I Kissed a Girl Ch. 11

I bit my lower lip to prevent the words from falling out that I had heard the fight. Probably half of the restaurant had. I just took a seat again and waited, though impatiently.

Joanie eventually lifted her gaze. It wavered as she held mine. She looked...deflated. Once more, I just wanted to comfort her. But I resisted.

She rested an elbow on the desk and then her forehead in her palm. "I need to backup, to explain. I grew up in Naples until grade school. Stereotypical big Italian family where the women like to have kids and cook, and the men are steeped in the family business with generations of money. Our last name? A distant relative's ingenuity."

It had never occurred to me that she might be related to the guy who's namesake was a famous sports car. One thing Joanie had going for her, she wasn't a braggart. That endeared her more to me. Damn it.

"My mother brought me stateside. She was from America but had met my father while she was studying overseas. She stayed in Italy, they got married, and then she had me. But when he left her for another woman, she returned to her family. Raised me on her own. I've been back to see my grandparents and all a few times over the years. But it's mostly conversing through Emails, phone, snail mail."

That need to comfort her increased tenfold. I felt like I should say something. But before I could think of what, she sighed and folded her arms on the desktop, her chin resting on top.

"My grandfather has supported us my whole life. He still controls the family accounts. He set up trusts for each of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Pays for all of our education if we want it. But in order to get that free degree, we have to agree to work in the family business for the first year after graduation. I was able to get an extension since I wanted my masters. But since I'll be done with that in December, I'm supposed to go back to Italy the first of the year. Davina, my fiancée, is not keen on that. She insists I stay here. Get married. Ignore my grandfather's wishes."

I didn't know this other woman except for overhearing how she'd treated Joanie at the restaurant. But for a brief second, I was on her side. I didn't want Joanie to leave. I gulped and hoped my voice didn't sound too hopeful. "What happens if you don't go to Italy?"

"I would have to pay him back for all the tuition, room and board, and other expenses for the past seven years." Joanie closed her eyes and dug her fingers into the front of her short hair, her voice forlorn. "I don't have that kind of money, Meredith."

That need to protect her suddenly overrode any desire I had for her. The mentor in me shining through. "Joanie, I can't tell you what to do. But it sounds like you already know."

She just nodded her head. Sniffled a little.

I took a deep breath and started to elaborate. "I would suggest—"

The door flew open, banging against the wall. "What the hell? I made reservations. You could have called to tell me you were running late."

Before the intruder had even finished, I was on my feet and standing between Joanie and a woman who could only be Davina. Tall and ultra-skinny, her short, sharp-angled blonde hair and stylish but loose-fitting clothes gave me the impression she might be a model. She wore a scowl on her dark-red lips and one French-tipped fist on her left hip. The first thought that came into my head was of Medusa, the villain from Disney's "The Rescuers."

A loud gasp and another bang behind me—probably the desk chair hitting the filing cabinets under the windows—told me I was right.

A second later, Patty dashed down the hallway, her hands waving. She stopped in the doorway with her hand to her chest. "I'm so sorry, Ms. Swallow. I tried to stop—"

"Thank you, Patty. I'll handle it." I smiled at our secretary and turned my attention to Davina. "We are currently in a meeting, which you have so rudely interrupted. If you could please return to the waiting room, Ms. Maserati will be out when we are done."

"Ah. So you're her boss." Davina looked me up and down. Her scowl deepened.

I forced my smile to remain, gesturing down the hall. A clear sign for her to leave.

Davina stepped right past me. "We are late for lunch. Let's go."

I turned just in time to see Joanie cowering in the desk chair. Enough was enough. "Excuse me!"

Both women started and blinked at me. Even I was a little shocked by how loud I'd yelled. I would say I almost sounded like the Colonel. Almost.

"Davina, is that right?" At her slight nod, I pointed out the door again. "This is my business, and we are on my schedule. Ms. Maserati is still working. I will not tell you again. Go to the waiting room, or I will have security escort you out of the building. Is that clear?"

Davina glanced between Joanie and me then turned and stalked out of the room.

I saw the edge of Patty's hair disappear around the corner at the far end of the hall before the backside of Joanie's girlfriend filled my vision. I smirked before closing the door. Then my face fell.

