All Comments on 'In The Death Cell Ch. 02'

Unfortunately, this is way too late. I'll be damned if I"m going to re read the first part again so the second part makes sense. If you are going to write a multi chapter story, don't submit it until all the chapters are done. Then submit them a day apart.

Sorry, I gave you a nice score for chapter one. You fucked around too long with chapter rwo and a still isnt finished. No indication of when chapter three will be done or how many chapters there are. I’m done with this shit. Two stars because this went nowhere.

This will score well, because it was Jim who traded up, getting the prettier, if not younger, girl, but to me, chapter 2 did not match chapter 1.

The in laws supporting the son in law rather than their own daughter? That’s a common enough LW trope, but how often does that happen in real life?

Nice follow up chapter. It was interesting that sex with Maddie only emphasised what a self-centred bitch Carrie was.

Good story!

5

Sorry for the delay. Life gets in the way sometimes.

Very well written, I'm looking forward to the next installment.

Enjoyed it thoroughly, keep it up.

It could have ended with Jim dismissing Carrie for good, i.e. after the first half of page 2 of this chapter. The rest was actually a new story. Still a good one.

Asshole had his chance to make his family whole again

@ReedRichards: I actually know a family that supported there daugther-in-law when their own son became an asshole in their divorce.

Not always is blood thicker than water. Sometimes even in-laws choose the right side over blood.

Part-1 was better.

This seemed to be a new story. Unrelated .

It should have remained the story of the Husband & the ex wife.

That's a good follow on chapter.

Thinking about Oprah? Actually, she's still a looker!

Another Disney story for men.

very nice story. 5⭐

Thanks for sharing your talent.

I enjoyed part 1 and part 2 and was very worried about a RAAC. I really liked how he explained it to her that to him it is obvious that had her plan not gone wrong he would be history. I like how he said she NEEDS him rather than really loving him etc.

What bugged me was the character Maddie. He stepped into that too easily. What guy like that just stumbles into the old school hottie who is now available. Girls like that don't remember guys like him. He is not a flashy, rich dude. Also, if she was not really in love with her ex but married because of a broken condom why was she staying so long she had two additional kids? Girls like her don't do that.

what about her friend? A married woman that goes with a divorced woman to a sports bar so often that they are "regulars"? A place like that to women is really a pick up joint. Not that women don't like sports or don't like trivia but married women are with married friends or their spouse, usually, unless they don't mind the attention. Guys see a pair of beautiful women alone and they do the pick up thing just as he did. He didn't see her ring until he was at the table. Why does her husband not go? And she was coaching the guy on how to do the buy a drink thing as well so this happens often.

Great story, gritty but romantic, and sexy.

I loved it. I hope there is more to come

Scores 5/5

To anon who complained about the timeline:

One can submit a story a day apart from another, beyond that they have no say as to when it is published. Sometimes it's a few days later, sometimes it's a week or more. Once it's submitted it's up to the hidden powers that be as to when it hits the airwaves. Stop whining, nobody likes a whiner.

You messed up by splitting this.

Whoever got their rage and emotions riled up reading Ch.01 won't be rewarded. This story up until the armistice/truce should be in Ch.01. The rest posted under romance category. Ch.01 didn't flow well into Ch.02.

Not enough autopsy on the marriage. Nothing added about Greg. This is two different story.

Anonymous

Unfortunately, this is way too late. I'll be damned if I"m going to re read the first part again so the second part makes sense. If you are going to write a multi chapter story, don't submit it until all the chapters are done. Then submit them a day apart.

Anonymous

Sorry, I gave you a nice score for chapter one. You fucked around too long with chapter rwo and a still isnt finished. No indication of when chapter three will be done or how many chapters there are. I’m done with this shit. Two stars because this went nowhere.

WTF, you have never submitted a story here, I can tell. It was only eight days since the first submission, a story can sit on their desk that long before it gets posted.

Something tells me that there is more to this story than even three chapters so if you don't want to hang around then IABH won't need to worry about a stupid one boomer. Full marks from me.

part 3?

Great stuff. I like how you addressed Carries clear manipulation. She night be remorseful but in the moment she did exactly the wrong thing.

The fact that she also joined in with the deriding of Jim with the "grease monkey" comment showed she did hold him in contempt. Faced with the actual consequences she wanted to rug sweep and not be held accountable.

Glad he called her out on that. I mean i like reconciliation now wnd then but DAMN it has to be earned - especially when the cheater has basically gone back and forth with a sustained affair - a calculated one. Doesnt matter that she started standing up to Greg when she realised the grass wasnt greener... that felt like she was priming to try to bounce back rather than being genuine.

Youve woven a great and realistic tale. I do hope it moves to romance now with Maddie. Though i imagine Carrie has more crazy planned. Or his son will try to force things....

