I'm Not Amy

We arranged to meet the following Tuesday evening. Christine had meetings at school that evening with the parents of her students and would not be home until sometime after nine.

John and Bill arrived a little after seven, I made us something to drink and we sat in the living room.

"Rick, something that Rob said at the Bar-B-Que at his house several days ago got me to thinking. I asked Bill to round up some figures for me about our company's travel expenses."

Opening his briefcase he withdrew several sheets of paper.

"Rick, these are the figures pertaining to the cost of the company's airfares for our top executives and senior staff members for the past year," he said handing me the paper.

"As you can see they are quite substantial. Now here are the expenses for lodging and food for trips that were either delayed or cancelled," he said passing me another page.

Looking at the figures I saw that they were almost a third as much as the cost of airfares.

"Now these figures do not reflect other intangible costs such as lost productivity spent while waiting around air terminals and not to mention time spent away from families necessitated by our executives having to leave a day early in order to meet conference schedules. Those cost are really incalculable."

"What Rob said about leasing corporate jets and hiring our own pilots sounded intriguing," John said.

"So Bill did some research and came up with these projections." Handing me a third page he continued speaking.

Looking at this third page I was surprised to see that these numbers reflected a substantial savings over the first two pages of figures.

My curiosity got the better of me and I was already to question John about all of this when he asked me.

"Would you be interested in heading up a new division for the company as Director of Flight Operations and Chief Pilot? You would also have the responsibility to recruit four additional pilots to fill your staff."

Handing me a fourth and final page he said, "and this is what we would offer you in salary and benefits."

I looked at this page and then looked again. The salary alone was more than forty thousand dollars a year greater then my current pay as a lieutenant commander and the new commander of the squadron.

"John, this is a very generous offer. But there are some things of which you should be aware. First, while I currently do hold VFR (Visual Flight Ratings) and also IFR (Instrument Flight Ratings) I'm only certified to fly single engine jets. I would need to acquire a multi-engine certification to fly a corporate business jet."

"We are aware of that, Rick. The company is more than willing to pay the costs for you to obtain that certification. The same holds true for any of the four pilots you recruit that might need that certification as well."

"One more question for you, John. Legally would this be considered some sort of nepotism since both you and Bill are my brothers-in-law?"


"No, Rick. Our corporate attorneys have assured us that since this new division will be an entirely separate entity not under my or Bill's supervision. We are good to go."

"Wow! This is a lot to take in. I need to check on my active duty status with the Navy and see how long it would take to be placed in the Reserves. Of course, I really need to talk this all over with Christine before I decide. May I have a few days before I give you my decision?"

"Not a problem," they both said in unison.

"Great. Today is Tuesday and I'll have my answer for you before the end of the week."

Bill and John left just about ten minutes before Christine came home. When she noticed the empty glasses on the kitchen counter she asked who had come over.

"John and Bill. Remember I told you the other day that John wanted to speak with me."

"Oh, that's right," she said. "It completely slipped my mind."

"Come on into the living room. I've got a lot to tell you."

For the next hour I explained everything John and Bill had proposed to me. Christine listened intently, only interrupting once or twice to ask a question or clarify a point. When I finished I asked her what were her thoughts about the whole thing.

She looked at me and said, "ultimately it is your decision, Rick. I know that whatever you decide will be in the best interest for both of us. You do realize that whatever you decide I'll stand alongside of you all the way."

Hugging her tightly I responded. "No, Christine. It's not just MY decision. It is OUR decision. Our marriage is an equal partnership, I need to know, I have to know, your thoughts and feelings."

"Sweetheart it's getting late and we both have to get up early for work. We do not have to reach a decision tonight. Let's sleep on it and we can talk more about it tomorrow afternoon. Okay?"

When we got into bed she rolled towards me gave me a kiss and murmured in my ear. "You know I'm not going to be able to sleep a wink thinking about all of this."

"Well then let me give you something else, more important, to think about right now," I said gathering her into my arms as I reached over turning the light off.

