I Kissed a Girl Ch. 12

Kat's eyebrows shot up. She looked from her wife, to me, and then back at Jenna. "Susie as in..."

"Yes," Jenna and I said at the same time.

There was an awkward silence before Kat smiled. "I'm glad I finally have a face to go with a name. I want to thank you, Susie."

I blinked. "Uh, you're welcome. But what did I do?"

"You helped Jenna come out of her shell. To embrace her true self. I have a feeling that if it had been anyone else who'd taken her under their wing, she would have had a rougher time coming out."

"Well, she wasn't an easy subject for me." I matched her grin. "She made it clear from the start that she was adamantly in love with you. I just showed her the ropes and set her on the right path."

"Excuse me?" Jenna huffed. "I'm sitting right here."

I ignored her and added, "She can be pretty headstrong, too."

Kat propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her fist. "You don't say?"

Jenna sliced a hand through the space between Kat and I. "Come on, guys."

"Well, when she gets her mind set on something..." I shrugged.

"Oh, I know all about her little crush in high school."

"Little?"

"I mean, the lady was downright obsessed with me!"

"Still is," I stage-whispered with a grin.

"That's enough!" Jenna growled.

Kat and I both jumped. Essie grabbed Kat's arm with a squeal. Apparently, Mommy Jenna had used that tone before.

"Shh, it's okay." Kat offered her daughter another piece of cut-up chicken nugget to placate her then glared at Jenna. "We were just teasing."

"So, Susie, you were going to tell me about a silver lining from your friend dying?" Jenna said, ignoring her wife.

"Jenna!" Kat gasped, checking to see if Essie had heard.

"What? That's what we were talking about before..." Jenna waved her hand in the air between her wife and me, apparently to explain the way the conversation had gotten derailed.

I sobered up and crossed my arms on the table. Remembering why I was on the East Coast. In the cafeteria of a hospital. Maybe I should take my own advice and talk to someone. Get an outsider's perspective, just as I'd given to Jenna several months ago when we'd run into each at the tavern.

Kat reached across and laid her hand on mine. "Don't feel obligated to say anything, Susie."

"It's ok." I absently rubbed at a spot on my arm with my free hand, figuring I should start at the beginning. Give them the Cliff Notes version. "You know how you've known since high school that Kat was the one for you?"

"Mmm hmm," Jenna hummed.

"I got you beat. I had my own Kat since fourth grade."

Jenna gasped. "Well, sh—"

"Jenna..." Kat growled.

"Sorry. Go on, please."

I smiled sadly at the two of them. "We were just really good friends at first. She got leukemia, and they allowed me to keep her company when she was bedridden. She went into remission and we stayed friends. It wasn't until I was eighteen when I realized I liked her as more than that. But like you with Kat, I never told her. Or at least, I never got the chance. Her mom was a very strict Bible thumper who thought she was above the religious law. She put the kibosh to our friendship—accused me of trying to turn her daughter gay—and banished me from ever seeing her again."

Kat moaned, releasing my hand and lightly rubbing my arm. "Oh, Susie."

"I ran away. Made a life on my own. Eventually met you, Jenna. But I knew you loved Kat. If there was even the slimmest chance you could be together, I wasn't going to stand in your way. And deep down, I still pined for Lizzie. That was her name." I felt a twinge in my chest from saying her name out loud.

"I understand." Jenna took my hand and waited until I lifted my gaze to hers before she squeezed my fingers, smiling at me. "I don't blame you for anything."

"Thanks, Jenna." I took a deep breath and continued, glad that my old girlfriend still held my hand. It provided an anchor of sorts, keeping my emotions grounded. "Fast forward and Lizzie got in touch with me again last year. She was dying of breast cancer. Her mom had been taking care of her but died. So I came to be her caregiver. And all those old emotions resurfaced after decades of trying to bury them with my past."

I watched Kat multitask with listening to me and taking care of her daughter. I could imagine that Lizzie would have been that kind of attentive mother. I knew it had crushed her to find out she couldn't have kids. That her husband didn't want her once he'd discovered that fact. Even if they had been able to have a family, I doubted he would have stayed by her side when she'd gotten sick.

"Susie?" Jenna said softly, squeezing my hand.

"Sorry, my mind wandered. Where was I? Oh yes, taking care of Lizzie. It was only a few weeks after we saw each other, Jenna, when she passed away. I had planned to keep my secret forever. But just before she died, she told me she knew how I really felt about her. That she was sorry she hadn't felt the same way. And she made me promise to give Idgie a chance. Idgie has become my silver lining. Which brings me to why I am—"

"I must have missed something," Kat interrupted. "Who's Idgie?"

I blinked, glancing between the other adults. "Oh! Did I skip over that?"

"Mmm hmm," Jenna nodded.

I smiled sheepishly. "Idgie was Lizzie's hospice nurse. She'd been doing all of the medical tasks when I came to live with Lizzie. I grew very close to her during those last months. She's helped me since Lizzie's passing. Become my everything. Which is why I'm here at the hospital."

