I Can't. I Won't. I Don't.

She called the number and a woman answered. "Hello, I'm Carla. What can I do to help you?"

She hesitated. "Does, uh, does Noah still work there?"

"Sure does, but he's tied up right now. Can I help you?" I swear. Another woman chasing after Noah.

Ava's breath disappeared. She froze. A sob escaped her lips. "Uh, Miss? Are you OK?"

"Uh, no. No, I'm not," she said between sobs. "Is he...is he OK? Is he doing OK? Does he seem happy?"

"Uh...Ma'am, your not calling from here are you? You're not one of the groupies who'd like to go out with him are you?"

"No! No I'm not, I..."

"Dang! You're the ghost of Christmas past, aren't you?"

"What?"

"You're ....! You're the girl from North Carolina! The girl that broke his heart. The reason he won't date anyone and works himself to death, aren't you?"

"Yes. I guess I am all that. But I was so messed up. I got everything wrong after my...uh...injury."

"Yeah, a hell of an injury. I read about the trial on Noah's laptop. Must have been awful. I guarantee you I wouldn't have been in my right mind ever again."

"I just have to tell him how sorry I am. He helped all of us so much and we didn't help him. We were so awful. I was so awful! I did such awful things to him. We forgot that he was a victim too. He always seemed so strong. Like he had it all together.

"Look. I want to help him. Make him better if I can. Carla, please help me. It's OK if he doesn't love me any more, but I need to see him, to apologize. To..."

"Oh, that big buffoon loves you. He's all happy go lucky, not a care in the world on the outside, but on the inside...He may not know it, but that has to be the reason why he works or does his wood stuff all the time and still looks like crap every morning. I don't think he ever sleeps.

"I've tried to help, but he's kinda all closed down. Living in his head. There's a hole in him. I got my foot into that locked room of his...once. But then he slammed it shut again. He won't let anyone in to help. I think he'll let you in, though."

"OK, Carla. Thanks for talking to me, but please don't tell him I called, alright. I once yelled at him for hovering and I don't want him to think I'm doing the same thing. God, I was so awful..." Carla could hear her crying on the other end.

"My lips are sealed. So when are you coming? If you come, stay at Emma's B 'n B."

"I don't know. I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

"Look. One of you two needs to be the brains in the family. And it won't be Noah. Love him like a brother, but men have their limitations. He does need you, Ava. Yes, I know your name. He needs you more than either of you can imagine. There's something missing in him and I'm pretty sure it's you.

"Hell. He's like a stinking rock star in this town. The town's most eligible bachelor. The girls are all the time coming in the store just to talk to him and ask him out. But he acts like a eunuch. No interest at all. So get your ass out here. Maybe all those phone calls will stop and let me get some work done. Crap here he comes. Gotta go."

"Who was that?"

"Oh, just some lady asking about male hose parts and a handsome guy with a crooked nose" and started laughing. He shook his head. Oh, my, my, Noah. Have you got a surprise coming. Can't happen soon enough. I just hope I get to see it.

Ava walked into the hardware store. She was nervous, anxious, looking in all directions at once. She seemed fearful at taking another step into the store and kept looking back at the entry like she was considering leaving.

"Good afternoon. May I help you with some.....Holy shit! It's you! You're here! Ava! Didn't waste any time did ya?" She jumped when someone called her name and started for the door. Her courage seemingly running out.

"Please stop. Ava. I'm Carla. Talked on the phone, remember." She nodded. "You're going to have to use your words better than that, if you expect to make this right."

Ava took a breath. Owl and angel. Owl and angel. She walked forward. "Hi, Carla. Glad to meet you in person. Does Noah know I called."

"Nope. I'm lousy at secrets, but I kept this one. I wanted to be here when you blind sided him. It would have been great. But he's not here. He's at Emma's."

"Where I'm staying?"

"Yup. Something about upgrading her wi-fi with extenders or something. I know my way around software, but hardware....I just want an on/off switch."

"Guess I'll go back there."

She walked through the front door and heard Noah and Emma talking in the study. "I think you're all set, Emma. At least four bars everywhere."

"Can't thank you enough, Noah. Now all the guests will have great access to the internet. Here. Let me give you some money."

"No way, Emma. Just a neighbor helping a neighbor. Not a big deal."

