I'm Not Who I Used to Be

~~~~~~

After Dennis had punched me in the face, I remember being only temporarily stunned as opposed being knocked completely out cold. I also remembered some type of occurrence taking place very near where I was laid out on the ground. Most of all, I could now clearly and soberly remember hearing Michael harshly informing Dennis that if he came within so much as a mile near me ever again, Michael said that he would actually kill him with his bare hands, to hell with what the law said.

And even though my vision was still somewhat hazy and unclear, I now clearly began to remember Michael gently scooping me up from the ground and holding me within the confines of his gentle, yet very strong arms. I somehow began to see him as he hand carried me for some distance his handsome face painted with worry, before very, very gently placing me into the passenger seat of what I guessed was his car, closing the door once I was safely inside.

I began to remember hearing what sounded like someone running around the front end of the car, feeling it move as the driver's side door opened and then closed. And then right after the car's engines were started, I could feel it being put into gear, after which it drove us away. Through the still foggy recesses of my mind, I remember feeling someone's tender warm hand on my back very tenderly steadying my body so as not to let me move, least I further injure myself...

~~~~~~

I think this next part was a dream, because the sharp pain in my skull had now turned into a dull ache, and when I opened my eyes again, although things in the distance were still a little fuzzy, I could plainly see Michael's beautiful face wracked with worry.

"What's going on?" I quietly asked him, taking his right hand into mine, "Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you to the Texas Women's Hospital," he softly answered me, "They specialize in the female anatomy and I think they'll do a better job on you."

Of course by this time my head was beginning to ache again, so I simply laid down on my side, placing my head in Michael's lap and closed my eyes. I didn't think I would fall asleep because the next thing I realized was that I'd been in Michael's gently strong arms again as he ever so gently placed me onto a gurney, holding my hand as I was being rolled into the hospital's Emergency Room.

I suppose it was because of the fact that my eyes were still closed that I felt Michael place his soft lips against my ear where I still wasn't quite certain at this point, but I think I remembered hearing him tenderly whisper, "Goodbye, Sarah, I'll always love you, but it's best that I leave this place before you open up your eyes again and hate me even more than you already do for having kissed you while you're defenses were down," and then he quickly turned and walked away before I could tell him that I loved him too.

I was so very deeply moved by his actions that I couldn't speak just then, only happily weep. I never believed there was a guy out there who would treat me the way that I began to realize that Michael had always treated me, now that I rationally looked back and remembered. So; I warmly began thinking that I would see Michael in my hospital room after the surgery that the Doctor told me was going to be performed on me. My heart now felt complete as the Anesthesiologist began putting me under, yet little did I realized the painful disappointment I would come to know once I was awake again?

I dreamed about Michael while I was out during my surgery while they repaired my injured shoulder that Dennis was responsible for, and before I even opened my eyes, the first thing I planned on doing was kissing Michael's beautiful face, to let him know that I loved him and would always love him as long as I lived...

~~~~~~

However, when I opened my eyes once again, Dani was sitting in the chair next to my bed, firmly clutching my right hand because of the fact that an I.V. was in my left hand. And by the look on her face, I knew that Michael had gone. But little did I realize that he would be gone for good once I was discharged from the hospital?

I don't know why, but something inside of told me that it was going to be a very long time, if ever, before I saw Michael again; so, as soon as my arm and shoulder began to heal, I made up my mind to move on with my life and try to find some type of inner peace. However, my heart was of a different frame of mind altogether, and unbeknownst to me at the time, it had other plans; plans that included the both of us..."

~~~~~~

I woke from my nap a couple of hours later, covered in sweat and tears, the sheets on my bed now completely soaked in my tears. And with my heart, as well as my soul still reeling from the dream I'd had, I realized then that I would never again be able to live without Michael Taylor in my life. A bittersweet realization came to me, making me feel like I was right back where I started on the morning I woke up in the hospital to discover that Michael had already left to go wherever he now was.

Until I heard him singing that song with his band on the radio, a song, which, it just so happened, that Michael had written specifically for and about me, I promised myself I would move on with my life the moment I was dismissed from the hospital a year and a half ago, and, I thought I was doing it very well, too.

