tagHumor & SatireHow's My Lap Dancing? Ch. 01

How's My Lap Dancing? Ch. 01


'Hi Kevin!'

Ugh What? Oh hi Ms Perveton.

A short, red haired woman with a dirty grin pops her head above the fence separating her yard from ours. She's been watching me work out of course, but only now has made herself known. Doesn't she know her fingers are still wet, resting there on the top of the fence. Eugh. She must be as old as my mom almost. Like 40 or something?

I've felt those wicked green eyes watching me lately whenever I'm in the yard. I need to work out for football and also for my new career as a stripper. We'll not a 'career' as such, just something to help me pay for school. My girlfriend suggested it; she said she knew a place in town which was hiring. Before I could ask her how the fuck she knew about a male strip joint, I was performing for the manager, a middle aged woman called Joanie. She suggested I gave her a lap dance after taking off my jeans and shirt. Pink and short of breath by the end, she seemed to enjoy it (her mom-aged hands were fucking everywhere. Ugh) , but said I needed to do some work on my 'technique'. Come back in a couple of weeks 'so I can see how you're coming on', before running to the ladies room. 'Coming on' the toilet I bet.

'What ya doin'?' She always has a mocking sing-song tone when she talks to me.

Just working out, Ms Perveton.

'Call me Alison; you're 19 now.' The mocking gaze dropped to my pecs and scanned down my body, widening occasionally. The grin gets dirtier.

Anyway I've got to be going. School and stuff.

'So how is college? It must be tough paying for everything.'

Yes Ma'am.

'You know I've got a few chores over here in the yard and such; I'd be willing to pay '...me to be shirtless I bet. Not that I wouldn't be OK with that for the right price.

Her eyes wide with 'honest' concern......and hope.

Actually I've got a job down at the....er dance club on 9th. The...eh.. ''Meat Treat'. You know it?

'Really...' Exstatic grin widens and gets even dirtier. Her pussy probably wants to give her a high-five right now.

A quickly composed innocent expression..


Of course not.

'Are you a dancer?' Innocent expression warring with obvious excitement on her face. Yuk.

Yeah. I'm a stripper. Don't tell mom, though.

'Heh heh....your secret's safe with me'.

She licks dry lips and swallows. Thinking hard (or wet?).

'I used to be a dancer. Maybe I can give you some tips?'

Really that's very kind of you. I don't know....

The ginger haired girl in her panties is shouting at her to seal the fucking deal. Hot teen cock!

'If you want to come over and show me your routine...'

Yeah. Right.

That's really kind. You know I've been told to work on my lap dancing technique...

'Eh uh mmmm. I'm not sure I know what that is...' Eyelids fluttering oddly for a few seconds before refocusing her glassy gaze on me. Recalling something? Tickled out a few nasty cums thinking about your neighbor's teenage son giving you a lap dance naked? Why Ms Perveton, we're shocked!

I hope you wiped your fingers afterwards, I thought, looking again at the right hand still squeezing the top of the fence.

I could show you?

At this point she was having trouble keeping a steady breath as well as keeping a mile wide grin form her face.

If I gave you a lap dance, you could let me know if it was OK. You know, whether you felt a sudden urge to shove dollars down my pants. I winked.

Look. I'm wearing my costume under these shorts.

I pulled them down to show the thong. Something for her spank bank; I had an image of her tugging down those horrible faded pink sweatpants and pulling it out with sticky fingers in about 10 minutes.

I'm such a slut, or so my girlfriend tells me. But if I could make Ms Alison Perveton, office supplies saleswoman to the stars, a devoted fan she might become a regular; might bring her horny cougar pals. That's a whole lot of tuition money shoved down my pants.......

I'd better make this good.

Should I come round later? Maybe I should wear my outfit.

'Uh yeah wear the outfit.' I still have my pants pulled down. I move around to give her a better view of the package.

I'm a big boy, so it's struggling to hold what's in there. The hot teen dick she's been jerking off to. I give it a squeeze.

See you later.

I pull up my pants and walk back, turning to watch her scurry to her front door, desperately trying and failing to turn the doorknob with sticky fingers, cursing like a sailor.


20 minutes later I rap on the door. I hope she hasn't had enough time to 'calm herself down'. I really need her to enjoy this.

She opens the door with another of her horny sly grins and a definite sense of excitement.


She's wearing a tighter pair of pants - probably for maximum contact. She's had a lap dance before - as if I didn't know. She waddles excitedly into her front room.

There's someone else there.

She's called a friend Alex.

Mrs Lily Groperfelt is the mother of an old buddy of mine. She's about 45 and very overweight after 6 kids. She was notorious for being 'inappropriate' with the guys, groping asses and crotches and abs when her kids and husband weren't looking, and innuendo that would make a porn star blush. Never banged any of us though she tried hard. I must admit I liked teasing her. Adjusting myself, squatting in tight jeans or giving her a flash of my 8-pack. She even called me a clit-tease once. I pictured a huge scarlet mommy-clit with a fat helmet....thick fingers rubbing, thinking about my ass and abs...I actually got hard.

Hey Mrs Groperfelt. What are you doing here.

She looked embarrassed but excited.

'Hey Kevin. Alison said you might need some help in your job. I really want to help you out. [gasp] I know how hard you worked to get into that college.'

While mumbling this bullshit she looks me up and down in the way I'd become used to. I whipped of my shirt and flexed slightly.

'Fuck yeah' muttered from my right. Ms Perveton was beaming like a 5 year old on Christmas morning.

OK. This has gotta have them creaming or next year's tuition is fucked. They'll be pulling this out of their spank banks and flicking their clits to this in the retirement home.

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