All Comments on 'I Won't Stand For It'

And I have anxiously no idea why do many authors end up having their traffic heroes end up banging the other sister who is the spitting image of the cheating whore, has been in list with them forever, and apparently the hero wants a daily reminder that his ex is a whore and that boredom generally runs in the family.

That was me who made that anonymous comment. Actually, I make all of the anonymous comments here. I also contact the admins on a daily basis to change scores and move stories to other categories. It's all me. Because I truly do care THAT much.

I kid. Settle down.

To the anony who actually did make that comment, I really hate to break it to you, but no one here gives a rat's ass about the scores -- especially in this category. Bragging about high scores in this category is like bragging about winning a wet tee shirt contest at an old folks home. No one cares except you and the handful of authors here who write for the sole purpose of feeding their fragile egos.

I said that Joe and FLC didn't always use diplomatic language.

Lue

Because such terrific, honest, and upstanding people as Swinger Joe, Lue Don and Front Line Caster would never lie. Now that's funny.

I'm glad you've seen the light.

Sometimes it just takes just that little bit longer for people to recognise the truth.

Lue

You preaching the same tale day after day.

We get it, you don't like BTB stories. Take some advice. Don't read them. Why does it bother you so much that others have a different preference for stories?

Frontlinecaster, why do you bother to comment if you don't read the stories in loving wives? Seems to me both of you guys have issues. Please take them up somewhere else. I doubt the public feedback was designed to be used as a forum.There's a place for that on this site. Use it. (signed ML)

You do realize that you just used the feedback section as a public forum, right? This site's message board is mostly pointless. I prefer the feedback section, thanks.

To address your two issues: 1) I like some BTB stories. I fucking hate repetitive, formulaic, cliche-riddled stories written for the sole purpose of pandering and/or therapy. Seriously, how can you not have figured that out by now? 2) How the fuck can I possibly know what a story is about until I read it?

Too true. The problem is, like nine people read the forum. Joe is an attention whore. The comments on any given story will be going along quite nicely, lots of good criticism, lots of compliments, then Joe decides he isn't getting enough attention. He melts down, Luedon comes along and cheers from the sidelines, and the comment section becomes a minefield. If I was a writer, I would just delete all his comments, Luedon and FLC, too. None of them have a single thing to add to any conversation. It's like letting a guy with a flame thrower loose in your house. I notice several writers do, that way the comment section doesn't go to hell. They try to hijack writer's comment sections and make it about them. Might want to check those tags, Joe. One of them is "revenge." Since you signed your comment, I'll sign mine. That seems like a good idea, although I don't comment enough that anyone would remember. PD

The plotting is weak. There are so many run on sentences that necessitate rereading on occasion. In one short sentence there were three run ons. Hemingway you are not. As far as the revenge. No I do not like them when the revenge is juvenile. This kind of angry name calling is about at age three. If going to do revenge I would at least like it to be equal to the crime. Name calling and physicality are the weak writers crutch as well as those who are betrayed. Simplistic plot. How too does he hide his money so she gets none. Once again even though he is not special forces or trained in physical mayham his friend who owes him a debt is. And for those btb group fill the vacuum between your ears so that you demand better writing in your revenge plot.

Don't read stories but comment and I have issues?

Where is this self righteous outrage when anons are flooding every non btb story with copy pasted abuse and bragging that they didn't read before one bombing it?

Oh! Right, sorry. I forgot that that behavior is completely fine when the btb crowd and the anons do it. Now some nice named commenter like hardday or someone will come and lecture me on "not going to their level" and being better than that or acting like everyone does it so no one can be blamed. While never once standing up for the cuckold and swinging authors and readers here from the Reddit rejects who have made this section a toxic mess on par with the worst parts of the internet.

It's not just Joe. Everybody here is (to use your words) 'an attention whore'. Even you.

Aren't you secretly pleased that I have picked up your comment and replied? Haven't you kept looking at the Public Comments Portal to see whether somebody might have commented on your comment? I certainly do when I drop a facetious comment.

Come on, admit it to yourself. It's entertainment. We're all doing it.

