All Comments on 'I am not a slave'

by Biscuit86

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3 Comments

BaronvonKarmann over 10 years ago

I like the way you have set-up the premise and the characters

In sci-fi you are allowed a few "impossibles" to set-up the fictional world (such things as warp drives, transporters, and exotic alien technology). But within those impossibles that define the fictional world, you need to present believable characters and situations or you'll destroy the "suspension of disbelief." You don't, for example, bring a unicorn suddenly into a story set in an advanced technological civilization.

So, as you go forward with this story, you'll have to explain how a presumably attractive and available slave-girl (or courtesan, if not a slave) remains "untouched" for two years --- are all these men sexually crippled? Is there some weird social taboo surrounding her? Even if she is perceived as preferring women, you'd think some ambitious stud would try to change her mind.

I'm offering this feedback as a constructive suggestion. I really like the way you've sketched her character and situation in this story. Please keep going with the story. I look forward to reading the next chapters.

drmrblu over 10 years ago

Good beginning

The previous commenter has the gist of it. Regardless of all the technically impossible things that Sci-Fi allows, you still have just plain old people, or sentient life forms. OK, some may have some sort of enhancements or special abilities, yet they too will have feelings and needs to have filled and cared for. Even if those types of things are foreign to our understanding, rules of conduct and interaction still apply. There is almost always some kind of social order that guides how the individuals and collective groups work together and interact with one another or between communities. I do not wish to slow your creativity or stop you in any way from telling us about your dreams. Just wanting them to be more real and captivating for us who only have a port hole to see the whole world through. I am greatly interested in where you go with this story, but do not have 'knack' of telling stories and adventures as you have begun. Thanks again for sharing.