Essie looked up at me for the first time since we'd started the conversation, her face so innocent. "You got a shot like baby Evan? Ouch."

Kat and Jenna both covered their mouths as they dropped open, glancing at me with wide eyes. I could tell they were trying not to laugh in the midst of our serious conversation. I just pressed my lips together for a moment to figure out how to word it appropriately for the child.

"No, sweetie. I'm here because someone I love had an accident. She's hurt real bad."

Essie blinked at me a couple of times. "Are you sad?"

"Yes, I am. Very."

"Did you cry?"

"Mmm hmm."

"I cry when I'm sad. Baby Evan cried from the shot. He cries when he's hungry. Or his diaper is stinky." Her little nose scrunched up, and her eyes narrowed for a moment. "Oh, and when he's tired."

"Babies do cry a lot, don't they?"

Essie nodded then returned to coloring the page Kat must have given her sometime during the synopsis of my love life.

"Uh, Essie, why don't we get an ice cream?" Kat said, standing up. She smiled at me and tilted her head at Jenna, mouthing that we should talk.

The moment we were alone, Jenna turned to face me in her chair and took both of my hands in hers. "We may not have a lot of time. Essie's picky about her desserts, but she's also five. Short attention span. So spill."

I explained the accident. The surgery. My frustrations this past week. Idgie's stubbornness. The fact that I hadn't slept for days. Warm tears were streaking my cheeks by the time I was done.

"I don't know what to do!"

Jenna pulled me into her arms and held my head to her shoulder, stroking my hair. "Shh. It'll be okay."

"I don't want to lose her, too!" I mumbled, trying to get control of my emotional release.

"Give her time."

The longer she held me, the more I was tempted to close my eyes and drift off. I'd easily done it many times when we were dating.

"You need to take care of you, Susie. If you aren't in the right frame of mind, you're no good to Idgie."

I nodded against her, sighing.

"Have you eaten?"

"Barely."

She released me and ran her hands over my upper arms. Her lips pursed while she looked over my face. "Go home. Take something for your headache."

"How did you—"

"We dated for three months. You always got a headache when you were overwhelmed. Plus, your forehead is creased."

I blinked at her. "You remember that?"

"I remember a lot of things." She brushed the back of her fingers across my cheek. Her own cheeks were tinting pink. Her voice was softer when she said, "A lot of things I'm very grateful for now."

"You're welcome," I said lowly.

"Come back this evening after you've rested, Susie. You've been here every day, all day ever since Idgie had her accident. She's in good hands here."

We both stood and hugged. The exhaustion of the morning alone hit me suddenly. I knew once I got home that I was going to crash. Hard.

I sighed and whispered, "Thank you. For everything."

"Anytime." Jenna kissed my cheek. "Go. Take care of Susie. Idgie will come around. I'm sure of it."

###

It was dark when I woke. Moonlight shone in the window by the dresser, a light breeze rustling the parted curtains. I shivered and realized I'd forgotten to shut the window this morning. I'd been in too much of a hurry to get to the hospital.

The hospital!

The clock showed there was still ninety minutes left before visiting hours were over.

I bolted out of bed and scrambled to pull my clothes back on. My headache was gone, but not my heartache. I had to talk to Idgie right away. I prayed she was awake.

Traffic couldn't move fast enough. Nor the elevator up to her room. A nurse glared at me as I rushed past the nurses' station. I cringed and slowed down, apologizing.

Light shown from under the closed door. I knocked and entered without waiting for an answer. The moment I saw Idgie sitting up in bed, my words tumbled out.

"I love you, Idgie! And I refuse to let you do this on your own. If it takes you months or even years to get that through your head...well, so be it. I'm not going anywhere. I'm done running. So you can give me the silent treatment. You can kick, scream, and tell me to go to hell. But I'm not leaving you."

Idgie arched an eyebrow. "Is that all?"

I leaned a hand on the footboard of the vacant bed in the room, panting. I mentally ran through everything I'd thought of on the way over then nodded. "Uh...Yeah. That's it. For now."

"You were right. She's wasn't going to back down," Idgie said, glancing further to her right.

"Huh?" I took the few short steps toward her bed and staggered back for a second.

Jenna sat in a chair with her legs and arms crossed on the other side of the extended privacy curtain between the two beds. Her mouth was set in a stern line.

I glanced between the two women, swallowing hard. "Uh, hi, Jenna. What are you doing here?"

Before Jenna could explain, Idgie said, "She was telling me how you picked her up in a gay bar and showed her the ways of the dark side. That if you hadn't, she may not have ever had the courage to go after what she really wanted. True love."

I just nodded. It was similar to what she had admitted this morning in the cafeteria.

"That was before she said I needed to get my head out of my ass."

Jenna held up a finger. "I said you needed an attitude adjustment."

"My own interpretation," Idgie said with a shrug.

Jenna seemed to think of that for a second then shrugged as well and nodded in agreement.

"She was threatening to bring someone here to talk some sense into me when you stormed in."

