I'd be Better Off

"Come for me, baby" she whispered.

"What about you?" I asked.

"It's too much for my first time. Just finish for me and then hold me."

With her blessing, I began seeking my release.

"Look at me, sweetheart" I demanded. When those hazel eyes met mine, it was enough. I felt a wave pleasure and semen began to build. Two more thrusts and I buried my cock into her pussy as deep as I could go. I could feel her cervix brushing against the tip as I released my seed. I slumped down to my elbows to keep my weight off of her.

I could tell she was feeling the discomfort of having my cock inside of her for the first time. As I withdrew, I shocked by the amount of blood that covered my member.

"I am so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It was unavoidable, darling. We all have to have a first time. Excuse me for a minute."

She padded down the hallway to the bathroom and was in there for more than a few minutes. When she returned, her eyes were red from crying but the look on her face was full of love. I raised the quilt and drew her to me.

"Are you okay, my love?"

"I am more than okay, I am beloved by my lover," she replied.

She felt my stiff cock pressed into the curve of her beautiful backside. "Are you going to be able to sleep like that, lover? I don't really think I can handle anything more tonight."

"All of me loves you, Amy. My dick wants to be greedy and have you all to himself but my arms want their turn to hold you and caress you. Sleep my love."

We built a routine into our lives. We went to class, work, and socialized at a comfortable pace. Danny and Carla moved into the apartment beside us during our second year. We were an average married couple. Young and poor but totally in love and devoted to one another. Two and a half years passed in the blink of eye.

____________________________________________________________________________

I rose from my chair in my dark living room. I swallowed a gulp of cheap whiskey straight from the bottle and stumbled back to our empty bed. I had to try to sleep. Crawling into bed, her scent still covered her side of our marital bed. Now it was unavoidable. My chest heaved into a sob. I wept until I fell into an uneasy slumber, but even here I couldn't escape her and the memories that tormented me.

____________________________________________________________________________

My dream was just a memory of the worst day in my life. The day was filled with promise and potential happiness. We were going to be graduating today. Both sides of our family would be joining us for the ceremony and then we would celebrate as one big family. Even my older brother Jacob would be there.

Jacob was six years older than me and I hadn't seen him for eight years. He and my parents never really saw eye to eye on the direction of his life. They encouraged him to attend college or vocational school after high school but he chose to join the Corp.

Being a south Alabama boy, Jake could shoot, stalk, fight, and swim better than anyone you know. He was a physical specimen at 6' and 215 lbs. He took to basic training like it was his life's calling. His first two years saw him make rapid progress. He had enlisted as an infantryman but was moved to Recon after 18 months. Two years after that he passed selection and joined the MARSOC Raiders. Our contact with him was intermittent at best. He would call and fill us in when he was state side, which wasn't all that often, so most of the time we had no idea where he was or what he was up to. I had told him about Amy but our graduation day would be the first time they had met.

I saw my parents and Jake walking up to the assembly area together. I was happy that they seemed to be getting along.

"Hey little brother," he smiled and said. I wouldn't classify my relationship with my brother as close, but I do have a lot of love and respect for him.

"It's great to see you, Jake. Thank you for coming!"

"Wouldn't miss it! So, what's next?"

"I have been accepted into law school in Tallahassee and we'll be moving there this fall."

"Man, that's awesome! I am so proud of you, kid!"

"Thanks, Jake. What about you? Where's uncle Sam sending you off to next?"

"No where, Will. I officially separated a couple of weeks ago. I am now former Gunnery Sgt. Stanley."

"Wow! I had no idea you were even thinking about leaving. What's next or have you even considered it?"

"A former commander is setting up a new company. He is planning to handle PMC contracts for security. He offered me a job and I couldn't turn it down."

"I heard about those. My big brother is gonna be big money!" I laughed.

"So, where's Amy? I can't wait to meet her."

"She's just across the way. She should be meeting up with her parents. Come on and I'll introduce you."

We started across the field and I locked into that auburn hair spilling down her back. Amy was talking to her parents. They were both beaming with pride as they spoke.

