I'm Pregnant

"I think it will be a fascinating thing to see, and erotic at the same time," Mark said.

"Just like a man. Everything is erotic for you. It's a beautiful thing, nursing a child. It's not at all erotic," I said, definitively.

"Let's agree to disagree," Mark said. Secretly, I was thrilled he found it erotic. Also secretly, I suspect Mark knew I was thrilled that he found it erotic.

"How much does Hazel weigh?" he asked.

"Five pounds. She's a small baby," I said.

"While she nurses, can I discuss my fucked-up love life with you, Joanie?" Mark asked.

**

"So what happened with Mark when he saw you after the great break-up with Daisy?" Barbara asked, as she held the sleeping Hazel.

"Not much. He watched me feed Hazel, first from my left breast, then from my right, then she shat, and I changed her, and I put her to bed in her crib, for her post-feeding nap," I said.

"That's it?" Barbara asked.

"Almost. Since Mark was there, I removed my top and my new nursing bra, and fed Hazel topless. I put her in her crib while still topless. My boobs are big now, a good-sized C cup and they fit nicely inside Mark's hands," I said. Barbara raised a single eyebrow. I wish I could do that!

"Do your nipples fit nicely in his mouth, too?" Barbara asked, and I giggled in reply.

"Did anything else enter your mouth or your other two holes?" Barbara continued, teasing me.

"No, Mark claims our love is Platonic. It will be, too, until he has the epiphany, "I said.

"He might need a little help with the epiphany, you know," she said, and seeing my face, she added, "When are you going to arrange it?" Barbara was sweetly rocking my little bundle of joy as we talked.

"Mark nursed at my boobs, sucking out the residual drops after Hazel thoroughly drained me. You know, that was indeed erotic. He says my milk tastes good," I said.

"I'm sure it does," Barbara said.

"Then he offered me a taste. I didn't know how on Earth I could taste my own milk just then, but he had some still in his mouth, and he kissed me."

"Oh, boy. How was the kiss?" Barbara asked.

"Mind blowing. I felt like bending over and pulling my pants down right then!" I said. "Don't worry, though, I kept it together. It seems, though, that Mark is on the way to his epiphany that he loves me, that way, and he always has."

Hazel began to stir, getting restless, and Barbara gave her back to me. "She needs to be burped," I said.

"I wish somebody could burp me as wonderfully as you burp little Hazel," Barbara said.

**

Two months later, Mark had already had finished his de rigeur two rebound affairs, and he was thoroughly over Daisy. One of his affairs was with the Slut Susie, and one with Amazing Angie who, rumor has it, likes to fuck men while upside down, with her legs suspended from ropes.

"Do you have any pictures of you fucking Angie from above?" I asked Mark.

"Don't be disgusting. How can you talk like that in front of Hazel?" Mark asked.

"Hazel is only three months old. The only language she understands so far, is French. C'est vrai, non?" I added at the end, looking right at Hazel. Hazel smiled back, or maybe it was just gas.

I said, out of the blue, "You know, Mark, you've been fucking up a storm, first with Daisy, then with the Slut Susie, and next with the Amazing Angie. Meanwhile, I've been as chaste as a Nun who believes the Church's crap about chastity," I said.

"I thought women don't get horny, like men do," Mark said.

"Boy-oh-boy, did you think wrong! I'm so horny goats are scared of me. I could have a gangbang and still be horny!" I said. "That's hyperbole, Mark. No gangbangs, please."

"Understood," Mark laughed. "Say, can I see your boobs again when you next feed your baby?"

"You can see my boobs anytime you want, Mark. Mis tetas son tus tetas," I replied.

"Huh?" came Mark's inelegant reply.

"Joanie?" Mark asked. He was clearly hopelessly nervous.

"I've been thinking ..."

"Always a dangerous activity in your case," I said.

"Yeah, well, you once said it was inevitable that we were eventually going to get it on," Mark said.

"Yes, I remember. I did indeed say that."

"Well, if you're willing, my love, eventually has arrived," Mark said.

Before I could finish saying 'It's about time,' Mark had me flat on my back on the couch, smothering me with a dynamite kiss, as his hands roamed all over my body, but focused on my boobs. It was a magical moment, and only the sudden crying of my baby broke the magic.

I pushed Mark off me, and went to little Hazel. She was, of course, hungry. I stripped naked above the waist (for the benefit of Mark) and let Hazel lunge for my teat like a barracuda seeking its prey. It's really smart of nature not to let babies have teeth until they're around six months old!

