All Comments on 'I'll Always Catch You Pt. 01'

that was epic.....great job.....keep it up

Thank you.

While a bit rough in spots, this is a very interesting beginning.

Looking forward to part 2. Thank you

Even though there are a few places where some edits are required, it is a well paced story and told with real compassion. The characters seemed lifelike enough that you could believe it was a real life story. Well done. It looks like you are planning further episodes.

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Devir Ginator

Great story. Can’t wait for the next one!

Look forward to Moose getting what's coming to him.

Really enjoyed that, very good read. I do hope they have a happy ending, but I had a sense of dread all the way through that something bad is going to happen. I hope I'm wrong and they find the happiness they both deserve.

Pretty good! Your introduction said you had never done something this long (66K words) before, but if you'll believe it, I think this story can handle a lot more words. Examples: I know exactly what the girls are wearing, but I don't understand why the guy is in love with them. They're under-written. The girls get abused, have sex and they wear clothes - they need more character development to be believably loveable. Who are they? Have them talk about some random things, have a hobby or a pet. What makes this woman drive a man crazy? More details on the women - not related to sex, abuse or clothes.

The dialogue is pretty natural - but then the characters will say something that is so succinct that it is jarring. Like a difficult emotional concept just needed to get said so the plot could move ahead. Becky was a good character to be direct on Hannah's behalf - but then Hannah was completely comfortable being direct about the bad sex when she couldn't even speak about the slightest thing before. It seemed out of character for her. That, and I reeeaaaallly hated *hated* Jimmy for telling so many people straight out that he saved her from killing herself. That's her deeply private business - and she doesn't know these people. Maybe tell one person in the family (Lori, probably) and then have tension build until Hannah pops the emotional pimple by spilling things out at the table, but it really felt like a betrayal of trust every time he told a family member about that. That, and a girl in hostile territory doesn't hide her face in her arms on the table after exposing her shame - she leaves the room and goes somewhere else. Probably a bathroom. Staying at the table is something a family member might do, but not the abuse survivor. At the table there are too many potential enemies around to have her eyes covered and her ribs exposed.

I wrote more than 2 words here because I think this is really good and you can bet I'll be reading the rest. Keep it up, and go deeper into your characters' emotions, movements and senses. Good luck!

Great story. I gave it 5 stars.

Need to fix some facts: Cleveland to Cincinnati is 4 hrs at most. Delhi is not south of Cincinnati, as that would be Kentucky. Delhi is the next township west of cincinnati on the ohio river. Dayton is not on I-71 and driving through to Cincinnati, one does not drive through Dayton. Use of a map would have fixed several facts. Interesting storyline but even fiction needs plausible facts.

Some stories are created by writers but this one seems to be unfolding from a "story teller".

Will be waiting for part 2 !

Wasn't sure where this was going at first and then when Jim was such a turd when he and Hanna first had sex, I was kind of shocked. Glad that Becky straightened him out regarding his point of view on sex and how he wasn't all that good in the sack, lol.

I've enjoyed the story so far and was a little distressed when 'Mom' turned out to be such a nut case. Hopefully she will get the help she needs. The abuse portrayed in the story is a real life issue that touches way too many lives.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter, thanks.

Brilliantly written portrait fraught with mystery

Some time ago my wife volunteered for a few years at a battered women's shelter in a university town. She encountered one woman twice during that time, an associate professor of sociology with BSci, MA, and PhD degrees from major universities. Both times the woman was transitioning back to her "normal" life after being released from the hospital, the second time after a 4-day stay because her boyfriend beat her with a bicycle chain then threw her down a flight of stairs. She always went back to him, "because he needs me and I love him." It passeth all understanding, at least for me.

I hope our author lets Hannah take charge of her life and find a love-filled future with Jim.

Good story! I wish it had been in two parts.

5

This story was outstanding despite the minor errors. It's one of the best I have read here. You have covered the family dynamic well. Can't wait for the next part.

Love the storyline!...Can't wait for part 2

I thoroughly enjoyed this story. It got better and better the more I read of it. At first I thought the characters were a bit shallow and selfish but that of course was the basis of the storyline. I look forward to part two.

Great story. Can't wait for part 2

A definite 5

get the part 2 please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love the story hoping for a threesome soon..hee hee

Good story. Looking forward to the next chapters.

No matter what you may think, this is well written. I can honestly say that I am hoping you write an additional chapter/section. Looking forward to seeing the rest of what you have written.

Great chapter, looking forward to chapter 2. 5 stars

Great story with well written characters. At times I was ready to shout at your protagonist, but then you would redeem him. Would have loved to be able to watch as his ex girlfriend explained that he was a lousy lover and why. This definitely needs another chapter, or more.

Really great story. Can’t wait for Ch. 2.

Love the story Cant Wait for part 2

I must be wired different than all the other commenters. I thought becky was a terrible friend. She had sex with him 10 times and never communicated to him that he wasn't good a sex. If she was such a good friend she would of told him, instead she let him keep embarrassing him self with other women. But with that said that might just be a me problem

Just don’t leave this story hanging, Please!

I’m with hellsbells. I couldn’t click with any of these characters. I had to stop reading when he started crowing about setting a personal best at 5 minutes.

Some rough patches, I'm not certain that Hannah would be too keen that Jim seems to keep telling people how they met but nice to see that the hero has problems and isn't the superstud he thinks he is or usually appear in these stories. As for his mother, well the least said. A good story and keen to see where it goes.

Great story. It's a life different than I lived but many people do. Thank you. Look forward to reading the next part.

Great story! Maybe a bit realistic for Literoica but you have been posting here longer than I have been reading this site. Nice to have a story based in a part of the country I am from.

Looking forward to chapter 2.

Cheers

SAGE

It was great, I enjoyed it very much. Thank you.

Good overall but needs a good proof read and an editor; so many mistakes that detract from an otherwise good story.

Becky would be looking for work and Hannah and her issues would not be my problem

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Honestly speaking loving a broken person is too difficult and too unreliable. It looks good in romantic story - in real life it is an extreme toll on the person loving them. BTW - if it were me, Becky would be looking for a different job.

However 5 stars for maintaining a complex storyline smoothly (albeit multiple proof errors).

DIANE BARTLETT WAS AN EPIC FAILURE IN HER PROFESSION, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT CAME TO HANNAH

Jim's mother is a TOXIC BITCH

Jim is a cunt for having the office whore Becky working with him

JIM IS A CUNT!! SEEMS HE MUST HAVE BECKY AROUND HANDLING HIS OFFICE, HIS SEX LIFE, HIS RELATIONSHIPS!

HANNAH NEEDS A NEW THERAPIST

lol anon was so mad he had to make 4 comments back to back and in three of them say the same damn thing pretty much