I'd always considered myself to be a strong woman with good ethics and even greater values, simply because I'd never really known what true heartbreak felt like. In the relationships I'd had at this point in my life, of which there had only been four, I had always been the one who ended them. I figured that if I maintained control of the relationships then I wouldn't be the one who ended up getting hurt. Only then did I come to learn that the word "Control" was nothing but an illusion.

However, this was a different situation altogether, which had come about because I'd fallen deeply in love with beautiful boy with whom I'd never really I had a relationship of any kind. And when I finally admitted to myself how I very deeply felt for this person, it had become too late to do anything about it due to, in my own stubborn arrogance, the fact that I thought I could control my emotions. There was that word, "Control", again.

It was then that I realized there was no such thing as having control of any situation, all of it stemming from the fact that we never know what's going to happen from one moment to the next, hence the reason I tried to face this painful situation head on, and with all of the strength I could muster.

However, that same strength that I'd tried to use all disappeared, every single ounce of it, the moment I heard Michael's beautiful voice on the radio earlier that afternoon. I may have lost what little strength I thought I had, but through my faith in God, I soon discovered that my resolve had grown, due to something I'd never had to deal with before in my life; and that was having to deal with pain on an emotional level. I was now even more bound and determined to find my beautiful Michael and tell him exactly how I felt, regardless of the cost, and that included my very soul if needs be...

~~~~~~

ME

We, the members of Odyssey, sat in Ahmet's office that Friday afternoon all wearing excited grins on our faces in anticipation of the news Ahmet was about to tell us.

"It looks like you guys have finally arrived," Ahmet smiled, "Tomorrow night Odyssey will open for Blue Oyster Cult, at the Pauley Pavilion, on the U.C.L.A. campus. How does that sound?"

"Are you kidding?" I grinned, "That's the best news we've heard since we signed a record deal with you."

"I heard that," Mark chuckled, and then he turned to Ahmet and humbly told him, "Thanks, Ahmet, we've been waiting for this for a long time."

"I know you have," Ahmet graciously replied, "And while I'm not really sure how I know this, I have a feeling that you guys are gonna knock the people in attendance off of their feet with

"I sure hope so," I quietly said, "Because we can't afford to screw this one up."

"You're not to worry, my young friends," Ahmet warmly reassured us, "None of you have it in you to mess up. Besides, the time has come to show the world the same greatness in your music that, up until now, only I've been blessed to witness..."

~~~~~~

PAULEY PAVILION

U.C.L.A. CAMPUS

THE FOLLOWING NIGHT

An hour and ten minutes before we were to start playing, I came from back stage in order to sneak a peek out into the audience. What you're reading took place long before the year, 2012, and up until then; the seating capacity at Pauley Pavilion was only big enough to seat a total of 12,829 people for sporting events, with an additional 500 seats, which, when they were added for concerts, comprised a total seating capacity of 13,329.

However, tickets for this particular show had been sold out only a few short hours after they'd gone on sale a month prior, leaving a "Standing Room Only" crowd. I didn't have to tell anyone that I was excited to be there that night, because all anyone had to do was look at the smile I wore. It was a smile that was so big it almost made my whole face disappear.

"Holy smoke, guys," I told my bandmates, once I'd returned to our dressing room, "We've got a packed house tonight with a standing room only crowd."

"Oh, hell yeah," Kevin laughed, "We're gonna rock the house tonight, fellas."

"That's what I heard, too," said a voice belonging to someone whom we all knew, but never had the opportunity to meet until that night, Donald Roeser, Guitarist/Keyboardist and Singer for Blue Oyster Cult, "Do you mind if I come in for a couple of minutes? I've been wanting to meet you guys ever since Ahmet played me a couple of cuts from your new album earlier this week."

"Please," I smiled, shaking his hand, "Come in and have a seat Mister Roeser. It's an honor to meet you."

"It's an honor to meet you, too," he warmly chuckled, as he took the empty chair next to mine, "But please, call me just plain old "Don". Calling me Mister Roeser makes me sound like I'm some kind of businessman, or something. Besides we all know that the length of our hair would get us all kicked out of the business world and out into street on our asses."