The next day I thought long a hard about John's offer. I made a written list of the pros and cons and they about equaled out.

Putting the list down, next to a photograph of Christine, on my desk, I turned away and looked out the window of my office toward the flight line where the fighter jets of my squadron were lined up, gleaming in the afternoon sun. It was then I realized what my decision had to be. Now all I had to do was hope that Christine would be in agreement with it.

I left the base a little early to insure I would be home before Christine arrived at her normal time of four o'clock. Going into the apartment I quickly showered, shaved again and changed into a pair of slacks and a polo shirt.

When Christine arrived home she found me standing in the living room looking out the window. I turned and gathered her into my arms and whispered into he ear.

"Let's go out to dinner. We'll talk later."

Giving me a quick kiss she replied, "just give me a minute to change and freshen up."

Driving in the car toward our favorite restaurant, along the Saint John's River, I asked her how her day went.

"It wasn't the best of days, Rick. All I could think about the entire day was the decision you would reach."

"Rick, I'll be honest with you. Every time you leave on a training cruise or go on another six month deployment I'm scared to death that I'll never see you again."

"But then when I hear the pride in your voice and see the look of satisfaction on your face when you speak about what you do in trying to make the world a safer place for all of us I know I could never take that away from you."

"So whatever your decision may be I want you to know I am with you one hundred and ten percent. I love you so much. I just want you to be happy."

"Christine, I know what I want." As we walked along the river, on the path toward the restaurant, I began explaining what I had thought about all day.

"I made a list of all the pros and cons and it didn't help. I placed it on my desk, along with John's offer, right next to your photograph. Then I turned and looked out at the flight line with all of my squadron's fighter jets glistening in the afternoon sun. It was an inspiring sight that filled me with a great deal pride in who I am and what my life is all about."

"Then I turned back, saw your photograph, as I logged on to my desktop computer. Searching through the menu I found the form I was looking for and filled it out. My finger hesitated for just a second over the 'delete' key before I hit the 'send' key requesting a transfer from Active Duty to the Reserves."

"I'm going to accept John's offer, sweetheart. That last deployment, away from you for six months, was pure hell. I want to stay here with you, forever, for the rest of my life."

Before I could say another word Christine leapt into my arms, hugging me tightly, as she cried onto my shoulder.

"Are you sure, Rick? I only want for you to be happy. I love you so much."

"Absolutely!" I said, as I lifted her face upward kissing her. "ABSOLUTELY!"

******************

EPILOGUE - THREE YEARS LATER

The flight today was a easy hop down to Orlando with a half dozen techs from the company's Information Technology Division. Something to do with fixing some bugs in the new software package that allowed faster integration within the company's entire computer network. Couple of hours later, problem solved and an easy forty-seven minute flight back to Craig Municipal where our base of operations was located. I had selected Craig Municipal because of its close proximity to the company's headquarters in Mid-Town Jacksonville.

I was driving home to the house Christine and I bought almost two and a half years ago when she told me we were having a baby. My mind wandered back to everything that had happened since I accepted John's offer three years ago.

We had searched high and low for something we both wanted. Finally we found a two story, five bedroom, five bath, pool home with deep water access in Fort Caroline Shores. After some back and forth negotiations with the owners it was ours. One of the five bedrooms was converted into a craft room and another became my home office.

It had taken me six months before I had the new Division of Flight Operations for the company up and running. I hired three men and one woman, all former naval aviators, to fly the two leased business jets. So far I have heard nothing but compliments on the service we were supplying the company's executives and senior staff members.

As a matter of fact, Bill called just the other day telling me that our operations had saved the company something north of twenty percent over the previous arrangements.

Parking my car in the attached garage I entered the house through the laundry room.

"I'm home. How are my two favorite girls?" I asked as I walked into the family room where Christine was on the floor playing with our two year old daughter, Kaitlin.

Seeing me she toddled over with her arms stretched out demanding to be picked up.

Picking her up I threw her in the air as she screamed with delight. "How's my little girl today?" I asked as I gently put her down and helped Christine to her feet.

