by MsNatalie99
It was a more touching story than the title implies. I was captivated by Ellie right of the bat. Excellent first story, and I hope there's a part two in the works.
Really, did she tamper with his coffee? It was suggested, but never really answered. Loved it.
Absolutely love it Nat. Fantastic writing and a very sweet but sexy story.
Well done xo
What a great story! Would never have been able to tell this was your first shot.
Very well done!!! Amazing start to your writing. Please continue your writing. Thank You Natalie
It’s really hard to believe this was your first story. The plot, the setting, the depth of the characters and their passion, everything about this story meshed so well. All I can say is, keep that pen moving! Can’t wait to see what you come up with next! 5 HUGE stars...
Great story, Natalie! I'm already looking forward to your next!
Gritty and real, a 'fitting' of two misfits... The awkwardness and unsurity bring me back to some of my own rough but formative times - two flowers rising from the rubble of an American wasteland, I'm so glad they found each other. :)
You slayed it on your first time out. Great story that kept me guessing and now you've got the problem of making your next story as good as this!! Well done, Natalie - I loved it.
Thank you everyone. I'm truely grateful for your taking the time to read, rate, and comment on my story. I'm not planning any part 2 at this time, but will continue to write. I apologize to those who had pointed out the quantity of illustrations in the work. It was my first time posting to the site, and I had no idea how many images I'd need. I'll try to be more diligent when planning any future works of this kind. I'd like to again thank WintersCaress, for the time and work that went into Hyena Girl. And agin, Thank all of you, who've read this submission.
Fucking Beautiful!!!!! You are a natural writer. Both characters have such depth and vulnerability and the story has such an easy flow(?) I don’t know how else to put it. I sopped it up like spilled coffee on a work shirt. Or cum on a sports bra. You never cease to amaze me and the artwork was amaze balls!!!!
Awesome story! It was full of feeling and passion to go with the hot sex. Would like to see them dress up in sexy baby doll outfits and heels after a date. More pics would be nice. You have a gift for writing. Please keep going!
This isn't really my cup of tea as a genre, but it is very well written, the text flows well, and their struggles to get over all the awkwardness are described in a manner that one can relate to. No over the top embarrassment which I always find hard to read.
The drawings add to to the story and are express their personalities and feelings nicely.
Not to pat myself on the back, but this reminds me of my own story, which I consider a good thing (it's good to like your own work). Well-developed, imperfect characters, plausible setting, clear motivations, you've done very well. Thank you for your passion and skill.
If I hadn't started the story at 3 in the night i would have finished it in one sitting. Hard to believe this is your first story. And really nice illustrations. Cantwait for more!!
Wonderfully written, perfectly paced. Beautiful love story. Such a great weaving of sexual tension and lust with emotional release and vulnerability. Would love to read more from the author!
Wow!
This was a wonderful story. Doesn't even need a sequel. Although that could be good if this is a sign.
Great read
I've never read this type of story before, and I have to say, this blew me away. An amazing and delightfully sweet and awkward pairing between two outcasts who only wanted someone to belong to and call their own. The internal thoughts were very real, Ellie's dialogue a great example of I'm tough and bold, but um, really not.
This isn't just a great first story, this is a great story.
Good job young Jedi.
I -and I'm sure others-are going to want a lot more of this from you.
I've been visiting Literotica off and on since... 2008 maybe? Never once in all that time have I felt the need to leave feedback. The characters are well thought out, they are interesting with believably flawed lives, the story is involving and the reader forms an attachment to the characters. I hope you keep writing stories!
Amazing. I loved every bit of it. I instantly fell madly in love with Ellie. Such a complicated character, but her need to be loved. It was all so relatable. Keep writing. I eagerly await your next publication.
I loved this story and you tap into an erotic fantasy that many of us share! Thanks.
Very well written, Love the story and out cum. I hope you will continue with the story line.
A nice break from the usual, "Take my dick you fucking cum bucket!" stories that seem to be so prevalent in this genre.
Don't do a sequel. Don't change that one instance of to that should be too. Don't add more illustrations. Don't develop the history of each further.
When you've done something so well you leave it alone. There's so much more to lose by doing anything else.
Such a good, lovely story! How come it's so underrated?! It's a wonderful romantic tale, I enjoyed it immensely! 5***** from me, and I loved the pics! So hot!