Ignorance is Essential

Warning.

This story has considerable discussion about Ann's religious and my Communist views. It does not preach but recognises the conflict these views have for Peter and Ann. I hope it achieves what the film 'Good Bye, Lenin' did. My aim is to transcend the politics (and in this case also religion) because of the interest in the lead character.

You can avoid this by going straight to Part 2.

There is adult content throughout.

Part 1 Drinking Buddies

I have been a drinking buddy with Peter for over a decade, ever since we were at University together. We discussed everything, even my hopes and fears when I dated my now wife Ann. Peter told me about his sexual escapades. No subject was off limits.

I discussed things with Peter that I would find difficult to discuss with Ann. I will give you one example. Peter knew that I had compiled my own porn compilation and had posted it on a porn website. It showed naked men and women chronologically from Ancient times to today. There is no sex, just copious amounts of nudity. People walking, playing sports, talking and swimming. It has only naked people. I hate those shots of naked people with their nudity hidden. Everyone in it is fully and lovingly shown.

I has compiled this pot pourri without Ann's knowledge or consent. She is still against porn in principle. Ann didn't like watching nudity, even in main stream films. She still has that puritan streak in her. She still feels that bodies are not for open display. Her body is for my delight, and mine alone.

Ann And My History

Coming from the old East Germany I thought that there was nothing wrong in seeing a body naked. One little known fact is that Angela Merkel, the former German Chancellor, was an advocate of naturism. There are pictures of her in her youth proudly displaying her naked body. A former Prime Minister of Croatia.was proud, even as a PM, to go naked to nudist beaches. It was estimated that a third of adult Croatians were naturists.

I had been brought up to believe that nudity was healthy. Nudity allowed the body to gain fully the benefits of sunshine. My parents and I went naked at every opportunity. We were not alone in doing this. Most of our friends were naturists. We held parties where no one wore clothes. We attended parties at our friends houses and went around unclothed.

Ann and I met at University. She was strange. She was obsessive about being fully clothed. She railed against other students going around "only half dressed". That was when they sunbathed wearing tee shirts and shorts on the University lawn. She wouldn't even go to the local beach because "the women go around in bikinis, displaying themselves shamelessly".

Ann wore clothes more appropriate for winter even though we had the hottest summer for a decade. She drank only soft drinks because "drinking makes sinners". I only drank soft drinks because I didn't want to spoil my body. That 'soft drinks only' policy was what drew us together. For much of the socialisation took place in the University student union bar. I noticed her. She was pretty and witty and wise. I manoeuvred to get a seat near her.

Once we started chatting I knew that Ann was the one for me. But it took us an academic term to fall in love. When we had the half term break I missed her a lot. We kissed when we returned to University, naturally and in public and sedately at the Coach Station.

She whispered to me that, although she liked being with her father, she missed me. I know it sounds corny but I said "I missed you more." I really think that was true. I couldn't afford to go back to Germany and so stayed on in my shared house digs. I paid for the accommodation whether I was there or not. A University town without students is, and was for me, a lonely place.

Ann and I started going to bird watching sites together. I began going to her University halls room. My friends assumed we had sex. But we didn't. She stuck to wearing clothes that hid her body. But we did kiss. Ann and I got serious and agreed to got engaged once her father gave his consent. We went up to York where I met her widowed father.

Ann Speaks To My Parents

We weren't able to go over to Germany to see my parents. She spoke to them over the phone. I had to translate most of the conversation, since my parents have only fragmentary English.

They were pleased to hear Ann. She told them that she would make me the happiest man in the world." I was a bit embarrassed to have to translate that bit of the conversation. My parents laughed but replied "We wish you both health and happiness."

Ann and I had approval from my parents.

Ann continued her relationship with my parents. She dictated what I was to write to them and I translated into German and typed it out. She then signed off with such phrases as Alles Gute ('all the best'), Alles Liebe ('much love'), or die besten Wünsche ('the best wishes') in her own handwriting.

Ann has many fine points but the ability to learn German is not one of them. She has even greater difficulty in speaking it.

