I Shall Be Released

Carrie and Maria became good friends, and Ros volunteered child care, refusing any money. Mom would walk over and get them, and she was often at our house. She was a sweet girl but terribly shy. It took four months before she came out of her shell, and she had the sweetest smile.

"It looks good, honey. Let me see if I can find the money."

Both Mom and Carrie went silent. "What?"

"Ros and I split the cost, as a birthday present. We did get a discount, but it came with a catch. We have to contribute a counselor."

"I had a real bad feeling. "And?"

"I can't get off work, I checked, and Ros can't go. If you don't do it, we'll have to get someone else."

The thought of a bunch of strangers surrounding my child for days did not sit well. "All right. I'll go."

I tried to look happy while Mom smirked and Carrie squealed and hugged me. After everything settled down and she got off the phone with Maria, Mom cleared her throat.

"Is there something else?"

"Yes, honey, there is. The camp requires two chaperones per church, one male and one female."

"Who did I get stuck with? If it's that assistant pastor, then I'm staying home. When I catch him staring at me, I doubt very seriously his thoughts are pure, and he creeps me out."

"You didn't hear? He's been reassigned to the missions. I think he volunteered."

I didn't say it, but I thought it. If he volunteered it was to get his ass out of town quick. I suspected a really angry husband of father somewhere in the background. Instead, I just said I hoped he found his true calling. "So, who am I stuck with?"

"Kyle." Mom couldn't hide the smirk or Carrie the grin, but I let it go. At least he was a nice guy.

*****

Suddenly I had a list, and to me, the item at the top was a good bathing suit. Something demure, although I wasn't a fan of a one piece. I shopped, taking most of the girls and telling them what I was looking for. They giggled and everywhere I went they all had to try something on and critique everything I chose.

Autumn went online and found what she said was the perfect suit. The top was conservative, and the bottom was high waisted, a style that seemed to be in vogue. I tried it on and loved it, until I turned around. It was also high in the back, exposing a lot of cheek, but I had to admit it was a good look, and by tugging it down slightly, I thought I could pass the conservative test. Katie laughed and yanked, which made it look like a thong. "There you go. You're welcome."

Monday morning came way too soon, and Kyle drove up in his big SUV at seven. It was five hours to the camp, and we wanted to be there early enough to settle in. He had already picked up Maria, and she flew out of the vehicle, all jet-black hair and shining white teeth. They hugged and danced around for a few minutes while Kyle and I loaded up. He grinned when he saw two suitcases. "You know this is only for a week, right?"

"Shut up. Let's go."

We made good time, although we did stop for breakfast at one of those all you can eat places. The girls gorged on waffles and bacon. Kyle went with sausage and egg, hashbrowns, gravy and biscuits. I looked at the food and decided this was a vacation after all, and got the same, with ham on the side. We were stuffed when we got back in to the vehicle, and the girls were asleep, slumped against each other, before we had gone ten miles. Kyle and I were talking quietly, and the next thing I knew he was shaking my shoulder. "Wake up. We're here. Time to get out."

I realized I was snuggled up to him, but instead of flipping out I just snuggled closer. "Aw, do I have to?"

"Yes, you do!" came from the back, and I turned around to see both girls with big grins.

"Well okay then! Out we go."

We were there an hour before official check in, but the place was already swarming with little girls and boys, some packing up to leave with sad faces, but most had just arrived, and were bouncing all over the place, my two included.

The coordinators gave us an overview of what was expected. "We want these kids to have a good time. Some of them are from the inner city or disadvantaged neighborhoods, and this much nature is entirely new to them, so they'll be a little nervous. The girls and the boys from the suburbs will be more relaxed, and easier to work with. There are few rules, but they are strictly enforced. No fighting, ever. That will get you a trip home quickly. Be kind. Be courteous. No leaving the bunkhouses after curfew unless it's a declared emergency from the senior resident. They're fourteen to fifteen and are very well trained. We also counsel the twelve- and thirteen-year-olds about summer time romance. Your age group won't require the same amount of scrutiny, but still, watch them closely."

