In The Death Cell Ch. 02

I sat in the window, listening to Billy Joel and watching Jimmy play. I reflected on the turn my life had taken over the previous two weeks. I should've been happy just having Jimmy back in my life, but it wasn't working out that way. I had a daughter that I never got to fall in love with, while in her mother's womb, but fell for instantly the first time I saw her. The problem was since she was barely a week old, I never got to see her.

I had no idea that I would have such a hole in my heart for my little Alison. I longed to drive over to Carrie's parents' house and see her, but I didn't want to see my ex. Especially, not after her she begged me to give her a second chance.

I got a call from my lawyer, the day before, and he put together a standard schedule of visitation to cover both children and an amended child support agreement. It was sitting with Carrie's attorney for them to agree on, or we'd have to go back to court. I was hoping Carrie would be civil and not take me back to court, but I had a feeling it wasn't going to be painless. The only leverage I had, was her wanting a second chance and I blew her hopes of that.

***

"Hey, dad!" Jimmy shouted as he bounced into the house. "Do I have to go back to Grandma and Grandpa's today?"

"Yep, your sister is on a schedule now and your mom's got a rhythm going, so she can take care of both of you now."

"Why can't I stay here?"

"We talked about that, Jimmy. Your mom has custody of you, and there's nothing I can do about that. I'm just happy that I can see you now."

"Me too, but what about Alison?"

"We'll have that all ironed out soon. I want to see her just as bad as I wanted to see you when I couldn't."

"What's for dinner?"

I laughed at my child's ability to change the subject to food.

"How about I grill some steaks?"

He frowned and asked, "Can we go for pizza? We can pick up Alison on the way."

"Alison can't eat pizza yet, bud. She'll be breastfeeding for a long time."

"Okay, so we can bring mom too, so she can feed Alison."

I shook my head. "I know what you're trying to do. Jimmy, it's not going to happen. Your mom tossed me away for another man. We will never be together again."

"Whatever!" He stormed off to his room. I hoped the kid would get it through his head soon that what he wanted wasn't going to happen.

***

I pulled into Dan's driveway and intended to walk Jimmy to the door and see Alison. Since I couldn't get any real amount of time with her, I'd get take every scrap I could.

"Hey, Jim," Dan said, opening the door. Jimmy ran past him after a quick fist bump.

"Hi, Dan," I was hoping to get to see Alison for a bit.

"She was just put to bed, but you know babies. She's probably still wiggling around. Come on in."

He led me into the spare bedroom where Alison's crib was set up, and Carrie was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner. I didn't even see her in the darkness of the room, but she whispered hello to me.

I nodded and whispered, "I just wanted to see her for a bit, if that's okay."

"it's okay, get a good look, because pretty soon you'll never see her again."

"What?" I asked, louder than I should, but the baby didn't stir.

"Carrie, what are you talking about?" Dan asked.

"It's simple, dad. If Jim won't give me a second chance, I'll never allow him to have visitation with her or Jimmy. I'll fight like hell and do whatever it takes to make sure he never sees either of his children."

I was about to scream at her, when Dan put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't say anything you'll regret, or she can use against you. I'm a witness to everything that's happening in this room and I'm not going to stand by and let her do that. I'll find the best father's rights attorney in the state, and we'll fight her tooth and nail."

Carrie stood and said, "Dad, if you get in the way of my family staying together, I'll cut you out and you'll never see your grandchildren again."

"Have you lost your mind?" Jane said walking into the room. "I heard everything you said on the baby monitor. If you think that you can blackmail him into taking you back, you've got another thing coming. Carrie, I'm begging you, do not start a war you already lost."

"Let's discuss this in the kitchen." Dan interjected. He probably sensed my impending explosion.

They all left the room, and I spent a few extra seconds with my baby. I put my finger in her tiny hand and almost cried when her little fingers wrapped around it reflexively. She was so beautiful; I couldn't see any way I could live without her in my life.

I walked into the kitchen, hearing the argument. I wasn't as much an argument as it was Dan and Jane berating Carrie for being stupid.

"Jim, don't worry about anything," Dan said. "You're not alone in this, that I can promise you."

"Carrie, where's all this coming from? You divorced me. You made your choice. You have to live with that."

