by babygirlminx
Not very good. Get and editor who will proof read and correct the mistakes. There were many.
Also, to you really think a young woman is going to bigger than a C cup? Get real. Only if she is packing an extra 50 pounds would that happen. Try to write realistically in the future.
I am going to assume that English is not your first language.. I dont know what I just read, but please quit while you are ahead.. it is obvious that you are not a writer..
I could only stomach half of the page. The writer has potential but he needs
help. Get a proofreader before submitting anything else.
I liked it. Any mistakes i saw didn't distract from a good first effort. Please keep writing more chapters or stories as I really liked this one. Ignore all the haters and just keep writing each effort will get better and they will disappear. Thanks for the story!
This is a good first effort. Find a proofreader and keep at it! Ignore the haters and keep doing what you do.
Yes you need an editor and spell checker but I like the way your imagination works. Keep working. You can do this.
I mean, I apologize. I'm not an author or something but you're correct my native language is Dutch. Sorry for the mistakes, the jumping around, and name..
Yes, an editor/proofreader can improve your style, but they can give you a few cultural pointers too. But, really, keep writing!
I gave you 5 stars because this is your first submission.
Your English is NOT as bad as some comments suggested. I am not a native speaker of English either (I am from Europe too). Your English is good but there is some room for improvement.
I don't see why a girl's name can not be Baby if Kim Kardashian's girl has just been named North West.
Keep on writing, practice makes perfect.
As a retired English teacher, I agree that your grammar/phrasing is "raw" in some places but you are like a "diamond in the rough". You will go far...keep up your passion in your writing!
Who gives a shit about grammer, when your reading a good fuck story, loved it.
One person's stupid name doesn't suddenly negate all the others.
It was a decent effort! Grammar does matter, if it causes confusion in the mind of the reader! Someone who offers constructive criticism is not a hater! Although some writers deserve to be told not to write again, I think you will improve with time and editing!
Why is it that most of these stories have all of the gals ending up bald?
Why are most of them looking like a 9 year old girl??
Why do people like you obsess with comparing a bald pussy with a child? My wife's shaved pussy doesn't look anything like a child's vagina, my previous girlfriends that shaved didn't either. A woman's pussy is entirely unique, beautiful and sexy! Bonuses are not having hair in my mouth ever again (yay!!) and if I shave too then it feels really great during sex, lots more stimulus input!
I COULD only get through the first 6 or 8 paragraphs,the sooooo many errors, I could not go forward....... please find a proof reader, clean it up and TRY IT AGAIN,
I couldn’t get over a 18 year old didn’t know what arousal feel like or can’t comprehend why she would have tingly feelings in her vagina or not know anything about about self pleasure. These writers be really telling on their selves that they want to touch kids because no 18 year old is that naïve even the inexperienced are knowledgeable about experience
5 Stars. I love daddy daughter fucking.
I dated a woman who was 28 years younger than I. She had only one boyfriend before me and had never orgasmed or masterbaited before we dated. I taught her a lot but she just couldn't relax and allow sex to be fun every time.
On the plus side she let me cum in her mouth or face almost every time.
Lots of nude pics of her in lingerie as well.