There were six bunkhouses for girls, and the same for the boys, divided by age. Eight kids bunked together, and there was a smaller room for the advisor, that was right beside the door. The men and women were also housed bunkhouse style, four to a building.

They outlined the activities available to them, what problems to look for, including homesickness. "Usually, we keep them so busy they don't have the time, but sometimes separation anxiety raises its' head. We have a certified counselor on staff to help them, but some can't take it and their parents have to come and get them. That is very, very rare, usually two per summer. It hurts us every time."

Once everyone arrived, the lined the girls and boys up in no particular order for bunk assignments. It came down to luck of the draw. A child stepped up and pulled a colored disc out of a bucket until they were all gone. The they lined up and called out the colors.

"Blue, to the front! Yellow, line up behind them. Red, line up by the canoes. Green, by the office steps. Black by..." it went on until the kids were sorted out and led to their bunkhouses. I admired their system, and there was a reason for it. Some kids, like Maria and Carrie, would have preferred to stay together, but this way they were introduced to new people, and learned to get along with them. The girls were a little disappointed they didn't draw the same color, but they were soon bouncing with excitement as they went to stow their things. The adults were shown to their accommodations, and though they were smaller than I liked, they looked very comfortable.

It surprised me that they didn't have a cooking staff. Each color was assigned breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and they rotated, so most had to do it only every third day. And the kids had to help with the cooking, and make sure the dining hall and kitchen was clean and in good shape for the next team.

"This will teach them responsibility, as well as how to work as a team. It works well unless a bunkhouse has a princess. It's up to the team to make her pull her weight. That doesn't usually happen at the age you'll be monitoring."

I look at Kyle and grinned, knowing the adults and counselors would be doing most of the cooking. A bunch of ten-year-olds around a hot stove was not a good idea.

We split up then, going to our bunkhouse and unpacking. My roommates seemed nice for the small amount of time I got to talk to them. Dee was a shorter woman, no more than five feet tall, and at 48, the oldest of us. Vicky was exactly the opposite, six feet tall and weighing 260 lbs. She was my age, just past 30, and seemed to just bubble with happiness. Carole was the quiet one, but seemed nice, and the youngest at 27. If she had a ten-year-old here, she had started really young.

No one had to cook that night, the staff took care of it, allowing us to adjust.

Carrie and Maria were happy to be there, but sad they weren't bunkmates. I tried to prop them up, telling them it would be a good experience for them. They hugged Kyle, as the groups divided up by ages and gathered around their campfires, the marshmallows came out. Carrie and Maria had insisted Kyle bring a guitar, and asked him to play a few songs before bedtime. That set the tone for the rest of the week, they'd play, learn, form new friendships, then gather around the campfire, and sing. The first night they were a little hesitant, until they heard another group of older campers singing, and determined they would be louder. It was pretty wide open after that. He would play about five or six, then it was off to showers and bed.

I checked every bunkhouse to make sure everyone was accounted for, and ended up mothering a couple of girls who were homesick. They were over it by the third day, wrapped up in all the activities. The second day, all the girls and boys from our bunkhouse were gathered around tables in the dining hall, beads and small polished stones in trays on the table. They were to build necklaces, reflecting their colors. Our group was blue, so there was a lot of blue and neutral beads for them to work with. Instead of each doing it alone, the girls worked together, picking the design they liked best, and made them all matching, except each had a small stone of a different color, to mark their individuality. The centerpiece of each was a small silver cross.

The boys looked at the design, and a couple of them offered suggestions that they incorporated, and they were split into groups of four, building their 'totem' as they called it. I noted with pride that theirs looked the best of all the groups, because most of the rest were just random groupings of beads.

All the counselors were pressed into serving. I knew how to pilot a canoe, so I led that activity, with the senior counselors. A few tipped over, but they all had to wear life vests, and by the third day they had it down.

Kyle led the woodshop, cutting patterns for birdhouses the campers could assemble. Then Carole watched over them as they painted them, making it individual as possible. It would seem Carole was an artist, and gave them a lot of helpful hints.

