by skakid
Might have been a decent story, but the run-on sentences and punctuation (or lack thereof) errors made for too much of a distraction to read.
It has been 4 years, But I still loved the story just as much.
Hope you offer another episode.
So, scrolling back through the comments, I found this:
>>>skakidover 10 years ago [Author]
>>>Hey guys
>>>Yeah sorry about this, wrote it and summited it while very drunk. So yeah it's shit haha, plus this is the first
>>>one I've written, so my apologies people.
I'm glad to see that you acknowledged its true value. That means that I don't have to point out where it failed. I have mixed feelings about you not following up with that Part 2 that you intended to write since it may have been a lot better. But then again, I'm probably better off not getting my hopes up only to be disappointed. 1/5
Looking forward to a sequel. I had always longed for a sister to play with. Had a younger female cousin who wanted me but all we could ever do was dry hump each other with our pants undone and rub against our underwear.
Every girl Ive ever met with EE, and lots with DD, tits all complain about chronic back and neck pain, most all of them would kill for a breast reduction just to get some relief!
The story was ok I guess, the guy comes off kinda full of himself thinking about all of the different chicks that he's done. I get wanting to fuck your sister, but wanting to blow your load on her face? Eh.
While it sounds good, Im not so sure a little 5' girl could get his long, thick cock down her throat. ...now if it was a long skinny dick.., hehe.
Anyway it was a quick, lite, fun read, but it didnt get me wanking or anything. Thanks for writing though.
Interesting parts to your story - need to add some details, more sexy play but now that they like doing it, your next chapter should be hard sex between them when Mom is away. Let little sis have her way with her hung brother by banging him senseless. Then he can eat her and then bang her senseless and cum all over her. Thanks.
This "story" is very appropriate for 12-13 yr. olds. How old are you anyway?
terrible, you put so many redundant things in that story which just ruined any real enjoyment
I can't wait to read more. Next time put that load in your pussy.Please!!
Actually, Anon, people who can read care about grammar. Call it a curse.
That it was a size queen/king story, not to mention a just-for-the-hell-of-it fuck story, only made it worse.
I shall continue it, but it maybe some time till the next issue, do to the amount of work I have at the moment. But there will be more, this will only be a two part story though. :)
If u start a series please finish it don't just start it and leave us hangin
Thanks for the good comments people honestly. I'll try and write some other ones and hopefully this time the grammar will be better for those reader who like to have a more serious edge to things.
Again thank you. :)
My partner and I creamed our brains out role playing this glorious fuck up
Great story. Who cares about grammar? Do you guys criticize the filming and scriptwhen you're watching porn? I highly doubt it, and you shouldn't here.
Beau, great story! Hope you've already stated in the next ones :)
I'm not sure why I read the first half of this poorly written story. Yes, it reads like a satire of pornographic stories, but I think it was meant to be taken serously. Next time find someone to help edit your work--and not just the grammar messes.
It was a great story. Sure there were grammar errors but who cares. I enjoyed it.
I think this was an awesome story. I get really sick of cowardly "anonymous" comments from people who don't have the guts to leave a contact name for the author the rebuff the comment. Constructive criticism is fair if your another writer and leave a contact name, but anonymous comments is both gutless and not very fair. Great story skakid, keep on writing.
Also your very right the grammar is appalling, I here forth swear to never write again after a heavy night of drinking, I don't know what I was thinking. The measurements aren't right at all and are completely ridiculous, however to all you people who read it, I would like to say thank you for your criticism it's much appreciated. Also to those who didn't read it, I don't blame you it's terrible. I will leave it up as an example of how not to write.
Again, sorry people.
Yeah sorry about this, wrote it and summited it while very drunk. So yeah it's shit haha, plus this is the first one I've written, so my apologies people.
You use apostrophes to make plurals all over this - horrible grammar.
Very dumb story. Couldn't even get hard. 5ft, ee, long legs. Yeah. That don't add up Even in porn. Don't quit your day job
Just wondering if you put any thought into this story, or just wrote it as your 10yr old brain thought it out. How can someone be barely 5 feet tall, but have very long legs? And seriously, 30EE I don't think that is even possible. Lets not forget the 'piece' De resistance.... of course, a 9 inch dick.
I wonder if you could of possibly made this story any more unbelievable.
I do have to admit, I read the whole story anyways, just to see if it got any more ridiculous, and of course it did.
Total waste of space and time. Go back to kindergarten...take up finger painting, as you definitely haven't found your talent as a writer by any means of the imagination. Oh wait, you do have an imagination...just too bad its distorted beyond recognition.
A sister who is 5feet tall with long legs? And I wont even bother commenting on the brother's 9 inch cock...Pass on this one.