She frowned and a tear fell. "I made a mistake. You have to forgive me and put our family back together."

"Carrie," I sighed, "your mistake, was an affair that led to you divorcing me."

"Oh, please! You act like you're the innocent player in our little drama. If you would've spent more time with me, I'd have never been driven into another man's arms. In all of your overtime, working weekends, coming home too tired to do anything that didn't involve Jimmy, where were you for me? How many times did you fall asleep in your lazy boy, watching a TV show? How many times did you make love to me in the 6 months before I succumbed to that asshole's charms?"

"I see," I said with no idea that there was any problem between us. "So instead of talking to me, and telling me what you were feeling, you fucked the neighborhood asshole. I understand you leaving me thinking you were having his kid. By then you were stuck, but it was a conscious decision to screw him the first time. You should have talked to me. I won't disagree that I bear some fault in what happened, but you handled it the worst possible way you could; and I can't forgive that."

She looked away as I continued, "Carrie, you robbed me of all of that time with my son because that asshole told you to get a restraining order on me. How do you expect me to forgive that? How can I forget all of the nights I cried myself to sleep, wondering if I'd ever see my son again? And now, you want to take him away from me again, along with my daughter? This is not going to end well. It's not going to end well for the kids. We can't go forward in war mode. We have to be able to get along for their sakes. I'm sorry, but that does not include reconciling with you and forgetting you threw me away."

She started sobbing and Jane hugged her. "Honey, please don't punish Jim anymore. He doesn't deserve what you're doing to him. You ripped his heart out and you're trying to do it again. It's over, dear."

Carrie broke down again and buried her head in Jane's shoulder. I looked at her with Dan standing behind her with his hand on her back and I silently waved goodbye. I'd had enough, and by the looks of it so did she. I only hoped she would do the right thing. I knew my first call on Monday would be to my attorney, so I could be as proactive as possible.

***

I opened a beer and decided I needed to get off of my butt and get back into the dating scene. It was more than clear to me I wasn't getting back together with Carrie, blackmail or not, and I'd need to meet someone. On the spur of the moment, I decided to go out and see what I could find in the dating scene.

Not having dated in over a decade, I knew I would be in for a shock as I had no clue how to talk to a woman in which I was interested. I showered and ordered an UBER, thinking I'd figure it out as I went along.

I looked through my closet and realized I would need to spruce up my wardrobe. How much more cliché could I be? A divorced man that had no decent clothes. I planned to call my sister and let her shop with me. She always picked my clothes out before Carrie; I was sure she'd do it again.

I chose a pair of khaki shorts and a golf shirt. I suppose there was some irony, in that Carrie bought the outfit for me, but I didn't care. I looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw.

I was in good shape, had a full head of hair, and a three-day old scruff on my cheeks. Put all of that with my stable job and money in the bank, I thought I was a pretty good catch. I slipped on my canvas boat shoes and was ready to go.

I decided to go to the local sports bar. It may not have been the best choice to look for single women, but I didn't think I was ready for a club, or the country dance bar where I met Carrie. I was glad I made that choice as a couple of friends were there.

"Holy shit!" Jack shouted from his table, making everyone turn to look at me.

I walked over and got bro hugs from Jack and his table mates, Alan and Chris. I knew the guys from the old days, but marriage and children got in the way of staying close. They were all single guys and as anyone who is married can probably relate to, single guys fall out of the friend group of married guys after a while for a variety of reasons.

"How's it going, men?" I asked, signaling the waitress for a glass.

"Same shit, different story, Jim. I heard you got divorced."

I nodded as the waitress set the glass on the table, "Bring another pitcher on your way around, please."

"That sucks, man," Chris lamented. "What happened?"

"She tried to trade up and divorced me. It blew up in her face though and now she's trying to get me back."

They all laughed, and Jack said, "Ah! So, you've decided to come out and find a replacement before she can get her hooks into you again? Smart."

I laughed, "No, I'm not going back, but I do figure it's time to get out again."

Alan smirked and said, "Maddie's single for the first time in our adulthood. Steve cheated on her, and she kicked him to the curb last year."

"No, shit?"

Maddie Ross was one of the "it-girls" in high school, and I, well, every guy, had a crush on her. She dated Steve Clark all throughout high school and got knocked up before she graduated college.