"Keep stripping," Mark said.

I felt like saying 'What?" just to hear Mark say it again. Finally, Mark was desiring me again. Yeah, I knew it would happen, but now it was happening, and that's no reason I couldn't enjoy it, right? Instead, I said nothing, and then stripped naked while my little leach remained firmly attached to my left boob.

To my shock, Mark then went down on me while Hazel happily sucked away. Now this was kinky. I knew I'd never forget this moment. Wow. Later, I was on my hands and knees, Hazel now firmly attached to my other boob, with her diaper clad bottom on the couch, while my heretofore ignored pussy was being pulverized from behind, as Mark fucked me relentlessly, and -- I hasten to add -- happily.

Confession time. I told Mark I hadn't had (vaginal) sex since the time when Hazel was conceived, but actually, in secret, I had enjoyed a couple of illicit love sessions with the married Mr. X. Those were history now, however, since Mark had stepped up to the plate -- where, incidentally, he had always belonged.

Still, I felt like a drowning woman being thrown a lifesaver, as the only man I had ever loved was taking possession -- a just possession, I might add -- of my soul.

**

"And nothing's happened since then?" Barbara asked, as I recounted my tale of my fabulously erotic fuck with Mark, and then him acting the next day and subsequently as if nothing had happened. I was disconsolate.

"It's as if he's embarrassed. I think he doesn't know how turned on I got, first to be fucking him, finally, again, and second, to be fucking him while Hazel was feeding from my breast!"

"Maybe he's not as kinky as you are," Barbara offered.

"Few people are," I said. "I'm beginning to think nobody is!"

"You got that right. You need to talk with him," Barbara said.

"No. He needs to take the lead on this," I replied. "He doesn't even know it was the second time we've made love. The first time he was blackout drunk and he doesn't remember. If he ever does remember, then he may realize ..."

"Realize what?" Barbara asked.

"Nothing, I was just letting my mind wander," I said.

"Letting your mind wander?" she asked, not trusting me.

"Sometimes it wanders where angels fear to tread," I replied.

**

I knew I was asking too much of Barbara. Doug was an infamous womanizer. He was infamous because he was so damn good at it. If he wanted to seduce a woman, he usually succeeded. He'd always succeeded with me, and that's why I felt I needed Barbara's help.

Doug is also Mark's best friend who is male. Those two "shoot the shit" all the time, and Doug had to know, I was sure, about Mark and me getting it on, even while Hazel was still nursing at my boob, drinking up the nectar of life itself, that my now bigger, better, and improved boobs provide to the very young (and somewhat to Mark, too!).

I was surprised when Doug dropped by one day, unannounced, ostensibly to meet my little girl, the incarnation of sweetness I named Hazel. I invited him in, of course. We chatted about this and that for a while, about nothing, really, and all the time he was visiting me I was wondering why. He had never dropped in, before. Then Hazel stirred from one of her many naps. She was hungry, of course.

"This visit was delightful, Doug, but you'll have to excuse me now, as I need to feed Hazel," I said.

"Mark tells me you're breast feeding her," he said.

"Right you are, and that's why you need to go, please. We can continue this visit another time?" I said, not trying too hard to be polite, as I had ascertained the real purpose of Doug's visit.

"Look, I don't mind. Mark says you feed her topless. I'd love to stay and watch," he said.

"Why am I not surprised?" I said. Meanwhile Hazel was squirming with impatience.

"No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just that I've never been lucky enough to see a baby nurse from her mother's breast. I'm sure it's one of the most wondrous sights a man can witness," he said.

"Really, it's quite ordinary. Now, Hazel is getting quite impatient, and I really do need to nurse her, so if you don't mind, could you please ..." and I made a hand gesture to sweep him to the door.

"You have your hands full. Please allow me to do the gracious thing and help you undress," he said.

Now I had bought, and used, but alas was not wearing at the time, clothes designed for modesty that allow one to discreetly feed one's baby in public, especially if they're coupled with a small baby blanket, and I had become quite good at it. The problem was, however, that I was home alone on this Saturday morning, and thus had no need for my modesty clothes, and in fact had been planning simply to remove my top and my bra, and to feed Hazel topless. I often gave an inadvertent treat, that way, to my immediate neighbor, Old Man Stoneham, the voyeur who lived next door.

Old Man Stoneham had even gone so far as to tell me he really enjoyed watching my boyfriend Mark ravage me the other day, spying right through the same window he was doubtless watching at that very moment. Old Man Stoneham and I had an unusual, and a bit of a kinky, relationship. I exhibited, and he voyeured. (I know voyeur is not a verb, but give me a break, okay?)

