I Shall Be Released

I wasn't prepared for the seriousness in his eyes. "It won't be wicked. It would be magic. Let me walk you to the door."

I was still trying to process when we reached it, grabbing him and locking lips. We kissed so long the front porch light flickered. "MOM!"

Kyle just laughed and kissed me one more time before walking away. I came through the door to a laughing mother. "Did you have to do that?"

"No, but it sure was fun. A good date, I take it?"

"Very."

She hugged me. "You know, I never liked Beau, or for that matter any of your other boyfriends. Kyle now, Kyle has 'excellent son-in-law' practically tattooed on his forehead. Carrie will be grown soon, and I could sure use a couple more grandchildren."

I'd never heard her talk so positively about a man. "I'm going to bed. Try not to stay up too late picking out baby names."

"KJ, for Kyle Jr. if it's a boy. Rosalyn Violet for the girl. Ros and I talked it over."

She giggled about the look on my face as she walked to her bedroom.

*****

So, we dated, and grew closer. Much closer. He took me to his house on the seventh date, and I was impressed. An old, rambling farmhouse with four bedrooms, and it was in excellent condition, from the brand-new tin roof to the refinished hardwood on the floors. I wandered around, looking at pictures. I grew still when I got to the one of his wives. She seemed to radiate love, and was very attractive. One photo was of her and Kyle sitting on a porch swing, snuggled together. I got a vision of Beau and compared it to what I was seeing. Kyle definitely the winner of that comparison.

He stood behind me in the hall, wrapping an arm around my waist. "She was very pretty."

"She was, and her inner beauty outshone her physical appearance. Part of me will probably always miss her. But enough of that. Wine?"

Much later I found out he hardly ever drank, and had called Mom to ask for a recommendation. It was an excellent wine and I complimented him. He shrugged, smiling.

"I don't drink enough to know the difference, but your mom helped, and I have a friend that owns a winery, and a separate wine shop, and he said it was a good choice. If you'd like, I can take you to the winery some time. In October he has haunted wagon rides. I bet Carrie would like that."

This was August. The fact that he was hoping for things in October put a glow inside. I looked at several awards hanging on his wall, from his company. "Kyle, I never asked what you did for a living."

"I'm the production manager at the tube plant. Textiles are about gone, but there is still a pretty good demand for them. We make a lot of toilet rolls, as well as for paper towels. My plant specializes in industrial applications, tubes up to three inches thick and up to 36 inches wide. Most are used to pour forms for buildings, especially pillars. "

He grinned suddenly. "It's a lot more interesting than you would think. How about you, do you like your job?"

"I like it, but I'm basically just a worker drone. I don't get to help make decisions; I just follow orders. It can be mind-numbingly boring at times."

"Sounds like you need a career move."

I grinned. "To what? Another boring job? I didn't get to finish community college, much less chase a four-year degree, so my options are limited."

"You can always go back to school. I'm sure between your mom, my mom and dad, and me, Carrie would be taken care of. Think about it."

I vowed to myself to seriously consider it, but not right now. Right now, I had more important things to do, like verify Kyle still had his tonsils. I couldn't get my tongue that far down his throat, but I tried. After an intense bout of tongue wrestling, his mouth sought other avenues to explore. My neck, the back of my ears, and by now my shirt was unbuttoned and pushed past my shoulders, so he spent time kissing them as well.

We broke long enough for me to pull his shirt over his head, and I got to admire his muscular arms and chest. He might be a middle manager, but he was a very firm, toned middle manager. My shirt was completely unbuttoned and I was surprised Kyle was so adept at unfastening a front clasp bra one handed. The girls sprang free and I rubbed my chest over his firm one, feeling my nipples get rock hard. He took hold of my ponytail, gently pulling me forward.

I freaked. That was Beau's favorite power move, to grab my ponytail and yank viciously. I didn't wear a ponytail for three years after he got put in jail, but int he last year or so, I had relaxed. Now it all came roaring back. I was crying and hyperventilating, beating his chest to make him let me go. Kyle backed up instantly, eyes wide, while I curled into the tiniest ball I could, and cried my eyes out. It took me twenty minutes to relax. At some point Kyle had gotten up and brought me some ice water, sitting as far away as he could and still be with me.

