I'd be Better Off

"Will, I you gave me the wrong envelope darling. This is your will not a petition of divorce."

"I know what it is, Amy. When I said till death do us part, I meant it. Jake draw!"

I reached under the table where I had secured the .45 that my brother had gifted me. I drew it slowly knowing that Jake was at a disadvantage. I had just cleared the table top when his chair launched backwards and his Glock cleared its holster. Before I could get the hammer back, Jake fired two shots center mass. I am not sure how long the whole process took. Less than 30 seconds for sure. I heard Amy scream as a tremendous wave hit my chest. Honestly, I couldn't hear or feel much at all. I crumpled to the floor not really sure what was happening. But the pain was finally gone.

Epilog:

Amy:

I rushed around the table to where Will was laying in the floor. His blood was pouring out of his chest and his chest was making a rattling sound. I fell beside him begging him to hold on. Jake was beside me in a flash putting his hands over the wound trying to stem the flow of Will's blood.

"No, no, no little brother," he was chanting. He was screaming at me to call 911 but Will was trying to say something to me. Blood was bubbling from his lips and I couldn't hear him. I leaned down close.

"Love you more"

Our neighbors Danny and Carla had heard the shots and dialed 911. I heard someone beating on the door so I ran to open it. Danny rushed in "Is everything okay? We heard gunshots!"

"No!" I shrieked, "Will is hurt bad, please call an ambulance," I sobbed.

"I already called," he assured me.

It seemed like forever before EMS arrived on the scene. Jake never left Will's side; he kept pressure on the wounds until the EMT pulled him off. He was covered in Will's blood. They hovered and worked on Will but could never find a pulse. He was gone within a minute of collapsing on the floor.

Shortly after EMS arrived, the police were are the door as well. They stayed out of the EMTs way but began questioning us individually. After establishing my identity, they asked me to explain what happened in our apartment that evening. Shame and guilt swept over me.

"I was trying to convince my husband to divorce me so I could marry his brother," I sobbed.

"Did your husband fire his weapon at you or his brother?"

"No, he never had the opportunity. He hollered 'draw' at his brother and then began raising a gun. Jake fired before Will ever had a chance. He's dead, isn't he? It's all my fault, he begged me to choose him but I didn't believe that he would ever do anything like this."

"Yes ma'am, he's gone. We're waiting on the coroner to arrive. We're going to need your clothing. Do you have anything you can change into?"

I sobbed even harder, "I already moved all of my clothes out. It's all my fault Will is gone."

The next few days were a blur. We went to the police station for interviews and official statements. We met with the funeral home but we had to wait for Will's body to be released by the crime lab. The worst was when I had to face his parents. I wept and begged for their forgiveness. They were kind but could tell they blamed me for their son's death. I couldn't blame them; I blamed me too.

Three days after that awful afternoon I was able to finally get copies of the documents in the envelope. I couldn't have the originals as they were part of the investigation. The police were leaning toward ruling it a justifiable homicide which is the only reason I was able to even get the copies. Included in the copies was a hand written letter addressed to me:

My Dearest Amy,

I told you when we first said "I love you" that I would love you for the rest of my life. I meant it then and I mean it today. I don't regret loving you, even if it has cost me everything. My love for you is completely unconditional. There was no way for me to ever stop loving you. When you asked me to stop being your husband there was only one way for that to be possible. I would have to die to ever stop being your husband. I am so sorry I wasn't enough for you but now you will be able pursue someone that will be enough for you. I don't know if that will be Jake after all that has happened but I don't begrudge you a life filled with love. I have left everything to you save the gun that I pulled out the night of our "divorce". I want him to have it. It may be petty of me but I want him to know exactly how much his betrayal cost our family. I hope that he hangs on to it for his entire life. As for you, my love, I would ask that you hang on to and display my favorite photo from our wedding. You know, the one with you smiling as you snuggle into my chest. We maybe ordinary, average people but I want you to know that loving you was extraordinary. I love you forever, darling, and wish you the absolute best.

With All My Love,

Your Faithful Husband Will

For the first time, I understood Will's pain. I had been a fool to believe that he could ever let me go or that I would be able to let him go. I don't know if he it was what he intended, but he had created a standard of love for me that no one would ever be able to meet. I felt that I was doomed to wander the earth looking for the same kind of love that I had thrown away.

I believe in heaven and I believe that Will is there now. I kept trying to assure him that he would be better off without me and now I believe he maybe the only one better off after this tragedy.