I arched an eyebrow at my ex-girlfriend. "Who would that be?"

"My dad," Jenna said. "He's a retired army colonel. I know he misses ordering troops around. He'd jump at the chance to put you through physical therapy basic training."

I tried not to smirk. Mostly because I knew Jenna would actually make good on her threat. She'd mentioned her dad a few times when we were dating. I was afraid of getting on his bad side, and the only person who had scared me up until then was Mrs. Rhodes.

"The bottom line, ladies," Jenna sighed, "is that you love each other. Susie didn't fall in love with your left leg or any other single body part more than you as a whole, Idgie. She loves what's inside. Your heart. And you still have that. You're still you."

Idgie stared at the bed, probably at her missing leg.

"And she's continually expressed that she isn't going anywhere. She doesn't want to. Please believe me when I say I know she means it. I've never met someone so loyal and considerate of others." Jenna gave me the biggest smile. "What was it you said Lizzie told you to do?"

I stepped up beside my girlfriend's bed and took her hand. Noticing that her cheeks were wet. "To give Idgie a chance."

"Now, that's my advice to you, Idgie," Jenna said. "Give Susie a chance."

###

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EPILOGUE: SIX MONTHS LATER

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I was proud of Idgie. It hadn't been easy, but she'd battled physical therapy head-on and come out like a champ on the other side.

Maybe it was the threat of Jenna's ex-military dad coming to oversee her rehab.

Or Jenna's final missive that day in the hospital. Every day we saw her since, actually, because the four of us—Jenna, Kat, Idgie, and I—got together regularly. Sometimes for meals...sometimes just to talk.

But I honestly believe Idgie had overcome all of her obstacles because she'd finally taken to heart that I would be with her every step of the way, no matter what.

***

I woke up to the heavenly feeling of Idgie's lips on mine. Her hand between my legs. I was just falling into the rapture of her caresses when the alarm clock went off.

"Fuck. We don't have time right now, love," I groaned, struggling between pulling her to me and rolling out of bed.

She made the decision, rolling off me to her side of the bed and leaning over to attach her prosthesis. "Do you want to shower together?"

"You know us. We're already on a tight schedule and have to make a stop on the way."

"Right. Separate showers." She met me on my side of the bed and cupped the back of my head, kissing me hard. "But I want a raincheck. You're all mine tomorrow."

"Deal," I mumbled, sliding my hands over her ass.

She pressed against me and nipped my bottom lip. "We could be fast."

So fucking tempting. But I groaned again and released her. "Go first. I'll get the coffee on."

***

I leaned my head on Idgie's shoulder in the cemetery, clutching the black-and-silver pendant that rested against my chest. She tightened her arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

Lizzie had said not to bury her...not even her ashes. I'd tried to honor her wishes. I just wanted somewhere to be able to visit her. Putting on the necklace each morning had lost its significance. Become part of my natural routine. Automatic, like wearing my watch. My special friend deserved more than that.

I felt a sense of peace standing at her final resting place now. I'd chosen a simple grave marker and had it installed under a flowering tree on a hill too small to bury anyone. When I'd explained what I wanted to the cemetery owners, they'd been happy to oblige.

"I think it suits her perfectly, Susie."

I nodded, blinking at the tears blurring my vision. My neck felt strangely bare when I removed the chain. I palmed the piece of jewelry for a moment before wrapping the tiny urn of Lizzie's ashes in her Harley scarf and pocketing the bundle. I'd put them both somewhere safe at home. Because it was time to let go of the past.

"She understands," Idgie said softly, resting her head against mine.

"I know." I smiled at the metal plate with the embossed letters of Lizzie's name and the dates of her time with us. "I took your advice, love. I gave Idgie a chance."

Idgie clutched my fingers in hers and lifted our joined hands. The sun glinted off the matching narrow band of diamonds on our left ring fingers. "And I gave Susie a chance."

I kissed my wife, sighing happily. "We miss you, Lizzie. Wish you could have been here to celebrate, but we know you were there in spirit. That you were dancing right along with us."

"We have one final wish to fulfill for you," Idgie said softly. "You're going to take a trip."

"Do you remember me telling you about Jenna? She married her high school crush, Kat. They own a villa in Tuscany and lent us the keys for our honeymoon." I wiped the back of my hand at my eyes. "We'll be able to scatter your ashes over the countryside, just like you wanted."

A warm breeze picked up for a moment and tousled Idgie's hair, rustling the leaves on the tree so they made a clapping sound. We both laughed.

"Thank you, Lizzie, for the best advice anyone's ever given us," I whispered, kissing my fingertips and squatting down to press them on the grave marker.

Idgie looped her arm through mine on our way back to the car. "Are you okay?"

"Yep." I glanced over the roof to see the tree branches shaking again, as though waving goodbye. "Until next time, Lizzie."

"Susie? We have a flight to catch."

I slid behind the wheel and waggled my eyebrows at Idgie. "Next stop, Tuscany!"

~ H