I was lucky to remember chapter 1, but if there is a delay in posting a subsequent chapter, give a short recap of the previous chapter.

I liked chapter 2 a lot, earning 5 stars.

It is "woe is me", not "whoa is me".

I assume there will be a part 3. No way Carrie will just roll over and accept his new relationship. Plus she will be looking for another scumbag to trade up with. She chooses poorly again, I'll bet. So far so good though.

As for the in-laws going against their daughter, grandparents will ALWAYS try to do what is best for their grandchildren. That is if they are good thinking people.

RSKY

Beautiful except for the warning bell saying "rebound"! I hope you have one more chapter in you. The story feels "real" to me, something many readers may have experienced in their lives, or a friends. The way you brought them together was expertly done. Might have preferred Maddie saying she liked him in HS but social pressure kept them apart, but your story and still well told. 5*

5 stars for a well written story.

So far, a great story. But please learn the correct colloquialism if you are going to use one. "Whoa is me" should have been "woe is me". It may seem minor to the author, but for a reader, it makes you wonder if the author is really educated at all.

Don't really know what to say about Chapter 2. Jim hooking up with a hot woman the first time out killed it for me. There's a better chance of me winning the lottery than this occurring. This chapter actually had me take another look at Jim. He has to go out to "update" his wardrobe?? Not exactly my idea of a chick magnet. While I still don't agree with what Carrie did it does make me wonder what else in his life did Jim let go or let get out dated?? Marriage requires work on both spouses part. I'm being to see Jimbo as a man that got way too comfortable with married life and didn't put in the work.

Good for him. He proved his ex is an opportunistic loser, got his kids back, found a new mate and even managed to start a trivia dynasty. After dealing with the whack job ex he deserves a better chance.

Eh. I bit of suspending disbelief how quickly Jim and Maddie said I love u but OK.

/

I'm glad it didn't turn out an RAAC and I'm glad the in-laws finally supported Jim and glad Carrie finally accepted her self-inflicted fate after destroying her marriage. All's well that ends well. Thanks IABH.

Very good. I liked this. And don't apologize for the delay. I believe the correct phrase is "Shit happens ".

More great story

Great story so far.

As someone asked earlier about in laws I still have a good relationship with my ex in-laws. I go by on all the holidays help them out with snow leaves whatever as well. My ex wife and I have been seperated more than 15 years. Of course our divorce was more amicable than this...we had the were unhappy talk unlike in this story and just separated. So it does happen probably not as often as in LW stories, but in real life I think there is not as many outrageous circumstances as well.

Very good thank you.

Very good second part.

A tight good plot.

Even down to adding humor to the romantic part.

Perfect for us guys who are sensitive to the sugary stuff.

Great work IABH!

Top ratings from me.

This 2nd chapter was going well up thru the scene where Carrie tried to threaten him with blocking access to his kids, and her parents took his side.

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Then it all petered out. Devolved into a “divorced guy finds hot new girlfriend” — who his ex in-laws approved of! — and the fairy tale is on!

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Was hoping for more…..

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3 ***

its possible, I had a better relationship with my ex in laws after the divorce.

I read a story last night that was RAAC and that worked.

This wasn't BtBitch but it felt okay. At the end of the day having two parents not tearing chunks out of each other is best for the kids.

The BtBastard aspect was a let down, he got beaten up and kicked in the balls and his dick wasn't working great but what happened after he assaulted her and their son?

Meeting the new hottie is quite fanciful, but hey why not?

It does feel like there c/should be some more... Carrie fighting for him, the meeting of the kids, Tommy accepting the possibility of having 2 mums.

VERY well written. Love the characters and their viewpoints

Fantastic

Proper ending. It's what he deserved after what the cunt put him through. A happily ever after. This could be finished, byt I don't think so. An excellent tale.

Five Stars

should be in romance the story is a cookie cutter story. been there done that a few 20 times. idk maybe add a twist or something, man that was boring. damn i must really be bored

Great story. Good writing and flow. A lot of heart and emotion for the guys anyway. Most tragedies deserve a triumph at the end. Tough shit for Carrie. Keep writing. I hope there is more.

I enjoyed this chapter as much as the first one. I liked Carrie’s threat about keeping the kids from him. That destroyed any chance for the RAAC, and that made the story for me.

Your balance between the agony of a painful breakup and the joy of new love is very well done. Loved it!

Thank god someone else said it. I know it's ego stroking but why can't the 'new' woman be plain or beautiful instead of drop dead gorgeous. Women who have had three children generally have the body to prove it, not always, but usually. It'd be nice to have something that little bit more linked to reality than the same old: Husband got burned, claws his way back, finds a hot chick, gets married, becomes rich and lives happily ever after. Sure, it's a story and fantasy, but it's been done a billion times already...