Lue

It seems to me that this story is still one chapter short, as tossing the bitch out of the house is too weak and just doesn't seem like proper closure for this tale. The readers want to know how badly Claire gets fucked over by Steve in the future.

Terrible about as predictable as a morning shit,and far less exciting and I don't find a shit exciting.

I went all through this months ago with SharedSigne -

It is NOT misogynist to want a cheating wife to suffer the consequences of her cheating, any more than it is misandrist to want a cheating HUSBAND to suffer the consequences of HIS cheating!

Now, the husband in Randi's new story (not up here yet, you can find it on SOL), is a misogynist pig, and I will be happy to discuss it more when it shows up here.

I have taken the time to read through the opinions offered on this story again and would again like to point out one or two small but niggling things that basically have pissed me off.

First - spelling mistakes - when I run my spell checker any that are there are corrected or ignored in the case of certain words.

Second - Grammatically, nothing gets through the submission process unless the grammar meets the convention used here.

Third - There seems to have been some issue with a few regards the physical attack on the "poor victim" in the hospital, bollock ! The point of that was to show how completely fucked up Steve was and how far he had come from the original opening statements.

Fourth - The outrage shown that Steve should have the balls to actually do something is laughable. I don't always subscribe to the "I packed all her belongings into neat boxed for her to collect" brigade. That is a pussy thing to do, real men would just say "fuck you bitch" and to hell with the consequences.

Fifth and last for now - (Thank fuck) - I do recognise there are good writers on LW and I do appreciate their work, but, many stories here have mistakes and even the best make them as one comment pointed out. So I am not alone there. Basic mistakes with names changing part way through appears common to name one.But regarding plot lines, we all like to fill in the in between the lines at times as we read. If it isn't written then there are two reasons it was forgotten or did not exist or happen, the reader can make a judgement on that but only the writer knows for sure. No CCTV, bonfire doesn't mean burning the house down all perfectly plausible and true for where I come from. Also there are not hoards of police officers hanging around the streets waiting for something to happen, well not here anyway. Thanks, keep it coming.

Well FLC, maybe if you actually tried to write something yourself you would know that there is a convention regards quotes etc that if not followed gets a rejection. It is too easy to stand back making snide comments why don't you treat us all on here with one of your submission? Chicken?

You are very mistaken. I submitted a 70000 word novella two weeks ago. It was rejected for containing underage sex (a lie, all characters were over 18 who were sexual), and, ironically, for not being pornographic enough. When I protested to Laurel, she told me enough to show she had read it, although she was mistaken about the content. That's okay, I just put it on Amazon. Vandy had a story taken down for format errors recently. You should get a clue before you put your foot in your mouth.

Given what I've read on this site, my assumption is that if a hundred stories are submitted on any given day, the moderators more than likely choose two or three stories at random and actually review them for content. I can also assume that they are more likely to review a story submitted from a first-time author.

What we do know for certain is that the moderators cannot possibly review every story. We know this because there are SO many errors in so many stories. FLC listed a bunch of examples. I can also recall a story where the author's notes to himself were included in the story! The guards at this insane asylum are asleep more often than not.

Other sites like this one employ a team of volunteer editors to review every story, but the moderators of this site choose to do all of those reviews themselves. Back when I first discovered this site, I made the suggestion on the message board to allow volunteers to review all stories, but it was ignored.

We're left with an imperfect site where stories are often riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. I personally have no problem with that, as this is an amateur site and I'm reading these stories free of charge. You get what you pay for.

Others, however, enjoy ridiculing authors for spelling errors, grammatical errors, name changes, etc., because that's what trolling is all about. The purpose of trolling is to get a rise out of a complete stranger, anonymously. Don't let the trolls get to you. If you're expecting flawless prose from a free amateur erotic story site, you're an idiot. I try not to argue with idiots (although it's difficult to do on this site!)

