I Finally Found My Way

"She has a room at a motel for now but will be stopping by to see you and John next."

"Great" John said sarcastically. "I finally moved on and now she thinks she can have me back. No fucking way!"

********

Ann did show up at her old house that night. Since John had the warning from Alice, he had already taken John Jr. to John's mother's. He was not going to let Ann do whatever she planned on doing, in front of his son.

********

She rang the bell and when John answered, walked in without being invited. John thought she still looked great. Long hair done back in a pony tail. Long legs showcased in a short, but not too short, casual skirt. The sleeveless top she was wearing showed enough cleavage to make you look.

"Hello John, how are you." She started.

"Forget the small talk, Ann," he said defensively. "Why are you here."

She frowned and said, "John, leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life. Then i made the second biggest mistake abandoning my son. Moving to New York was a foolish decision, brought on by fear and probably hormones from the pregnancy going crazy."

"Bullshit," John spat. "You don't get to hide behind hormones. You cheated on me and abandoned me when you allowed a predator into your life before you ever left."

"He wasn't a predator," she said. "He was a good listener when I needed to vent. You were so dead set on starting a family and my mother was on your side, I felt ganged up on. I truly felt that I wasn't ready for kids. I had a life to live first."

"Of course," he said. "Overnight you fell in love and left me. How long were you fucking him before running away?"

"No, I don't think I ever loved him," she said. "Not the way I love you. I know I said in the letter I fell in love with Tony, but I was just looking for a clean break and getaway. Yes, I said I love you. I do still love you and I miss you every day."

He chuckled at that comment and said, "If what you've shown me is love, I'd hate to see your hate."

"That's fair," she said. "From your point of view, I must be a monster. A woman that left her husband and son behind because she was afraid to be a mother, afraid to grow old."

"John, if I would've known that I was pregnant, I never would have left. By the time I started getting sick and noticed I missed my period, it was too late. I had already created a downward spiral and was out of control. I knew it was your baby because I never had sex with Tony prior to leaving. He really was just a shoulder to lean on, that is until he offered me a way out. Tony wanted me to, but I couldn't abort him John. I couldn't end a life nor could I rob you of what you wanted so badly," she started sobbing and grabbed a tissue.

She continued "I reached out to my parents to tell them I was pregnant, but they wouldn't take my call or call me back after I told them I left you. They were so rough on me about leaving you, I cried for 2 days."

"Just stop the woe is me bullshit. A simple text to either me or your parents saying 'I'm pregnant and it's John's would have got a call back. Your mom wanted to be a grandma so badly she would've forgiven anything. You robbed her of that and then showed up on their doorstep with a baby. Christ, I probably would've taken you back if you had come to me."

She looked up at him when he said that.

"You would? Is there still a chance John? Can I hope to have a chance to make it right with you and see my son? Is he here? Can I please see him?" She asked.

"No, Ann," he said solemnly "That ship has sailed. I've got a girlfriend now and I've moved on. John Jr. is not here and I don't know if I can let him be in contact with you. It would mean I would have to have contact with you and I don't want that."

"John, please," she cried. "I'll do anything. Even if it's supervised visits with my parents."

"I'll think about it," he said. "Why are you back anyway? Lover boy Tony not work out?"

She answered, "The pregnancy was hard on him. We were in the beginning of a relationship and he was being constantly reminded of my past relationship. He left me last year. He said he couldn't stand expecting every day that went by to be the day I would run back to my son, to my old life."

She continued, "I've spent most of the last year in therapy working on what led me to jump off of a cliff the way that I did. I finally feel normal again and regret every day that I can't see my son. I cry all of the time. I bought little stuffed animals that I sleep with. I only hope and pray that you let me see him."

John stood up and said "Well, I'll think about it. Maybe there could be a way to make it work. I'll let you know."

John was walking her to the door when as he opened it she kissed him on the lips. As she did that John's girlfriend screamed out "No! You bastard!"

Ann looked and saw Lori his girlfriend running back to her car. John said "Fuck" and chased her but was too late. She was backing out already and didn't stop.

John dropped to his knees and then Ann touched his shoulder and he snapped, "Don't touch me bitch! This is your fault. Stop fucking up my life!"