My parents, even under the combined Germany, still missed the communist days.

Ann and I have a video of the great comedy film 'Good Bye, Lenin'. This film uses the older peoples love for the old East Germany. In it, the son makes great efforts to hide the loss of East Germany from his mother. The film resonates with my recollection of my parents.

Meeting Ann's Father

Ann loved her father dearly. But he came with a health warning. He was more Puritan than the Pilgrim Fathers and made Ann look like a raving liberal. I shook his hand and noticed how sweaty it was. It was important that he liked me. He knew of my communist past.

Her father questioned me like I was a criminal and he was a police interrogator.

He was aware that Marx saw that marriage was just another way for one class of people to exploit another.

Ann's father knew something about Marx. He had studied a little about Marx. Previously he had a view that Communists were against marriage as an institution. He learned that Marx saw the bourgeois wife as 'a mere instrument of production' and not as a human being to be valued for herself. Marx saw bourgeois men using common prostitutes and taking the greatest pleasure in seducing each other men's wives.

Ann's father said to me "I can see what Marx objected to. I would agree that many men didn't stick to their marriage vows. Indeed it seems neither did their wives. I suppose Marx was saying 'no liberation without sexual revolution' centuries before the feminists arose."

I told him "I think you have hit the nail on the head. He wanted marriage to be on a more egalitarian basis, I promise that I will not be a marital bourgeois. I will never use a prostitute or cheat on Ann. As far as I able, I will be a good husband to her."

He replied "That's as it should be. And it is no more than I expected from you."

The Most Important Question

The question that he really wanted to ask was "Is my daughter still a virgin?". But he never asked me that.

Ann knew that her virginity was important to her father.

Over breakfast she said "We are planning to have just one child together. I am looking forward to being fully woman on my wedding night but to have our child 2 years after being married. Daddy, I want to talk privately to you about what the duties of a wife. I want to make Richard as happy as you made mummy happy"

Ann's father seemed satisfied that his daughter would become fully woman only on her wedding night. I was relieved that this topic was now closed.

Her father said "That's a noble ambition. Richard you are a lucky man. I give my consent and will finance the wedding and the honeymoon. I know, by your forbearance, that you truly honour Ann. I honestly hope that your marriage is as happy as mine was."

Issues Over Naturism

I wanted to confess to Ann about my naturist upbringing. But Peter said "That may be mainstream in East Germany but it is certainly not in England. Here naturists are thought of as weird. You are asking for trouble if you bring this topic up. You know that Ann is super sensitive about even minor displays of female flesh. Of course you shouldn't lie about it either. But remember 'softly, softly catchy monkey'.

I had never let on to Ann about my parents probably being naked on the other end of the phone when they spoke.

As Peter said "Naturism is a problem to be addressed on another day, if at all. Besides you will take a woman's virginity. I haven't ever managed that. That is something many men want and few get nowadays. Men would be queuing round the block to be able to pop Ann's cherry.

I said "I have never thought in terms of being lucky by not having sex. Most of the male students wish they were you. They wish they could bed even half the number you gave screwed."

With that piece of advice Peter probably saved my relationship with Ann. Even today it would be a huge stumbling block.

Further Recollections On University

Ann and I were wise to leave getting married to long after completing our studies. I recall a couple who got married while both studying at University. It fell apart in plain view. They argued constantly and publicly.

She got fed up and took lots of lovers. She cared not that everyone knew. He left her after 6 months of marriage and he fell apart emotionally. His grades suffered, despite help fron the University guidance counsellor. They got a divorce and he dropped out. The marriage was over in less than 9 months.

She lost a lot of her friends and only went for an ordinary degree, instead of the Honours everyone expected her to go for. The ordinary degree didn't affect her subsequent progress. She got a job as a journalist and then became a left wing Member of Parliament.

She was even touted to become leader of her party. But she suddenly dropped out of the race. I guess that it might be because of her past love life. But anyway, she remains an MP and is well loved. She was the first MP to champion non binary people's causes.

