stand. I could just reach over and open the drawer with my left hand, still holding mom tight with my right. I knew from the last time I stayed in mom's bed that she keeps her toys here. While she was in the shower I had checked out the contents and figured out how to turn on her dildo. I pulled it out and set it beside us on the bed, then moved us back to the middle.

Still spooning, my excitement level was coming back and I started getting hard again. I felt mom start to shift her weight back and forth again, anticipating. Not my plan this time.

My left hand reached around in front, as I pulled out from behind. I fingered mom. Then two fingers. God she was wet and slippery. Lots of bodily fluids everywhere. My dick was covered, my fingers were covered.

Then I pulled away from mom to give me room from behind. I brought my hand around behind to mom's ass. I moved my hand around, caressing, even putting one finger inside. Then two. Trying to get mom lubricated. Mom stopped moving, got stiff. I positioned my dick over mom's back hole and pushed. Slowly, easily, with a steady force. Harder. Harder. I could feel mom pushing back into me, I kept going. Then I felt the head pop thru, into mom. Slowly, push further, then out. in one inch. Back almost out. Two inches. Three inches. Far enough. Back, out, then in. Mom stared shaking. Moaning. Again, she never told Jason to stop. I then found the dildo with my left hand and turned it on. I rubbed it against her pussy from the front. Up and down. Getting it wet. Mom is still shaking. Mom is feeling the vibration. Up and down. The only sound coming from the toy. After 5 or 6 passes it was time to get it in. Mom knew what was coming, she opened her legs wider, giving me better access. I slowly pushed the head in, out, back in deeper. Back out, then deeper. I didn't stop at two or three inches, eventually I went in as far as it would go, but gently. I most certainly didn't want to hurt mom.

OK, now I'm using the dildo to screw mom from the front, and I resume screwing mom from behind. I had thought about this moment ahead of time. I knew it would be exciting for mom. What I didn't anticipate was the feeling of a vibrator inside mom, alongside my dick. The sensation was incredible. My dick could feel the dildo moving in and out, the vibration intensifying the feeling for me. I lost track of what mom was going thru and just lived the moment. Thru all the third act mom never stopped shaking. Soft moaning.

After a short time, five minutes?, I couldn't last any longer and had the best orgasm of my young life. Incredible. I stayed inside mom, at half staff again. I left the vibrator in mom, turned on. For another 10 minutes. I could still feel the vibration, still felt good, but I was spent for the night. Mom's arms still pinned, she could not reach it to remove it, even if she wanted to. At that point I was in control. I honestly didn't know what she was feeling, and I couldn't ask.

Eventually I did take out the dildo and toss it on the floor. We were both spent. Laying with each other. A shared experience. Mom's shaking settled down and eventually stopped. I was no longer restraining mom, just had an arm over her side, stroking her breast in an idle way. The play was done.

Now here is the part I never quite figured out. The fantasy is over. Acting is done. How can I leave? Does mom want to know it was me? Will she let me go without looking, to prolong the play, never knowing, for sure, who was behind her? Is this the part where mom sees it's me, gets irate and never wants to see me again?

Amazingly, after about 30 minutes I could hear mom start to make her steady 'I'm asleep' sounds. I got out of bed as easy as I could. I stepped on the soiled panties laying on the floor, a souvenir from the day. I picked them up, closed the door and headed to the kitchen. I put my clothes on. Next I pulled a saucer from the cabinet to use as an ashtray and had one more cigarette and beer sitting at the kitchen table. It felt good, and I wanted to give mom something more to think of. When she smelt the smoke in the house for the next couple of days she would think of me, think about what happened here in this house. Prolong the experience. Well, that was the idea anyway.

I was emotionally and physically wiped out. By this time it was after 2:00, and I had a long ride home. Did I fulfill her fantasy? How was I feeling about what happened? Was she calling the cops? Well, hopefully yes, conflicted and I sure hope not. Mom never broke and said my name, so she kept to the game. A game she probably didn't think she would ever get to play. Would smelling my mom's panties, putting them to my face, help keep me awake for the drive? So now, how to handle this next time we are together. Haven't actually thought that far ahead.

*****

Waking up on weekends is great. No pressure to get ready for work, just chill. Why is it so wet down there? Oh my god, did I wet the bed? We wet the bed. Wait, we? Jason? Was that a dream? Where are my panties?