______________________________________________________________________________

Jake

Fuck me! I didn't even think before I discharged my weapon. Thousands of drills and thousands of rounds had beaten muscle memory into me. I heard Will scream "draw" shortly before I saw his hand bring up a handgun. My reaction is instantaneous. Suddenly, I was holding my sidearm and Will was slumping into the floor.

"No, no, no little brother," I kept repeating. I tried to put pressure over the wounds but I knew it was hopeless. My shots were perfectly placed and destroyed his heart and lungs. He had told me that I had killed him and asked me to grant him a quick death. I had done exactly what he requested despite my best intentions. I could hear his death rattle and knew he wasn't going to make it.

He kept trying to talk to Amy. I was screaming at her to call 911 but she was determined to hear his dying words. She had to lean in close to make them out. He exhaled tiny blood droplets onto the side of her face.

Their neighbor showed up and asked if everyone was okay after he heard the shots. I begged them to call 911. He assured me that they already had. It was probably less than 6 minutes when the EMT pulled me off of Will's chest. I knew that he was gone. I had killed many men in my life. I had never regretted a single one. I hadn't lost a moment of sleep over any of them. I don't know that I will ever be able to sleep again without seeing Will's dead eyes.

The police separated us and began questioning us.

"Sir, what's your name and why were you here tonight?"

"My name is Jacob Stanley and I was here because I have fallen in love with my brother's wife and wanted him to divorce her." I had never experienced such guilt as when I uttered those words. Will had begged me to leave and allow him to recapture his wife's heart. I rejected my little brother so I could steal the only thing in the world that mattered to him.

"Did he fire his weapon at you or his wife?"

"No, he never got the opportunity. He told me to draw and then brought up a handgun from under the table. I drew and fired before he even got the hammer back on his gun. I think it's what he wanted. He's gone, isn't he?

"Yes sir, I can confirm that Mr. Stanley is deceased."

"Oh fuck! Why did I even come here tonight."

We were taken to the station and interviewed for several hours. We gave our official statements and then the detectives spent hours asking probing questions and trying to poke holes in our story. I didn't get a chance to speak to Amy until the next day.

I shot her a text: "Are you okay?"

"It's all my fault Will is gone."

"Don't say that, baby. Will, didn't think he could live without you and he forced us into this situation."

"He begged me to choose him. I didn't want to listen to what he was saying. I knew that he wouldn't accept a divorce. He told me when he proposed that I shouldn't say yes if I didn't mean it forever. Then last night, I told him that I didn't want him as a husband anymore. I practically killed him myself."

"Amy, you can't blame yourself. Blame me; I am the one that killed Will."

The truth hit me harder than a ton of bricks. I had killed my little brother.

Two days later I saw mom and dad for the first time since Will died. Since I shot my own little brother. My parents and I have never had a great relationship but I do love them. Seeing my mom destroyed me all over again. I tried to speak but I wasn't even sure what I could say. Their pain was even greater than my own.

"Mama, I" was as far as I got before she broke down in front of me. Her grief shattered me. Anger shot from my father's eyes. He grabbed my arm and pushed me away from my sobbing mother.

"WHY!" he shouted at me in a hoarse whisper. "I didn't like you career choice but I believed you to be an honorable man. Why did you destroy your brother's marriage? Where was your honor and fidelity? Will put you in a terrible position but he only did it after you put his back against a wall. Why son?"

"I never thought it would end like this, dad. I am so sorry," I told him as tears streamed down my face.

"I think it would be best if you gave your mom and me some space to grieve. You can attend the service when we're allowed to hold it but please don't stop by the house unannounced."

Two weeks later the police released their findings and Will's body. They had concluded that I had killed Will in self-defense. Not that Will was actually trying to kill anyone. His gun was empty and had never even been fired. It was just a prop to force my hand. Will knew exactly how I would react to a threat. Will knew me but I apparently didn't really know him.

Apparently, Will had planned his service and had included it in the envelope that he had handed Amy. It was a somber affair. There was a montage of photos that showed Will and Amy together. It was accompanied by He Stopped Loving Her Today. Amy wept uncontrollably. Her parents sat beside her and tried to hold her up but she couldn't be restrained. She crawled up to the casket and apologized to Will in front of everyone and promised to join him soon.

The preacher then began a eulogy on Will's faithfulness. He was still a young man but Will had remained steadfastly committed to his principles and promises. It was like a knife being stuck into my liver. I wanted to trade places with Will. I never really thought much about heaven and hell but I was certain that I was stuck in hell.