Idolatria Ch. 12

Matthew 11:28-29

"Your hair's longer."

"Think so? ... Ow."

"A little. I like it."

It was becoming a night of firsts. I'd never been naked in someone's bed. Never watched someone undress completely up close - though when I got too flustered after Levi took off his gear, he did acquiesce to put boxer briefs on. The scent of leather on his body was still strong when he sat himself cross-legged beside me and laid me out on my front to attend my reddened backside. I'd been surprised that he got a first aid kit out for this - was that necessary? But once he'd started massaging cold gel into my burning skin, I succumbed to almost immediate relief.

"You shouldn't have marks," said Levi thoughtfully. "I tried to go easy on you."

"That was you going easy?" I smirked with mock exasperation.

Levi raised a brow. "I was being fairly gentle," he said, almost playful. "I've left bruises with fewer blows before."

"God," I huffed, propping my chin up on crossed arms. "I can't believe you actually expected me to take thirty-five of those."

He stifled a laugh.

"What?"

"I didn't," he confessed. "Whole point was to force you to call a stop. I only expected to get as far as fifteen, maybe less."

"You're kidding."

"I wanted to see how much you could take," he shrugged. "It's good for me to know where your pain tolerance is at. Honestly, probably helps that your ass and leg muscles are so fucking toned. You were actually starting to hurt my hand, not gonna lie."

I snorted into my arms. "Oh, good. Nice to know my ass can break your fingers."

"That's why they make paddles."

I groaned.

Levi capped the tube of gel he was using and gave my backside a last loving stroke. "That should feel a little better. Still hurt?"

"It's a tiny bit sore," I told him. "But the stinging's gone."

"Yeah, you might be tender for a bit," he said, snapping the med kit shut. "This should help you heal faster, though. At least you'll be able to sit down tomorrow."

"Hey, I'll be good enough to go to church on Sunday." The sentiment was almost ridiculous... And yet, thinking about church in my current position didn't make me feel guilty. Tentatively, I rolled onto my back with a sigh and readjusted my necklace, warm with the heat of my skin, and the ring at my collar clinked softly with my movement.

I'd almost begged for Levi to put the collar back on when we were done reconciling on the living room floor. I felt oddly possessive of it... But then again, it was inscribed with my name. I kept running my fingers over it, exploring, feeling the leather shape to my throat. It was almost a scary feeling. Almost.

The exhaustion that set in after made Levi's bed feel more soft and luxurious than I'd ever noticed. Maybe that was just the blissful relief of knowing I'd been accepted. I hadn't even realized that, more than the regret... I had just really missed Levi. And those emotions were suddenly, miraculously gone, leaving only this sort of warm space between us. When he came to sprawl out on his side next to me, all I could do was stare up at him with this strange sense of unrealness filling my head, like I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not.

"How long have you had this?" I asked him.

"Had what?" he returned casually.

"This." I flicked the collar. "You didn't make it while I was gone... did you? You wouldn't make a collar for me after I bailed."

Levi sighed, head sagging against his hand. "I did," he said. "Well, not quite. I'd already started making it before you left. Pretty much the day you said you wanted it. After the argument, I immediately went to throw it away..." He lowered his eyes. "... And I kept coming back to work on it instead. Ended up finishing it two weeks ago and just... kept it up here."

"In... In your room? Why?"

"Because I'm a sentimental fuckwit, Ash. That's why."

I half-grinned at him. "So when did you end up reading Revelation?"

"That was after you were gone," he said. He sat up and leaned over to open his nightstand. To my surprise, my paperback bible came out of the drawer. The binding was looking significantly more broken-in, cover rolling and spine cracked, and weird black tabs stuck out between my own.

"Was that in there next to the lube?" I asked reproachfully.

Levi laughed shamelessly. "Yeah, why not?"

"What are the black things?"

He flicked the book open in his lap and showed me a couple of the pages. There was black pen circling and underlining things everywhere, sometimes with scribbled notes jammed along the margins in incomprehensibly tiny print. "Electrical tape," he said. "Doesn't make a bad page marker. I was just reading this whenever it struck me... And it ended up striking me a lot."

"Why?" I frowned. "I didn't think you cared about this stuff."