"Ain't that the truth," Mark smiled, "We're really looking forward to opening for you guys tonight, Don. I've been a big fan of Blue Oyster Cult ever since your first album came out."

"Thank you...Mark, right?" he smiled, "And ever since I heard your first song playing on the radio, I'm now a big fan of Odyssey, which, I wanted to tell you guys how cool I think your band's name is."

"Thank you," I warmly replied, "It means a lot to all of us to hear you tell us that."

"You're welcome, but I'm just a guitar player that got lucky, that's all," Don grinned, "And I'm not trying to blow sunshine up your dresses, guys. I'm just telling you the truth as I see it, no more, no less," and then for the next fifty or so minutes, we all sat around and talked about the one thing we all had in common, and that was music, especially with someone who loved it as much as we all did.

Then Don looked at me and said, "You're one of the best keyboard players I've ever heard, Mike, and I really like the sound of your Moog Fifty-Five Modular Synthesizer. It gives you, what the industry calls, a signature sound, and I wanted to personally tell you guys that I have a feeling that we're all about to hear great things coming from Odyssey tonight, as well as in the not too distant future..."

~~~~~~

As the saying goes, all good things eventually come to an end, which was the case here when Blue Oyster Cult's stage manager, a very nice, as well as a very pretty lady named, Phoebe Bradley, knocked on our dressing room door. After Lee got up and opened door, she walked into the room smiling said, "Odyssey needs to be on stage within the next five minutes," then she knowingly smiled at Don right before she turned and walked away.

"I guess that's it," he chuckled, and then after shaking all of our hands again, he simply grinned and said, "Have a great show tonight, guys; I'll see you out there..."

~~~~~~

I guess now would be the perfect time to talk about Odyssey again, as well as describe its members, so; I'll talk about the Karey Brothers first. Lee Karey, our drummer, was a music minor, unlike me and Mark. He was just a little over eighteen months older than Kevin and graduated a whole year ahead of Kevin, Mark and me. He stood somewhere in the neighborhood of six feet three inches tall, and weighed roughly two hundred and thirty-five pounds. Like the rest of us, he, too, had long dark brown, shoulder-length hair. And like his younger brother Kevin, he had green eyes that turned a molten fire color when he was angered, which I'd only seen happen one time, and that was when he was pissed off at his brother.

Kevin was not too dissimilar from Lee with the exception of his height and weight. Kevin stood six feet, two inches tall and weight twenty pounds less than Lee with eyes that matched. Where Lee was stocky, Kevin was a little thinner. However, both of the Karey brothers were very friendly and outgoing by nature, only becoming angry after being pushed to a certain point, and then whoever antagonized either of them would end up becoming very sorry that they'd ever met the Karey brothers, forget about pissing them off.

Of course I've already described myself, so, I'll go ahead and talk about my paternal cousin, Mark Taylor. He and I were very close growing up because of the fact that not only was his father my Dad's brother, making the two of us look more like brothers than cousins, but we both had grown up working in the family business, which was ranching.

The ranch that we grew up on consisted of thirty-five thousand acres and was only second in size to the world-famous King Ranch, down in south Texas, nearer to Mexico. Mark's father, my Uncle Jackson Robert Taylor, who went by Jack, was married to my Aunt Dorothy. They had two sons; Jackson Robert Junior, who went by Bobby, and was unfortunately killed in Vietnam during the Tet Offensive in 1968; and then there was Marcus Andrew Taylor, who we all called Mark.

Me, on the other hand, I'm the only son, but oldest of three children of my Uncle Jack's older brother, my father, John Thomas Taylor, who everyone calls J.T. My Mom's name is Susan and she's one of the prettiest women I've ever known. She might be my mother, but everyone who's ever met Mom all agree that she is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She and my Aunt Dorothy are sisters, making Mark and my sisters and I double cousins, pretty cool, huh?

Mom and Aunt Dorothy are both blonde headed and blue eyed, and people say the same things about Aunt Dorothy that they say about Mom. I have two younger sisters, Claire, who is two years younger than me, and then Myra Gayle, who is almost three years younger than Claire, and both of them look like Mom and Aunt Dorothy, with the exception of their hair color.