"What did the doctor say this morning?" I asked.

"Everything is fine," Christine responded. She told me that I'm about three month along and the sonogram showed absolutely no problems."

"We're having a boy. I'm so excited."

"Wow! That's wonderful. Have you told anyone, yet?"

"No. I thought we'd tell your parents tonight at dinner and then go over and break the news to my mother."

For the next five months everything went along just fine and then . . .

******************

"Mr. Wagner," my secretary said sticking her head inside my office door, "there is a Florida Highway Patrolman here to see you."

I got up from my desk and walked out into the outer office. I don't remember hearing anything other than . . . your wife and child . . semi-truck . . red light . . airlifted to Shands Trauma Center.

Driving through Jacksonville at four in the afternoon is a nightmare. Traffic is slow anyway and to compound matters there was construction narrowing the lanes on the 115 across the St. Johns River.

While I was stuck in traffic I called my mom and dad and told them what had happened. Dad said they would meet me at the hospital. Then I called John and asked him to get a hold of Barbara, Christine's older sister, and have her break the news to their mother.

Arriving at the trauma center some thirty minutes later, I parked and ran into the emergency room. Identifying myself to the clerk at the desk I asked about my wife and child. She typed something on the computer keyboard at her desk and instructed me to go through the doors to my left, down the corridor to the nurse's station and they would direct me from there.

The clerk pushed a button, the locked doors opened and I rushed down the corridor. A nurse at the desk told me that my daughter was in treatment room one and I could go right in. I found Kaitlin lying on a bed crying for her mommy with a nurse standing by her bed trying to calm her.

Sweeping her up in my arms I held her until her crying subsided. The nurse told me she was fine other than some bumps and bruises. Fortunately she was in her car seat, in the back seat, away from the impact side of Christine's SUV.

"What about my wife?" I asked.

Just then a doctor came into the room and checked Kaitlin over, turned to me, introducing himself as Doctor Reynolds and said.

"We'll be keeping your daughter here for a few hours, but you should be able take her home later on this afternoon."

I repeated my question about Christine's condition. The doctor looked at me and said I looked familiar. Come to find out he was the flight surgeon that released me back to active duty some years ago after I had broken my leg. He was now in the Reserves and had seen me a couple of months ago when I had a new flight physical.

He told me that he didn't know anything about Christine's condition but he would try and find out what was happening for me. I returned my attention to Kaitlin, continuing to soothe her.

The doctor had no sooner left when my mom and dad walked into the room. Mom immediately went into Grandma mode and soon had Kaitlin completely calmed down. Dad took me outside the room and asked what I knew about Christine's condition.

I just shook my head and said, "nothing yet."

Dad took my arm and steered me over to a small seating area. "Let grandma look after Kaitlin for a while. We'll wait here for any news."

Twenty minutes later Kim and Rob showed up followed shortly thereafter by Barbara, John and Christine's mother. Bill and Sally appeared ten minutes later. After telling them all the information I had, the girls joined my mother in Kaitlin's room.

The nurse from Kaitlin's room appeared and told us that Kaitlin was being discharged in about ninety minutes and we could take her home. Kim volunteered to take her back to my house so the rest of us could remain waiting at the hospital.

Every fifteen minutes I inquired at the nursing station if there was any word about my wife. All they could tell me was that she was still being treated.

Three hours went by when suddenly Doctor Reynolds reappeared. He apologized for not coming back sooner but but the emergency room had gotten swamped. Two gunshot wounds, a heart attack and a tree trimmer who had touched a high voltage wire kept him busy.

Now that he had a few minutes respite he would see what he could find out about Christine for me. Another half hour went by before he returned accompanied by an older man dressed in scrubs. He introduced him as Doctor Thompson, the trauma center's chief surgeon.

Doctor Thompson explained to me and my family that he had just finished treating Christine.

"We managed to save the baby, although he appears to be about four to five weeks premature. His birth weight is low and we have him on a ventilator helping him breathe. Right now he is upstairs in the neonatal unit. I firmly believe that he will be fine in a couple of weeks or so."

