by cleverrgrrrl
you're trying too hard. try re-reading Women in Love.
Intriguing
An unusual story, not quite sure that it works, but full points for imagination. Don't know enough about the characters to care for them, root for them. The second person dialogue is always tricky and comes off less than optimally here. But wonderful, lavish descriptions and sensations. Pray continue...
I enjoyed the unique style of this story. The story makes for a great fantasy. I will definitely check out some of your other writing!