"Ash, it's important to you," said Levi, patting the cover for emphasis. "This forms the basis for a majority of your moral compass. These are the laws that govern your life. Least, that's what I thought until I read it all... I dunno. I saw some lines I liked, I marked them."

Levi put the book away and returned to his place lounging beside me. His free hand began tracing over my chest, making shivers in my ribs. I lifted my own to him, my fingers falling just short of the lines of his pectorals. He smiled.

"You're allowed to touch me," he coaxed. "Here... look."

Levi pressed his hand over mine, holding it against the left side of his chest. His skin was startlingly warm on my palm, his heartbeat hard but even. I ran my thumb along the furrow of his sternum and felt my own pulse arousing pressure in my groin. My breath shook.

"Holy shit," he laughed softly, running his hand down my arm. "You've got goosebumps. That good, huh?"

My face was burning. "I've just never really... touched someone like this," I confessed.

"Yeah? Well..." Levi smirked and lay down, splaying his arms out over the pillow. "Help yourself."

For a moment, all I could do was stare at him. I realized my mouth was open, shut it dumbly, and sat up. He was pretty much inviting me to do what he'd done to me earlier, his impromptu 'inspection'... Except that I wasn't nearly as confident, as fearless as Levi. Fuck, I wanted to touch him, though. I inhaled deeply and shifted to face him, lining my hips up with his.

It was strange, being over him like this. I still felt debilitatingly shy, even knowing there was... very little between us now, physically or otherwise. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until Levi brushed a hand over my thigh and made my lungs release.

Underneath me, he chuckled, eyes narrowing. "Ash... You had my cock in your mouth," he said. "Don't be afraid. Give me your hands."

"I... okay."

I let him take my hands in both of his and place them at the ridge of his collarbone, and I spread my fingers out over him experimentally. He held me there for a moment, then slowly eased me down... Over the steady flex of his chest, the curve of his ribcage, the hard planes of his abdominal muscles. Beyond warm, his skin was almost fire against mine. Was this just how another person's body felt? As Levi guided me down over his waist, I slipped my left hand out from under his... And when he didn't protest, I let my fingers tease the thin line of dark hair that trailed up to his navel.

Involuntarily, I swore under a trembling breath.

Levi laughed again. "Overwhelming?"

"Little bit," I smiled. "It's... y'know. A lot. Getting better... but my heart's going fucking crazy right now."

"Yeah. I can feel that. C'mere."

Before I could respond, Levi reached up and hooked a finger into my collar, yanking me down so that I nearly toppled onto him and had to grab his shoulders for support. He pressed his mouth to mine, winding a hand into my hair... then pulled me back before I could lean into it.

"That what you want?" he asked.

"Yes," I said at once.

"You want more?"

"Yes... please..."

"Then take it," he purred.

Levi's face had been close to me like this before. But it was different now - I was on top. Nerves lingered, but the fear was mostly gone. I closed my eyes and pushed my lips against his, gently, then slowly deeper. A flutter rolled up along my stomach. Levi let me lead, let me control how long, how hard I kissed him. I tried to mimic what I'd felt him do, the movements of his lips on mine, but I felt really clumsy at it... And yet he didn't seem to care. When I opened his mouth with my own and pushed my tongue inside, I felt his chest swell with a sharp inhale, his arms snaking lazily around my waist. Emboldened, I slid my hands up his neck, over his jaw to cup his face against me.

Holy fuck. This is what making out is. The juvenile thought would have made me laugh if my mouth weren't so occupied.

All at once Levi's lips split from mine and his voice spilled out, low and breathy. "Oh, fuck..."

My back thumped abruptly onto the sheets. Levi took back control, took my mouth with a passion I couldn't have given. Dark hair shrouded my face in with his. Noticing this, he broke off and threw his head back, rearranging so the thick locks fell over one shoulder. I raised a hand to touch him, but he intercepted it and pinned it back by my head as he rejoined my lips. I interlaced our fingers and felt him squeeze lovingly back in response. His other hand nudged my thigh, pushed my legs apart to brace himself between -

My gasp dislodged him from my lips. He nuzzled his mouth against my jaw, letting me catch my breath. I tried to speak, but couldn't get my tongue to catch on the words. "Lev... Levi... your... it's -"

He was laughing again. "Sorry. Am I too close to your ass?"

I gave him an unsteady grin. "Not... close enough."