"She's here." Jack said slyly. "She and Heather Scott play bar trivia. They are sitting over by the dartboards."

My eyes darted across the room and there she sat. Her raven black hair framing her beautiful face perfectly. It was as if she hadn't aged a day in the last decade or so. I thought about going over to say hi, but I had no idea what I would say after that. "Hey, since we're both divorced from cheaters, do you wanna get some coffee?" i decided not to do anything.

Jack must've read my mind, "Hey, Jim, I've got an itch to play trivia tonight. What do you say we move over to the other side and grab a table before it fills up over there?"

I laughed and was about to play it off when the others stood. Chris said, "No one stands a chance against us. We're the kings of useless knowledge."

I succumbed to the peer pressure, and we found another table. It was time for another pitcher, so I called over the waitress and ordered a pitcher of golden goodness. Jack grunted and nodded towards the table where Heather and Maddie were sitting.

I shook my head and asked the waitress, "Could you send a round to the table with the blonde and black-haired ladies?"

"Sure," she said with a smirk. "Good luck."

That caused the guys to laugh and soon we were all laughing at how ridiculous I was, trying to act like I knew how to get the girl. I had positioned myself at the table, so I was sitting with a direct sight line to Maddie's table. I was amazed at how her eyes seemed to smile when she laughed. She was still gorgeous.

The waitress delivered our pitcher, and walked over to the ladies, set their drinks down, and pointed my way. I smiled and lifted my beer in an air toast. Heather laughed and whispered in Maddie's ear while Maddie was returning my air toast. She shook her head no at whatever Heather was saying and turned her head away. Heather gave me the come over finger wag and that's when the fellas started up on me to go and talk to them.

I took a deep breath and stood. I knew I needed to get back in the game and I had the perfect opportunity to get my first strike-out out of the way, so I walked over as cool as I could. Of course, that meant that I trembled, and my hands were sweating profusely.

Before I could say anything too stupid, Heather took pity on me. "Jim Spellman, you're pretty bad at the buying a drink for the ladies game. You're supposed to deliver them yourself, so you can be thanked properly."

I smiled as they giggled at me. Jesus, I felt like I was a sixteen-year-old kid again.

"Sorry, Heather. I wasn't sure if you guys would remember me. It's been a long time. Maddie, hello."

"Hi, Jim. Of course, we remember you. No one forgets the cute guys they went to high school with."

I must've blushed because they started giggling again.

"I thought you were married, Mr. Spellman. What would Mrs. Spellman say about this?" Heather asked.

I held up my bare left hand and said, "Divorced for over six months now."

"Sorry to hear that," Heather said while Maddie sat up a bit straighter.

"I see you're married," I said, pointing to the nice sized rock on her finger.

"Yep, five years now. I married Kevin Carlson and have twin three-year-old girls."

"Nice. I have a ten-year-old son, and a newborn daughter."

Maddie asked, "A newborn? You said you were..."

I cut her off. "Yeah, she was pregnant with my kid when she left me for her lover."

Maddie looked at me aghast. Heather said, "I bet that's some story?"

"Well, it's probably best for another time and place though. I hear they have trivia tonight?"

I was hoping my change of subject was subtle enough.

"Yep. We never miss it," Maddie said brightly. "Would you like to join us or are your friends counting on you to lead them to victory tonight?"

"No, not at all. It was a last-minute decision for me to come out tonight. I didn't even know they were here."

"That explains it then." Heather said.

"What's that?"

"You didn't shave." Maddie said, making them both giggle again.

I rubbed my cheek and said, "I guess I'm a bit scruffy. I thought I had a bad boy charm-thing going on."

They laughed that time. Maddie said, "You can't be a bad boy wearing preppie clothes."

They continued to laugh, and I said, "Excuse me." I walked away to get my beer from the other table.

The guys gave me fist bumps and Jack said, "Go get her, tiger," causing the others to laugh. They were probably hoping I failed in order to get some more entertainment for the evening.

When I turned back, I saw the girls were arguing. I walked back over and heard Heather chastise Maddie for running me off. I smiled inwardly as I surprised them by sitting in the empty chair.

"Miss me?"

