All Comments on 'Icy Blue Ch. 01'

you lost me when you misspelled orgasm

I got bored of this pretty fast, it wasnt very well thought out and u mixed narration with her thoughts badly

The story moved to fast. It was hard to follow at times. But I did enjoy it. Hope you can slow it down and post another chapter.

I suggest before you post more chapters that you have them edited first.

Sorry sweetheart, this really didn't do it for me. They idea is very hot, but you do need editing, and maybe plan out your story a little more. I think you could definitely improve to quite a good writer. Keep up the work, practice, find and editor, and try refining the main points of your stor a little more.

Also, orgasm* not organism :P

Definately a good start, really like this story. As you said you need an editor but not for much. Your use of some words is not the right word to use, like Lied when it should be lies or layed or road when it should be rode. Nothing major just a few minor details... Can't wait for more...

Everyone needs to remember that a lot of the issues she's having (spelling, and narration vs thoughts and speed of things happening and figuring out a style of writing) will be worked out the more she writes, and gets the editor she's requesting.

Over all I think it was quite a great chapter. I understood where you were going with things and completely understood the fast pace set in the memory of when they both first met. Its set in a night club so obviously a "one night type of rondevou" wouldn't be completely out of the question. I thought it had just the right pull in factor towards the end to keep readers (especially me) coming back for updates to see how things progress. The biggest piece of advice I can give you is to keep writing the story even if there are others who do not like your direction, because often writers here stop writing in the midst of a story line and leave without saying anything to the readers who ARE reading.

Regarding the editor, I can send you a message here with my contact information if you'd like me to be your editor.

Keep writing

Congratulations, you've posted your first. Now the rest won't be so hard. I liked this story. I would love to see where you take it. It's really good.

Going to be honest... thank you for all the feedback. I understand if it did go to fast for some. I kinda just sat in front of my laptop and just typed.

I'm not a great writer and this is the first thing I have completed that I am happy with. I want to improve my writing skills.

I did however have trouble with if I wanted to do it in past tense (she telling the story) or present (she reliving the memory). I think while writing it I did go back and forth between those and when I was 'editing' it I tried to fix those errors.

Also to those who didn't enjoy it, sorry if it didn't work for you. Hopefully I can change your mind with with another chapter.

BTW I am most definitely going to write another chapter, I'm pulling my thoughts together on it right now. I'm going to brain storm and plan this time.

p.s- I really wish there was a like button for the comments, I liked them all.

Looking foward to the next story

I did not find it hard to read or follow, I really liked it and am looking foward to more. Little things like misspelling and stuff like that never phase me so i'm not worried. It is a good story, keep writing. If people want perfection they can buy a book.

You said you had another chapter in the works,,well its been 8 months and yet no new chapter?????It was not bad for a first story,,,a bit rushed,and short,a few more pages would have been great,,but keep up the good work,,,what few errors there were,are easily overlooked by most, as not important,,,not finishing the story is the problem,so many left unfinished that sometimes i dont want to start one until i KNOW it has an ending,yours is looking to be one of the no ending ones,