"Tease," he hissed. "You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you right now."

I squeezed his hand in time with the clench of my stomach. "If... if you want..."

"Not a matter of want," he sighed. "Your body's not built to take me right off the bat. I'd have to train you before..."

"So... train me."

Levi gazed down at me with something like amused admiration. He exhaled slowly, sitting back with my legs still around his waist. At last, he said "Okay."

"Okay?" I repeated.

"Yes," he said. "But it's not something you can rush without getting hurt. If we stick with it regularly, I can probably get you ready in a week."

This felt somehow longer and yet sooner than I expected. "So... what does 'training' entail?"

Levi slid from between my legs and over to the side of the bed, reopening his nightstand. "Without getting too graphic, we're teaching your body to let something in where things normally only go out. Your muscles are only used to releasing unconsciously and in one direction, and sex is... a bit more strenuous than what you can handle naturally. I'm curious; have you ever tried to finger yourself?"

"I - no," I stammered, blushing.

"That's fine. I didn't think you would." Having gone through both drawers, Levi returned and sat alongside me, legs crossed, with the familiar lubricant bottle (significantly more depleted) and what looked suspiciously like a black package of wet wipes. This he set aside and turned his focus on me. I wasn't sure where he needed me to go - how did guys do this? - but Levi hooked an arm under my legs and positioned me with my butt in his lap, right leg angled behind him. Even with my head propped up, it was hard to see what he was doing... But I felt the blood rush to my head as Levi spread and examined me, cool air touching an unfamiliar place.

Holy fuck. Holy shit, he was actually looking at me back there. Levi's hand moved further, the pad of his thumb pressing, pulling me open, and an involuntary noise escaped with my breath.

"Wait - Levi, um... I don't... really know how clean I -"

"You're fine," he assured me, smiling. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Ash. Sex is messy no matter who you are. That's what soap's for."

The heat bloomed over my ears, but I relaxed just a little.

"Just lie back," Levi ordered. "You won't see anything from this angle, anyway."

Reluctantly, I let my head sink onto the pillow, staring up at the canopy of metal bars over us. It was a strange, almost comforting feeling, being enclosed like this. I wondered if Levi ever felt caged in by his own bed. Then again, he seemed to have a very different ethos regarding restriction in general... The collared harness only serving to amplify his pride, the cuffs seeming to almost free him - that part, I was starting to understand.

But I was distracted from this line of thought by the snapping of the bottle and a brush of cold against my ass. I squirmed automatically.

"Stay," he warned me calmly. "I'm going slow. This won't hurt. Just going to be a little uncomfortable at first."

I blindly reached until I could lay my hand on Levi's knee for stability. His fingertip was circling me, lubricant warming with his touch, and my body stiffened as he began to press - and stopped almost at once.

"Ash. Relax your muscles," he said. "You're tensing up."

"Trying," I mumbled.

"Don't try. Just let yourself go for a minute."

"I don't... know how."

Levi's free hand stroked the inside of my thigh as he spoke. "Just breathe. Slow and deep. Can you do that for me?"

"I... yeah..." I did as he said, not sure if it would help. But I hadn't realized how tightly wound my body was until I let my breath drag out as slowly as I could and felt my muscles unraveling, my weight sinking into the sheets. I refilled my lungs and released again, and Levi pressed in without resistance.

The sensation almost made my body lock up again. There was a twinge of cramping discomfort and a dull sting, but it was brief, quickly replaced by this... indescribable fullness. I knew that Levi had only used one digit, and yet it felt like so much more inside me. I forced myself to take several more deep breaths, returning myself to liquid in his lap. The moment I'd stopped squeezing him, he drew back and pushed in again, deeper. A groan slipped from me with a shudder.

"Good boy," Levi praised me warmly. "That's better. Let's see if we can open you a little more."

It was hard to control my breaths now. Incomprehensible noise tumbled out of me with every one. My insides weren't built to feel every detail of what Levi was doing, but it was sensitive. It felt like he was twirling his finger, making circles as if to tease the muscles apart. This turned to sliding in and out, working further in and slipping back before I could really focus on where he'd touched.

"Much better, Ash," he said affectionately. "You're being so good for me. Why don't we see if we can find - Oh, was that it already?"