They turned and smiled at the same time. Damn! Maddie was pretty. It was all I could do to not stare into her sparkling eyes.

Maddie smirked and said, "Don't choke tonight. We expect to win."

"I'll do my best to not screw up."

***

After a couple of hours of trivia, we were in the lead by two points over a table full of older folks that looked like college professors. The host asked the final question and announced it was worth five points.

"This 1977 album contained the hits, 'She's Always A Woman' and 'Just The Way You Are'.

I laughed and the ladies looked at each other with no clue. I took the slip of paper, wrote, "The Stranger" and walked up to the host. On my way back to the table, I winked at the table of professors.

"That was the easiest question all night," I said before taking a sip.

"Maybe for you," Maddie said. "I don't even think I've ever heard those songs."

Heather laughed and said, "I at least know they're Billy Joel songs."

"No worries, ladies. I happen to be a big fan of his and that's one of my favorite albums."

Just then the host announced the answer and us as winners. We hooted and hollered and accepted our major award: a fifty-dollar gift certificate for the bar where we were. I let the ladies have it for their tab which included food.

Maddie said, "Well, I'm turning into a pumpkin. My babysitter won't stay past twelve."

I stood along with them and asked, "May I walk you out?"

They smiled and in unison, said, "Please."

As we walked, I was surprised when Maddie took my hand. I looked at her and I swear her eyes twinkled. I felt like I was on top of the world for a change, and I hoped she'd agree to see me for a date.

"Well, this is us," Heather said.

I didn't let go of Maddie's hand, but brought it to my lips for a kiss, and then felt like a dork for doing it.

"Maddie, I'd like to see you again. May I have your number?"

"I'd like that, Jim." She took my proffered phone and dialed her number. "Saturdays are good for me and so are Sundays until the afternoon. We have a standing dinner engagement with my parents on Sundays."

"Great," I smiled. "How about we just plan to do dinner together Saturday and then come back here for trivia. We have a title to defend."

Heather laughed and said, "I'm still coming, you two." That made us laugh and I kissed Maddie on the cheek.

"Goodnight, Maddie. Heather, you drive safe now."

"I'm good."

I nodded and opened the door for Maddie. As I watched the ladies drive away, I felt good and hoped the feeling would last.

***

Monday morning, I went back to work. I took my break at 9, so I could call my attorney and let him know of Carrie's threat.

He said, "Jim, don't sweat it. Her lawyer just faxed over the signed amendment to the divorce decree. She agreed with shared custody and the visitation schedule we laid out. I'll get the original by courier soon and once filed, it's all set. Congratulations."

I was shocked. When I got home that evening, she was sitting on my steps with Jimmy and Alison.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"I brought you dinner for helping with Jimmy over the last week or so, and to apologize." I saw the casserole dish behind her and smiled. "Tuna casserole?"

"Of course. It was always your favorite; I hope that hasn't changed."

"I'm looking forward to it. I can't make it the same, no matter what I try."

"You should've called me, I could've..." she realized what she said and stopped cold. "I'm sorry. I suppose you couldn't call me."

"Well, let's get inside before the chipmunks want their share." I said.

She set the baby carrier on the carpet, and I went to pick Alison up.

"Oh, no you don't! I know how sweaty and scummy you are when you get home. You go take your shower. When you're done, you can hold her all she'll let you."

Sweaty and scummy. Yeah, she meant the grease monkey crap. I prayed a silent prayer for God to grant me the strength to stand my ground. Every time I saw her my love for her died a little more.

***

Dinner conversation was kept light and after dinner, she told Jimmy to play in his room while we talked. She handed Alison to me and although she got fussy, she didn't cry.

Newborn babies are kind of boring. They can't really do anything, and they have their head supported. I always messed that up with Jimmy and had to be constantly reminded. I saw Carrie about to say something to me and I said, "I'm supporting her head."

She laughed and said, "Ten years later, it's still a force of habit."

I sighed and asked, "So, what's all this about?" I knew she signed the agreement. I wasn't sure if she knew I knew that.

"I agreed to the visitation and child support agreements." She had her head down, looking at a spot on the carpet, I guess.

"What happened to..."

"Please don't remind me. I was out of line saying that and I never would have done that to you. I'm just so desperate to have you back, I'd do anything."