"Well, it is to me. You know, there was a beautiful, kinda short, blue eyed blonde who checked in last night. No ring on her finger. She might need someone to show her around town."

"Thanks, Emma, but..."

"Why there she is now. Ava! Come join us." Noah's head shot around and he took a step back.

"Ava....," was all he could get out.

Owl and angel. Owl and angel. She took a step closer. "Noah....I, I...." She stepped closer as tears started running down her cheeks. Before she got to him she collapsed onto her knees and in an anguished voice, "Noah. I am so sorry for what I did to you.

"You've saved me so many times. You were always there for me. Helping me, supporting me. When I was raped.... I don't know what happened. I don't know if it was the concussion or just the demons in me, but I turned on you. I blamed the man who was saving me with his love and caring.

"There's no excuse. I have no explanation. The therapist says she's seen it before, but I screwed up. I blamed you! You of all people. I felt that you had failed me. But really I. FAILED. YOU. I wasn't there when you needed me. I haven't been there to help you for over a year.

"I used to have nightmares about what happened to me, but now I have nightmares about what I did to you! I was mean. I punished you. But worst of all I ignored you, I cut you out of my life. You, the man I was engaged to be married to. I never even once thanked you for all you were doing for me.

"Oh, Noah! I don't know how I got so messed up. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you.." Taking a few deep breaths and trying to pull it back together. "If you don't love me anymore. I understand. If you don't want to forgive me, I understand.

"But, Noah, I need you in my life. As a friend if nothing else. So I can help, YOU. Please Noah. Please?" She gave a grief filled anguished moan, sobbed into the hands that covered her face and lost it again. Owl and angel.

Looking him in the eyes once again, she said, "I CAN'T. I WON'T. I DON'T. You said those things to me a year ago. The day I sent you to the hospital. Oh, God. The nightmares I have about that. Well, Noah. I can't! I can't go on like this. Without you in my life.

"I won't! I won't ever stop loving you with every fiber of my body.

"And I don't....I just don't know what I'll do if you won't have me. There's such a big hole in my heart. I miss you so much...."

He stood paralyzed. Tool box in his hand. This was just so unexpected. His mind was chaos. His heart was breaking all over again to see her like this.

And with his own need for her. A sudden push from behind urged him to action. He put the tool box down then lunged forward onto his knees and hugged her.

"Ava. Ava...It's alright. I do love you. I never should have left."

She hugged him fiercely and cried into his shoulder. "No. It was the right thing to do. It broke the spiral of blame and despair I was in and made me start worrying about you. But we couldn't find you.

"I searched and searched....And then when you sent the owl and angel. God, they're beautiful. But they were just what I needed to have the strength for the trial.

"Then Emily and I found the lathe articles and then I called and talked to Carla...And I took the next flight. I'm sorry, Noah. I'm just so, so sorry...."

"It's alright. Tell you what. Let's go to my place and talk a bit." He pulled her to standing. There were sniffles behind him and Emma had tears running down her face. She took two steps forward and hugged him.

"Oh, Noah. Noah. I'm so happy for you. So this is...this is what's been missing in you?"

"Yes, Ms. Emma. But I guess you've already met her." She released Noah and hugged Ava.

"Ava. Thank you so much for coming. He needs you. We all love him, but we all know he was missing something. And that something was you."

They left and walked back to the hardware store. She had both hands fiercely gripping his right arm and rested her head on his shoulder. The town was swarming with tourists, but all the locals who saw him greeted him warmly and stared at the girl clutching herself to him.

"Hi, Noah. Great seeing you. I need more ornaments. Heck. I need whatever you can make. People love it all." Multiple calls were made immediately to Emma and Carla to find out who this woman was.

Doreen looked out the window of the coffee shop and saw him. What the...She stepped outside. Walking up to Ava, "Hi. I'm Doreen." And she hugged her. Ava was startled. "So you must be the reason man mountain over here won't give me the time of day. I was beginning to think my feminine charms were getting rusty or something." She winked at Ava. "Well, Noah. She sure is a beauty."

"I'm Ava, Doreen. Pleased to meet you."

"Well, treat him right. He deserves it. He has done so much for this town in the last year. But if he acts up and you get tired of him, send his dumb ass my way." She winked again. Noah was red faced.

"No chance of that, Doreen. He's mine for good. Nice to meet you. Maybe we can get together and talk about him," and she winked at Doreen.

