I'm Not Who I Used to Be

~~~~~~

A friend of Sarah's named, "Dani Anderson" told me, after finding out which Hospital I was taking Sarah to, that she would call the emergency room ahead of us so that they would be waiting for us when we got there. I thought it was very kind of her to do that and thanked her for her actions.

"Not only is Sarah my friend," Dani quietly whispered in to me ear, "But she loves you, Michael; she just doesn't know it yet," and then I immediately took off to the hospital, praying to God the whole way there; asking that he look out for this beautiful angel that now lay with her head in my lap as I drove...

~~~~~~

HER

I opened my eyes again forty-eight hours later, to discover that I was in a room at Texas Women's Hospital, with my left arm and shoulder in a partial body cast and my left eye so badly bruised that it was swollen shut. My roommate and sorority sister, Danielle "Dani" Anderson, was there with me, tightly holding my right hand with frightful tears in her eyes that immediately disappeared the moment I woke up.

"Oh, my God, Sarah, are you alright?" Dani worriedly sniffled, "Damn, girl, you scared the shit out of me."

"I don't remember much," I groaned, "What happened after my asshole ex-boyfriend hit me?"

"Michael Taylor is what happened," Dani proudly smiled, "The moment he heard Dennis yelling at you, which was followed by the sound of you screaming, he practically flew off of that stage trying to get to you. Unfortunately Michael wasn't able to get there until a couple of seconds after Dennis punched you in the face.

He was all over Dennis like a case of measles, and after it took six people to pull him away; Dennis was taken to Herman Hospital in an ambulance. A couple of Dennis' family members tried pressing charges against Michael but after everyone told the police what had happened and that Michael was simply defending you, all charges against him were immediately dropped. Dennis, on the other hand, is going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, and is now recovering in Herman Hospital; and he'll be brought to trial for felony aggravated assault as well as attempted felony rape the minute that the Doctor releases him."

"Really?" I asked, my face hurting from smiling, "What happened to Michael, and where is he?

"Who do you think drove you here?" Dani softly smiled, "He carried you in his arms for three blocks to his car, and then he brought you here."

"I need you to find him for me, Dani." I insistently told her, "There's something I need to tell him."

"He's gone," she sadly and quietly replied, looking down at the floor, "I was told that him and the rest of the band packed up and left yesterday morning, and nobody knows where they went."

"Oh, my God, no," I cried, "Now I'll probably never see him again," as tears silently began to rain down my face.

"Why're you getting so upset, girl?" Dani inquired, "I thought you said that you couldn't stand Michael Taylor."

"I need to find him so that I can apologize to him for the way I treated him for the last four years...I think I'm in love with him, Dani," I continued to cry, "And now I'll never see him again."

"Jesus, Sarah," she gasped, "You should've told him; hell, he might've stayed here."

"I was too afraid to tell him," I bitterly wept, "You all would've mercilessly teased me about it."

"Come on Sarah," Dani soothed, as she gently took my hand, "Nobody would've made fun of you, especially after he went through that beautiful transformation during the summer before senior year."

"Bullshit, that's such a lie," I angrily replied; and then hanging my head, I sniffled and asked, "Now what am I gonna do?"

"I'm so sorry," Dani, too, began to cry, "Please forgive me for being such a shallow bitch, Sarah...please?"