"Amy, Mr. and Mrs. Franks, please allow me to introduce my brother Jacob Stanley. Jake this is my wife Amy and her parents Mr. and Mrs. Franks."

"Please call us Jim and Linda, Jacob. It is a pleasure to meet you. Your little brother loves to brag on you, the MARSOC Raider." Mr. Frank said as they shook hands.

Amy looked at Jake and something changed in her eyes. I wasn't sure what it was in that moment, I thought that she was just impressed with my big brother.

Jake's eyes changed to as he looked at Amy. They came together for an awkward hug. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Amy," my brother stuttered. "You too, Jake!" There was a weird tension hanging it there. I wanted to get them separated quickly.

"Amy, we should probably make our way to the procession."

Her eyes finally left Jake and she nodded at me.

"Is everything okay?" I asked as we walked away

"It's fine, I am so glad to finally meet Jake. We should have him over for dinner before he leaves again."

"I don't think he's leaving anytime soon. He told me that he had left the Marines and was getting ready to start at a security company."

"Even better, it will give me time to get to know him."

______________________________________________________________________________

I woke in a cold sweat. Did I miss something in that brief interaction? It seemed unusually awkward but there wasn't anything overt. He didn't say anything inappropriate and she didn't touch him in any way that seemed lustful. How the hell had I gone so wrong. I had simply introduced by older brother to my wife and it destroyed my life.

I was supposed to meet with Amy later today. She had asked to talk with me and try to convince me that it was time to move on. We were scheduled to meet at 3:00 at my parents' house but I was going to try and convince her to meet here instead. What needed to be said and done didn't need an audience.

I got up and looked around our former home. We had already started packing in anticipation of moving to Tallahassee in the fall. She had already lined up a job with a local radio station. She was going to be working with their advertising department and was thrilled to be part of their social media team. Amy loved taking pictures and creating captions that drew almost as much attention.

I started straightening up. There wasn't a whole lot to be done as I spent as little time here as possible. As I wiped down the counters as was once again overwhelmed by the memory of the day she moved out.

_____________________________________________________________________________

"Will, I need to say something and I am not sure how to say it."

"Amy, something has been bothering you for the better part of the summer. I will be happy to finally hear what it is that's troubling you. I am beginning to worry that you didn't want to move to Tallahassee with me."

"Will, I have feelings for Jake!"

I looked at her dumbfounded. Questions tumbled into my brain but I couldn't articulate a single one of them.

"We've been talking and texting each other about six weeks now. The other night after dinner at you parents' we kissed in the backroom. I am sorry Will but I am falling in love with him and I don't want to stop. He's offered to take me with him to Virginia when he starts with his new company. I want to go with him so I am asking you for a divorce."

I swear my heart stopped. I couldn't process what she was saying and couldn't feel anything at all.

"Baby, you need to let me go. I could never be the wife I am supposed to be while I feel this way about Jake. If you love me, please let me go. I could never be happy until I see this through. I love you, Will but I can't let go or forget about Jake. I want him with every fiber of my being. You'll be better off without me."

I looked at her and my heart turned black. Not toward her but toward my brother. I grabbed my keys and headed to his extened stay hotel. I jumped out of my car and beat on his door. "Jake open the damn door!"

He opened it and looked at me with troubled eyes. I threw myself at him but I was very quickly subdued and placed into a submission hold.

"I am sorry little brother. I never meant for this to happen. Please forgive me but I love her," he pleaded.

"FUCK YOU! If you're going to kill me have the decency to do quickly. You want to cut out my heart and then beg for forgiveness. You're a fucking bastard."

"I am going to let you go, Will. Don't come at me again; I don't want to hurt you but I will if you make me. You can't win this fight, little brother. You really want to be married a woman whose heart belongs to someone else? In training we always told each other, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You'll get through this and you'll be even stronger than you were before. Believe me little brother, we'll disappear and you'll be better off without us."

