All Comments on 'Ice Queen Ch. 03'

this is awesome, great work

The joy of this story was the tension between the two characters. Heather wasn't even in this chapter.

A human story with complex feelings and reactions to a messy, unfeeling war is what you've written in the past. Struggling to do the things that matter.

This was a vapid power fantasy. There was one conversation and that was just stating people's opinions with neither reaction or effect.

Heather stopped being a person and became a beautiful lamp. Major doesn't want me to have the lamp. He left the lamp where it isn't safe. Those men ate damaging the lamp I want.

War is hell, sure. But a gang of men stop in mid firefight to rape a single women because every enemy is both unremittingly stupid and unremittingly evil.

How desperate were you to write a rape scene and subsequent revenge that you had to shove it into a previously excellent story?

The story is pretty well plotted. "Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back", when done right is a winning story. You really need to read the story slowly to your self to find missing words and incorrect words. You also use British terms and British spelling, which takes away from some of the authenticity. All that said, I am enjoying this story. Your editor needs more time to correct the errors. Give it to him.

(Arse and kit are not words used a lot in the US.) I will be looking for the next chapter. Thanks for the hard work and time spent on this story.

Really like the details of the of the soldier life and rescue.

could use some more sense when it comes to military ground work. Might wanna grab a few old copies of Hammers Slammer's series to pick up American military lingo.

Your the second author on here to work with PAVE in a story, its actually the most original story setting in 5 years on here. The only thing to worry about it getting stuck in a rut.

Was once an old anthro story about two vets who went to an island chain in the tropics and started a supply boat route. Combine that with Balloo and Kit from Tale spin, make an interesting story concept

Boys own action story.

Silly errors in wrong words makes it hard to read. Needs careful proof read, or text to speech.

I'm not a military nut so most of the jargon words and names meant little.

I was a tank crewman not aviation but I like how you are handling the story

This is awesome I have been waiting many moons for a chapter 3 can’t wait for chapter 4

Waiting patiently for chapter 4. Keep up the good work.

Brilliant, can hardly wait for the next chapter.

Great writing. Hope to see the next chapter quickly. Has to be most unlucky crewman ever!

Please please please write more than 1 page at a time! Great story!

But it suffers a bit from being a little all over the place, some things are over explained and some are under explained.

In the first chapter it seems like he barely even knows her and they have little Interaction, but all of a sudden they're pretty much in love?

Great idea but a little more depth would be great!

Keep it up, great story so far, don't lose momentum.

I do like your story and your imagination. I would suggest an editor to make your story even better. Things like "Oh good your awake" are distracting. A editor would help with that and things like "a site for sore eyes" which is wrong, unless it is a web site for sore eyes. Please keep posting. I am enjoying the story.