Ann started crying and got in her car and left him there. She felt horrible and hoped against all hope that John didn't use this to keep her son away.

*********

The next day Alice called Ann and invited her back over.

"You really messed up last night. What were you thinking kissing him. You gave up that right."

"I know. I regretted it as soon as I saw her. I just hope he can work it out and forgive me."

"You better hope, Ann. Look, your father and I discussed what you said yesterday. Since you're back, we'll not shut you out, but we will not interfere with John's wishes regarding his son. If he won't let you have visitation, we won't let you see him when we have him."

"I understand. I'm just hoping for a chance."

*********

John eventually agreed to let Ann see Jr.

"Ann sit down already," Alice chided her daughter. "Getting up to look out the window every 30 seconds won't get them here any sooner."

"I'm so nervous. What if he doesn't like me. What if he hates me?"

"John always tells him you're living far away, but he never tells him anything bad about you. You should be thankful for that."

Ann teared up and said, " Of course he didn't. John would never do something as evil as telling his son the truth about me."

"He does tell him the truth from a certain point of view," Alice said. "He just makes it sound better than it is."

Just then Ann saw the car pull up. John got out and walked around to the back seat. He opened the door and released little John from the car seat holding him back. It was like a spring being let loose. The almost three year old darted towards the house of his grandparents and then slowly took one step at a time, as children do, then ran the few steps to the door. He couldn't reach the bell but it didn't matter as Alice had it open and grabbed him up into her arms.

"Nana!" Shouted the boy. "Is Papa here?"

"Yes, darling. He's in his smelly room (Jack's study, which smells like cigars)."

"Ew, yuck. Nana, Daddy says my Mommy is here from far away."

Ann sobbed silently while Alice walked into the living room with the child. John followed closely.

"Yes, John. Here she is."

The boy turned his head and looked at Ann. He smiled and said, "Hi mommy."

Alice set him down and the boy walked to Ann and she picked him up, making the boy's shirt wet from her tears.

"Oh, John, I miss you so much. I love you sweetie."

"Love you too, Mommy. You coming home with us?"

She looked at John Sr., who had a frown and shook his head.

"No sweetie, but every time you come over here, you'll see me. I am home now from far away."

"Papa!" The boy yelled as Jack walked into the room. "Look Papa, Mommy!"

"There's my big boy! Yes, there's Mommy. She's home now."

"Uh huh."

"Someone told me we were having nuggets for lunch but I don't see them?" Jack said.

"Kitchen, Kitchen," Jr. said. "Come on Mommy, we have nuggets."

Ann smiled, wiped a tear and said, "Well, we better get you some nuggets then, huh?"

John Sr. said, "She'll be there in a minute, buddy. Daddy and Mommy need to talk first."

"Okay, Daddy." And off he went to get his favorite lunch.

"John, I can't thank you enough."

"He asks about you a lot. He has little friends and sees them with their moms."

"Thank you, John for being so decent in what you tell him about me. It's more than I deserved."

"Yeah, so look; I'm going to have my lawyer do what he does and give you visitation rights. It's going to be supervised at first by your parents, but Jr. needs you. I thought I had your replacement all set, but you kind of blew that for me, so you sorta got lucky he doesn't have a new mother figure."

"I'm really sorry about that. I hope you know, it wasn't intentional."

"Oh, I know. I didn't know she was coming by or I would have warned her but, it's past."

"John, could we maybe have dinner together, just you and I."

"No way. I may have lost Lori, but I'm not desperate enough to let you take her place. There is no future for you and I other than being co-parents."

"I understand. I'm so sorry I did this to us. Thank you again for giving me my son back."

"Yeah, well we better go get some nuggets before he eats them all."

Jr. ran into the room and grabbed Ann's hand, "Come on, Mommy. Nana says foods gettin cold."

"Okay, baby." Ann sniffed back a tear.

"You okay, Mommy? Why so sad?"

Ann smiled and looked at her ex-husband then back to Jr. and said, "Oh I'm not sad baby. Right now I'm happy. Very, very happy."

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This is a companion piece to Who Wants To Be Lonely. What happens with John and Lori is in there.

Ace and Jenny are from Strutter and Get All You Can Take.

Thanks for reading and your feedback.