All Comments on 'In Vivo Fertilization'

I think you managed to come up with what could have been an interesting premise, but your attempt to translate that premise into a finished story wasn't as effective as you probably wanted it to be. It's not what I'd call "horrible" writing, but it could be much better.

There are "stroke" stories, where it's nothing but action, and there are "thoughtful" stories, where the reader is expected to do a little more thinking--where the story is less "bang, bang, cum" and more "plot, plot, cum", if you will.

This seemed to be an attempt to create a more "literary" story, but no matter how much you want it to be that while writing that, it's the burden of the author to translate their desire to be taken seriously into a story that's ...well, taken seriously.

It was hard to take this too seriously.

This story was brief enough that you should have had ample opportunity to polish it a bit more before posting it. Time to catch errors in grammar and punctuation (and before the "everybody-gets-an-award-for-trying" people jump on that, let me explain why), and to incorporate a bit more depth to the characters involved.

Those "stroke" stories to which I referred can get away with a few typos, grammatical errors, etc., but the ones that are supposed to be taken more seriously, due to their own nature, end up being held to a higher standard of editing. And again, this wasn't "horrible", but if your goal was to turn in a story that was a couple of notches higher, on the Literotica scale, than one of the many run-of-the-mill stroke stories, it fell a little short of the mark. And not "the mark" others set for you, but the mark you set for yourself.

So, if you want a better story, write one, and try to make it a better than this attempt.

On SO many levels. Simply implausible and unbelievable.

The Silent Partner

Sarah and Jane, lesbian lovers, decide to have a baby. To save expense they decide on the natural way, as inimical as sex with a man might seem, after Sarah engages in foreplay, a man sneaks in to accomplish the mission and impregnate Jane.

There's a hint the man might be Mark who meets them in a cafe a year later. Mark suggests that this time it's Sarah's turn to be impregnated.

Noname brings up a number of interesting concepts. Lesbians introducing a man for impregnation and the capability of both partners in a lesbian relationship to bear children.

A Non-Recreational Threeway

A FMF exercise in Sarah and Jane engage in foreplay before an unannounced male slips in to administer the baby juice. I see it is possible that Sarah and Jane need to deny the need to acknowledge the necessary assistance of male participation in reproductive intercourse to preserve their relationship. Up pops Mark a year later to remind Sarah that it's her turn.