All Comments on 'I'm Finally Home!'

what kind of ass wouldn't come home for his sisters wedding?

What the hell is this supposed to mean? Speakee English?

IF, as you claim, you are a novelist, I sincerely hope you have a good editor, because your grammar and syntax are as crappy as this alleged story.

"I seen" "They seen" "Your" instead of "You're" --- She had her hands "tied behind her back" then shoved a dildo up his ass? How?" -- the list goes on ad nauseam.

Fuck me like you the whore that I am.",

Have not got the time nor the ambition to try to figure out what the fuck that is supposed to say or mean

My suggestion would be give it up,, start over and at least try to graduate preschool this time

If you're a novelist, then you wouldn't make the usual mistake many authors do on here.......

"Well isn't that a sight." Said my sister in a saucy voice.

Said isn't capitalized after the dialog. Also, when the dialog is finished, you add a comma, not a period. Not to mention, what she said is a question, not a statement.

"Well, isn't that a sight?" my sister said in a saucy voice.

That's how I would have written that one.

Too many other mistakes to even bother giving this a vote.

Of course, the mindless uneducated bots will be cheerleading to no end on here, telling you not to pay attention to the criticism.

The story line is basically good. I would proof read for grammatical mistakes, typos, etc. They irritate readers that like a smoothly flowing story. I would pay more attention to details that detract from the story, such as brother and sister immediately deciding to loudly fuck each other, and possibly wake up their parents. Yes, I realize that keeping quiet is mentioned, but not much is done about it. Long missing son comes home and the parents just go to bed? Really?

And the backstory is different and somewhat interesting. But I have two beefs. First, the author's adherence to what is all too prevalent in bios on Lit. He/she/it is a sexless, ageless being located nowhere in the known universe. More importantly, if the guy is going to fuck his sister--a fine idea in itself for every brother--why oh why does he fuck her up the ass? That's okay later on or say as a change of pace. But, come on, for the first time? Any guy'd want to test-drive his sister's cute little cunt, he's been waiting and aching for years to just shove his hard cock up between his sister's legs, fuck the shit out of her, and blow his brotherly balls up his sis's tight little slit. Up his sister's warm wet twat is where a brother's semen belongs, not her asshole.

'Foreign' is not a place, there is no such place as 'Foreign', and no-one on the entire planet speaks 'Foreign'. Minus 300 points for being an ignorant turd and blaring it to the world here.

Dreaming-up feverish wank fantasies in your mommy's basement while playing GTA and 'World of Warcraft' incessantly does not make you a novelist, and having an avatar girlfriend in 'Other Life' doesn't mean you know anything about sex; for all you know it's another guy just like you....

Experience the real world first, and real people, both of which have to be your model for fantasy; unless you know about something or someone, how can you write coherent and plausible fantasies about them?

Come back and write something adult when you've finished going through puberty and the acne's cleared up. Oh, and have a wash once in a while, get some sunlight, and stay away from here until you know what the fuck you're talking about.

"your" does not mean "you are"

Good story how about a sequel

MORE!! Please?

YUK!

Fantastic story, well written, and.. HOT !

They didn’t waste any time finding their deep Love for one another and realizing they need to stay an be together forever .

I like the way the Author ended this first chapter by calling her “ Wifey”, because their joy of the wonder of discovering each other deserves more chapters . We sure all hope so .