Joanie was hunched over the desk again, her head resting on her folded arms. Her shoulders were shaking, although she wasn't making any sound.

I was at her side in three strides. My arms reached out to surround her in a hug a second before my brain told me to stop. I clenched my fists and returned them to my sides.

"I-I'm so sorry, Meredith." She looked up, her eyes red and glossy. "I had hoped you would never have to meet her. She can be such a bitch."

"You have no reason to apologize." I sat on the edge of the desk. Realized her arm was only a few inches away from my thigh, the thin material of my slacks the only barrier between us. If I concentrated would I actually feel the heat of her skin through it? Pushing the thought away, I added, "You are not at fault here, Joanie. You did nothing wrong."

She nodded. Continued to stare up at me until our gazes locked.

In that moment, I felt the same spark I had on day one. Had continued to feel every time our eyes met. Even if for just a second. And I found myself speaking from the heart.

"Forget what I said about not being able to tell you what to do. Go back to Italy after you graduate, Joanie. Keep your promise to your grandfather. And if you come back in a year, do it for you. Start fresh. Let me know if you need any references to get a job stateside."

She sat up straighter. "Any other words of wisdom, Meredith?"

"Since you asked, yes. Some people just don't understand what they've got. How to be in a relationship. You deserve so much better than Davina. I know. Maybe not to the depths you have, but I've been there. It sounds like a broken record I'm sure you've heard a thousand times, but don't settle. Ever."

Joanie gasped softly when I mentioned her fiancée. When I hinted to my own past...experiences. And I might have imagined it, but she seemed to have shifted her arm closer to my thigh. I forced myself not to glance down.

"Why don't you go to lunch and take the afternoon off? You get sick pay just like any other employee. Use the time to relax, if that's possible. I'll see you first thing Monday morning, okay?"

She gave me one of her brilliant smiles, her eyes shiny...and not just from her tears. "Thank you, Meredith. For everything."

###

The following week, Joanie seemed to be back in good spirits. She never told me what, if anything, was discussed with her fiancée. She continued to go to lunches with us sometimes except for always bowing out on Wednesdays. But there were no more sudden bursts of crying or door slamming. Our Friday mornings returned to banal chatter.

I celebrated Thanksgiving with my coworkers like I had ever since moving out east. That night after catching up with my parents on the phone, I called Jenna. She couldn't stop talking about her girlfriend, Kat, a straight-laced girl whom she'd met over a year ago and had "turned to the dark side." I brought up Joanie twice, but I only mentioned that she was this semester's intern. I held my tongue after that and let my older sis gush. Especially when she told me she was planning to propose on Christmas Eve.

After we said our goodbyes, I laid in the dark of my bedroom. Stared at the ceiling while hot, silent tears trickled down my cheeks. I was happy for Jenna and Kat. I really was. But our conversation was just a reminder that I didn't have that special someone in my life. Would it ever happen for me? I couldn't help thinking that the one person I could have had a chance with was leaving the country in another month. Probably to never return again.

Work was busy after the holiday. December had come too soon. My time with Joanie was ending. I cursed her agreement with her grandfather. Tried to think of ways to get her the money to pay him back. Ways she could stay here. With me. But I knew it wasn't right of me to think like that. She had obligations to meet. I was just a blip on her radar of life. Besides, if she stayed, it wouldn't be for me.

We threw a little party on her last day. Lunch was going to be catered in, and I told her there was no way she was going to make an excuse to miss it. She gave me one of her smiles and promised she'd eat with the group.

She'd been a wonderful employee. I struggled with her final written-review only because I had to make sure that my words stayed professional. That my heart didn't bleed through.

I had retreated to my office to submit the paperwork and have a private cry near the end of the day. A soft knock on the door had me spinning around in my chair, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

Joanie stood leaning against the doorframe wearing a slight smirk. "Got something in your eye?"

"Yep, something like that." I noticed she had her coat draped over one arm, the shoulder bag she'd been custom to bringing daily at her feet.

She made herself comfortable in one of the chairs opposite mine and tossed her coat and bag in the other. "I broke up with Davina."

"Wow!" I blinked at her. Repeated myself. Blinked some more. "Are congratulations in order?"