The story got better as it went along. I presume chapter 3 is in the works. AAAA++++

So is this the final chapter? The first chapter storyline was so much more interesting, the writing was good but it didn't do much for me.. So this is it, the Drama with Carrie is over and Jim and Maddie fall in love and live happily ever after?? 3 stars

You’re a really good story teller. Pretty ordinary guy, not any fancy characters, but I’m really enjoying the story.

The only thing worrisome is that ominous title.

Nice chapter and no RAAC. I like how the MC stated plainly to the ex how several times she made a conscious decisions to willingly step out of the relationship, then divorce, then take out a restraining order, and finally deny him access to his children. All these things to hurt him in the worst of ways because at first she thought she was upgrading to a new man so she didn’t give a fuck how it affected him. Then when the new man became a dud and the relationship tanked a Hail Mary attempt to deny him all parental rights if he didn’t take her back.

The first chapter was original and interesting. This chapter unfortunately was the same as hundreds of other literotica stories

I enjoyed the first chapter although the MC was a self-righteous little ass. The second chapter was a total let-down. More adolescent nonsense from the MC and a ridiculous male fantasy with Maddy. Just awful.

If her asshole lover had been a half way decent guy Carrie would have never looked back, even after she had Jim's baby. Knowing the baby was her ex husbands the asshole might have kicked her out, but it would still end the same as the author portrayed here. The only thing left for Carrie is the inevitable contempt and scorn from her son for throwing his father away. As he gets older he will understand more of his mother's betrayal and the depth of his father's pain and humiliation. She is such a selfish self serving bitch that we should expect Carrie to experience more failed marriages.

A decent story with a hopeful resolution. It would have been even better if the new woman in his life was just average looking but has the heart and soul of a lioness, combined with intelligence and passion. More believable than Mrs. Universe still being unattached and settling for a blue collar worker. A nice fantasy, but unlikely in the real world.

I hope you keep writing. Thanks for the effort.

****Very entertaining follow-up storyline held true to Ch. 01. Good read. Thanks for sharing

Nice one, we can only assume the two rejected souls find completion in each other. A blended family is a challenge, but we made it work in my household. To all those RAAC folks out there, you must have known he’d never take her back. She cheated for months, thought her lover knocked her up, disrespected Jim, his type of job, and his income. Blamed him for not having enough time for her because he was working so hard to get her the income she, apparently, so desperately desired. Denied him visitation with his son and married a monster that ended up attacking is son. Then later she threatened to deny him visitation again because he didn’t do what she wanted! And after all of that you think he should just forgive and forget? Not going to happen!

Is this it or do we get a finish?

I planned on waiting for all the parts to be submitted before reading, but made the mistake of reading just the first paragraph - oops! I couldn’t put it down, and now I can’t wait for more.

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Emotionally powerful stuff. Well rendered and sympathetic characters - not just Jim. Dan’s and Jane’s predicament is gut wrenching. And poor little Jimmy - geez - heartbreaking. Even Carrie is nominally sympathetic in her own pathetic way - like feeling bad for a dog that rolled in its own shit, and can’t clean itself. Now with Maddie added - what a Gordian knot of hope and despair. What a story of high melodrama. Great stuff. Needless to say, I can’t wait for more.

Left like this,it is a nothing story.

Good one.

Who doesn't like a happy ending? heh heh

I like it, well worth the 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

3 stars - it sort of works for me, except the first night out and meeting the new/old hot woman with 3 kids. Yes, that only happens in fantasy land, which is exactly what this website is.

1 star, too simplistic, ridiculous, and quick. Add in the love of Billy Joel and it was a poorly done plot and story.

I think I'm getting really tired of how the put upon good guy who's getting divorced has some gorgeous wonderful woman crop up for him just about right away. I guess I'm also getting tired of the all the guys who aren't tired of this and keep giving those stories high ratings.

LOL there are tons of happy loser storys who are robbed of all self respect and decide it's worth it to be a forgiver at any cost.

Really good story.

Very well done. I like your real world approach to story telling.

???

As someone who bitches about delays in chapter stories, I don't find eight days too bad. Having said that, rather than blaming "life," how about not posting chapter q until chapter 2 is done?

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"The problem was since she was barely a week old, I never got to see her." - Whose fault is that? Surely he could see her if he wanted to.

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"I'll never allow him to have visitation with her or Jimmy." - She can't do that, only the courts can, and if she tries some bullshit excuse, her own parents are witness to her blackmail scheme.

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"Dad, if you get in the way of my family staying together, I'll cut you out and you'll never see your grandchildren again." - That's an odd way of keeping her family together!

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I know 10 is too young to decide which parent will have custody, but it's no too young for his opinion to be heard by the judge.

Very plausible, logical, and enjoyable to read. Wife's slow erosion away from the marriage commitment would have been nice to explore and ponder, but this chapter was more about the romance. Two families joining with 5 children, plus the ones they will create together. Pretty difficult. You have to cheer for the virtue and the courage to try. Thanks for the effort.