One of the other male adults was a retired Park Ranger, so he led the nature hikes, showing them some edible wild foods, including a couple of blueberry patches. He marked those for when our group had to cook, and we got stuck with breakfast. He had the campers gather as many as he could the day before, for pancakes.

Everybody had to get up early to prepare the meal, and dragging a bunch of ten-year-olds up at six in the morning is not as easy as one would think. Some were tasked with setting the table, while six of the boys broke eggs for scrambling. Six of the girls mixed the pancake batter, laughing while they mixed in the blueberries. Others served, putting the plates of pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the table. I thought we'd made too many pancakes, but there were none left afterwards, and it averaged out to three apiece. The ones not involved in prep had to clean up, getting the hall ready for the next set of campers.

Despite all the activities, the kids were allowed two hours in the afternoon to do what they wanted. Most chose to swim in the lake, and there were at least three certified lifeguards on duty at all times. Other than a few cases of poison ivy and infected insect bites, no one came to harm.

On the fourth night, after making sure my charges were settled in for the night, I headed for my quarters. It was a three-quarter moon, bright enough to see without a flashlight, and I noticed someone sitting in a chair by the lake. Wondering who it was, I investigated.

It was Kyle, and he sat slumped down, and his shoulders seemed to be shaking. I gently touched his shoulder and he jumped, looking back to see who it was. I could see the tear tracks on his face. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

It was a big double chair, so I sat down beside him. "No, you're not. What's going on?"

He waved his arm around. "This. Please don't misunderstand, because I love being here. But sometimes, when the kids are laughing, playing in the water, or trying to learn something new, I think about the family I lost. Molly would be just past four now if she was alive, and I wonder if I'll ever find the happiness I had with my wife again. All these years, and I still miss her like she was just here yesterday."

I followed my instincts and hugged him, trying to wrap a cocoon of love around him. We stayed locked together for a bit, before he sat up straight.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. You and I, we're from opposite parts of the spectrum. You had a close-knit family, and added a loving wife. I was raised by a single mother and married a jerk of epic proportions. I look at you and envy the time you had with your wife. There's an old song about wondering what love is, and needing to be shown. I envy you because you had it, so you know exactly what it is. I sometimes think that I'll never experience that. I don't know which is worse, having it and losing it, or never having known it at all."

He smiled, his teeth flashing in the moonlight. "You'll find it. You have too much going for you not to. You're attractive, kind, and have a beautiful daughter. It'll probably happen when you least expect it, from someone who totally surprises you. I hope I'm around to see it."

He reached out and stroked my cheek, and I leaned forward until our foreheads were touching, may hand sliding around to the back of his neck. Then it happened! He shifted slightly, and I kissed him! I didn't see it coming, but neither did he. His lips were softer than I would have thought, his scent clean and strong. His arm came around me, pulling me tighter to him, and I just surrendered and let it flow.

I don't know where it came from or how long it would have lasted, but when the giggle came out of the night, we separated quickly. Looking up, I saw Carole, and she was grinning. "I thought you got lost, honey, so I decided to check on you. I don't think you need any assistance though. Carry on."

She strode off, another giggle floating behind her, leaving us embarrassed and tongue-tied. He finally spoke. "Abbie, I..."

"Don't you dare spoil this! We both needed this, and I for one will not forget. If I ever feel down and need a good memory, this one will be at the top of the list. So don't overthink this, honey, and give me one more kiss."

It was a very good kiss, lasting long enough for his tongue to swipe my lips. I finally pulled back, gasping a little at the emotions going through me. Then I grinned and did my own giggle as I stood up. "Good night, honey. Sweet dreams!"

He was still sitting there as I went up the steps to my cabin, to see every woman peeking out the windows. I pulled the door open, still smiling. "Shows over, girls. Back to bed."

Yeah, that happened. Instead, we sat and talked for two hours. They asked me if Kyle was my boyfriend. When I said "not yet", they giggled. We talked about hopes and dreams, frustration and heartache, like a bunch of the thirteen-year-olds in one of the cabins below us. As I drifted off to sleep it was to a pair of gentle eyes and a soft smile.