"Of course, I forgive you," I softly replied, gently bringing her in to me with my right arm to hug her, "But I'm not the one you should be apologizing to..."

~~~~~~

ME

After graduating college, me and the rest of the band left for Los Angeles the day after graduation to try our luck at getting a record deal. Mark and I had written several really good songs over the years, and we, "Odyssey", spent the first year out there playing gigs in clubs all up and down the West Coast, trying to make a name for ourselves. Little did we realize that we would get our first major break on the night we showcased our original material at a place in Los Angeles, on Pico Boulevard called, "The Mint"?

There was a man in attendance that night named, Ahmet Ertegun, who just happened to be the president and founder of Atlantic Records. After our gig was over, we started breaking down and packing our gear up, when, in the company of the club owner, a man that we'd never seen before came up to the stage to speak with us.

After the club owner, who, for the purpose of telling this story I'll call, Zack, introduced him to us, Mister Ertegun smiled and told us, "You guys have the purest, most unique sound I've ever heard. Is there any way that you gentlemen could come to my office to sit down and maybe talk about a possible future with Atlantic Records?"

"We'd love that Mister Ertegun," I happily replied, having been made spokesman by the rest of the band, "What time would you like us to be there?"

"How about two o'clock tomorrow afternoon?" he knowingly smiled, "That way you will all be rested, okay?" as he handed me his business card.

"We're looking forward to it" I excitedly replied, "Thank you, Mister Ertegun."

"Please," he humbly smiled, "Call me Ahmet," and then after he shook each of our hands, he turned and silently walked away."

"Congratulations, fellas," Zack smiled, "It looks like your days of playing in bars are about to come to an end."

"Seriously?" Mark asked, "Do you think he's gonna sign us to a label deal?"

"Oh, yeah," Zack chuckled, "I've know the man for a long time now, and he was absolutely beside himself about how good he thought you guys sounded."

"Holy shit," Kevin, our Bass player, gasped, "We're going to be famous."

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch, bro," I said, "Mister Ertegun just said he wanted to meet with us, that's all."

"You don't hear very well; do you, Cuz?" my cousin, Mark, laughed, "The man said he wanted to talk to us about a possible future with Atlantic Records."

"Maybe so," I cautiously replied, "But we're not there yet. A lot of things have to happen between now and then, and you all know what I'm talking about, because we discussed this a long time ago, remember?"

You see, Mark and I may have been Music majors, but he had a strong minor in Marketing, and I had minored in Recording Industry Management. Lee had majored in Finance and minored in music, and Kevin had received his C.P.A. certification not too long after we'd graduated college. And because of the fact that none of us used drugs, well, with the exception of smoking the occasional joint here and there, we didn't spend our monies frugally and allowed Lee to more or less be our accountant, who also showed all of us how to maintain and keep our credit in excellent shape.

Putting all of that aside, we were very smart as well as very aware of how the music industry worked. We also made a solemn promise to one another before we ever decided to head out to Los Angeles, that in the event we ever came upon the situation we now found ourselves in; that the first time we smelled a rat, or suspected shady dealings of any kind, we had a back-up plane. Mine and Mark's Uncle Brian may have majored in Criminal Law when he attended Law School, but had minored in Music Law, so; we could always bring him in on whatever deal got laid before us, meaning that we more or less had everything covered...

~~~~~~

Chapter Two

TWO WEEKS LATER

All of our fears were abated and immediately put to rest after our first meeting with Ahmet. And to make a long story short, we ended up signing a five-year recording contract that guaranteed the release of six albums, with the provision that our first album didn't flop. Ahmet also gave each of us a twenty thousand dollar signing bonus and laid out a plan which, while we wouldn't immediately start playing gigs, would put us into the studio until the completion of our first album. Ahmet really liked most of the original music that Mark and I had written, but he was very quick to encourage us by letting us know that he was certain that we could do better.

I'd roped Mark into helping me writ the first group of original songs we'd presented to Ahmet. But I somehow sensed that Mark wasn't as excited about writing music as he was about performing it; therefore the band elected me to write the material for our first album. But to do that, I was going to need some solitude away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

I told Ahmet about this, as well as letting him know that we couldn't afford to stay in one place for more than a week at the very most because of the expensive cost of hotels in the area near the studio.

Being the kind soul who we all came to love like a family member, Ahmet ended up leasing us a huge, eight bedroom house on Malibu beach, complete with a small, but very usable as well as well-equipped recording studio right there in the house. Ahmet put me on a tight but reasonable six hour-a-day, five days-a-week writing schedule; and I immediately went to work on the new material the day after we all got moved into our new home...

~~~~~~

For the first ten days, I worked practically nonstop on writing new material for our first album. I even talked with Ahmet about rewriting the songs he'd liked out of those we initially presented to him in order to make them stronger. Of course he was all for it and once I showed him what I'd done with those particular songs, he was over the moon about them, telling me that he heard at least two or three "Number One Hits" and five or six more songs that he considered worthy of "Top Forty" recognition, if not "Top Ten".

