All Comments on 'Interlude'

Thank you.

I think this was definitely a good read. It showed he complete submission and although it was brutal I thought it rang true. Please continue writing you do wonderfully!

I really like your first take on BD/SM. Your approach tries to implement the emotional side as well as the actual D/s-practice quiet commonly to be found within this scene and its followers. In contrast, most other stories simply become utterly simplistic tries on spicing up missing creativity by some hackneyed clichés. Anyway, you didn't get completely rid of those (e.g. the "silver collar" without any further use to the story).

Furthermore your narrative comes along somewhat uneven because you're rather alternating between the emotional and practical side which is why your text becomes a little repetitive and predictable (after reading another emotionally loaden paragraph the reader knows for certain that the 'action' has to come along and you kindly live up to these alleged expectations). All in all this switching seems clumsy. If you'd shortened your text more and seeked a tighter synergy between emtion and practice, your story could've been a far surperior read to your now 'just' OK attempt.

Some reading of dr_mabeuse might give you a greater insight in how to make your wiritng about BD/SM more interesting and how to add some depth, which is severely missing in the current draft.

However, your first erotica is already above average! If you put some more effort into writing and reading (the latter being as important as the former), I'm sure you'll be writing really good stories soon.

greets

-AJ