I have yet to determine what that is exactly. I had a story (sadistic and humorous, at least to me) that had a cheating wife and no sex at all. It was suddenly switched from LW to erotic couplings! No sex at all in the story! This was about the time when SS and her nips came on the scene. I had a novel refused numerous times because of underage sex and there was no sex at all in the chapter. I have never written any underage sex scenes. A character was 16. I had one LW story dropped into non-erotic because it had no sex. A large percentage of LW stories have no actual sex, but a story of mine was singled out. I had a story sent back years ago because of some poor editing, because I was new and had been unable to determine any sort of standard of any kind in the stories already posted. That made me lazy. Now I realize that the burden is on the writer to get it as right as possible. Why take the trouble to write and post a story if you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot with spelling mistakes, poor punctuation, incorrect tenses, and a screwed up POV? Writers owe it to themselves to clean it up so it will be received better. Everyone has to admit that some extremely poorly written stories show up here from time to time. This story has some errors, but is very far from being one of the truly bad ones.

All that being said, we keep coming back to Literotica. I greatly appreciate what Literotica does offer us writers and readers, all for free! This exchange of ideas with people from Africa, Australia, New Zealand, cucks from England, Canadians, Asian, and English wimps, has allowed us to realize that people are pretty much the same, except from England where they put stuff in the water to emasculate men.

I hope my friends from Great Britain know I am kidding. One of the main insults tossed my way is “English wimp cuck”. (I have never even been to England) We’ve had a couple of writers from England write about cuckold marriages and some readers have determined that must be what British men do. Consider this. If it were true, England would be the number one vacation spot in the world. Just fly over, bang a few married women, and fly back home. I just hope I have rambled enough to confuse everyone. That’s all I’m going to say about that, except, how in hell do we get rid of the clown that keeps referring to dearbornmt@yahoo.com in comments?

Heh, I deleted six of those yesterday. Between that, "-2 because," "fag cuck shit," "paint by the numbers" and "anony is a fat ugly fag," it's a full-time job for a girl to keep the house clean in her comments. God only knows what it would be like if I were British :-). Perhaps you are not British, but Scottish. I noticed you never denied that!

Talk about cliches' this story was full of them. It wasn't particularly well written either. Several times the author bounced between 3rd person and 1rst person in the same paragraph.

I am with HDR as far as this site being extremely selective about what they do and don't let through. I too, when first starting out, had stories bounced because of grammatical errors. I don't know how many get bounced these days but I've seen stories that have been grammatically grotesque. I can't believe they allow stories that have several people talking all in the same paragraph but I see it all the time. It's a pet peeve of mine and warrants an automatic one vote as far as I'm concerned.

I gave this one 2 stars. Sorry author but it was the best I could do.

Let me explain the situation! This is LITEROTICA expect the unexpected. She-it stop playing with the tool between your legs! Story lacks an ending! Story is good but not great! Love you all! GREG. OH 70 % OF READING ENJOYMENT BYE.

Most of the previous commenters have pointed out the serious flaws in your story.

My quibble is the emotions. I just couldn't connect, ever, with this guy. He's all over the place, sometimes very rapidly but the corresponding situation rarely justifies it.

Then, there is your writing.

You start with describing the wife then bring in Sammie. At first, I thought that she was the wife since you hadn't named her. WTF?

Thanks for trying, it was worth what we paid for it.

I suggest that you pay attention to what many have said here and take it to heart. Your writing will improve

ttom

With regard to complaints about the man's emotions being all over the place, I gotta ask, have you ever been in this kind of situation? I have, and let me tell you, in the span of 10 minutes my mind would go from wanting brutal revenge to just wanting her back no matter what, from smashing every inanimate object I own to contemplating suicide, to murdering the other man right in front of her, flashing back to every good memory of the marriage I could think of, then when realizing that the good memories were now the ones that hurt the most, questioning how I could have loved and trusted a woman who obviously fell so far short of who I thought she was, to questioning my own value as a partner and assuming that what she did must be because of some awful failing of mine as a husband and a man that she could no longer live with....to simply wishing that she would have fucking killed me in some hard to detect way so that I could have at least went to my grave believing the delusion that the love of my life loved and wanted me while she could pretend to be the grieved widow before moving on with whatever it was she decided was more valuable our continued life together. You show me a guy who is calm and thinking clearly in that situation, I'll show you a guy who wasn't all that in love with his wife to begin with.