~~~~~~

After I'd finished writing the music, we went into the studio to begin recording our first album. After working for almost a month straight, we began to hear our music being played on the radio only a couple of days after the album's completion. Of course it goes without saying that all four of us went absolutely and completely bat-shit when we heard our first song playing on the radio that first time.

For me, it was right then that I realized that Odyssey had accomplished a long held dream of mine; one that I'd had since right after I played before a live audience for the first time when I was ten years old. I couldn't explain what I was feeling that day; however, after all the excitement had died down and the adrenaline had stopped flowing, I felt tired, a good kind of tired, but still tired, none the less...almost exhausted.

And when I laid down to go to sleep that night my mind began to wander. Surprisingly, I suddenly thought about Sarah Caine, making me wonder how she was doing since I'd almost annihilated that piece of shit that had savagely attacked her at our college graduation party. Granted, all of that took place almost a year and a half ago, which was like a lifetime ago according to industry standards, but it felt like only yesterday to me.

I mentioned earlier that Sarah had left a major impact on me, but I lied. The truth of the matter was that I'd fallen head over heels in love with her the very first time I ever laid eyes on her. She stood five feet, eight inches tall, with a body to die for. She was trim and fit, and had a beautifully shaped butt, with breasts that had to be somewhere around a 36C. But that wasn't what I found what was the most beautiful thing about her.

It was her long, waist length, blonde hair that always seemed to gently caress her God given beautiful face. She reminded me a little bit of Olivia Newton-John, only Sarah was so much more beautiful as far as I was concerned. She also had the most captivating, bluest eyes that I'd ever seen, and in the short few seconds that she'd looked into my eyes, which was only ever maybe once or twice, I felt paralyzed to the point that I could neither move nor speak; forget about being able to breathe.

Still though, the thoughts I was entertaining were nothing more than just thoughts, very stupid thoughts at that. I knew where I stood in the grand scheme of things, and I also knew that regardless of the transformation that I'd worked my ass off to achieve, I would never be anything more than a geeky nerd in her eyes. So; because of how badly it hurt not only my heart, but also my very soul to think about Sarah, I cleared my mind and tried to get some much needed sleep...

~~~~~~

HER

It had been almost a year and a half since I last saw Michael Taylor, and because I finally managed to convince myself that I was never going to see him again, I'd more or less tried to work past my feelings for him so that I could move forward with my life. I thought I'd done a fairly good job of doing that and was happily driving myself home from work one afternoon until I heard a voice on the radio that brought my past back to haunt me. It was the beautiful voice of Michael Taylor singing along with his band, Odyssey, and it immediately rocked me to the core.

I was so visibly shaken that I had to pull my car over to the side of the road because my hands had begun to tremble so badly. I could no longer drive safely as wretchedly shameful tears began to flood my eyes to the point that I could no longer see my hand in front of own face. You may think I was simply acting childish, but the reason that I'd reacted the way that I had was because of the song I heard him singing.

It was a particularly beautiful song that I'd heard him sing many times before at the parties Odyssey had played at. The name of the song was, "If You Could Love Me Like I Love You", which, for some reason, I suddenly and now clearly remembered how he always looked directly at me whenever they, Odyssey, would play it. And now that same memory began to make my heart break wide open. You see, I'd been told by one of my sorority sisters that she'd once overheard Michael telling his cousin Mark, that he'd written that particular song about me.

Of course she immediately began to tease me, so; I simply laughed about it and told her to shut up. However, the moment I heard his voice on the radio, I could deeply feel every word his singularly beautiful voice sang, punching a giant hole, deep into the middle of my very soul. Now I could no longer deny how I felt about him, and I promised myself right then and there that I was going to do whatever it took to go out and find him...wherever he might be...

~~~~~~

ME

I felt so proud when I heard Odyssey's first release on the radio. Not only did it achieve the ranking of "Number One" on the charts, but it was a song I'd written a very long time ago. It was named, "If You Could Love Me Like I Love You," and I'd written it as a means to cleanse my heart and purge it of the feelings I'd developed for a girl that I knew I would never have...Sarah Caine.