When I calmed down, I launched into his arms, still crying, and begged him to hold me. He probably thought I was bipolar or something, but he held me and stroked my back as I gradually calmed down. When I was rational, I told him everything, how Beau had treated me and Carrie, the way he beat and demeaned me, showed him scars my mother didn't know about.

I looked up expecting to find compassion, not anger. He was rigidly still, his eyes glittering. Anyone looking into those eyes surely saw death. I drew back but he cuddled me closer, saying the one thing that would break my final wall.

"I love you, Abbie. And I would die protecting you, if I had to. You're safe with me."

Then the waterworks really started, great wailing sobs that seemed to last forever, gradually subsiding to whimpers, and then I went to sleep.

*****

I woke with a start, in a strange bed, spooned into the arms of a man. He was holding me tightly but gently, like he was afraid I was fragile, but with no intention of letting go. Looking at the clock I was shocked that it showed 4:30. I jumped out of his arms and out of bed, discovering I had on panties and nothing else. Kyle woke with a start, grinned sleepily at me, and pulled the covers back. "Come back to bed, honey. It's cold when you're not snuggled up."

"What, how, did we...Carrie! I have to call home!"

He sat up, the covers falling to his waist. Even as shocked as I was, I still admired him. "You don't have to call, baby. When I couldn't wake you, I called your mother and told her what happened. She told me the best thing I could do was put you in bed and be sure I was what you saw when you woke up."

"Did we..."

"Don't worry, your virtue is intact, even if you did do a massive amount of wiggling through the night. Now come to bed."

It was a gentle command, and I found myself sliding in, instantly snuggling against him. He petted me, stroked my arms and face, putting gentle kisses everywhere he could reach. I fell asleep trying to capture his tongue again.

Only the urgent need to go to the bathroom got me out of bed. I'd woken to feel Kyle pressing against me, his erection feeling enormous nestled between my cheeks. Then again, it had been years since I had a basis for comparison, but I thought it was as big as it felt. Slipping out of the bed, I watched his hand try to find me again before he drifted off to sleep.

Wide awake, I decided to have a shower, rinsing my panties and putting them on the shower door for him to find. Finding a long tee in his closet I put it on, debating whether to put one of his dress shirts on instead, before deciding to save it for later.

I found his coffee and started a pot, looking through his fridge to see if there was anything to fix for breakfast, when he came into the room. It occurred to me I was bent over with my butt stuck out, so I wiggled a little as I looked. His hands were suddenly on my ass, rubbing it softly before pulling me upright and kissing my ear. That triggered off a pretty intensive round of kissing, before we finally broke. I could see the bulge in his sweatpants, and my nipples felt like they were an inch long, and rock hard.

"Soon," I whispered, running my hand along his bulge.

He grinned and pinched a nipple, and I nearly lost it.

We fixed a simple breakfast, then he rinsed the dishes before putting them in the washer. It was so domestic I half expected Carrie to come bursting, calling out to Mom and Dad. That had me tingling all over.

After breakfast we talked. I recounted the fear I had lived in so long, and he talked about how hard it was to leave his wife behind him. "We're a couple of damaged souls, hon. Let's see if we can heal each other."

That melted me completely, but I got dressed and he drove me home. I don't know who was grinning harder, Mom or Carrie. Kyle seemed a little embarrassed, but I pulled him down for a full kiss, telling him in a voice loud enough for them to hear: "I had a really good time last night, honey. We're going to do a lot of that in the future."

I grinned at their open mouths and walked inside. Mom kind of grilled me but I shut her down, gently. "Right now, Mom, what happens between me and Kyle stays between us. Let this relationship grow at its own pace."

Still didn't stop Mom, Ros, and Carrie from sticking their heads together at every opportunity, but they were quiet about it. I made it a point to spend at least one night a weekend with Kyle. wearing a nice gown, one night, a thin tee shirt the next, and finally I came to bed naked. He just stared as I slipped into bed. I kissed him for a little while before asking him a question.

"Kyle, are you ever going to make love to me? I need to know because I'm tired of waiting. I see how parts of your body respond, so I know it isn't an equipment problem, so what's holding you back?"