Although I have not previously commented, this is my second go at your story. I rated it a five stars because of the raw emotions it captures. There were opportunities to organise and layout some aspects of this story better, I consider those minutiae. A great writer captures the pain and emotions of their characters and conveys them to their readers. Also, I would love a sequel or wrap-up to the characters especially focusing on their potential future encounters with the protagonist.

Maybe Claire was messing around because Steve was an impotent lush who was always soused on his beloved JD. Just a thought...

Tom......I noticed you were commenting about this story as if you were an English instructor from some junior college. And you obviously have never been in the position of dealing with a deceitful woman. Then I looked for your literary contributions and I found none so I guess my point is this. Shut your fucking yap unless you have written something in literotica or have walked a mile in this writers shoes.

Thanks for the offering.

it is right to the point get out, simple no foolishness told her he knew and ended it.

It's a four star story with a five star comment section. Thoroughly entertaining on both counts.

It was well written, but the ending had a lot of unresolved issues. Because of the hate, burning everything of hers, he still has feelings for her that need to get resolved. Hate is so similar to love, aloofness or not caring is the ls the opposite

He would be better off when he gets her out of his life to reconcile his feelings or forgive and keep her on a short leash.

Nice fantasy, but illegal.

People who are married or in a civil partnership don't have the right kick out the spouse or partner or to change the locks on the family home, provided it is, or has been, the shared home during the marriage or civil partnership. This is the case regardless of whether only one or both of you own or rent the home.

In these circumstances, neither party has the right to kick or lock the other person out. You both have a legal right to be in the home and neither can exclude the other unless a court has ordered it.

Other than that, it was an ok story. Not good. Not bad.

Was a lot of wasted time in the story with nothing happening but drinking, but at least the story was short enough. 3 stars

...and is the reason I loaded my shit, took half the checking and savings and drove away. She got to keep the house, a rental, and I didn't have to put up with her skanky ass any longer.

There are better ways at getting back at a cheating spouse and you know what I've learned? I have the rest of my life to make her life miserable in the smallest and yet legal ways I can. Forever.

what her life was and what it will be. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Betrayal is a terrible thing. I have known men who were prepared to forgive, and others that couldn't. He is one of the latter, and should be respected for it.

I think it needs more closure . Other than that it was just right.

I recently saw comments on another story that it has the worst grammar, word usage, punctuation, etc. that the reviewers had ever seen.

This is a close second. Sentences require a subject, verb and predicate to be a proper sentence. I and me have proper usage, which you seem to either be unaware of, or just don't know the correct usage.

Story itself was not very original but not bad.

Could have written from the POV of the wife and given more of their life after the fallout.

Walking into a hospital under all those cams and smashing someone's face in order much guaranteed him a real long time in prison.

A writer can make up a completely fictional story and not have to worry about complying with real world or your damned standards.

4.5 Stars It would have been better if the ending was better.

I have read a few of your stories and none of them end well...do you at least know the word epilog?

Don't care about the plot holes and grammar. I enjoyed it. More of the same please.

PUNCTUATION!!!!!!! Learn to use it right, fuck this was painful to read. Run on sentences, commas where they weren't needed and not where they were. Go back to school and LEARN ENGLISH.

I've read stories that the grammar police would just love but, the stories if you can call them that were boring and a waste of the good grammar.

I'd rather read in good story with super bad grammar. If you'd rather read crappie stories with good grammar you are full of shit and a jealous lying asshole.

Always a pleasure to read a good story about a husband who goes nuclear on his cheating bitch of a soon to be ex-wife!

A Part 2 would go nicely here with hubby continuing to fuck over the cheaters and,end up with Sammi of the big tits!

I agree with Goodhue, BTB and her lover. Part 2 should be good. Would love to read it. I don't believe in cheating spouses. No second chances. Thanks.

I am happily hoping for a part 2 and the five I believe you would earn because of it.