He released me and quickly backed off a step. I stepped toward and fired a right cross with everything I had. He didn't deflect or dodge my very telegraphed punch. He even had the decency to go to a knee and rub his jaw.

"I deserved that one, Will, but it is the last one I will take without doling out some retribution. Go home, Will. Say goodbye to Amy and work out the details. We will disappear and you will never hear from us again. It's for the best."

I didn't go back to the apartment. There was nothing there for me. I went to my parent's house and looked them in the eye to tell them what Jake had done to me. Mom cried for me and Dad just shook his head in disappointment.

"Mom and dad, I'm not sure what's next but I want you to know that I love you."

"Please be careful and talk out your plans with someone, son," mom pleaded.

I nodded my reply.

Dad just hugged me hard. "You can make it through this boy," he whispered. "Better now than after you have children."

From mom and dad's, I went to our storage unit. Our apartment was small enough that we couldn't keep everything there. In the back right corner was my firearm safe. I didn't have a ton of guns but I am from south Alabama and I do keep a few long guns for hunting. I also had a 1911 that had been given to me by Jake as a graduation gift. I collected it and hunting rifle and stuffed them in a bag.

I drove back toward my apartment. Amy's car was gone so I decided it was safe to go inside. I tucked my guns away and sat down to try to sort out how I was feeling.

The truth was that I desperately loved Amy and, if I was honest, loved my brother. However, I knew I couldn't live with this injustice. Jake and Amy had cut out my beating heart apologizing as they did so. I was dead. I would never love anyone like I loved Amy and I would never trust anyone again.

Amy quietly came in later that evening. I was still sitting in the same spot. I hadn't even bothered to turn on a light. She had seen my car and knew that I was inside. I don't know what she was expecting. She acted as if she were afraid I was going to harm someone.

"Will, sweetie, what are you doing?"

"Waiting."

"Waiting for what?"

"To wake up from this nightmare or for you and Jake to finish the job."

"We're not going to hurt you anymore. We both love you and are so sorry for how this is turned out."

"I promised till death do us part and I meant it. So, end me so you and Jake can actually start fresh."

"Oh no sweetheart! You'll make it through this and find love again. You'll look back at us with both fond and painful memories but be grateful that you found the real love of your life. It will only get better after we get through this."

"You are the love my life, Amy. I will never love anyone like I love you. You want to rip my heart out and tell me it's going to be okay because I'll find someone else but I won't because I gave you my heart completely. If I were to lose a limb doctors would try to fit me with a prosthetic but I would never be whole again. You want me to go through life pretending to love someone the way that I love you? No! I would rather that y'all had the decency to fully release me from my vow."

Amy wept at my knees while I sat on the couch. "Oh Will, you don't mean that. You're going to be alright. Just give it a little time. I am going to take my clothes and a few things so I can go back to my parents' house. We'll talk in a few days and decide how to end things as easily as possible."

Danny and Carla watched as Amy carried her things to her car. It was obvious that she wasn't leaving for a short trip.

I watched her pull away with tears streaming down my face. Carla looked at me with trepidation in her eyes, "What's going on, Will? Where's Amy going?"

"She and my brother have fallen in love and decided to abandon me."

"Oh, I am so sorry, Will! Is there anything we can do?" Danny asked.

"No, I am just watching my life disintegrate."

"We're here if you need us for anything, Will," Carla assured me.

That was last Saturday and I had made up my mind about quite a few things in the intervening week.

______________________________________________________________________________

I called Amy and asked her to meet me at our former apartment instead of my parents' house.

"Sure Will, I can do that for you. Can I ask why?"

"I am not sure that they need to hear the details of our discussion and it will be easier to talk openly if it's just us."

"Okay, baby. I can do that."

Next, I called my brother and asked him to come by while Amy was here.

"Sure Will, we didn't want to do that to you but if you feel the need to talk to us both then I'll be there. But please Will, don't start anything. I love you and don't want to injure you."

"Just be here at 3"

I went to my computer and printed off the necessary forms to put an end to this disaster. I turned on my music app only to have that same song play again.