While Mom and Aunt Dorothy are both blondes, Claire's hair is the same dark brown, almost black color as mine, but she doesn't have the same color eyes that I do. Claire has Mom's big, bright hazel blue eyes and is just as pretty, if not prettier than my mother, if that's even possible, She stands the same height, and weighs the same as Mom does, but like Dad's mother, my Grandma-Lucy, Claire is rather big busted, and I can still remember all of the fights I got into because of all the bullshit the guys I went to school with said about her.

My youngest, or baby sister, Myra Gayle, looks just like my Aunt Dorothy, and my Uncle Jack used to tease my Dad all the time, playfully telling him that he'd slipped into Mom and Dad's bedroom window one night when Dad had gone out of town to take the cattle to market. Of course it's not true, but Dad says the same thing about why Mark and I look so much alike, but that just how Dad and Uncle Jack are and always have been.

Last but not least is Dad's and Uncle Jack's sister, our Aunt Trish. Her married name is Patricia Lynn Thomson, and she's married to Brian Lee Thompson. Uncle Brian is a prosecutor for the District Attorney's office in the county that we all come from, and not only did the whole family love him very much, but his conviction rate was very high, meaning that he made certain that a lot of bad people went to jail. Aunt Trish has the same color eyes and hair that me, Mark, Dad and Uncle Jack all have, and because Aunt Trish carries the same traits as the rest of the females in my family, she, too, is also beautiful.

She and Uncle Brian have a daughter who just turned twenty-one and is gonna be a senior in the fall at our old Alma Mater, the U of H. Her name is Lauren Anne Thompson, and again, just like all of the females in the family, she, too, is drop dead gorgeous as well, and also like my sisters, she, too, is just like her mother.

As cousins, we were all very close our whole lives, and our parents taught us all to always be ready to look out for each other and be ready to take up for one another, hence the reason Mark was always there to take up for me when I got picked on by the bigger kids when I was defending my sisters, until he taught me how to properly fight back and take up for my own self, especially once I grew older...

~~~~~~

Chapter Three

It was Eight p.m. Pacific Time, when Odyssey took the stage that night, and the moment that curtain opened, I could tell that everyone had either heard our music that had been playing on the radio all over the country that week, or they knew who we were. Either way, they all came to their feet and delivered a thunderous applause after each and every song that we performed.

I had the first of many experiences that I would encounter throughout my career, as that night was more or less like an initiation of sorts. And it was during the moments after we left the stage once our performance was finished that I knew my life would never again be the same. My only regret was that I didn't have someone special in my life to share it with.

It was also during those same moments that for the first time in a very long time, I randomly began thinking about Sarah Caine again, suddenly finding myself wondering where she was, what she was doing, who she was with. At the time I didn't realize why, but the thoughts I was having about her were also unexpectedly accompanied by the sting of tears as they flooded my eyes and silently rolled down my cheeks...I was extremely, as well as ardently grateful because of the fact that it was dark enough back stage that no one would be able to see what was happening to me just then; making certain that I made my way to our dressing room as quickly as possible to ensure that no one ever would either...

~~~~~~

HER

HOUSTON TEXAS

1:00 A.M. C.S.T.

After taking a nap that evening when I got home from work I woke up and fixed myself something for supper, and then cleaned my kitchen once I was done eating. I discovered that I was still a mess after hearing Michael's beautiful voice on the radio that afternoon, because I went right back to sleep after changing the sheets and then making sure my house was locked up.

As I watched the news I didn't hear what was being said because a million thoughts were running through my head. But still, the last thing I remembered was the weather forecast, because when I opened my eyes again, it was dark. The TV had turned off because the timer I always set had expired; and when I looked at the clock on my bedside table, I saw that it was one o'clock in the morning.

Knowing that I would not be able to function without going totally off the proverbial deep end without him in my life, meant that I was going to have to find Michael as soon as possible and tell him how I felt about him...how I'd always felt about him. Now that I'd finally matured enough and grown up, I realized that I'd been too afraid to express my feelings to him, all because I was an arrogant, stupid, petulant, prideful, and immature little bitch back then. I didn't deserve to be with someone as wonderful as he was...as wonderful as I could now see he'd always been.