All Comments on 'I'm Going To Hell'

The story-idea in itself isn't bad. But the execution was... boring. There was no feelings, no thought process, no debate, and no development. You could've just as well written: "My Sister screwed EVERYTHING with two legs for seven years. I even caught her screwing our parents. I watched this without thinking about it until one day, on a whim, I decided to join in. We did that for six months. The end."

The story would still be just the same. I would still get the very same experience.

She's had sex with thousands of guys but is worried about covid? Everyone is going to hell.

It was just a litany of who Britti fucked. She loves her brother, but put no effort into seducing him, just fucking everyone but him.

""Look, I know you are her sister, and you guys say it all the time, but she's never said I love you to any of those thousands of guys she's screwed. Not once."

~Erm, actually I think HE is HER BROTHER, not her sister!

A sad story of a loser and a dumb bitch. No characters worth caring about, no real emotion shown to give it any impact, and no sex scenes good enough to make it a stroke story. All-in-all, a failure.

Would have never laid my hands on a whore that got used up as much as her. She had so many miles on her she probably had semi trucks pulling in and parking.

Unfortunately, I have to agree with Sarkasmus. This story was a good idea but the execution was poor. The story was boring including the sex scenes. Your story was not detailed enough. Better luck next time.

I fell dumber reading this story this shit sucks stop writing

I would love to hear more from these two.

So she always loved her brother and, to prove him her love, she had sex with everybody for years and years and turned her body into a cesspool of disease and rot.

I don't think so.

Nope

Please accept this as helpful advice. This story has some interesting dynamics that you don’t see in many other incest stories. MC finding out his sister mother and dad are having sex together and he NOT into it. When sis comes to his college and he tells his parents he knows and won’t be coming back because of it. A separate storyline is that she’s an ethical slut. That’s not a bad thing. She has a code of ethics she believes in and others are willing to follow them. But those 2 storylines are not that compatible and there’s not enough explanation for the reader to grasp it. I think some will either see the sister as a slut only or an uncontrolled nympho who has no problem with who she has sex with. I know you briefly addressed this in the story, but again, I’m not sure it was done in a way for the reader to grasp it. The sex scenes were not fully developed either. It just didn’t work for the story in some cases and in others like when mom and sis or dad and sis were seen, it didn’t titillate for lack of a better word. Another issue was the pacing. You breeze through a lot of time like the 18 months that Mary and Connie were dating. And if Britti is so in love with Marty, what’s she doing setting up her brother in a relationship? Unless she wanted him to fail? Or use Connie to get to him somehow? But instead, she was upset when Marty and Connie broke up. The last part of the story during the lockdown is also fast paced and doesn’t really explain how Marty changes his mind about having sex with Britti.

I wouldn’t like to suggest that you use this as a first draft and add in scenes to describe at least Marty’s thought process, develop an emotional connection for the reader to connect with the characters, and look at this from more than 1 point of view. Marty has questions about how and why his sister changed so drastically from the girl he knew. She needs to be able to explain it in a rational manner. If not directly from her than in pieces that Marty can learn from others. His mom and dad’s POV may be needed at times. And if you continue to keep the relationship with Connie and Marty, then I would like to know how she sees having sex and friendship with Britti and a close dating relationship with Marty.

I wish I could explain this in a better manner but understand that it is meant as constructive criticism.

Who needs Covid when there are so many STDs out there? A yhousand plus random guys and never caught anything? Yeah, right.

I would love a chapter 2 where she has hiv and he talks about sex isn't about getting laid. He tells about a true emotional connection makes it better and then tells them maybe some bullshit of how a pushy over years would conform itself to 1 cock etc.. let them slowly die in regret.

Here's the thing, I like the initial idea, the problem was the execution, it was really bad. This was more of an outline or a long synopsis than a story, the characters are paper thin, the plot gets weak and nothing happens, no one acts like a human.

The story tries to portray him as protective and caring brother.. but let's his sister become an actual whore, ruin dozens of marriages, probably contract a new STD not previously known to man and he just... Does nothing, there's no reaction, he has no emotions and I think that's the biggest problem with this story, you wrote a bunch of plot points but filled them with mannequins.

He's disgusted that his family is banging and punishes his parents but does laughs it off with his sister, the parents are never mentioned again, they're not regretful or anything that they lost their son?

This could work, it's not a bad idea, it's just... Empty.

Needs a chapter 2