"I think I like her, big guy. Better keep her. Well, duty calls."

They made it to the Herb's. "Ava, I need to check in with Carla for a minute."

Carla saw him and excused herself from the customers she was serving. "Carla, this is..."

"Way ahead of you boss." She gave Ava a hug. "Ava, we need to get together and talk about him. He never talks about anything. I need some dirt to tarnish his squeaky clean reputation. There has to be something...

"And yes, Boss. You should take the rest of the day off and probably tomorrow. And, yes. I'll be fine. Who the heck do you think runs this place while you're out romancing all the widows in town.

"Although next time, let me hire our next employee. Liam is nice enough. Hell, he's so cute, I might just end up marrying him. But not the sharpest tool if you catch my drift. He's going to take some work. Now get out of here."

They drove to the house he rented on the edge of town. Had some years on it and needed some lovin', but great mountain views and a big workshop out back where he had all his stuff. They walked inside. "This is very nice, Noah. How long...." He pulled her close and kissed her.

She moaned through her nose, their lips locked and tongues moving against each other's. She was becoming more excited, more frantic with need. But then stopped dead and pulled away.

Noah looked at her. Confused. "Ava. I'm sorry if..."

"No. It's not that, Noah. I want you so badly...I ache for you inside. Every part of me aches for you. But I haven't even really touched myself down there since my injury. It feels different. I'm just afraid you'll be grossed out or hate it. And... what if I can't do it any more. What if...."

"Ava. Stop with the what if's. What if, we go slow and stop whenever you want. What if we just kiss or what if we do something other than have sex. There are alternatives you know. It's entirely up to you, Ava. I can get us some iced tea or something and we can just talk. Or whatever."

"I need to find out, Noah. I have to know what it's like now. What works and what doesn't. It still hurts sometimes so we'll need to go slow. But I need to feel your skin. I need to feel your body against mine. So, where is the bedroom and let's get to it!"

He took her hand and led her to the large bedroom with full view of the mountains beyond. "This is beautiful, Noah. I have so many questions, but they can wait." He went to pull the blinds, but she said, "No, leave them open, please. It's wonderful."

When he turned back she already had her clothes off. "Speaking of wonderful and beautiful..."

"Come on, Noah. Get them britches off. Can't keep a lady waiting, you know. Not polite." He stepped out of his clothes and they embraced. She sighed.

"This is what I need. This is what I needed at the beginning but was too screwed up to realize it. This is what I need forever." He bent down, she raised up and they kissed. She became aware of his nose making some noise as the kissed. Suddenly she pulled back and stared at his face. She ran her her fingers over his nose and lip. And teared up.

"Noah. I am so sorry. If I could take it back, I would. I didn't even think. I just...I don't know. I was in shock after I'd done it. How? How could I have done that to you? It makes no sense. I...."

"It's part of the past, Ava. It's fine."

"It's still a little curved and if you're having trouble breathing...we can get it fixed."

"No way, it gives me character. I was too good looking before." She laughed. And they kissed again.

She grabbed his cock and pulled him down onto the bed. "Come on, big guy. I have some plans for you..." They lay side by side. He slid his hand to her breast and started massaging, then gently stroking and pulling on the nipple.

She ran her hands on his arms, shoulders, back, chest trying to memorize every part. It had been so long that some of the familiarity had faded. The same, but a little different. "Noah. You feel so good. And, God, you've gotten so muscular. You feel like....like home. Or something. Thank you for loving me."

He smothered her with a kiss and continued to massage her breast then slowly eased a hand down to her thigh and started running his finger tips along her skin. Closer, closer.

As her excitement and nervousness built she stroked him faster and faster. He stiffened and and let out a deep breath. He arched forward two times, three times. She could feel his cock contract and the semen shooting onto her belly then running down her hand.

"Sorry, Ava. It's been a while. But it felt..., it was very nice."

"No, I'm sorry. I got so nervous I wasn't paying attention."

They kissed and his fingers continued to creep towards the center and began gently touching her lower lips. She groaned. He massaged them and could feel the moisture leaking from the lower part of them and gently rubbed around the opening. He started to gently insert a single finger.

She went stiff and grabbed his hand. "Noah! You don't have to. I can just do you. It may be awful. I'm afraid, Noah!"

