All Comments on 'If You're Reading This...'

You almost had me sucked in to the emotions - then you went over the top, several times.

You almost had me really impressed with how well you write - then you started manipulating the reader, instead of letting him/her come to it in their own time.

You almost got the tactical details right in the combat scenes.

Keep working - you're almost there.

Intresting story line. You have me hooked, and now I feel i have to know what happens between them. Please keep writing.

The prose itself is exceptionally well-crafted. You write beautifully, and I really enjoy the imagery you use. That said, when it comes to the actual story-telling, there's room for improvement.

The biggest weakness is the lack of context for Matti and Savannah's relationship. How do they know each other? They want each other, but why? Were they lovers at some point, or just deeply attracted friends? There's no need for a ton of back story, but there should be enough details given so the reader isn't left wondering how this all started. It doesn't take much - just a sentence here and there to plug the holes.

There's also an inconsistency in Nikki's character development. Early on, she appears to be the loving but clueless partner who doesn't suspect Savannah's loyalties may be divided, but later on in the story, in a flashback that clearly took place before the beginning of the narrative, she's slapping Savannah in what appears to be a fit of jealousy. It might have worked better if you'd made her a bit more suspicious in the first section. Just a thought.

In spite of these criticisms, this story was still an enjoyable read, and a nice change from the typical offering in this section.

4/5

I think it was a great story. I enjoyed the back and forth between the past and current times. When it came to reading the letter, I was sobbing, and I was afraid to continue reading. I was, however, disappointed at the ending. After expressing their feelings and love for eachother duing their passion, it should have continued with a long talk.

Thanks for writing this!! It's amazing to see how many men and women go through this. Having to make these choices. Great story hopefully more will come

Wait, what? Sav makes love for the first time with the woman she's wanted for years, gets a call from her gf, tells Matts "I can't deal with this", then leaves? I felt like I was missing something....

i also am confused with the relationship. we read mattie was like 16 when she signed up(cant be done) and she has gone thru basic and her M.O.S. training before shee went to afghan then back home before she was 18.mean while savannah owns her own gym is living with nikki and waiting for mattie to com home from her like 2nd tour in 4yrs. how old is sav that she has done all this before mattie is 18? was she having to wait because matties age made her a pedophiles dream or what?

Thank you all for your feedback. Initially I was going to include a foreword to this story to explain a few things...but I feel quite ambiguous about authors who do that – I like to just get in to a story and thrash those things out for myself. But after reading the feedback I understand that maybe some readers don’t have this in common with me so here is the foreword I cut out:

First, please understand this story was written as a hook – something to throw out there and see if it generated interest. It has enough to stand alone as a single story but also has loose ends and undeveloped characters to trickle on to a follow on if people want to hear more. If you want a story that rolls through a classic structure and has all the loose ends tied up nice and neatly then this is not for you. Yet.

If this style hinders your reading experience I do apologise. It is a work of fiction but it is heavily based on a reality still being lived so there is more to tell…let me know that you saw a bit of potential and want to see where it goes and I will endeavour to carry on.

Second, the military details are universal, that is I am not writing from the sole perspective of British, American, Australian or any other military force but rather from a mix of all of the above, so they will not ring true. I write from experience and I also like my anonymity too, so understand that there are many countries with red, white and blue flags.

In the same vein I left the tactical details at a minimum, this is a story not a documentary, and hard facts cluttered the storyline. I wrote this for readers into erotica not military non-fiction. I also try and avoid anything that may be too triggering for myself and others. If you want to read work with tactical detail I suggest military autobiographies, not my work here. If you want to read fiction based loosely on an event then read on…

*

Maybe it’s too little too late to add this foreword afterwards, but maybe it will clarify things for others who may pass this way after reading. At the very least I hope that it will close down arguments over story details because yes, you can join up at sixteen in some countries and you can deploy on your eighteenth birthday. Trust me.

Your feedback is important for it will decide whether this story continues and how it continues so pick your target and fire when ready.

-JC

I totally agree with the author that at some countries you can sign up at the age of 16 because I know someone who does..

To the author, well it is really great reading this story. I've cried alot while reading this because I remember some of the soldiers that die and suffer the same way and their loved ones that kept waiting and those who received the letter and things.. I really enjoyed this. You have an amazing talent. Please continue, please. And thank you for sharing this.

A good story that has potential to be a great story. Please continue.

I was expecting a sad ending. And now, What happens from here? Very touching story. Great characters. Thank you>

looking forward for the seaquel

I actualy love your style of writing

Great storryline and great balance between feelings and reality

I am waiting impatiently for you to continue

(Please excuse my spelling i love english but my spelling is not perfect ;-) )

I really hope yoy will continue

Greetngs

S.G

Nothing is perfect, I like the fact you don't pretend to be. I am enthralled by Matti. Im dying to know how things with Sav will go. All signs point to a devastated Matti but I hope not, so please continue. (soon)

I passed this story over many times before I finally decided to read it. I completely understood the flashback pieces of this story. I understand remembering something you wish you had never experienced at any given time. It could be driving to work, in the shower or anywhere doing anything. Or it could be in the middle of a story reading about a medic looking at bloody boots and remembering the bloody boots I dealt with after a mortar round took out one of my soldiers. Or writing up the Purple Heart and hoping that I wouldn't have to present it to his family because if I did that meant that he didn't make it.

You learn a lot about yourself in a war zone. I spent more than a year in Iraq bringing in May of 2003. I still can't believe it's been ten years. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I still wish I could forget it all at times.

I say kudos to the author for a realistic piece of fiction.

Please continue this story! I'm dying to find out what happens!

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Clearly it is poignant and insightful in addition to being a great read. I went back and reread it a couple times; each time I found something I had missed before. I'm anxiously awaiting the sequel!! You have great potential and I greatly admire your forthrightness. Please keep writing.

As USA citizens, we often forget there are other countries fighting alongside of us because they believe in the same principles. They and their families experience all the same hardships, suffering, loss and PTSD as US troops. We owe each of them a great debt and our thanks for their sacrifices. Your offer is absolutely correct you are absolutely correct to remind us that many countries a number of countries have red white and blue flights. Personal thanks to you for all you did on our behalf. I wish you well.

ChristieP

Please I'm begging you to continue this story I'm in love with it

I've read some crap on this site and I've read a lot of stories which are close to brilliant. This is right up there with the very best of them. It's grim; it's the kind of story which grips you by the throat and shakes you around; it's the kind of story which makes you stop and think and be grateful to all the allied troops sweating their lives away in a war started by fat-arsed, stay-at-home politicians who wrongly think they can solve all the world's problems. Thanks JC for giving this site a great tale with a different perspective.

Sniffles.....

Outstanding story that does an outstanding job of communicating what it's like to be a soldier. I would have given the story 10 stars had it not been for the unresolved ending.