Hi michaellajones!

I know you have gained a different & more passionate readership since you switched from real erotica to your current genre.

The problem is that whatever characters do in erotica is LEGAL & is taking place between consentic adults.

Your storylines in your current genre

demonize the wife

make the readers sympathetic toward the husband,

provoke strong emotions in reader;

the final result is that we applaud when the husband uses violence.

By then the readers consider the husband to be above the law. He can commit assault without with impunity and the readers love him for that.

YOUR NEW STORIES CONDONE VIOLENCE IN GENERAL AND VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IN PARTICULAR.

Last but not least, when a man gets married, he does not get ownership of his newly-wed wife. She retains soverenity over her person, her body, her pussy & her uterus...

Expanding your logic, a married man has full ownership of his sexual organs also. So when he exercises his property

rights and brings home a little gift that keeps giving, by your phphilosophy-no harm no foul!

Works for me

I am sure I have read it before, why is it being reposted?

I did detect a few grammatical errors as I have in every story I've read. A few lines sounded a little odd to me but your English and my American English may account for that. The story had a nice flow to it and an interesting story line...giving it four stars.

VIOLENCE IS WRONG UNLESS IT IS IN SELF DEFENCE IN A VERY SENSE OF THE TERM. If you can stand and let Your Partner Disrespect You and Carry On Bravo for You. But most people would have done more then the Husband did in this Story. As for Violence against the Wife. Where was that when he told her to get out?

Because frankly she should have had a Ass Whooping ( Spanking) at least. but he did not give her the Satisfaction. as for Owning each others own Body well you are right But she swore to Forsake all others that means she should have at the very least tried to get Hubby to go along but she knew he would never "go along" so she snuck around and Not Very Carefully. she did not pass the wife Test.

but this story needs a fucking editor.

Loved it especially when he started taking action against the bitch!

Happens every day to literally thousands of people, nothing new here, nothing to see, nothing erotic, nothing interesting.

Same old same old.

Average tale of average people having an average breakup.

Just boring, sorry.

Two got wurds rite and mick some feeders hapi.

Brilliant! I gave it a 5-star rating!!!!

Guy's an idiot.

Why did he risk laying a finger on Stone at the hospital very risky he should have passed Stones wife's message to him.

Misspelling and wrong words makes it almost foreign language could have been a good story gave it 3 strars for trying.

Husband sounds like a cold, vindictive lush (alcoholic). Not surprising she sought comfort elsewhere!

I love it when there's revenge, I was hoping for him and the sister in law to be together she seems loyal

@9/30/16

"Also how does he kick the wife out of the house? No where in the US does that fly and I suspect it is the same in most of the English speaking world."

Whacking off to your Blackstone's again? It flies when the bitch walks out the front door of her own accord. And that's what she did. There was no kicking. Bye bye, Bitch. Curb Time. Oh, Glory Day!!

Why do cheaters think their husbands are stupid? This Cheater went from hero to zero in a couple of weeks! Well written and very good for your 1st BTB. Needless to tell you but it is a genre that I love. Especially if the cheater gets burned. The Bitch or the Bastard!

Well done author!655d

Nice, but needs another chapter

a lot for a young fella ?????

The excessive alcoholism was far overdone. It became more about Steve and his love affair for JD than about him getting revenge on Bob and Claire. I got very tired of reading about him and his JD. Writers, no one, not even alcoholics, want to read continuously about a man drowning in a bottle. It ruined what could have been a fairly decent story.

He sounds like a cold, vindictive alcoholic. No wonder Claire needed some outside comfort. She just chose poorly.

Drink some rat poison and die, you adultery-supporting gimp

Yes the plot is flaky in places but I love the story.

Tough ending. I guess I would've thought some forms of reconciliation possible, but it's not my story.

