Inverted Intimacy

"How is that?" Jake asked, looking up to her face. Anna's cheeks were even more flushed, and she bit her lower lip. She broke out into a big smile.

"Wow, Jake, you did a great job!" She explored all the shaved places with her fingers. "It feels so strange."

"I didn't do a perfect job," Jake said. "I was afraid of giving you a razor burn, so I went for gentleness over thoroughness."

"Thank you for being so careful. The whole time I knew I was in safe hands."

"You're beautiful," Jake said softly, lost in thought staring at her smooth cleft. Then, catching himself, "I think it looks great! Want me to finish your, uh, anus?"

"Definitely!" Anna said. She dipped her bottom in the tub water to get everything freshly wet and turned over on her knees to present her bottom to him. Jake put shaving cream along the inside of each bottom cheek. A few careful strokes of the razor later he was finished, and he stopped to admire his work on her beautiful body.

"All done!" he announced.

Anna sat back down in the tub. "Alright, your turn now. Up on the edge of the tub!"

While shaving Anna, Jake was so focused on being careful that his misbehaving dick shrunk down to nearly normal. Spreading his legs and presenting himself to Anna, however, quickly brought it back to fully erect.

"Thank you," she said. "I was worried how I would do this properly if your penis wasn't erect. Are you ready?"

Jake nodded, and Anna started rubbing shaving cream into his pubic hair. Looking down he watched her beautiful face, completely focused on her task. Her breasts, so comforting to see, jiggled as she moved. Part of him was very present, relishing her touches and attention. Another part of him was so deep in thought it was almost like having an out of body experience. Anna was the one person he cared most about in the whole world. She was his closest friend, the person who most understood him. When he was away from her, he missed her. When he was with her, he felt utterly content. His place didn't feel like home unless she was there too. This wasn't mere physical lust, though there was plenty of that as well. He truly loved her. The trouble was he didn't see a way to tell her this, without risking messing up what he already had. The thought of frightening her off, of not sharing this intimacy with her, was too horrible to consider.

Seeing the way she touched him, though, so carefully and tenderly, it was hard to believe she didn't have any sexual feelings for him.

"There we go," Anna said, waking him from his reverie. Jake looked down to see himself thoroughly hairless. He didn't get time to really look before she turned him over to shave between his butt cheeks. A minute later she was finished. They rinsed off in the shower and stood next to each other in front of the mirror to admire the results.

"We look fantastic. I love this!" Anna said.

"You look amazing," Jake said.

"So do you!" Anna was striking poses in the mirror. "Oh, I almost forgot. We need to moisturize." She dug in her drawer and pulled out a bottle of lotion. "It's a very gentle lotion suitable for the whole body. Do you mind if I apply it?" Jake shook his head and Anna straightened the towel on the floor for him to lie down upon. Anna used both hands on him to gently massage lotion everywhere she had shaved, including the shaft of his rock-hard dick and his smooth ball sack. Unlike shaving, he was obviously capable of applying lotion to himself without danger. But if she wanted to touch him and be touched by him, he certainly wasn't going to argue. He was surprised to find Anna spreading the lotion beyond the shaved areas, carefully rubbing it over his chest, arms, and legs. "Okay, flip over," she said, and Jake carefully arranged his erection as he did so. She rubbed lotion on his back, over his bottom, and lastly deep between his butt cheeks. Being touched all over felt incredible.

"There you go," Anna said. "Now it's my turn, if you don't mind trading places." She handed him the bottle of lotion and lay down on her back with her legs apart. "It's safe for use on genitals, but all the same when you moisturize the outer lips of my vulva please try not to get any inside." Jake nodded and then proceeded to gently rub lotion into her skin.

Anna sighed with her eyes closed. "That feels nice. If you don't mind, please put lotion on the rest of my body too."

Jake hesitated briefly. He felt uncertain about everything except that he wanted this. Whatever doubts swirled in his mind, he wasn't able to resist the invitation.

First, he worked down her legs, and then back up to her hips. He slowed down a bit when he reached her belly. In spite of everywhere he had touched her, he hadn't yet touched her breasts, or even her belly. Unsure how to proceed, he rubbed lotion up her sides to her shoulders and down her arms, afraid of touching her breasts. It wasn't surprising Anna wouldn't let this continue, though.