The last rotation had pressed in such a way that a bizarre heat surged through all the muscles between my stomach and inner thighs. I bit back the hollow burst of noise from my chest, tried to suppress the tremor that ran down my back. "What... is that?" I panted.

"That is your prostate," he replied smoothly. "Yours is fairly shallow. I was expecting it to be... No. It's right there, all right."

"Fuck!" I gasped. "Please don't... it's... that's so fucking sensitive..."

"It's going to be. Have you never touched your perineum, either?"

"My... uh... no, I don't... think so."

"Alright. You're going to learn how it feels first. Hold on."

Levi withdrew slowly, the strange sensation forcing a shiver through my stomach. I heard the lube bottle snap open again and sat up on my elbows, but I was distracted from him by the sight of my own swollen, neglected cock, lying against my hip and streaming precum. Groaning in the back of my throat, I rolled my fingers down the length of it.

"Did I give you permission to touch yourself?" Levi said, without looking up.

"I've been... ignoring... all night..."

"I can see it. Hands off. If I want to let you come, I'll tell you to come. Understood?"

I put my hand back reluctantly, almost laughing as I let my head fall again. "You're fucking mean. I thought my punishment was over."

"Punishment is over," he said lightly. "This is training. You gave all of yourself to me; that includes your orgasms. Relax and breathe."

I was still stuck on the previous sentiment when I felt lukewarm lube on my ass again, Levi's index and middle finger probing, pushing -

The slight discomfort of being spread open inside made me bite down and grasp the pillow behind me... But the subsequent ripples of unfamiliar pleasure quickly swallowed it. There was a dull, throbbing ache at the very rim, but everything inside was...

And suddenly, I felt Levi's palm flush against my backside.

"Holy fuck," I shivered out. "Is that... all of..."

"That's as far as I can get my fingers in you," said Levi, sounding slightly impressed. "Does it hurt at all?"

"A... little. Just sore. Feels kinda like muscle fatigue."

"That's normal. Yeah, you would know how that feels, huh?"

"I can't say I've ever felt it in my ass."

Levi laughed softly, rubbing over my stomach to soothe the knot of nerves inside. "You're going to start doing this yourself every night you're not with me this week," he told me, his fingers slowly working in and out as he spoke. "If you want me to claim you anytime soon, that's what will get you there. I want you to feel me inside you without pain distracting you. Put your hands down."

My hand had drifted around my hip unconsciously again. I removed it with a groan.

"In fact," he added, "hold onto your collar. Clasp your hands on the ring."

"Levi," I moaned in complaint. "I - fuck - yes, Sir..."

At this angle, I could just see the steady, appraising look in his eyes as he watched me lock my hands in place at my throat. "I think I'll let you use my name when you want," he told me. "You're so reverent and loving with my name in your mouth."

I felt the color creep down my neck.

Levi's attention was back below my waist. His forefingers, still buried to the knuckle in me, flexed and repeated the circular movement against my walls for a little while... But this time, he found that spot at once and curved his fingertips into it without mercy.

I held tight to the front of my collar, the only thing keeping my hands from flying to my cock again. The sensation wasn't staying between my legs. Every minute stroke sent flickering waves through my entire core and the insides of my thighs, and quickly, another, more familiar feeling was starting to build - but not the one I expected.

"Sir - wait - stop -" My voice was fervent, high-pitched as I squirmed in his lap. "Hold on - I h-have to -"

"Bathroom?"

"Y - I - need to -"

"You don't have to go," he assured me. "Promise. You're gonna feel like you have to piss, but you don't. Just relax and let yourself take it."

This was easier said than done. I could feel my heartbeat in my groin, could feel that engulfing pleasure swelling through my stomach as if Levi's fingers were running over every nerve in my body from the inside. His thumb slid inward and began simultaneously massaging into my taint, escalating every forceful wave of warmth inside me as the sensation pooled and churned at a point deep in my hips. It felt like liquid heat was pushing up through my sex, threatening to overflow and yet never quite getting far enough...

"Too much," I blurted, straining to get my voice out through the pressure in my chest. "Please... please don't... no more... I wanna c-come. Sir, please let..."

"I could almost bring you to climax like this, couldn't I?" Levi mused, smirking. "You're so responsive to me. You've been a good boy... I think I'll let you use your hands. Besides, I want to see how you pleasure yourself."