It is not a bad effort, and I do not think you mentioned yourself that much. It does seem as if you go from 1st person to 3rd person during the story though.
Just giving back to this amazing community that has served me well over the years. My novels contains some fetishes I hope to experience or see at least once in my lifetime. Please hit me up If you have any stories not in my favorites list that you think might match my tastes...