As I sat there, stunned by Doug's audacity, and daydreaming about Old Man Stoneham watching me, Doug came over and began to remove my top.

"Please place Hazel down, and raise your arms, my sweet Joanie," Doug said. It was the way he said it: He was loving, but firm. It was a command, not to be denied, but filled with desire simultaneously. It was kind, and affectionate, but brooked no resistance. I fell into Doug's spell.

I have to ascribe it to the shock of surprise, but I did it. I put Hazel down, and raised my arms, and off went my top. These days I wore nothing but nursing bras, where the cup flips out of the way, so there was no need to remove my bra. At that moment, however, Hazel lost her patience, and she began to cry. As I turned my attention to my little bundle of joy, Doug unhooked and quickly slipped off my nursing bra, somewhat effortlessly, I am ashamed to say. He had rendered me topless, right in front of him.

Hazel lunged for my now exposed boob, and that was that: Hazel had attached herself to the nipple of my left breast, leaving my right breast fully exposed, and it was beginning to let tiny drops of mother's milk seep out of my not-yet-used nipple. I could almost hear Hazel's sigh of contentment as she sucked away at my left nipple.

Doug sat back and watched the show, with my two boobs out for all to see, even if "all" was just Doug, and perhaps Old Man Stoneham. I blushed, but it was a fait accompli, so I just relaxed and went with the flow, engaging Doug in pointless conversation regarding the news of the day. I was surprised that Doug had some insightful things to say.

And why not? Just because Doug was a womanizer, who had set his immediate goal on yours truly, as it now became clear, didn't mean he was an idiot. The bastard seemed to be smart as hell.

Not to be outdone in the smarts, I quietly sent a text to Barbara.

Doug is here. SOS, 911, everything

Barbara texted back, right away.

Be right over

With the prospect of Barbara coming over to save me from the evil machinations of Doug the Womanizer, who sometimes is called "Doug Juan," on a play of Don Juan, I was able to relax, and I enjoyed the conversation with Doug, even if I was topless during it, and nursing Hazel.

As I moved Hazel over to my right breast, and Doug spoke, showing he was well coached by the man I claim to love, who shall remain nameless, but lots of people call him Mark. "May I lick up Hazel's leftovers?"

"Doug, that's gross, and much too intimate. So, in a word, no," I said.

"But ..."

I knew he was about to say that Mark got to do that, so of course by English common law precedent, he should get to do it, too, but thank goodness he caught himself before he said it. Since had Doug Juan said that, and had I let him say it in his hypnotic way, we'd probably be fucking by the time Barbara got here. Yes, I'm that easy of a slut when some kinky sex is involved. Besides, as an extra plus, Old Man Stoneham would have enjoyed the show!

"You know, Joanie, if I may say so, you're looking especially fetching this morning. The curve of your hips from your waist to your legs is beautifully displayed by the leggings you're wearing," he said.

"It's not spoiled by the spit up stains on the leggings?" I asked, giggling.

By the time Barbara burst in, to the rescue, she found me still feeding Hazel while still being topless, and giggling as Doug complimented me. I was wearing my bedroom eyes, to boot. Doug was holding my feet and giving them a sensual massage from heaven, Barbara knew Doug was getting to me. She also knew that if I had not sent her my SOS, I was destined to be yet another notch on Doug's belt. Maye I'd be a special notch, as the girl he laid while her baby nursed.

However, I did in fact send Barbara an SOS, and now here she was, her presence being a magnificent life saver, or in this case a dignity saver. Hazel had just about finished her meal, and she had fallen back asleep while eating, as she often does. I postponed changing her diaper, as she had not yet pooped, and put her in the crib, as I quickly donned my bra and my blouse, as Barbara sputtered her greetings.

**

"I guess I passed Mark's test," I said, to Barbara, after Doug Juan left.

"What do you mean?" Barbara asked.

"He apparently wanted to know if I was just a horny slut who would put out for his best friend, Doug Juan, or if his laying me was special to him," I said.

"Or," Barbara replied, "He simply told Doug what had happened, giving Doug a hard-on for you."

"Mark would have known this would happen," I said.

"No, you would have known it would happen, but Mark was just innocently recounting a spectacular time to his best friend," she said.

"If he had such a spectacular time with me, why has he tried nothing since?" I asked.

"Maybe he doesn't want to soil the memory of his wonderful fuck with you?" Barbara offered.