"Not if you're Davina," Joanie smiled. She tilted her head. "It took me a while to build up the courage, but I told her that I couldn't defy my grandfather's rule. He'd put a lot of money into my education. A year's worth of work wasn't too much to ask in repayment. If she loved me, she would wait for me."

I nodded though my gut was twisted into knots. She actually thought Davina loved her?

"She told me to make a decision now. Her or my family. Easiest decision I ever made."

Tears threatened to rim my eyes. Damn it. I smiled genuinely, hoping that would keep them at bay. "Would it be unprofessional to say I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself?"

Joanie shook her head. "Nah."

We stared at each other a moment. Then we both laughed when I said, "I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself."

"I got some bad news this morning." Joanie sighed, her smile and gaze lowering. "My grandfather had a heart attack last night. He's stable, but my mother wants to go back to Naples as soon as possible. Not to wait until the first of the year. I agree with her. We should go now. But..."

"What? Because you'll miss your graduation ceremony?" I snorted softly. "You've already been through two in your life. Are you really such a glutton for punishment that you want to sit through a third humdrum pomp and circumstance?"

Her mouth twitched up into a partial smile again. "That's not what makes me hesitate."

I shrugged. The only obstacle standing in her way of going back to her home country had been eliminated. And it had been her own decision. "What then?"

She stood slowly and made her way around the side of my desk. I felt awkward still sitting and stood as well, only to realize that I'd encroached on her personal space. Or had she entered mine?

Joanie's clear gaze locked onto mine. "What if there was another reason to stay?"

"I don't—" I couldn't breathe for a second. This wasn't happening. My voice cracked when I asked, "What are you saying?"

Her fingers brushed my cheek. Threaded a strand of my red locks around them before tucking it behind my ear. The simple movement sent those zinging impulses racing through every nerve ending. It was the first time we'd touched in any way that had hinted at intimacy. And she'd initiated it.

"Mer, I would stay if you asked me to."

Her voice was so soft, but I'd heard every word. Especially the way she'd said my name. How I'd longed to hear her call me that. Somehow, I remained standing.

"Joanie? You have to go back to Italy."

Her smile fell. Her eyes grew cloudy. "I don't understand. I thought you wanted me."

The lump in my throat doubled in size. "I do. But I want what's best for you, more."

"Don't I get to make that decision?"

"You need to go home to your family. To make good on your promise to your grandfather." I couldn't stop the first tear from trickling down my cheek. "If you love something, set it free."

Joanie stared longingly at me, her lower lip trembling. I thought she was going to say something, but she threw her arms around me in the embrace I'd always dreamed I'd have with her. I'd just never imagined it would be in these circumstances. Then she did speak, her voice the sweetest whisper against my ear.

"I'll never forget you, Mer. Never."

"You either, Joanie, sweetheart."

We hugged one more time. And then she was rounding the desk again. Gathering her things and heading down the long hallway toward the waiting room.

I watched until she reached the end where she paused. My heart soared for a moment. Was she going to defy me? But when she disappeared around the corner, I collapsed into my chair.

The tears were flowing even before my head hit my arms on my desk. I'd never been more grateful for that lonely office far away from everyone else.

###

I managed to go to the office every day since Joanie had left. To put on a façade and get work done. It was easy to just go through the motions. I'd been doing it so long, it was second nature to run numbers and compile year-end reports.

If any of my coworkers noticed a difference in my behavior, they didn't let on.

But when I wasn't at work? When I was at home? I cried. All the time. Slept a lot, too. Dreamed of Joanie. And I avoided the bakery that had become my Friday-morning ritual. Too many memories of sitting next to Joanie Maserati for the past five months. Hearing her voice, her laugh. Seeing those green eyes light up or even roll backwards when she was being sarcastic.

For the first time, I spent Christmas alone. While I did go to the department party earlier in the day, I hadn't decorated my apartment. I didn't watch any of the classic movies like I usually did. I lied my way through the phone calls from my sister...my parents. Said everything was fine. Blamed a head cold for the slight sniffles that were apparent in my voice. Then I went to bed early.

