All Comments on 'In The Family'

You NEED an editor . it was confusing.

Good story, good build up to the next chapter.

You need to get an editor though as this story is ruined by grammar mistakes and words unfinished.

She spreads her legs for her beloved boy Ben, and welcomes him back up the warm wet wonderful hole he came out of. For a mommy-loving boy like Ben--and there are lots and lots of boys like him, maybe even most of them--nothing can ever compare with sliding his young penis up into his own birth canal--his own mother's vagina. That's where his penis feels safe and protected and cherished, embraced by layers of loving mommy-cunt. Pam teaches her son what fucking's all about, and in return Ben gives his beloved mother the best gift in his power--a brimming cuntful of his precious semen. This is a great story by a highly gifted writer, and I only hope that Mary doesn't end the beautiful relationship of Pam and her Ben.

I love it. Very titilating story line. I especially love Pam's teasing and flashing to get Ben going. More please, and with Mary coming, I hope that is what we will get.

Holtarn

I can tell English is not your first language. Your continual use of the wrong pronouns made the story difficult to read. Also, the 18-year-old must have been mentally slow, having slept with his mother his whole life and never seeing her naked, or being curious about her body until he is 18. The mother wasn't much better.

Couldn't give it high marks as the poor grammar made it too difficult to read. Get an editor next time.

I think you originally wrote this story with Ben as a much younger person, which would explain things like "growth spurts" and "awakening sexuality". Then you discovered that this site won't allow sexual activity with underage characters, and bumped his age up to the minimum age of 18.

That said, aside from that glaring issue, the writing wasn't too bad, but that fundamental change can't be corrected simply by adding four or five years age to the kid. You've got to write the story as if he were actually 18, not like he was still just entering adolescence. For now, he's an "18-year-old" who's being treated like, and behaving like, a child. And that's kind of hard to ignore.

Hello all,

Thank you very much for your comments and rating.

As this is the first story I have ever written, it will help me in the future. Your response has motivated me to keep writing.

Thank you!

P.S.: Sorry for the mistakes in the story.

For example stuff like this makes the story hard to read - "Ben was looking to her mother with love and lust" - it makes me stop and say to myself - Huh?. That takes away from the pleasure of reading the story.

You need to just stop writing you suck at it so just do us all a favor and don't continue writing

Not bad for a first time. Building up more sexual tensiom would of made the story better. Wiuld of been good to ad more nights of foreplay. One day he pokes her, the next night he wears boxers and dry humps her. She welcomes it by wearing something skimpy and this causes him to make a move at night.

It was OK. You need to get an editor. Premise of the story was OK. The build up to sex was too jumpy. Nice first try.

the build up was a little slow But it was splendid keep going I liked what I read and good luck to you...........

Get an editor this could have been a 4 or 5 star story.

i agree with other comments that an editor would be a great help. that aside, the story was great for a first attempt i hope you will carry on, as you will get better as you write more, and become more comfortable. there some great story tellers on lit. study some of them, i'm sure they would be inspirational .

Should be lying. Please look up those words.

The story is pretty interesting! The spelling and sentence structure need a LOT of work though. I'm interested in finding out if he spends some time 'sleeping' with his cousin ;)