He went really quiet, and started talking in a quiet voice. "My wife. I loved her with my heart and soul, and we made promises I'm having a hard time letting go of. I'm sorry, I want you more than you could possibly imagine, but I feel like I'm betraying her."

I held his hand and looked him in the eye. "That's one of the reasons I love you. Your loyalty to whatever you believe in is unquestionable. But she's gone, and I'm here. I don't know if I can ever achieve that brand of love from you, but I'd like to spend my life trying. Besides, if I remember the standard vows correctly, 'until death do you part' is pretty self-explanatory."

He started slightly, before smothering me with kisses. Then his hands started roaming, followed by his tongue, and I found something unexpected. Kyle was a tiger in bed, easily moving me from one position to another, taking his pleasure in pleasing me. I had a brief flash of my ex, but where he handled me in lust and anger, Kyle handled me with love. It was pretty easy to tell the difference. I had three orgasms before he finally unloaded, and we cuddled, still coupled. It surprised me that he never lost his erection, and a few minutes later he started again.

"Kyle, honey, I don't know if I can...OOOH!"

This time lasted a lot longer, and the first round wasn't short. I gave up counting orgasms and just let the pleasure wash over me, but by the end of that round, I was truly done. We cleaned up a little and slipped into sleep, but four hours later he was pushing into me. I was too tired to object and thought I'd just let him have his pleasure, but my body had other ideas. We collapsed apart and slept like logs, finally.

The next morning, he insisted on showering together, and after he had me squeaky clean, he proved once again what a talented tongue he had. When I got done screaming, he reached down and helped me up. I grabbed him, but he pulled my fingers off.

"You didn't get yours."

"But I did, honey. I got the joy of listening to you as I gave you pleasure. That's as good as it gets."

"I have to tie this one down," I thought. "I'll never find anyone who gives me more pleasure and loves me more completely."

*****

The next weekend Carrie came along. I was against it at first, but he explained it to me. "She is rightfully your first priority, so it's important we learn to get along."

"Please," I said grinning. "If it came down to me or you, it would be a coinflip. That girl loves you, baby."

Carrie inspected the house, before designating the bedroom with attached bath 'her room'. It was also the farthest away from ours, so maybe that was a win/win for both of us.

It was a great weekend, Carrie followed Kyle around, making him show her every inch of his property, all twenty some acres, including the pond. Carrie grinned when she saw it. "Maria and I will be having a camping party soon. Us two, Heather, Mackinzie, Jo, and maybe Carlita will get to come. Please, parental units?"

Kyle grinned at the designation. "You'll learn, baby, that in situations like this my first response will be 'ask your mother'. If she's all right with it we'll set it up."

Carrie chattered happily all the way back to the house, and I looked down to realize she was between us, holding both our hands.

The next couple of weekends I caught her and all the grandparents in hushed conversations. I said something to Kyle and he grinned. "I'm sure it's nothing."

Of course, that meant it was something, and it was driving me crazy.

Sunday Carrie insisted I go to church, so I dressed to impress Kyle, and showed up. The men and women in the Sunday school class were grinning like idiots, and even the preacher had a bigger smile than normal. The whole thing was making me very nervous.

His sermon that day was on love, between men and women, parents and children, and the love of God. "God's love flows through everything, even the love between a man and a woman. Marriage is the cornerstone of family, even the larger family of God. It's the reaffirming of everything holy and good."

Well then. When he finally wound down, he made an announcement. "Before we go forth this morning, one of our members has a special song he has asked to sing. Please stay in your seats for a few moments.

There was a stage behind the pulpit, darkened during the service, and a light came on, showing Kyle with his little guitar. He checked the microphone, adjusting it before speaking. "This song has a lot of special meaning, but even more so now that ever."

I learned later the song, Any Day Now, was part hymn, part lament. Most thought it was about a man just about to be released from prison, others thought it was about being released for the prison of their body, so they could ascend to heaven. Either way, it was beautiful and moving.

"Any day now, any day now, I shall be released."

