All Comments on 'Immortal Ch. 01'

i love this story! i do have a suggestionon it though. i think that the vampire lothie should find elizabeth's betrothed make him a vampire so then elizabeth's betrothed could make elizabeth a vampire too.

Lothie should do exactly as he wishes about the young girl, i.e: find a way to get her to ask him to help her & he is almost home free. He has accomplished all of his wishes together: he has found a companion for his lover, at the same time, he can protect her from the Duke's intentions & he might even take it into his head to find the young girl's intended. I also think he might make it clear that the girl was under his "protection", since she was now his lady's maidservant. He could just hypnotize the Duke into obeying him unless he wants to put the 'bite' on him.

Your work is wonderful, potent imagery, your word usage is fantastic. I can't wait to read on.

I like the characters of Gabriella and Lothie so far and I'm looking forward to where the story is going. Small point- it's penchant not pension.

you are doing fine without my help....this story has me entertained.......

Good start, but there's some questions that need to be resolved. Maybe in the next chapters,