All Comments on 'Indoor Beach Party'

Really well written and very erotic

Interesting story, it needs to be continued.

How could any man not want that to happen

Writing copious nitpicks as I read the story:

How does he blow a cool stream of wind? Breath doesn't work that way.

Her thong is "sheer" not "shear".

When Samantha says "Damn, you weren't kidding..." I thought someone was talking about the photobooth. The context isn't clear.

"Poison" was a crappy 80's hair metal band. No need to capitalize "What's your poison?"

"Plated of food" type-o.

How many girls are at this party? It said 20 at the beginning of the story, but there's nothing later on that gives any sense. There is a little extraneous description of all the beautiful women running around in skimpy clothing... lots more of this would be much appreciated.

Who's Sophia in the hot tub? Oh right, the wife. Her name hasn't been mentioned since the opening sentences. When she dances with the fan on low, make it clear that she has changed from the bikini bottom back into the summer dress.

How big is the closet in the basement? Why are his arms raised? Is he handcuffed to a pipe or something? Is it so dark he can't see who's coming in or is his back turned?

Type-o's: The veins "were purplish", not "we're purplish". "Into her", not "inter her".

Overall, I enjoyed the story. There are some passages where the action is a little unclear. The story could benefit from more description and clarification. That is to say I like it and would enjoy more of it. Also I like that he is trying very hard to stay faithful to his wife. Nice work.

I loved the story. It can go in so many different places and I'm excited to see where you take it. Great job!

I do agree with the editing suggestions and I also agree with the genre being Loving Wives. I think that every loving wife has a pair of handcuffs.

What a unique story line. I appreciate his commitment to his wife but thoroughly enjoyed all the teasing. His ability to appreciate the women and yet refrain is erotic.

There are a lot more edits that would improve this work. -continuity, -context, -punctuation, etc. It was hard to follow at the beginning, partly due to punctuation/paragraph edits, but i did enjoy it and will look for more from this author.

More whores and dick heads.