As their notes lingered the lights came up, showing part of the choir, and Carrie, sitting at the organ, playing beautifully. Mom grinned at her. "Ros has been giving her lessons since before school let out for the summer. Pretty good, wouldn't you say? When she found out what Kyle was going to do, she insisted on playing with him."

The music stopped, but nobody moved as Kyle started talking. "This song has a lot of meaning for me. I thought about it as I fell in love. I was worried I was betraying my late wife by finding love again, but now I feel released. I loved her dearly, but I'm not breaking any vow I gave to her, because I was released by her death, however hard it was on me.

The woman that I love also told me that most people can go through life and never really know what love was. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what it is, because I had it. In a way, that made it easier to recognize it the second time around. Abbie, will you join me for a moment?" By now, everyone including me knew what was going to happen. I made my way forward like a zombie, while he dropped to his knees and held out a box.

Abbie Gleason, will you marry me? Be my life partner until..."

I'm sure it was a wonderful, moving proposal, but I ruined it by screaming "YES!" and tackling him to the ground.

They finally got us up, almost forcing me to let go of Kyle. Carrie cried and hugged me, then Kyle. Mom cried and did the same. I think Ros cried hardest of all, hugging me until I felt like I might get bruises. Even Henry, as he dangled me almost a foot off the ground in his hug, looked a little glassy eyed.

It took almost an hour to get out of the church. The last to hug me was the preacher, and after he got done, he handed me a piece of paper.

"What's this?"

"A list of dates of when I'll be available to do the service. You're not the only ones who fell in love this summer."

I grinned and kissed his cheek.

*****

There were lots of things to do before the wedding, and one of the hardest was telling Beau's parents. I think they expected it, his mother more perhaps than his father. I reassured them they were still Carrie's grandparents, and would still be regularly spending time with her. I think it made them accept the situation a little better. He had them over for a grilled meal, along with Ros, Henry, Mom, and her new man. Ralph was a gentle seeming man, and he was smitten with Mom. I was glad for her when I found out he had spent the night on a weekend I was with Kyle. Carrie had stayed the night with Ros and Henry,

Carrie bounced from one set to another, then, while she was following Kyle around, I saw all the grandmothers in an animated discussion. They were all smiling, and I felt like they were picking weekends with Carrie.

We were two months from the wedding when we got disturbing news. Beau was being released early for good behavior. His mother tried to reassure me, telling me how he had changed and was a good man now. I held judgement, because I was still getting three or four letters a week. Looking back, I think I should have read one every once in a while.

The first thing he did was ask if we could spend a little time together. When I said no, he grimaced. Then he demanded visitation with Carrie. She didn't think much of the idea, but agreed to see him, in the presence of a social worker.

It didn't go well, and it didn't go bad. Carrie was kind of indifferent about the whole thing, which upset him. "Don't you want to have a family again?"

"I've got a family. Three sets of grandparents, a mother that loves me, and a father who dotes on me."

His whole demeanor changed. "What are you talking about? What father?"

"Well, he's not really my dad yet, but he will be in two weeks, when he and Mom get married."

He stood up and stormed out thirty minutes early, and Carrie was pretty shaken up by the exchange. "Did I do something wrong, Mom?"

"No honey. Grandma Juliette was going to tell him this weekend, but it's not a big deal. You can still see your father if you want."

"That's just it, Mom. I don't want to see him again. All I can remember from when we were with him was screaming, shouting, and pain. I'm afraid of him, Mom."

"We'll talk to Social Services, baby, but you might have to see him if he pushes it. I think I'm going to dangle forgiving his child support if he'll let us go."

It would seem, in our state at least, going to prison does not absolve one of child support. It had been building up for over four years, and was a pretty good chunk of change. I was hoping I could leverage it to get him to give up any rights to Carrie. She was already lobbying to have her name match ours, and Kyle was all for it.

That plan, to state it mildly, did not go well. I asked for a few minutes after the next visitation, and laid it out for him.

"I don't want to be cruel, Beau, but you're the past. Kyle is our future. I will never be with you again, and next week, I'm getting married again. Carrie loves him. She's scared of you. Let us go, please Beau. Find another woman, start another family. Maybe later she can spend time with you if she wants, but right now, all she sees when she's with you is fear and anger. Do what's right for your daughter."