I'm Not Amy

I spent the rest of the night talking to my wife before falling asleep sometime after midnight.

The next morning Doctor Greene appeared and examined Christine once more. She summoned a nurse and told her to transfer Christine to an examining room for a CAT scan.

I remained behind in the room waiting. A little over an hour went by when they returned. Doctor Greene had a smile on her face when she told me that the scan had revealed the swelling around Christine' brain had dissipated to the extent that she was ordering the drugs that had kept her unconsciousness to be stopped. She, also, removed the trach tube and eliminated one of the I.V.s.

"She should be a lot more comfortable now," Doctor Greene said, when she had finished.

"How long will it be before she regains consciousness?" I asked her.

"It could be several hours, a few days or even longer. Every patient responds differently," she replied. "All we can do at this point is to wait and see."

And wait and wait and wait. Ten days passed with no sign of Christine regaining consciousness. I spent almost every minute by her bedside holding her hand and talking to her.

When my parents or Christine's mother and sister visited I was able to leave for an hour or so. It gave me time to shower, shave and change into the clean clothes my dad would bring. The nurses were kind enough to offer the use of the staff locker room.

Then I would run on over to the pediatric nursery to see my son and check on his progress. He was doing just fine and I was even able to hold him. The pediatrician told me he was gaining weight and was only four ounces away from being able to go home.

The head nurse, chuckling, when she said, "and he has a great set of lungs and isn't afraid to use them when he's hungry or needs changing."

Late that night, as I was recounting what the pediatrician and nurse had told me, I felt Christine's hand tighten on mine and heard her say something to me.

"Baby? . . . Son? . . ." She whispered.

I pushed the 'call button' and when the nurse arrived a few seconds later I announced, "She's awake . . . she spoke to me!"

As Christine became gradually more alert I set her mind at ease, telling her that Kaitlin was fine. She was staying at home with the two grandmothers who were watching and no doubt spoiling her. Then I went on explaining more about the accident and our son's premature birth.

"He gained enough weight that he was able to go home yesterday. Your mom and my mother are watching him as well."

Just as I was finishing Doctor Greene entered the room.

"Mrs. Wagner, how are you feeling?" She asked as she proceeded to examine her.

"I am going to order another CAT scan for tomorrow morning and we'll run a few more tests. Barring anything out of the ordinary I believe we'll be able to release you in the very near future."

Then she went on telling Christine, "you have quite a husband. He has not left you for more than a few moments since you were admitted. He's very much in love with you."

"I know," Christine replied looking at me. "Believe me, I know. And I am very, very much in love with him."

The following afternoon the results of the CAT scan and all the other tests came back 'normal'. Doctor Greene delivered the good news and told us that Christine would be discharged before the end of the week.

Just as Doctor Greene was leaving Doctor Thompson entered the room. The two spoke briefly and then he approached Christine's bedside.

"Let me examine your knee," he said to her. Unwrapping the bandages he continued speaking. "Wonderful, there appears to be no signs of infection around the sutures. However, I'm afraid you will have to be placed in a soft cast to immobilize your knee for a few weeks."

"We want to make sure that the internal sutures repairing all your ligaments are not disturbed," he explained. "It means that the physical therapy for your knee will have to be delayed for a while. But you can start physical therapy for your left elbow and shoulder."

He turned to me and said, "I'll have a list of physical therapists to choose from when she is discharged. Select one and I'll write the referral for your wife."

Five days later when I went to sign the discharge papers for Christine I was also handed the list of physical therapists as promised by Doctor Thompson. As I scanned the list of seven recommended therapists I saw that four were on the west side of town, two were on the south side and was was reasonably close to where we lived. Choosing that one I handed the document back to the discharge clerk.

On the way back to Christine's room I glanced at the bill. Holy crap! It was well into six figures. Even with medical insurance my out of pocket expenses would be substantial.

But hell it was worth every penny of it. I still have my wife alive to be able to take home.

Christine was more than ready to leave when I got back upstairs to her room. After a little bit of difficulty, the nurses and I were able to get her into the back seat of my SUV. I buckled her up and we took off for home. When we arrived I got her out from the car, into a wheelchair and began to wheel her to the front door.

Before we got half was there the door opened and Kaitlin, both grandmothers and my dad came out to greet us. Kaitlin rushed over yelling, "Mommy, mommy." She threw her arms around Christine and laughing and crying at the same time told her how much she missed her.

After everyone greeted her, Dad helped me carry the wheelchair up the front steps and into the house. Grandma Miller disappeared for a few moments but soon returned carrying a crying little infant, our son Scott.