Of course, Ann and I sometimes quarrelled. Peter was a great help in smoothing over these rough times. He helped me to sublimate my erotic desires. He kept on telling me how lucky I was to be breaking Ann's hymen.

My Parents Die

Ann and I were extremely happy. We looked forward to getting married and getting good jobs and having a child together. Unfortunately both my parents died. First my father and a few months later my mother 'traded mortality for immortality". I knew from my academic studies that 75 per cent of spouses die within a year of their partner. Even though I knew this my mother's death hurt me deeply. I felt the senselessness of existence. I was morose and even considered giving up on University.

Ann was collateral damage to my grief. She suggested that her father came down for a weekend. After all he had experienced the loss of his wife. He and I could talk things over. It seemed like a good idea and, indeed it, was. I was able to say things to her father that I couldn't say to Ann. It definitely helped.

Perhaps the key was when I told him "There are only 3 people who matter to me. Ann, my friend Peter and you."

He said "In our church friendship group we offer an evening of warmth and a simple meal to lonely people who have alcohol or drug problems. You know those people you see begging on the street

We in the friendship group are blessed in this way to offer support to people who have little reason to live.

We help street people and alcoholics and people who, like yourself, are low in spirits."

Robbie Burns

I thought that he was going to bible thump to me. But he didn't. Instead he quoted Robbie Burns. He said "The immortal bard felt that, if 'you have but only one friend then your life is worthwhile'.

He then asked me rhetorically "And how many friends do you have?"

You have 3 friends "Ann and me and Peter. So your life is worthwhile. You have at least 3 reasons to hang on to your life and lifestyle. Ann has been in tears and praying for you, as have I."

I hadn't really thought of him praying for me. Even though I didn't believe in prayer it was nice that he cared for me to pray for me to recover. This thought cheered me up.

Ann's father said "It was ironic that a bible thumper like me is quoting Burns, who was a serial adulterer. Although he slept around he still wrote 'My love is like a red, red rose' to celebrate his love for his wife. I sang that song to my wife on her birthdays."

I said "Burns was lauded by the Soviets for his humanistic understanding. Most educated communists were able to recite huge swaves of his poetry. Most educated East Germans were able to recite 'A man's a man for all that'.

Ann's father said "And yet Burns is most known for the New Year celebrations. Many don't even know he wrote it. One day I will go to a formal Burns night supper. It would be fun hearing the 'Address to a haggis' and raising a glass.

I said "I will buy a haggis and we will prepare the tatty and neeps with locally grown potatoes and turnips."

By making this offer I now knew that Ann's father was truly a friend to me. I had gained a friend and not just a prospective father in law. I think Burns would be proud that he had helped bring us together. But I wouldn't trust Burns, if he were alive and living near Ann and I not to seduce her. Ann might end up being another notch on his belt.

Sex Education From An Unexpected Source

Ann and I set the date and she and her father took care of the wedding plans. They even booked my honeymoon hotel. I threw myself into studying. Instead of quitting Uni I got a First Class degree. Ann's father came down to see Ann, Peter and I wearing our gowns and receiving our diplomas. We have a framed photo of the 4 of us hanging on our wall even today.

As the wedding day grew nearer Ann's father told her "It is not a sin to plan the physical side of marriage. I want you 2 to talk openly about that side of life. It is not shameful for you Ann to know the options that are available. And you need to know them before you get married.

Your mother and I bought a monthly magazine which informed us about sex. I am not ashamed that we bought them. They aren't like Penthouse. The magazines helped your mother and I to have a better life together."

Ann's father went upstairs and returned with the magazines bound in a leather folder.

He continued "Your mother and I kept all 20 issues. I would be pleased if I could give them to you both. I know that if she were still alive, your mother would pass them onto you. It would make me happy thinking that these magazines would help you both.

Ann and I took a look at the folder. The magazines show actual photos of people having sex. Not what I had expected from a bible thumper.

He said "Within marriage you can both explore your bodies. It is a divinely ordained pleasure."