"Please moisturize my breasts too," she said. A simple enough sentence, and yet for a second Jake felt paralyzed. Jake thought back to when she first showed them to him. This was the invitation he'd been hoping for ever since. Putting more lotion on each hand, he made circular motions around her shoulders, then her upper chest. He ran both hands down her sternum, feeling the inner edges of her breasts. At last he pushed up from beneath each breast as his lotion-greased palms crested the peaks and felt her firm areolas. Afraid of ruining the moment, he kept his hands in motion, circling back down over her breasts from above, then in from the outside, out from between them, trying to memorize their contours with his fingers. When he felt like he could no longer pretend they needed more lotion he reluctantly asked her to flip over. She smiled at him and sighed happily as she did so.

Rubbing lotion on her back, he was happy to feel his arousal calming down. As fascinated as he would always be by her breasts, her adorable bottom, her tender folds and all the wonders hidden within, those treasures meant nothing on their own. What he loved was Anna the person, everything about her, the whole package. She said she wanted to at least pretend that their relationship was not sexual. He tried to respect her request, but it wasn't easy. His fingers kneaded the muscles of her back and she moaned in pleasure. Jake felt warm contentment in his heart. He finished by putting a last squirt of lotion on his fingertips and pushing them deep between the cheeks of her bottom and caressing her sweet little butthole.

They washed the lotion off their hands and then resumed admiring themselves in the mirror.

"I can't get over how great this looks. And how great it feels! Everything is tingly and fresh. Thank you, thank you for doing this with me. I didn't have the courage to do it by myself."

"You look amazing," Jake said. "I think my hairy legs look a little silly next to my shaved crotch, but you're right: It certainly does feel great!"

"Next time we can try shaving your legs too, if you want."

"Sure," Jake said, not caring about his legs but loving the mention of a 'next time.'

"All that close detail work has given me an appetite," Anna said. "Come on." After a visit to the kitchen they ended up on their usual spots beside each other on the couch, sitting cross-legged facing each other.

"I can't get over how different it looks," Anna said, staring between her legs and stroking the smooth skin there. "I feel truly naked now. It feels great!" She looked Jake in the eye. "Thank you. I know this was a lot to ask of you."

Jake swallowed and nodded. It had been an ordeal of desire mixed with terror and he was both relieved it was over and hoping he would get another opportunity.

"Happy to," he said.

Anna smiled at him and looked back down at her shaved crotch. Quietly, she said, "I didn't realize how good it would feel to be touched by you. Is it wrong to enjoy that even though our relationship isn't sexual?"

Jake felt his cheeks get warm. Why did she keep insisting this was not sexual? He didn't want to ruin this amazing development, but he was also tired of this charade.

"I thought we were only pretending it wasn't," Jake said.

Anna looked like she wanted to say something, but she didn't.

Jake sighed. "Anna, come on. My penis is hard around you all the time because obviously I am sexually attracted to you. And I don't know, but it seemed possible you were experiencing some sexual feelings as well." Anna looked like she was going to object, though no words came out. "That doesn't mean we have to do anything about it, but it seems silly to deny what's plainly happening here."

Anna brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them to cover herself. Jake had a sinking feeling in his chest. Had he ruined everything?

"I don't want to have sex," Anna said, looking down.

"I know that!" Jake said. "Of course I know that. All I mean is I think it's okay to be honest with each other."

Anna looked back up at him, gratitude in her eyes. "You don't hate me?"

Jake laughed. "I don't hate you at all." I love you, he didn't say.

"It's okay to like being touched, even if that's all we do?" Anna asked.

Jake nodded.

Relieved, Anna put her knees back down. "Scoot over," she said. As Jake did, she arranged herself sitting beside him with her legs splayed apart. With one hand she operated the remote control, and with the other she picked up Jake's hand and placed it between her legs with a contented sigh.

* * * * *

They decided Tuesday and Friday mornings were the best days to shave each other. Under the pretense of skin moisturization she insisted every morning include giving each other the full-body lotion treatment after they showered. It took time, but Jake hardly felt like objecting. Watching TV on the couch together, if it wasn't too hot, always involved touching. Sometimes she'd pull his arm around her and settle his hand on one of her breasts. Sometimes she'd spread her legs and press his fingers against her cleft. Often her hand would gently rest atop his dick.