I tried every way I could think of to get her to notice me, but she came from a wealthy family and I was raised on a stock ranch. Basically I was just a poor dirt farmer in comparison to her, hence the reason I was a scholarship student. While Sarah never spoke up and actually said anything to me, I could clearly tell by her subtle hints that she was not interested in me and was strictly "Off Limits" where I was concerned.

However I was able to do one thing for her, and it was something which I was certain she never knew about. It happened on the night her piece of shit ex-boyfriend, Dennis Worley, drunkenly punched her in the face and knocked her out after almost ripping her left arm from her shoulder.

I beat that sorry son-of-a-bitch within an inch of his miserable life, and then I immediately scooped Sarah up off of the ground and into my arms and then carried her to my car, after which I'd gently placed her inside of it and rushed her to the Hospital. I remembered how she'd suddenly opened her eyes and asked me what had happened to her. I told her the truth, as well as the fact that we were on the way to the Texas Women's Hospital, but I made certain that she was aware of the fact that she'd been hurt pretty badly, and that it was probably better for her if she didn't try to sit up and move around. Of course by the time I made it to the hospital, it seemed like she'd slipped back into unconsciousness because her eyes were closed...

~~~~~~

Once I'd ever so gently laid her onto the gurney which the E.R. staff had waiting for us when we got to the hospital, I leaned down and very tenderly kissed her lips, after which I gently leaned down and placed my mouth close to her ear and quietly whispered, "Goodbye, Sarah, I'll always love you, but it's best that I leave before you open up your eyes again and hate me for kissing you even more than I know you already hate me."

After using the phone at the Nurse's station there in the Emergency Room to call her sorority house and let them know where she was, I then went out to the parking lot and simply sat in my car that was now parked in an out of the way parking space. I waited until I saw the girl that I recognized as the girl from the party who'd called the hospital ahead of us. She pulled her car into the parking lot and then she got out and rushed into the Emergency Room. Only then did I start my car and quietly drive away, looking into my rear-view mirror to make certain that no one saw me leave.

I'm not a person who is easy to upset, but on that particular night, silent tears rained down my face all the way home. I was sad because I'd finally got the chance to tell Sarah that I would always love her. However, she was unconscious and couldn't hear me, knowing that she probably would've become angry with me at telling her that I loved her, hence the reason I knew it was for the best that I turn and walk away from her forever...

~~~~~~

HER

Once the song that was playing on the radio had ended, I managed to reasonably pull myself back together. After safely easing my car back out onto the highway, I then drove back home to the house my parents had given me as a graduation gift.

~~~~~~

The moment I walked into my house I headed directly to my bedroom, stripping down to my bra and panties; and because it was the middle of August and still very warm outside, I also shed my bra and panties, replacing them with a pair of shorts and one of my old U of H tee shirts.

The ordeal with Dennis had caused me to grow up and take a hold of my life; and during that process, I promised myself to never let some guy take control of me and tell me how to live my life ever again. Still though, hearing Michael's beautiful voice again after all this time had resurrected some old feelings I once thought I'd put to rest a long time ago.

Because of the strong and very powerful emotional distress I'd experienced earlier, I was feeling quite drained, so, I decided to lay down and rest for a while. I told myself that I would get up and make dinner after I recharged my batteries so to speak...

~~~~~~

As I lay in in my bed taking a nap that afternoon, I suddenly began to think about how my old college roommate and sorority sister, Dani Anderson, responded to me when I questioned her and wanted to know how I'd ended up in the hospital after my former boyfriend had assaulted me, and knocked me unconscious with a punch to the face the night before.

I vividly remembered Dennis punching me, and now that some time had passed since the incident had occurred, I began to remember being carried to someone's car. From there it was still a little blurry, but the harder I thought about it, the more I began to see the soulless. Mindless forms beginning to take on shapes in my mind, And then once I remembered what Dani had told about how Michael had acted, or should I say, reacted, everything that had happened that night suddenly began to fall into place like game pieces on a chess board...