He continued "Ann, there's only one piece of advice I can give you. Give your body fully and freely to your husband."

He turned to me and said "And Robert you must only accept whatever you think is agreeable to Ann."

He then asked us "Will you accept the magazines from me?"

Ann went over and hugged her father.

She said "Thank you father. I know you loved Mother. Of course I will accept the magazines. And thank you for helping me to flower as a wife."

I hugged my prospective father in law and said "Thank you. I know how much these mean to you. I promise to read every one and to discuss each one.

Ann said "And I make the same promise."

Afterwards I told Ann that I was surprised at her father's openness about sex. Ann was also surprised. However she wasn't surprised at the advice he had given each of us. It was, she revealed "pure Saint Paul".

Marxist Antipathy To Religion

It seems that Saint Paul wasn't as bad as I thought. Of course I didn't know a great deal about the bible. My Marxist teachers would never have publicised Saint Paul's 'ode to love'. Nor would they have approved of it being read out at a wedding. At my wedding I loved hearing that

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.'

Perhaps the hardest part is not keeping any record of wrongs. Perhaps this was 'not keeping record of wrongs' helped achieve the greatest change in modern history. The transition from White rule in South Africa to a coloured majority democracy could have been violent beyond comprehension.

Instead the sins of the Whites were set aside, providing they admitted guilt. Who can forget the footage of people in mile long queues waiting to cast their votes for the first time. And seeing blacks playing in the South African rugby team.

I knew little about the bible. The orthodox view in East Germany was derived from Marx who felt that 'religion is the opiate of the people'. Atheism was encouraged by the state. A good Party member would decry all religions. We were given free humanistic leaflets extolling atheism. We knew the weak spots of all the major religions.

Ann and I discussed religion. She asked about the religious persecution in the communist world. I had to admit that I hadn't heard of any. This may sound strange but the Party controlled all the papers and TV.

I was surprised that Ann's father gave 10 per cent of his salary to the church. Ann said that she would do the same once she started earning money. She had given 10 per cent of her pocket money to the church.

We agreed that I would attend church with her only on special occasions. My first church service was at Christmas with her father and her. I felt uncomfortable but was heartened by being closer to Ann. I felt privileged to share in something that meant so much to her and her father.

I quite like Christmas and Easter celebrations, but only as spectacle. To Ann and her father Easter is fundamental. It is something she can not explain even to herself.

Ann does give her 'tithe'. We also set up a direct debit for an organisation that supports those who are oppressed for their religion. It is a sort of Amnesty International for religious people. This is a large step forward for the Marxist in me. I agreed willingly and not only because Ann wanted us to. I reasoned that Ann could be persecuted. I was helping Anns around the world. I would continue to contribute even if Ann died.

Our Funeral Arrangements

I know the hymns and format of Ann's funeral service and where she wants to be buried. She wants to be buried in the same cemetery as her mum and, when he dies, her father.

I have accepted that I would have a church service as per Ann's. But I wanted Ann and her father, if he is still alive, to scatter my ashes on a woodland. I want to grow again in the form of trees.

We agreed that, instead of people sending flowers at our funerals, we would ask people to donate to that organisation.

I could imagine my parents reaction if they knew I was helping religious people around the world. They would think of me being like a drug pusher, supplying 'opiates to the people'.

Peter's Sexual History

Peter has at least 10 sexual partners. His first was a quickie but he always remembers that one fondly. He gave her boot because she was so clingy.

He liked the adventures with number 5. She liked being shagged in woodlands.

But the best was with a married woman. Her husband doesn't know another man was shagging his wife. It is a thrill for both the wife and Peter when they have sex in her house She loved the idea that her husband may come in. Peter liked the uninhibited way she gave herself to him.

However she confessed to her husband. Peter was then dumped. It was a blow to his pride. He had never been dumped before.

He currently has a sexual relationship with another married woman whose husband is terminally ill. He lives out the remainder of his life in a hospice. Peter lives with her in his house. I suspect that he might settle down with her.