There was more general touching, too. She started hugging him when she arrived in the morning, and when she said good night in the evenings. Touching his hand while they were talking, or just leaning against him when she was beside him.

At first, it felt awkward. He feared touching her too greedily and throwing this wonderful situation out of balance. Before long, though, the physical contact with Anna became natural. More than natural, it became important. He felt such closeness with her, such intimacy.

He learned to read what she needed. Sometimes it was obvious, like when she would throw her legs over his lap on the couch and spread her knees apart: That meant she wanted his hand over her warm cleft. Other times it was something more subtle, like squeezing her own shoulder to signal her back muscles needed rubbing. Often, they just exchanged brief touches, like if she was busy soldering and he gently put his palm on her spine as he walked by her workbench.

Jake was proud of his dick, as stupid as it was. It eventually got the message this vagina he was spending so much quality time with was not open for intercourse and calmed right down. Somewhere in his heart lived a lump of fear that she didn't love him as he loved her, but he tried to focus on the bright side. Jake loved this intimacy with Anna and couldn't bear the thought of losing it. Wouldn't he gladly remain a virgin if only he could stay with her? Wouldn't he?

One evening, Anna sat beside him on the couch with a serious look on her face.

"Jake, listen, I know I've already put a lot of burden on our friendship these past weeks. There's something else I want to ask you about. I don't want to do a cycle of agonizing self-doubt this time, so I'm just going to go out on a limb and ask you. Do you promise to tell me if my question makes you uncomfortable?"

"Of course I'll tell you," Jake said.

"You know that model you showed me earlier, the one with the inverted nipples?"

"Yes," Jake laughed. "Yes, I remember."

"You found those pictures pretty quickly. Have you looked at pictures of her before?"

"Well, yes," Jake admitted.

"And when you looked, it made you feel... aroused?"

Jake felt his face turn red. There didn't seem to be any point in denying the obvious. "Yes."

"Even though she has weird nipples?"

"Anna, look. I don't see her nipples as a negative. It just made her more enticingly unique and fascinating."

Anna nodded. "And when you felt aroused, looking at her pictures, did you... well did it make you want to... touch... yourself?"

"Anna, are you asking if I masturbate when I look at porn?"

Anna nodded.

"The answer is yes, of course I do. I'm not proud of it, and I've never talked with anyone about it before. But you seem to sincerely want to know. I'm... I'm not really interested in being teased about this."

"Why would I tease you? I wouldn't do that."

Jake gave her a doubtful look but saw only sincerity in her expression.

"Do you mind if I ask you more questions?"

Jake laughed. This woman bared her beautiful body to him every day. How could he say no? With a sigh, he said, "Go for it."

"How did it start? Wasn't it weird?"

"It started quite innocently. I somehow noticed it felt good to touch myself there, and it seemed like all positives and no negatives."

"Were you looking at porn then?"

"Oh no, not at first. I'm not even sure I thought about girls at first. That connection came later."

"Did you hide it?"

"Well, yes. I clearly sensed this was a private thing."

"And that's it? All positives, no negatives from the start? No shame involved?"

"Oh, I didn't mean to suggest that. I said it started quite innocently." Jake paused briefly, and then continued very quietly. "Eventually I got the message it was something to be ashamed of, and I associated profound guilt with it."

"Then you stopped?"

Jake shook his head. "Of course not. It felt so good! I simply internalized the shame and self-loathing."

Anna squeezed his hands in hers. "Do you still feel shame?"

Jake took a deep breath. "Not the same way. Eventually I realized I wasn't hurting anyone, and while it isn't the most productive use of time it's not worth beating myself up over. The only thing I struggle with anymore is keeping my fantasies respectful."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like... I used to try to imagine what every girl in my school looked like naked. But it didn't seem right to fantasize about someone who hasn't... invited me to. I can't help what images pop into my head and try to ignore the inappropriate ones. That's why I feel okay about looking at porn. Those people have given permission to be fantasized about."

Anna squeezed his hand and was silent for a while in thought. "For me, I also got the message, as you said, that I shouldn't touch myself that way. And I didn't. I've since accepted, intellectually, there is nothing wrong with it. But I can't seem to shake this latent shame. I've tried, and it just doesn't work for me."

"What doesn't work?" Jake asked.

"Touching myself. Masturbating. Every time I try it, I can't overcome the feelings of shame."