Really enjoyed it. Seemed more like a train when it first starts to move but when it gets rolling it moves a long inexorably on one track to it's obvious and unavoidable destination. Glad he not only stood his ground strong strong but gladder he beat her at her own game. Nothing like have your cheating wife lie to your face then hit her between the eyes with the truth. Warms my heart!

make sure you put a period at the end of the sentence, TK U MLJ LV NV

I realise it must be hard to come up with a BTB story that excites the readers, but considering the multitude of really poor tales appearing here recently you failed quite badly. This is just a trite story of a bitter/ angry husband on a revenge trail, it lacked any passion besides anger. What about the wife, besides kicking her out & instigating a divorce, which is quite normal here, where was the revenge hubby raved about, especially considering what happened to Bob. I found your writing style boring, a bit like reading a training manual & it was not helped by the lack of proper punctuation. I gave it only 1 * first time which I feel was a bit harsh - it was at least worth 2 **

Ok, this was colorful. A bit too much, I'd say. It's sort of like whiplash to see a bar scene in extreme detail and then turn black and white in the middle, to be turned color again by the end, but at the end, the hue was just right, if not a bit pale.

I found myself laughing obnoxiously at parts of the story. I'd say I was laughing with it rather than at it. If it in any way matters. For some reason, seeing "fuck off!" Shouted was also funny, probably more funny than it ought to be, but it was used in at the right time and place.

This story has such an average plot. The formula allows for deeper exploration of each part of the plot but it feels as if it was approached gingerly. Some stories are better, some worse, but the plot is remarkably average. Almost purposefully so. But it's entertaining, despite that.

stop drinking and take care of business and sammie.

love it but too short you need to finish it

give us a part 2

Every woman is a lying, cheating cunt when they think they can get awaywith it.

i loved it

thanks for not whimping out

Claire got fucked!....Bob is fucked....Steve will be Fucked. ..Sammi should be Fucked...

See they eventually all got Fucked!

★★★★★ WOOF!

was an arrogant jd sipping big talking wanker. he did nothing except threaten "scorched earth" "destroy them" what an asshole. no wonder she cheated, he is your typical coward with a gung ho mouth.

5* but most of us prefer stories with a likeable main character.

Writers! Quit making alcoholism the focus of your story. I am thinking if he paid as much attention to his wife as he did to his JD, he wouldn't have lost her. Now, if he dies in a carwreck, driving home drunk from a bar, everyone can get on with their lives. I do not read these stories to be "entertained" by a drunken cynical bastard. I would cheat on the bastard, too. In a heartbeat.

Well me and Mr. Stone are...... got in my car and slipped down the driveway....

phoney tough guy with a guy in a hospital bed; phoney alcoholic tough guy

Work on your phrases. And I hate the use of the word slipped.

Burning all he stuff, he’s a Child having a temper tantrum. She is well Rid of him.

So it's good she cheated is what your saying.......

if I was your husband or wife's girlfriends and so forth.....I'd definitely watch you....he handled his business bully for him......

and he made sure she was cheating before doing it.....maybe it was the beat down....that the serial cheater got that made you feel he was the better guy...or that the husband was a child having a tantrum.....but she made vows and broke it in the most horrific and sad way....how he handled it was a little out their of course but good none the less in the real world well it would be bad and wrong but in fiction well it's bloody well one of the best story I've ever read.......

.... unlike some other stories like this where the husband or wife stands their unhappy or getting their jollies off allowing the infidelity to continue.....now that I think is ridiculous..with this story unlike the others I came away smiling from ear to ear .five stars luv you deserve it

Timriv would take the cheating wife's side of she cut her husband's balls off and she and Bob ate them in spaghetti. What a maroon! As for the story, it was a very credible first BTB. You covered all the.pertinent bases, and I especially liked the double beating of Bob. Write another one please.

Also throwing her out is illegal that what courts are for. Not well thought out.! This p.art you screwed up.

You realize that you are attempting to converse with a fictional character, right?

You should know by now that many who comment.here have no idea that this is fiction.

Great story, any chance of an epilogue to let us know what happened? Did he marry the sister?

Maybe she cheated because hubby was a useless drunkard?

The probable cause was that since her heels were so round she kept falling on her back with her legs straight up in the air. Bob's problem was that he was super clumsy and everytime she would fall onto her back he would trip and his dick would end up in her sloppy cunt.

