All Comments on 'I Hate My Ex! Ch. 01'

"had long flowing black hair up to her waist."

It flows down, not up.

'I am', use contractions, helps with the flow. I'm, instead of I am.

Also please differentiate speech and thoughts. Either double quotation for "speech" or single for 'thoughts' of the characters.

Apart from that I didn't find anything likable about either one of these characters. They are in a hospital, with a receptionist outside, yet they're screaming in passion? She'd loose her internship.

I agree with anon, no way she'd get away with that in the hospital with receptionist and other patients waiting. Won't repeat what anon said, but things like this:

'She started wearing back her clothes.' - 'She started dressing'.

"If you could show yourself outside the door" - "If you could show yourself out."

No likeable characters and this isn't romance.

Despite the comments I decided to give this a chance, but it was pretty wretched!

To add to some of the other comments: "had a perfect skin tan" - "had a perfect tan." What other kind of tan is there?

"Ohh, V" - I think we can figure out that that's an initial, maybe it's just a nickname, it doesn't really matter, we know it's you!

I would bet that English isn't your primary language.

"If you ever talk about this to anyone, I'll ensure you lose your job on medical grounds" - All he has to do is insist on a second opinion, then she'll lose her job for using it for personal purposes.

Have to agree with the others. English is not your first language. Reads more like an email or tweet from one of the Russians that Boris got to fix the US elections. You did your best to kill democracy, now you're trying to kill the English language, and erotic literature.

There will be a spell checker for the spell checker!

Well. Author here. Looks like I'm getting a lot of feedback!

Anyways I appreciate all the comments and will work on them.

1. Yes, English isn't my first language but some of the mistakes and suggestions pointed out by you guys is not beyond me. I will improve on that.

2. About the secrecy, I guess I should have described the room being sound-proof or added something similar to the story to make it more believable

3. About characters not being likable....well guess there won't be a chapter 2 for this story! I'll try to work on better characters on my next attempt

Please keep the constructive feedback coming. It was my first story. I'll improve,

Although the characters are not likeable you could change all of it in the next chapter , you could provide enough background story for each character to make them believable .

"had long flowing black hair up to her waist."

It flows down, not up.

To be fair, maybe she has a really hairy ass. Like a Talibani in a butt lock that just adds to the charm of the incredibly unromantic story of a cheating whore.

I like it. This kind of humiliation is what player men put women though-

Dude your guy here is an ultimate Wuss and a standing contradiction. He doesn't go past second base all those years but can't keep it in his pants that one time? Seriously? You lost the credibility thread to his character in that last couple paragraphs. Your writing is superb though and enjoyed having a laugh at main characters expense. Thanks for sharing

Very good, needs to be continued!

Ex girlfriend relies she made a mistake by dumping her back then ex boyfriend

All he had to do was to turn on his iPhone and record all her dialogue during the interview. Then he would have her on the short leash since she would loss her medical license her actions to a patient.

An new intern would not be a medical advisor to his company. The company would only hire experienced specialists. They don’t want any mistakes which an intern would make during an examination.

Disjointed and awkward ending