Based on how large the wet spot is at my butt, it was no dream. Then it all came back in a giant hammer blow. Somebody, (Jason?), came to my bed last night and raped me. Is rape even the right word? I'm sore down there, but it feels good? Nobody hit me or hurt me. He was rough, but in a gentle way? Is it rape if you wanted and loved it? Is it rape if it's your son fulfilling a dream? My dream? And I know I could have stopped it. After 30 seconds, a minute, logically I knew exactly what was happening. How many overweight women in their 40s get raped in their own bed, by strangers? Emotionally it was like being on a roller coaster, going down the first big hill. You know it's really a safe ride, but the thrill speaks otherwise. That bugger got me, pulled all my buttons. And that part at the end, with my ass and my toy. Doing both holes at once never occurred to me, was never a part of the fantasy. Now it could be a future need. I've never had, or even thought it was possible to have a 10 minute orgasm. Then he just left it in me, that tingling going on and on. Way past normal. Well, first time anal for me, Jason took my anal virginity. We never talked about that part either. Could it have been a part of his fantasy? He left me a bowl full of jelly. I must have passed out in the afterglow, I don't remember him leaving. On top of that, it was my son. Oh god. I was so worried if it was a real rape or not forgot about the alternate, real incest. Either a stranger raped me last night, or my son performed incest rape on me. Neither with consent. Well, sort of, at least the first part.

OK, take stock. Am I upset? Well, yes and no. Do I have an afterglow? Absolutely. Is there any proof it even was Jason? Well, probably DNA, but I don't need to go that route, so no actual proof. Do I want to know, for real? I can't pull down any one emotion, it's all wrapped up into a tornado of thoughts. Do Jason and I need to have 'a talk'? Play it by ear, for now? Honestly, looking back, it was the most exciting, emotional, scary and incredible night of my life. Does Jason feel the same? Will this scar him, or me, for life? Will Jason want to do this again someday? Would I want him to, or let him? One part of me is grateful Jason never gave me the option last night to chicken out, another part is furious at him. The lonely, horny woman half, and the scared protective mother half. Just how sure am I it even was Jason? Of course it was Jason, probably.

I walked out to the kitchen after taking off my soiled t-shirt and putting on a robe. I could smell the cigarette smoke right away. And there on the table lay the cigarette remains, a mostly full pack of smokes and half a six pack of beer. Jason knows I hated smelling cigarettes on him when he was in that damn fraternity, and he never did smoke in front of me. I'm glad it never became a habit for him. Looks like he was leaving a calling card. It even let me pretend a little more that it was someone else. Coarser, and not my son. Bad boy Jason, bad boy. I do remember smelling the beer and cigarettes on 'the attacker' last night, with the bristles on the side of my face, and it was a nice touch, added to the experience in a way I would not have expected. I put the beers in the fridge and went to throw away the remains of the pack. But then I stopped, took one out and lit up. Like Jason I went thru a cigarette phase in college but never got hooked, and I never wanted Jason to start. Smoking this one seemed a little like being naughty, a little forbidden, adding to last night's activities. And kind of made another connection with Jason in a weird way, both smoking from the same pack. In the old movies the couple would light up after sex, but they would do it in bed. Weird, nothing about this situation seems normal anyway. Sitting down I realized how sore my but was. But, in a good way?

Later in the day, still thinking (obsessing) about last night, I realized whatever the causes, motivations and consequences, I wanted to remember. Every detail. So I pulled out my laptop and tried to put it down, best as I could. Not like in story form, just actions and emotions, reactions. Writing it down felt a little like it was happening again. I could feel myself getting excited. I'll probably have to change my panties by the time I'm done.

*****

So mom never called me after Saturday nights activities. I'm glad I had Sunday to sleep in, calm down and gather my thoughts before going back to work Monday. Nothing left but to deal with the aftermath, whatever it ends up being.

*****

Wednesday at work we had a big general meeting in the cafeteria, the largest open spot we have. The CEO was talking about a new sales promotion for our store owners. If they increase their sales over last year, they earn points to take their families to Hawaii for a week. That part didn't mean much to me, as a programmer on the financial side. However, the company is going to triple charge our suppliers to go along. That way the suppliers could interact directly with the store owners, getting lots of good feedback on trends and needs. Anyhow, with the extra money the company is going to send 6 regular (not part of the sales dept) employees to go along as semi ambassadors for corporate, and to help out at some of the events. Really, just show up at the events and have a good time.