All Comments on 'I Am Jack's Life Ch. 13'

Why do you wait so long to tell us its Jack's father that died? You obviously strung that out, but for no purpose in the story. Did you just want to tweak the readers?

Why is it when the chapter starts and Jack is reminiscing about his father, its not about something really smart or good that Jack's father did, but about something that Jack did, that his father thought was really smart? Ego centric again, like the Valedictorian speech. If you are trying to reinforce how Jack's thoughts pretty much orbit around Jack, you did it! Self-centered much?

Why didn't Anna's parents call Jack's mother to express condolences when Anna told them she was flying home with Jack for his father's funeral? Jack's mom had to ask if Anna's parents knew she was in town. Just seemed like an odd omission, by someone.

There were a number of throw away details, I think. Like this one: "My mother put in a bag of sand dollars, they had a thing about sand dollars. I didn't know the story." So if that act doesn't mean anything to Jack or to the story, why do you mention it? Maybe that will be important later? "My dad got sand dollars. I guess that fit." WTF? That's just one example. There are so many its hard to know which to remember and which to forget. Like, how do airplanes fly upside down (a 3 minute Google search)? Apparently that's not important either?

The interaction with Kimmy after the funeral is just embarrassing: "It took everything I had to not turn and make it a real kiss. Everything. God I missed her." He's been making love (apparently not) to Anna for weeks if not months, and he drags us through his cheap regrets and doubts about dumping Kimmy? You're making him even more of a dick head. Is that the point?

The contradictions you placed in Jack's venture into the meaning of life and death left me confused. From this: "Its nearly twenty years later and I still can't find any meaning in it. To teach me a lesson; humility? The value of our family and loved ones? Bullshit." But then two paragraphs later he muses: "The only thing I learned from my father's death is how fragile and fleeting it all is. Cherish your friends. Cherish your loved ones. Cherish every moment you squeeze out of the universe." Glad he got there, but not sure what the previous rant about it being bullshit was for. The contradictions and character swings detract from the character's identity and the ability of the reader to make sense of who is thinking and doing what, and why. It may be your goal to illustrate the confusion within a character, but Jack's behavior in this chapter is almost Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hydish. That was a science fiction horror story. This is supposed to be a dramatic romance, I think.

Not that there haven't been earlier hints, but these lines, "Abby said it fit me perfectly and she was surprised it'd taken me this long to figure out. She was right I guess. She often is." indicate Abbey is still in his life, 20 years later. Surprise surprise. Or is that a mistake? I have not read ahead.

The only other issue is that this chapter kind of rushed us through the rest of the sophomore and junior years, with the briefest of explanations why he broke up with Anna, the girl he dumped Kimmy for. Oh, yeah, she's a drunken slut. Who wouldn't prefer her over Kimmy? Maybe a guy who's not a selfish dick head? Right, Todd. I just can't get into how you are playing this, but its your ball. I'm too invested to quit now. Just, please, don't make him a cuckold, and/or suck Todd's dick. Please?

Thanks.

3 days before they were scheduled to drive home (9 hours?) for the Thanksgiving break he flies home for the funeral of his father We hear briefly about the service and interment, a wake held following, and the flight back to school. No mention of Turkey Day. No clue as to how many days between his return home and his departure.

I sometimes read reviews before investing a lot of time in a multi-part story. Often the first chapter or two is pretty good but the author doesn't have the staying power to keep it interesting. It seems that's the case here and the comment before this one had waived me off this particular series.

Thanks for saving me the trouble.

Bad troll is bad.

I do not take anonymous rock slingers seriously, and I would hope that other people recognize this is probably one person trolling me for whatever reason.

Are there problems and inconsistencies? Sure. Every story has them. I can nit pick even professional authors to this level if I so desired (people often make whole communities for it in certain fandoms. Try checking out online forums for a popular tv show when a new episode airs. Same thing.)

On literotica in particular there are people (usually other writers) that go out of their way to sabotage new stories. I'm really not sure why. All I know is this is one of the most hostile sites for new writers out there, which is unfortunate. Don't believe me? Check out the Author Hangout section of the Bulletin Board. Full of writers bickering with each other. That is unusual, and I have no idea why it is that way here, but thats the way it goes.

Do I read every comment? Yes I do. Do I read every private feedback message? Yes I do. Do I attempt to address the concerns of people who post with their usernames, or send feedback with an email address I can respond to? I certainly try where I can. (I don't want to get into a situation where there may be discussion of spoilers in the comments section.)

Do I take seriously the troll posts slinging rocks from the cover of anonymity? No I do not.

Most of these chapters have over five thousand views and several hundred votes. They have managed to hold on to a 4.6+ rating every time. If you are basing your reading off only bad reviews, you are missing out on a lot of good writing, period. Site wide, not just this story.

Until now I have refused to engage this particular troll, so he (or she) has resorted to responding to themselves to an effort to generate attention. I won't be responding to them again. I'm sure there will be some kind of an effort to refute this, but I can't imagine it will do anything beyond make them look more petulant and foolish.

I've made a conscious choice to leave public feedback comments open on these chapters. Anonymity is a big part of this site and its user base, and I respect people's choices for doing so. But as it states in the FAQ for this site. Authors are provide you with entertainment free of charge, please be respectful in your criticisms and refrain from personal slights, however subtle (or not) you might think you are being.

Not just on me, for every story you comment on.

I'm done, I now hope you find entertaining stuff to read, regardless if it is by me or not.

Lowlife because its cheating on its ratings ! Probably trailer trash !

Completely lost the plot, writing the story just for the sake of writing it - 1*

'It's the curvature of the wing and the control surfaces that created lift, factored in by the thrust and mass of the plane.' But more than any of those it is angle of attack. Even a flat board can generate life\t if it has angle of attack.