All Comments on 'Inevitable Pathway to Desire'

I may be wrong, but I think that you try too hard to describe everything. You are way over a reasonable number of adjectives. In the first few paragraphs you describe the sky and sunlight excessively, even to glinting off someone's sunglasses. Then they get to the house and you're describing stuff about which readers care not. I stopped reading there as it became a bit overstated and it appeared it would just go on... and on.

I have gotten this critique before. I do think it's important to set the scene and the visuals but at the same time, if it's too excessive or feels too much like a filler then the reader will feel disenchanted and unfortunately miss out on a good storyline. Apologies for that and next time I will take that into account.

I did enjoy your writing style for the most part,

but the story is where you lost me.it's honestly baffling how dozens of people will comment on a story when a wife cheats on her husband and leaves him, but keep quiet on stories like this where the MC is whining about loving a married woman and then sleeps with her the next morning. Your main character was too emotional and pathetic. I am not saying that people are made of stone, but no man with any self respect attends a public event/outing/gathering with a group of friends if they are liable to break down and cry when they are alone. Problems in a relationship and the husband being an asshole is not an okay for the "nice guy" to step in. Finally, with the relationship that you've described between the love interest and her husband, there's no reason for them to have been married aside from the plot.

I appreciate your critique, however it only further emphasizes that this story is a fantasy. In the real world, cheating is never to be romanticized or condoned. However within the bounds of this story, infidelity remains the main twisted focus and is also included within the category/tags. The love between the two characters remains the main focus of the story.

The MC is breaking out of a relationship that ended in fidelity. Therefore if he wasn't as emotional as depicted then it would be quite difficult to truly emphasize how invested he was in said relationship, how greatly devastating the breakup turned out to be and how it ties into the story. Every living person goes through intense emotions both high and low. With that said, I will never omit a character's strife if it's necessary for the storyline or their development.

I get where you're saying, and I actually enjoy stories that focus on the aftermath of big events whether it's divorce, marriage, breakup etc. because the characters are going through a significant change which could make for an interesting read. Besides my thoughts on the MC's actions, I'm just saying you could have developed Danielle's husband a bit more. As it is now, he's just plain dumb and shallow which again begs the question: why did a character as bubbly and witty as Danielle end up with someone like that? On the romanticizing of cheating I disagree with you. if in our fantasies and the stories we tell ourselves, the characters cross moral boundaries without afterthought/regret/doubts to reach the anticipated happy ending, you do end up indirectly saying that it's alright - if you get where I'm coming from? A time jump between the confession and them getting together , in my opinion, would have added more weight to it as the characters would have had more time to stew with their different emotions - in the meantime a throwaway line where Danielle says she's told her asshole husband that she's leaving him would have solved that problem XD.

In any case, I did not mean to nitpick too much - it is your story, and it was cool of you to respond without attacking commentors. Good luck with your next one!

Thanks! I enjoyed that immensely. I am actually a vanilla person and never read infidelity or loving wives type of stories. But if it has romance in it, sometimes I take a peek.

This story is definitely a fantasy. The wife cheats, but the setting and the backstory make it seem plausible that she isn't a bad person. I consider her life with Brad already over the moment he strayed. The sex with Casey felt more like vanilla sex than cheating so yeah, again, fantasy. I am kind of shocked that some people in the comment section cannot differentiate real life from it. I mean, dudes... Look at Brad. Ain't no way there is such people in real life that are literally the personification of a douchebag husband!

To anon:

I will agree, the husband is used to personify the classical description of a douchebag and drive the story's drama aspect. Normally I give more color to characters in any story I write but I didn't want to add too much filler so the reader could stay focused on the short story.

Danielle represents a good woman who happens to be in a relationship with a problematic person who is not willing to change. You'd be surprised how many people with bright and likeable personalities end up with someone that isn't necessarily good for them, whether from lack of self-esteem or as Danielle stated, "it's better to fix something you have than starting over."

Regarding the time jump you mentioned where Danielle and Brad officially broke up, I agree that route would make the story much more guilt free and when I eventually turn this into a more elaborate novelization, that can be clarified. How the reader perceives the story is critical to the enjoyment and overall quality and that aspect will be detailed going forward so that's a good note to make. I notice from a lot of comments on this site that many people despise or harshly critique stories that involve cheating, which is fine. Some people can open a story, get lost in it, then close it and move on satisfied. Others could read it but once they close it, they can't shake the immorality or obvious flaws imposed by the story. Different perspectives matter.

With that said, thank you for reading and commenting and I hope it won't discourage you to explore further.

A long drawn out sex interaction after a preface of flirting leading to disclosures of love between people who shouldn't be in love. I found I didn't like any of these characters and what they did only reinforced my opinion. Mechanically the story wasn't worth much and deserved no more and perhaps less than the 2* I rated it.

While nicely written and descriptive.

Exactly what the hell was it? No beginning, no ending. Felt like turning the tv on right in the middle of season three on some soap opera.

Who is who? Who is married to whom? Where is even a hint of the past? Is there some tie-in to anything?

To Ways494:

I realized I never replied to you after all this time. I think your interpretation of the story is definitely geared towards the intended core aspects of what makes it appealing, their banter and chemistry also included.

Brad is the personification of a douchebag and that aspect is used to sap some of the guilt away from Casey and Danielle's romance. However, two wrongs don't make a right and that's a fair assessment by my viewers. In an elaborate novelization, it would make more sense to establish that Danielle ended things first as it's a more accurate reflection of her character. But hindsight is 20/20 and that could be solved effectively by a simple write-in. I appreciate your feedback very much!