*****

There were a lot of tears and hugs as we packed up, promises to Zoom and text flowing as the goodbyes were made. Carrie and Maria hugged like they had been separated for a month, going over all the good times they had. I knew there would be tons of pictures on their phones, ready to be shared. Maria didn't have a phone, her mother couldn't afford it, so I made sure I bought an inexpensive one from my provider and put her on my plan, just so she could save the memories. They had their heads together scrolling as we rolled, oohing and ahhing from time to time, then they went quiet. When ten-year-old girls go quiet, you check.

"You girls all right?"

Giggles erupted. "We're fine Mom. Look!"

It was a picture of me and Kyle as we chaperoned the singalongs, and we were holding hands. I don't even remember it happening but I was fine with it. He glanced over, saw it, and went a little red, while I just said it was a nice picture.

He dropped the girls and I at the house, running to Mom with their phones out. She herded them inside as we unpacked. Kyle looked as uncomfortable as I'd ever seen him, and it made me smile.

"Got something to say, Kyle?"

He went red, then grinned. "I haven't asked a woman out is six years, so I'm a little out of practice. Would you like to go dinner with me, or a movie? I'll understand if you don't."

"I'm as far out of practice as you are, hon. It's been years since I thought about a man romantically. Okay, having said that, I vote for both. Dinner, and a movie. When would you like to pick me up?"

"Thursday. We'll go to an early dinner, and then you pick the movie, anything but horror. Is that all right?"

"Don't you have to play Thursday?"

"They can do without me for a night. Besides, I told them going in not to expect a long-term commitment. I might have better things to do with my life."

That he would pick me over his band made me glow a little. "We'll go to dinner at 6:30, so we can catch an earlier movie. No place fancy, a buffet or pizza will be just fine. I hope you can stand romances, because there's one I've been dying to see."

When he left, I grabbed him and gave him a big kiss, wanting him to think about the upcoming date. I turned around to two ten-year-olds and a grandmother grinning. "Not a word," I said, as I carried my suitcase into the house. Didn't stop them from grinning.

*****

Thursday finally came, and I must have agonized over what to wear for two hours before Carrie laid my prettiest sundress on my bed. "Wear this, it's his favorite."

"How in the world would you know that?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm ten, Mom, not two. Now listen to me. Do not screw this up. I've got as much invested here as you do and you don't have to guess how I want this to turn out."

"Are you sure you're ten?"

She just grinned and left me to get dressed. It was easy to admit I was scared, but I took comfort in the thought that he was more probably more nervous than I was.

I was right. After a couple of stuttering starts, he relaxed, and we talked on the way to the restaurant. He took me to a nice steakhouse, and I remember the food being great, barely. When I told him the movie I wanted to see, he smiled slightly, but went and got the tickets. I declined popcorn and a drink, confessing I had a bottle of water in my purse. Movie snack prices were astronomical, and I had no intention of having him spend twenty bucks for a popcorn and a soda.

The movie was a romance from a bestselling book, and I was happy to see whoever did the screenplay kept faithfully to the plot. I couldn't see it being better any other way. Even though I knew what was going to happen, I was still crying at the end, hugged up under Kyle's arm. It felt...right, and safe. It hit me this was the first time I had ever felt safe in the arms of a man. As the credits rolled, he looked down at me, and I grabbed his head and kissed him. Hard. Hard enough he started responding. It wasn't until I heard the late teen girls behind me giggling that I broke it off.

I had his hand as we walked out, and it would have taken dynamite or an act of God to make me let go. He seemed happy with it, so after we got buckled in and were on the road, I grabbed it again.

We sat in the car and talked for twenty minutes after we pulled into my drive, before the law of attraction pulled us inexorably together. This time there was tongue. Lots of tongue. Hands roamed, just a little. He brushed the bottom of my breasts and my hand slid across the front of his pants briefly. I felt him start and instinctively stopped and pulled back, grinning.

"Well, aren't we the teenagers. I haven't made out like this in a car since I was sixteen. It was just as nice as I remembered. Next time, I want a nice comfy sofa, with candlelight and maybe a bottle of wine. Sensual music would be nice. I may let you have your wicked way with me, a little."