"That's ridiculous," I said.

"Is it? Shall we try something in reverse?"

"Ooh, your mind is wicked. Would you be willing to do that?" I asked Barbara.

"Sure, for two reasons. First of all, it won't work. I could never seduce Mark. Second, if I'm wrong and I can seduce him, well, he's pretty hot," Barbara said.

"Maybe this is not such a good idea," I said.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Hello, Mark. Your trick with Doug didn't work, you know," I said.

To Mark's credit, he didn't try to hide his complicity. "Yes, so I hear," he said. "Except for Doug getting to check out your beautiful boobs, of course. Just so you know, he agrees that they're the best boobs in all creation. "

"Of course," I said. "Hey, I've got great boobs, but there's no need to exaggerate."

"I'm sure Hazel agrees," Mark said, smiling.

"And your best friend Doug agrees, too," I teased.

"Yes, yes, he surely does," Mark said.

"What about you, Mark?" I felt I had to ask directly, since he was not being forthcoming on his own. "Do you like my boobs?"

"Maybe I could see them again, to decide?" Mark asked.

"Nice try, buster. You've seen them plenty already. Remember six years ago?" I said. There I go. I wasn't planning for it, but no matter: I was going for it!

Mark looked nervous, upset. "What happened six years ago? Do you remember?" Mark asked.

"Well, I was pretty damn drunk at the time, but a girl remembers when she's been royally fucked, for the first time, by a man she loves," I said.

"Joanie, just what are you talking about?" he asked. Mark obviously knew, but he wanted it spelled out.

"There was a party, over at Alvin and Lorrie's place. It was a Halloween party. I wore the costume of a nurse, since it was during the pandemic, and someone, I think it was Doug, arranged for me to have a little wardrobe malfunction, Janet Jackson style," I said.

Mark was getting bigger in the crotch. "What happened, more explicitly, if you remember?"

"Well, at some point I was dancing to some hard rock on top of Doug's coffee table. The top of my outfit closed with Velcro and it somehow fell away, and since my boobs were small before I had Hazel, I was braless, so what anyone looking at me saw, was my naked boobs," I said.

"And then what?"

"Well, all the men started cheering me, which confused me, since in my drunken state I didn't even realize I was dancing topless. You, being my best friend and all, tried to save me from this humiliation and told me to stop, but I was having fun and wouldn't hear of it," I continued.

"I bet I know what I did," he said.

"You remember?" I asked.

"No, my memory is a blank. But if I know myself, I would have gotten on the table with you, and tried to help you to cover your boobs," he said. "I would have hugged you."

"You sure you don't remember? Because that's exactly what you did. It backfired, though," I said.

"Really? How so?"

"Well, your friend Doug had booby trapped my nursing skirt, as well, and in our little struggle, my skirt came off, too. Then there I was, dressed in panties only, dancing on a table top! I finally realized my state, was horrified, and began to scream, over the cheers of our male friends, and some of our female friends, as well. Cell phone pictures were taken, and a lot of them. My partial, near total, nudity was the talk of the party."

"What did you do then?"

"I screamed and cried, and I let you spirit me off to a bedroom to recover from my shame and humiliation. I was upset," I said.

"I'll bet you were!" Mark said. He added, "Did I try to comfort you?"

"Yes, and you were good at it. You held me, stroked my hair, said comforting words, and then we kissed. You kissed me so well, and you were there for me so brilliantly, that I melted my near naked body into your arms. We made out, and your fingers, and then your mouth, went to my nipple, and next your fingers went to my pussy. It was a spectacular, comforting seduction, and I was yours for the taking," I said.

"And?" he asked.

"And what?" I countered.

"Did I take you?"

"You really don't remember? Really and truly you don't remember?"

"Sorry, but no, I don't."

"Yes, you took me, beautifully. I had two orgasms and screamed them out to the world. You didn't use protection, but I was too drunk and upset to notice or care. Your drunken, comforting, effective seduction gave me the greatest gift anyone could give anyone," I said, and at that point Hazel cried out. She was right on cue as it was time for her feeding. I let Mark figure out, all by himself, what the greatest gift was. Hazel surely knew. She's probably the only person on Earth just then who liked my boobs more than Mark.

**

I got my figure back relatively quickly after I gave birth, and I was once again every man's secret object of desire. Every man, that is, except the one man I wanted to desire me. I knew I couldn't simply throw myself at him; those tactics wouldn't work with Mark. He might have even ended up laughing at me!