A delightful 5. I had this tagged to read after the final chapter posted, so didn't experience the frustration earlier commentators expressed about the time lag between chapters 1 and 2. Which wasn't that long (only 8 days). But not having looked too closely, I thought there might still be a chapter 3. It was only with the posting of a newer IABH story ("Rain Must Fall") that it seemed to me this story probably ended with chapter 2. And now having read it, I must disagree with those comments about the story not being finished. It's finished enough, pretty clear where things are going. And as to such a beautiful woman falling for the MC on his first time out not being realistic, to quote the song, "impossible things are happening every day." Guess those critics don't like StangStar06 or lover1953 either. This was very well structured. After the first chapter, like a few of the more perceptive commentators here, I was concerned that Jim was going to take Carrie back. Was even thinking, in keeping with the Billy Joel theme, that Carrie didn't deserve a "Second Wind," but instead Jim deserved to find an "Uptown Girl." Delightful that he did. Good on 'yer, IABH!

Dang it! You ended it too soon! I was getting ready to have a good happy cry. I'll do it anyway! 5 stars, or asterisks, or whatever we call them!

Nice to read a story about more ordinary people rather than billionaires, high powered lawyers or computer geniuses.

Your story was an excellent read. I don't usually give 4 stars.

You are the only writer to date to have 2 stories that I have given 4 stars. (I count Ch 1 and 2 of this as one story. The other was "Action This Day.") Both of your stories were nicely written and easy to read.

I am computer nerd and a slow reader, so keeping me interested is always tough. I usually only read as a tech reference or to solve a problem. Therefore, a good story to me is only getting 3 stars.

You write in style that gives life to characters who could be your readers or people we know. Showing the emotions and turmoil’s they go through during events you write about. This is an extremely rare talent.

Thank you for taking time to write them.

Keep going. You tell a good story

Boy was I wrong regarding the earlier part. But this story needs a bit more to it. Please continue it. LP

Please finish it

Begs a bit more.

Needs another chapter, a proper ending but overall nice read.

Your a good writer enjoyed your library of stories keep up the good!!

This only needed more chapters!!!

Nice job; thanks for not back peddling to the first wife.

Thank you for stamping the big W to her forehead, and not letting her continue to have what her spoiled ass desires.

No need for a ‘finish’; let the Carriewhore twist in the wind.

Great so far. Hoping for a ch. 3!

This is a good story that could use more. It's your world you're creating do as you wish. LP

Pretty good but how does he think he can support all that? Five kids??? Not even a crazy man jumps intyo that frying pan.

Great story and a man that stood his ground!!! Well done!!!

I waited for part 2 before scoring the story. It was a gem and worthy of the highest rating. I appreciate the authors decision to end the story at that point but I am also left wanting a sequel with a satisfying ending for all of the parties. Perhaps one from his ex-in-laws' perspective after his marriage to Maddie and how it put his ex-wife on a better path. The decency of the two sets of parents also is worthy of a satisfying ending. Maybe I'll just keep that thought in my imagination!

Enjoyed these two very much. Vivid characters I grew to like even if they were un likeable. Snd so many ways to go with sequels.

Carrie was a psychotic bitch going back and forth in her emotional state. Wonder if she had a clear mental illness

sort of simple or stiff dialogue but the situation was interesting

The dialogues were extremely stilted. Didn't like it a lot.

What a great way to wind up the story without having to revisit Carrie. Good job.

Ed

Hahahahaha totally unbelievable completely cliche and who the hell cares really sweet 😇😇😇

You could write a third chapter, about Carrie getting remarried and the kids getting abused, neglected, whatever. Maybe even have Carried become a crack whore for some rich drug lord, then Jim ends up with ALL the kids all the time as Carrie OD's or rots in prison; your choice. Still doesn't make sense how he married such a selfish stupid disrespecting whore to begin with. Thanks for the effort.

[25.02.23]

Tres Romantique!

Great Series!

11/10!!!!!

Sweet.

No rating

Didn't understand both main characters actions so

Understand that communication is a main problem in divorce

I loved this very much. Pls keep writing more of this!!

I was actually hoping Jim and Carrie would get back together. Ah, well.

I'm surprised at how many of the LW stories really hate the wife yet don't even murmur disapproval of the husbands' negative contributions. I guess that they've been dumped a few times and don't want to believe they were part of the problem. Oh well, some people never grow up and some never tell themselves the full truth.

Carrie cheated and Jim moved on and its completely her fault. Paying the bills means working and wanting nicer things means more work and sacrificing more time with his family. She got to spend the day with the kids while he worked his ass off. Modern women lack responsibility and blame others for their mistakes its both childish and cowardly. Oh well, some people never grow up and some never tell themselves the full truth.