The office was closed until after the first of the year. I planned to not even leave my apartment. I knew I needed to snap out of this funk, I just didn't know how.

My darkest hour was New Year's Day when I flipped on the TV and caught one of my favorite movies, "Under The Tuscan Sun." I sobbed through the whole thing. Remembered how my sister, Jenna, had told me about her trip to Tuscany after meeting Kat. How beautiful it was...and eye-opening for their relationship. How she had known twenty years earlier that she would marry Kat if given the chance. And that chance had hit her like a suckerpunch. Or had Kat hit her? Or someone? Whichever, Jenna had gotten her wish. Kat had accepted her proposal. They were going to get married.

The movie also made me imagine Joanie being in the countryside like that right now. With her family. Maybe getting ready to start working for her grandfather, like she was supposed to do. Hopefully happy with her decision. Moving on with her life.

As the movie ended, I made the decision right then and there to pull up my big girl panties and move on. To remember the ladybugs in my life, not focus on the missed opportunities. I was a grown adult.

I'd had a glimpse of something I'd thought hadn't existed. Maybe it was still possible for me. Someday.

But I still thought fairytales couldn't come true.

###

Over the next six months, I was kept busy managing another intern. I'd not realized they'd arranged a spring-semester student until he'd shown up the first day of school in January. His name was Scott. Very handsome. A math genius. And all the women of the office loved him, especially Patty. He provided a distraction from the mundane...my own thoughts. Plus, he'd grown up with a military father, so it gave the two of us plenty to talk about when I reinstituted the Friday morning one-on-one meetings.

The rest of the school year seemed to whiz by. Before I realized it, I was celebrating Scott's last day with the rest of the department. Writing up his final review.

While cleaning up the conference room after everyone else had left for the weekend, I decided I'd take a trip to Chicago. Spend time with my sister. Meet this Kat she couldn't stop talking about. Kat was going to be my sister-in-law, after all. We had so much catching up to do. All of us.

If I booked my flight tonight, I could be there by mid-day tomorrow. Spend a couple of weeks with them before I'd need to be back here for the summer school session. Maybe drop in on my parents. It wouldn't take long to pack. And the change of scenery would do me good.

I had just returned to my office to sit down and make arrangements with Jenna when my phone dinged that I had a text.

Patty: Last minute plans. Dinner at Mulino's. Now. End of the school year and all. Meet you there.

I started to text back that I couldn't make it, but another message came through.

Patty: No excuses, Meredith.

I considered ignoring our secretary. Or at least texting Jenna about my idea first. But my stomach rumbled. I really did like Mulino's. I could talk to my sister after dinner.

Fifteen minutes later, I was walking into the restaurant housed on the second floor of the old Baystate Hotel. Absently running my hands down the sides of my A-line midi skirt—which I'd chosen at the last minute to wear today—while following a smiling waitress to where she said my party was waiting on the veranda. Then trying to remember how to breathe when the door to the outside opened to reveal a single table set for two...and Joanie standing beside it in a black-and-gray pinstriped suit with a black fedora perched on top of her cropped hair.

"Hiya, gorgeous," she said as soon as we were alone.

I gripped the back of the nearest chair, thankful I'd worn flats today because my legs felt like jelly. "J-Joanie! I-I don't understand. What are you doing here?"

She gave me one of her famous half-smiles and wrapped a lock of my red hair around her finger. "I'll explain. But first, I'm going to kiss you now, Meredith Swallow."

I had just inhaled when she cupped my face and lightly pressed her lips to mine. The softest squeak of surprise escaped my mouth. My eyes widened for a moment before relaxing, my eyelids drifting close.

The first thought that flitted though my head was that she had soft lips. Warm hands. And her breath...it smelled sweet. My fingers danced over the suit-jacket sleeves covering her arms. Caught between wanting to touch more of her and thoroughly enjoying what I already felt.

When she started to pull away, I finally closed my fingers around her biceps. Then I was kissing her back just as lightly. As though she might disappear if I pressed any harder.

I felt her step closer, her chest brushing mine. We took a collective breath, and then we were kissing again. Our moans combined. Fingers curled behind each other's neck, loosely clutching at hair. Trying to get closer though subconsciously knowing we had to respect the fact that we were in public.