"Girl, I be better off in a pine box on slow train back to Georgia,

In the gray walls of prison doin' time

Think I rather die and to hell and face the devil

Than to lie here with you and him together on my mind

I can't lie here with you and him together on my mind"

______________________________________________________________________________

I had considered a lot of things in the intervening week. The question was do I want to be the bad guy. No doubt they had betrayed me and hurt me more than I could possibly allow without reprisal. But I had made a promise. While my wife may be able to ignore hers, I simply couldn't.

I was a good enough shot that I could have ended my brother's life at any point during the week but he was killing me and I couldn't bring myself to do that to someone I love. He would live with the consequences of his actions. They both would.

At 3:01 they walked in together sharing a curious look with me.

"Will, why is Jake here? We need to talk to close this chapter of our lives."

"Look, I can leave if you guys need privacy," Jake interjected.

I studied both of them. Amy was the woman that I loved with every ounce of devotion. Nothing could ever change that. That's why it's called unconditional love. My brother was once my hero. I would have done anything to impress him. I noticed the tell-tell bulge above his right hip. Everyone and everything that was necessary was now here.

"Come sit at the table with me," I told them both. "I have some questions that need answers before we go any further."

"Tell me why," I began.

"It was completely unexpected, Will" Amy began. "You saw our reaction to one another at the graduation ceremony. While we were at the party, Jake and I began to get to know one another. We exchanged info and I looked him up on Insta. I sent him a follow request and he sent one to me. We started talking back and forth about our pictures and the different places we had been or hoped to go. It was all so innocent but we really clicked."

Their hands had disappeared under the table. I suspected that they were holding hands. "Y'all don't have to hide anymore. We're here to discuss how it ends. No since in pretending that either of you love me more than I love each of you."

Shame exploded across Amy's face. We had always bantered back and forth on who loved whom the most. Pain etched the face of my older brother as he realized how deep his betrayal had already gone.

"I am sorry, Will" he murmured.

"Have you already slept together?"

"No!" They exclaimed in unison.

"I know you don't believe me, Will" Amy began, "but I really do love you and respect the vows we made to one another. I have only kissed Jake one time but the feelings I have for him go so much deeper. I will only have sex with my husband but I want Jake to be my husband."

"Will, I won't do that to you brother," Jake said. "Amy is your wife so I won't step over that line. We acknowledge that you love each of us more than we love you, so I ask you to let Amy go and allow us have a chance to see if we can love each other the way you love us."

Tears began rolling down my cheek. "Amy, I love you with my whole heart. I have done the best I can to be the husband you wanted and needed what did I do so wrong that you can't love me back?"

"Oh baby, you didn't do anything wrong. I can't explain my connection to Jake. Please don't blame yourself. You're going to get through this and be even better off when you find someone to love you the way you love."

"Is there no way you can love me? Is there nothing I can do to make you understand how much I need you? Amy I am asking, please is there any chance you could be happy to stay with me as my wife?"

She looked to Jake and looked back to me shaking her head "No, I am so sorry, Will, but I just can't."

I looked at my big brother with pleading eyes. "Can't you walk away and let us try again. Just give us a chance to see if we can overcome this?"

"No Will, I can't. I need her just as much as you do. I want her to be my wife and have my children. I love you little brother, but I love her more."

I broke down again. They had rejected me and now there was no hope left. I was done. Neither made a move to comfort me as they watched me weep. After a minute I was able to collect myself. I stumbled over to a drawer in the kitchen counter. I removed a letter sized manila envelope. I returned to the table and sat down across from them. I couldn't make any words come as I slid it across the table to Amy.

"Will, what's this?" she asked.

"Everything you'll need to sort this out. You take everything but a few odds and ends. I don't want any of it anyway."

"May I open and read it now, Will?"

"Sure, if you would like."

"Thank you, baby. We really will be better off."

She opened the clasp and began to slide the documents from the envelope. A puzzled look crossed her face when she the heading Last Will and Testament of William J Stanley.