"You've never masturbated?" Jake tried to not sound incredulous.

"Not really, no."

Jake hesitated a moment, and then asked, "Is it different when you... have sex?"

"Oh, I've never had sex," Anna said. "Never really been close. Have you?"

Jake shook his head. "No, me neither."

They sat together in silence, the picture of the nude model on the computer forgotten.

Anna took a breath and asked, "What does it feel like to... have an orgasm?"

Part of him was expecting this question. He thought about the countless times he'd masturbated. What was it like to not know?

"It's okay," Anna said with disappointment. "I didn't mean to pry."

"You're not prying!" Jake said quickly. "Sorry, I've never talked about this with anyone. I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm happy to share it with you, but please be patient with me."

Anna's face relaxed. She waited patiently while Jake thought.

"I think it's kind of like sneezing," he said.

Anna looked confused. "What?"

Jake smiled. "Well, kind of. You know that tickle in your nose before a sneeze? It's annoying, and not a strong sensation, but you know unmistakably a sneeze is coming. The feeling builds, and builds, and then suddenly there's this out of control explosion that somehow your whole body is involved in. The explosion is related to the tickle, it comes from it, but is orders of magnitude more powerful. More intense. And then afterwards it feels like relief, like all this tension was suddenly released."

Anna looked doubtful. "You're not really selling it."

Jake laughed. "Well the difference is, unlike a sneeze, it's all pleasure. It starts as mild pleasure. It feels good, and it builds. It can continue building, and just feels amazing. Sometimes it's nice to take it slow and enjoy that feeling. When the orgasm hits it feels like the pleasure-o-meter goes off the scale."

Anna laughed. "If it's that great, why aren't you masturbating, like, every day?"

Jake's cheeks turned red. "It's not necessarily every day."

Anna's eyes widened. "Oh." She giggled nervously.

Jake nodded. Anna sat in quiet thought.

"What I'm wondering is," Anna finally said softly, haltingly, "for me, would it be different if I was... masturbating... with a... friend?"

Jake could only see one interpretation for what she just said to him, and yet it seemed impossible.

"What do you mean?" Jake asked, studying her face for any sign of joking.

"Would you be willing to... masturbate with me?"

Jake stared at her stupidly.

Anna turned away and moved to stand up. "Sorry, I know that was weird. Please forget I asked."

Jake held tight to her hand. "YES!" he blurted out.

Anna turned back toward him.

"I mean, no that's not weird," Jake continued. "Yes, I will do that with you. Masturbate." Anna smiled. "After all, that's an extremely normal thing for friends to do together."

They both laughed. "What's your vision?" Jake asked. "How will this work?"

Anna gestured at the computer in Jake's lap. "Do you think you could find a movie of something we could both, um, enjoy?"

Jake laughed. "Can you be more specific?"

"A man and a woman having sex?"

"Okay. Any turn offs?"

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't watched much porn, have you?"

"No," Anna answered.

"That's okay. Let me sketch a typical 'plot' for you. Couple kisses. Couple undresses. Couple takes turns performing oral sex on each other. Man puts penis in woman's vagina. Lots of thrusting and then, usually, pulling out and ejaculating on the woman."

Anna made a face of disgust. "ON her? Why do they pull out like that?"

Jake laughed. "Okay noted, what penises do is disgusting. This brings up another issue we should discuss. If we do this together, I feel I must point out to you I have a penis, and when I orgasm my penis ejaculates semen. If that is gross to you, maybe this isn't a great idea?"

Jake felt a little bad confronting her so directly on this. He thought it was disgusting too, but she hurt his feelings.

"I'm sorry, you're right. But I am curious--why is it normal for the man to pull out?"

"I don't know, I think just so the camera can see the climax? Anyway, I'll find one where the penis stays inside. Any other concerns?"

"Do they always do oral sex? It seems gross to put your mouth where someone pees."

"Not always," Jake said, "though it's very common."

"Why is gross stuff common in porn? That doesn't seem sexy."

Jake thought about how much he'd like to put his mouth on her. "I think it depends on the relationship. A stranger, or someone you're not attracted to, then I agree it's a big yuck. Someone you are attracted to, someone you care for deeply and find beautiful and appealing, well, maybe it's a special intimacy? I'd also guess it feels good in a unique way. I have no personal experience, though. Just speculating."