Anonymous, you're one of those who read a story and pick out every minuscule point you can find to make a case to show why the wife has reason to cheat. "Oh my God, he always puts his left shoe on first. Not only that, I found his groomed hairs in the sink. To hell with this! I'm tired of his shit. I'm going to go out and fuck the next guy who looks at me. That'll show him." It's nice of you to overlook the lying, sneaking and extraneous fucking she's doing. Even her sister knows about it, second hand, from someone the slut works with.

Anonymous, small minded people like you have already formed an opinion of who's at fault before you even read the story. Like an acquaintance of mine once said, "I already know the reason. Don't try to change my mind with facts."

Excellent story with a proper BTB for desert.

She cheated, her own sister knew and her sister helped her clearly husband to understand. Yes he drank but, nothing in the story suggested that either husband of wife had a drinking problem.

Plan and simple her cheating was their problem.

May of you saw what you wanted to see and found a way to blame him. If you must reread the story and remove your own colored glasses.

He found he and the wife had a fidelity problem and he corrected the problem, with the understanding from her sister not to get himself into trouble.

I’m at a loss here in this story the husband did nothing wrong but, many of you found away to blame him.

He corrected his problem (of the straying wife) very well with her sisters knowledge.

If I catch my wife cheating on me in my house, the last thing I worry about is getting in trouble with the law. I am 69 and have never seen a husband get arrested for beating the crap out of some degenerate fucking his wife in his own bedroom. Yes, they have got in trouble for attacking them in a bar or on the street. But never in his own home. A man coming into a man's bedroom to have sex with the wife is not an invited guest. He is an invading rapist. The husband can put a baseball bat to the man's skull...then file charges against him.

for a first time around the park. Wouldn't mind a sequel to tidy things up, maybe a couple more asswhup'ns just to get the point across. J. Walker Black Label is good too. Nice comment there 26thNC about timriv. Signed: BTW

Nothing new; fucked a bloke from work, got caught, thrown out of the house. No twist to the story. The lack of punctuation spoiled what interest could have been there. I suggest you read the Writer's Resources, then read your work through, checking typing mistakes and putting in punctuation. Then try again, and put something new into the plot. Perhaps Sammi was making the whole thing up so she could seduce Hubby and Claire was innnocent.

Is to admit you have a problem. Your number of references to drinking suggests that you do have a problem.

If you have a problem with women that is probably because you are an alcoholic. If you lighten up on "JD" perhaps you would have less problems and be less angry.

few readers can abide, for very long, just plain stupid. Let's see: a man is faced with a serious, unexpected twist of fate, something that is likely life-altering. He had to take in a lot of information, piece things together and think clearly and quickly to design a course of action. What to do; what to do..... Of course! He should go to a bar, and proceed to drink -- intentionally -- enough high-proof alcohol (aka 'JD' wink, wink, nod, nod) to merit a VIP membership in AA, while completely destroying his short term memory. Now THAT'S the way to craft a character in crisis!

And it got worse.

Was it your subtle plan to craft a character whose middle name seemed to be 'Stupid'?

I should mention in passing that many people think that writing is the process of taking dictation from that voice in the mind that speaks effortlessly and clearly, with punctuation provide by intonation, modulation, etc., as is common with spoken language. However, written language REQUIRES careful punctuation in order to avoid word order/structure that make correct meaning ambiguous, ungrammatical constructions, etc., etc, problems that spoken language easily avoids. That's why we have so many RULES of punctuation! (especially for writing spoken dialog).

Sorry to be so harsh with your work. What irks me, and why I've taken the time to comment here, is that you have some real talent that leaks through every so often! But that talent gets very quickly covered over with nonsense constructions and plot elements, grammatical and other technical errors that, if corrected, would eventually, with work and practice, allow your writing talent to develop and produce forceful, engaging work. Please stop being sloppy!

But too many logic errors. Bob? Why would her Bob be same as his, as far as she I'm new, uni friend Bob? Bob is a common name, so why "strike 4"?

How could Sammi get Bob's home address?

3-stars