She placed him into Christine's outstretched arms. Just as soon as she held him to her chest he stopped crying.

"It appears someone else is happy to see you home," I said to Christine.

After lunch Christine said she was tired and would like to lie down for a while.

"Okay. Let's go upstairs to our bedroom." I answered as I wheeled he over to the stairway. "I had this chair lift installed the other day. It will make it a snap for you to get up and down the stairs."

Pulling the comforter down I helped her into our bed.

"Stay with me for a while, please," she asked.

"This is the first time we have been truly alone together since the accident," she said snuggling up next to me and immediately falling asleep.

Several hours later the ringing phone on the night table by the bed woke me. Caller ID identified it as the Physical Therapy Clinic. I answered it.

The caller introduced himself as Doctor Todd Edwards. He explained he had a referral from Doctor Thompson. He was calling to inquire if it would be convenient to stop by to conduct an evaluation in order to assess what had to be done in developing a PT program for Mrs. Wagner. We set an appointment for seven that evening.

When he arrived he was accompanied by a young woman who he introduced as his wife. He went on to explain that both of them would be involved in Christine's therapy.

While they examined Christine he insisted I stayed in the room. When the evaluation was complete he demonstrated several exercises I could help Christine with to strengthen her upper body.

After setting an appointment for the following day, they left. Christine asked me to help her with the exercises the therapist recommended before we went to bed.

"I want, I need to start this right now," she exclaimed to me.

I'd not seen anyone with the fortitude and willpower she displayed. I saw the pain in her face as we went through the exercises but she refused to stop.

The next morning I drove her to the clinic to begin her physical therapy. I watched as they put her on the machines that would both stretch and strengthen her upper body. After thirty minutes Doctor Edwards asked her if she wanted to stop and take a break.

She replied to him she wanted to continue for the remaining thirty minutes uninterrupted. When we left she was exhausted.

A few days later as we were having breakfast, Christine told me about some dreams she had while in the hospital. I discussed them with Doctor Greene and she told me they were probably the result of the medications I was taking and not to worry.

"I'm not on any medications now and I had the same dream again last night."

She went on to recount her dream.

"I was walking in a very arid place and came upon an old destroyed building. I ventured inside and saw you with a pistol in your hand pointing it at your head. I screamed at you to stop, telling you how much I loved and needed you."

That really shook me up. I couldn't recall ever telling her anything about that moment. Then I remembered.

"While you were still in the coma I sat with you every day and talked about our life together. I confided some things with you I had never told you before."

"That day I was about ready to give it all up and thought about about ending my life. Then I saw your face and heard your voice telling me you loved me and needed me. It was then I knew that I would survive."

It was a very emotional moment for the both of us. I got up, knelt by her side and we embraced, crying in each other's arms.

Then Christine continued telling me of her dreams.

"In another dream I was walking toward a very dark place when I heard your voice. You said how much you loved me and that I just had to get better. When I turned way from the darkness I saw you standing in a warm, sunny light with your arms outstretched for me. It was at that moment I knew my life was with you and I turned way from the darkness."

That morning we were more than an hour late for her PT appointment.

Several weeks later the cast came off and she displayed the same fortitude and determination to strengthen her leg.

"I'm tired of using a wheelchair or crutches to get around. I want to regain my mobility as quickly as possible. We can't expect my mother and your parents to care for our children forever."

"I want to play with our daughter and take care of our baby son," she told me, "and if it means I have to put up with some pain and discomfort so-be-it."

So we settled into a routine. I would drop Christine off at the clinic for her physical therapy every morning before heading on over to work. My mom and dad would pick her up afterwards and bring her home. Between the two grandmas and dad, Kaitlin and Scott were well looked after.

As Christine slowly regained her strength and mobility she was able to take over much of the responsibility of caring for Scott. At first all she could do was hold him and rock him to sleep. She soon took over the feeding and changing of his diapers.

One Friday afternoon after returning home early from the airfield I immediately noticed how quiet the house was. No Kaitlin running over to greet me.

"Where is everybody?" I asked Christine.

"Kaitlin went with my mother to visit Barbara and her kids for the weekend. Scott is with your parents visiting Sally and his cousins. We are home alone for the whole weekend," was her response.

"I received great news today from Doctor Edwards. I'm finished with physical therapy."

"Rick, do you remember what I told you when you asked me what would were we going to do with all these bedrooms when we bought this house? I told you I wanted to fill them with children."

Taking my hand, leading me toward our bedroom and kissing me she said. "Let's get started making more right now."

Leading me toward our bedroom I heard her mumble . . . "I'm sure glad I'm not Amy."