"I'll go slow. You tell me if it hurts or if you want to stop."

"I'm sorry, Noah. This is not how I imagined our first time together. I'm ruining it."

"Nonsense. We're like two kids playing post office or doctor or something. We'll go slow and see how it goes." He slid a finger in. "Does it hurt?"

"Lord no. It feels great. But what do you feel" He moved his finger around and explored from front to back and all the walls.

"Hmmmm. I need to explore a little more."

"Noah! For the love of God. Just tell me. Is it awful? They said I was all torn up. And when I looked....it freaked me out so much I haven't looked since." She started tearing up. "Noah, I fought so hard. Really. But he was so big. And then he punched me or hit me with something and I really don't remember anything but pain after that until I woke up in intensive care and you were there.

"You were there! You were always there for me Noah. And I..."

"Enough, Ava. That's all behind us. So I take the letter and slide it into the slot.....

"And. Well, it's warm and wet and I hear a little voice saying put the one eyed snake in me so I can make him spit."

"Noah, stop! I'm serious," but she laughed. "What's it like?"

"Like an epi...episiotomy scar, but maybe a little longer. You know, there is a firmer ridge along the bottom and some little bumps, probably where the stitches were. But everything else feels normal. Kinda like you just had a big kid, I guess. Your cervix feels like it always did.."

She stared at him. "How the hell do you know all that? You're a business guy."

"I told you. I read thousands of pages. About everything. The ridge won't stretch much, but the rest will. People do have sex after their first child, I've heard. They go on to have others sometimes. So shouldn't be a problem for us unless you go crazy like usual."

She punched his chest. "I don't go crazy, although you drive me crazy. Now two fingers and start moving those things." He complied. She groaned. "Oh, Noah. A girl could get to like that." His thumb slid up and started massaging her clit.

"Damn, Noah. I don't care if it hurts or not. Slide that thing in there. Do it now before it gets real hard again. Pack it in and then we'll move and let it get to full size while it's already inside."

"Better hurry up. All your dirty talk is making him hard again."

"Just do it! Hurry! Quit farting around. I'm scared to death, but I need you. It's driving me nuts. I have to know. Do it!"

She scooted onto her back and he climbed between her legs. He was about half hard, but still able to slide it part way in before friction stopped it. He started moving in and then back out. In further, then out. Going further each time. Getting harder and bigger each time.

She groaned. He stopped. "Is it hurting."

"I don't know. Maybe. But it feels so good...I've missed it and you so much. I don't care if you make it bleed. Just move." He complied. Finally being able to bury it to the hilt. She groaned again. She started pumping up into him faster and faster, then dug her nails into his back. "Ohhhherrrr! Noah! Noah! Noah!" She tensed and held tight and then went still for a moment. She was panting.

"That was fabulous, Noah. Incredible. But I'm panting like I just ran the 100 yard dash. I thought I was in shape, but I guess not."

"It's the altitude. We're at about 9000 feet. You'll get used to it. If..."

"You mean I could stay."

"I love it here, Ava. I don't think I could go back. I'd love more than anything for you to stay. But your job. And your folks. And friends...You could get your own apartment, if you wanted."

"Noah. I love you more than anything on the planet. I would go anywhere to be with you. But I, we have to live together again. I couldn't stand to live apart. And, I don't want you sneaking out to see Doreen or some of those groupies Carla talked about.

He started to say something. "Just kidding, Noah."

"That's wonderful, Ava. You'll love it here. But your job."

"I've applied for my Colorado license and actually have an interview with the hospital next week."

"Pretty sure of yourself...."

"No, scared shitless. But I was going to stalk you until either you took me back or I was arrested. I haven't even thought of anyone but you since you left.

But you can't imagine how worried I was that you'd found someone else or got married or something until I talked to Carla. I still would have come. To aplogize, but just gone back to Denver and flown home."

"No one else but you, Ava. Ever. Since the day I met you."

She kissed him. "I love you, Noah. Thanks for putting up with me. I really messed things up, but I'll make it up to you. You'll never be sorry. Well. Sometimes you might be sorry, but it will be about little stuff.

"Noah! Darn! I didn't let you finish. I'm sorry. I was just so excited about having an orgasm I...I.."

"It's alright. I'm already in. Let's play bank. 'Oh, Miss? I'd like to make a deposit.'"