Hurt & Anger at the Hotel del Ardid

I would be allowed to be my best self in her arms. Gone would be the angst that I have brought to every encounter of the female kind since my dalliances with Isabel. Instead, calm and warmth would permeate my every move. No worries would abound when I am with this girl of my fancy. Why would they?

The consummation of our feelings and attraction to one another would be a treat to behold. My dick entering her most warm of places with no feelings of guilt on my part. This would all be welcomed by someone currently matching me in enthusiasm. Allowing me to focus on the pleasure that she is giving me without being consumed over how to maximize the pleasure for myself. My only other thought would be how to repay her kindness by optimizing the pleasure I am offering to her.

Yet this is all a fantasy, the kind that leads poor fools, including me, into places like this. I wonder what fresh hell this one would lead me to. However, when I think about it a smile comes to my face. This fantasy was of sui generis. Though other factors may have influenced it, it was me who came to it. It was of my own hand and making. It was solely what I wanted and not some enticing carrot laid out for me so I'll be blindsided when the stick comes to get me.

Maybe there's something to take from this fantasy, a vision of unity between me and a lady perhaps. The whole thing is too ideal as a whole but there are aspects worth reaching for, like the unwavering joy I felt that was built upon a layer of trust and respect. Perhaps that is what I should be seeking out for instead of trying to prey upon other's weaknesses. No way am I finding the person who redeems humanity as a whole in places like this. This new goal should be my north star instead of feeling demoralized by the surroundings I find myself in.

To become a searcher once more to find a new person who I believe is out there. Someone of care and self-integrity who is looking for someone to match her in a partnership of admiration, respect, trust and fun. With both of us knowing that we're not losing anything by being true to one another and that our connection would best any surface-level pleasure any day of the week.

Just then the sun rises. I still feel the caffeine for which I had to endure yet another round of hotel coffee still coursing through these veins of mine. I think I've had just enough of summer, now time to return to my home. Hope my car is still there but I think my faith in those neighborhood dwellers should prove true.

Feet off the ground, head up straight and onward I go. To put myself in the driver's seat for once and not lay claim to someone else's territory. I exit this place to open air that's never been as welcome to my lungs as it is now. The sun rising with the wind rising too, I feel a new leaf is turned. The possibility of something akin to redemption is in the air. Maybe it's just regular change. Nevertheless, I feel excited with all the new avenues that now exist in my peripheries and what lies in store for my travels down them.