"Your wife is another story. She was badly injured in the accident. She suffered a severe head injury causing her brain to swell. Our best neurosurgeon managed to relieve that pressure. But we have had to place her into a medically induced coma in hopes of felicitating a recovery.

"The entire left side of her body is badly bruised. Her left knee and hip were damaged. There is no sign of breakage but every one of the ligaments were torn. I have repaired them. Now, coupled with the exertion of giving birth, your wife is in extremely guarded condition."

"Right now she is being moved to the Critical Care Unit. We'll know more in the next forty-eight to seventy-two hours as to her chances of survival."

"I don't want to give you any false hope but your wife is young and strong and . . . . . with God's help she'll pull through. I am extremely sorry to have to give you such devastating news but you should know just in case."

"When can I see her? I asked him.

"I'll take you there now," he replied. "As I said she's in the CCU up on the third floor."

As we left Doctor Reynolds stepped over, shook my hand and told me he and his wife would be praying for her.

When we stepped out of the elevator onto the Critical Care Unit floor Doctor Thompson led us down the corridor to Christine's room. The door was shut. Opening it he turned and said to me. "Give me a few minutes before you go inside."

He entered the room and shut the door behind him. In less than a minute he returned explaining he wanted to check to be sure everything was hooked up and functioning properly.

"Before you go inside Mr. Wagner prepare yourself. She is not going to look anything like you remember her."

As I stepped inside I saw Christine lying there with a sterile dressing on the left side of her head, a trach tube down her throat, I.V.s in both arms, wires hooked up to several machines monitoring blood pressure, respiration and other of her vital functions. She also had several small patches on her head with wire leads to a machine that I assumed was monitoring her brain activity.

Moving over to her bedside I grasped her right hand and leaning over, kissed her gently on her forehead. I whispered in her ear how much I loved her. I could have sworn I felt her hand tighten on mind as I whispered words of love and encouragement.

After a few minutes I left her side allowing her mother, Barbara and John along with my parents with Bill and Sally in to see her. They stayed for about five minutes before leaving.

Doctor Thompson met with us briefly in the hallway encouraging us to go home and get some rest. He told us that if anything changed in Christine's condition the hospital would call immediately.

I asked Doctor Thompson if it was all right for me to stay with my wife. "She has always stood by me. Now it's my turn to stay by her side."

The doctor saw no problem with my request. After watching everyone go downstairs in the elevator I turned and went back into Christine's room. Pulling up a chair to her bedside, I sat down, grasped her hand and started talking to her.

Sometime during the night I fell asleep. I was awaken by one of the nurses who came to check on Christine. She asked if I was okay.

"Just a whole lot stiff from sleeping in this chair all night, other than that I'm fine," I replied.

Mom, Dad and Christine's mother appeared sometime after nine. Dad brought me a cup of coffee and something to eat that he picked up in the hospital cafeteria before coming up stairs.

He, also, brought a change of clothes and my travel kit bag. After eating I went into the small bathroom in the room, brushed my teeth, shaved and changed into the fresh clothes.

When I reappeared, Doctor Thompson was there with another doctor he introduced as Doctor Elizabeth Greene.

"Doctor Greene is one of the best neurologists here at Shands. She will be handling your wife's case from here on out." Shaking my hand, he said in leaving, "all my best to you and your wife."

Doctor Greene then proceeded to explain what course of treatment she planned in the days ahead.

"I am encouraged by your wife's brain wave activity as evidenced by these readings from the EEG," she said, holding up a strip of paper with all sorts of squiggly lines.

After examining Christine for some minutes, she left. Mom, Dad and Christine's mom stayed for about an hour before they left telling me they would be back later in the day. I resumed my seat next to the bed and began talking to Christine once more.

Later that evening, after everybody had left, an orderly appeared with a new chair. "Doctor Greene thought you could use a more comfortable chair since you are planning to stay the night again."