Needs a few question marks. Never liked a story that talks to the girl who should be there and already knows whats going on. Should be talking to the readers about what happened.
I started writing as email exchanges with ladies I met on craigslist. Swapping stories for photos to inspire me and also chatting along the way. Craigslist has gone to pot now so i am branching out. If you want to chat or inspire me further dave4chat @ outlook dot com