Inverted Intimacy

Jake was stumped. He didn't know what more he could do with his aching hands. He knew he had to think of something quickly. His judgment clouded by desperation and doubting whether this was for her or for his own selfish desires, he put his mouth on her clitoris.

"Oh!" was all Anna managed to say.

Having spent so much time with her naked, he had experienced her scent in a subtle way often. He found it familiar and comforting. But the taste, the direct contact on his tongue, the profound intimacy with the woman he loved so deeply made for an impossibly intense experience.

Hoping to not lose the momentum, he gently sucked the hard center of her pleasure between his lips, against his tongue, in and out, and in and out, at increasing speed. He felt her hips match his fast rhythm, pushing herself against him.

"Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck!" Anna's head thrashed side to side as she was overwhelmed by sensation. Suddenly she cried out with a voice so deep he didn't recognize it. Everything seemed to get even wetter and then she pulled away from him and rolled over onto her side, hugging her knees and shuddering. Jake stared dumbfounded for a second before he realized what had happened. He scrambled up next to her on the couch and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. Every few seconds she would cry out again as her body convulsed. Together they rode the waves of her pleasure as the spasms repeated again, and again, each a bit less intense, until finally it was over.

Wordlessly they lay there, Anna clutching his hand as he held her. Eventually her breathing returned to normal, and her grip softened. Jake realized he had his dick pressed against her bottom in their hug, but it had softened during the past few minutes. He felt proud of himself and his soft dick. Anna was the epitome of his sexual desires, but in this moment even his perpetually rude cock recognized this was not the time to make selfish demands. It felt nice snuggled up against her soft bottom.

His face resting on Anna's back, he couldn't help smiling. He had done it! He had most definitely given her something she'd never felt before.

A small movement from Anna brought him out of his reverie, and he realized she was crying. In a single second his heart fell from impossible heights of blissful pride and satisfaction down into despair.

"Anna, are you okay?" Jake asked, his voice small. "Did I hurt you?" For what felt like an eternity, there was no response at all. Then Anna's grip on his hand tightened, and she pulled it against her chest.

"Thank you," she said, her voice cracking. Holding his hand tight, she moved to sit up and he pulled back to give her space. She looked at him with cheeks wet with tears. "I have no idea why I'm crying. No, you didn't hurt me. You made me feel more pleasure than I ever thought possible. I don't know where all this emotion is coming from." She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he put his free arm around her again. They sat in silence for a few minutes more. Jake's heart gradually recovered from its moment of terror, and he breathed easy again, the sweet scent of her hair in his nose.

With a deep breath Anna lifted her head and looked at Jake. Still feeling elated from his success, he started to grin. This in turn made Anna smile.

Making a goofy face, he said, "Well?"

They both burst out laughing. Jake felt elated at what he had accomplished, giddy with delight at what they had shared, at how close he felt to Anna.

When the laughter died down, Anna's face grew thoughtful. "What I just experienced... was that normal? Is that what everyone feels when they orgasm? Is that what you feel?"

"I doubt I've ever experienced anything even a tenth as good as that," Jake said. "That seemed to be in the earth-shattering category.

"It really was. My legs feel weak. I can't get over how good that felt. I honestly didn't know anything like that was possible. How did you know how to do that?"

He thought about all the 'how to' videos about sex he had watched, all the guides to please a woman he had read, how he poured all his love and focus into doing the best he could for her. "I think I just got lucky."

Anna laughed. "No, I'm the one who got lucky." She sat in silence for another moment looking at her toes.

"Jake?"

"Yes?"

"You kissed my pussy." It still caught him off guard when she used that word, but he liked it.

"Yes. I hope you don't mind. I knew you needed more and that was my only idea," Jake said.

"Was it... was it gross?" Anna asked.

"Quite the opposite," Jake said. Of course, the truth was he was overflowing with affection for her. Confessing all that now seemed too much. He kept silent.

"Anna," Jake said quietly, "Did I hurt you?"

"What on earth are you talking about?" she said.

"You know, when I... when I put my finger inside."

"Oh!" she giggled. "No, it didn't hurt at all. Quite the opposite. Completely different from the doctor."

"Oh good," Jake said, his finger remembering. Warm, snug, delicate. He felt his arousal start to grow and tried to think about something else instead.

After a few minutes, Anna asked, "How tired are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine."

"But it took me ages to reach the climax. You must have been getting a little tired?"

"A little," Jake admitted. "But I'm fine now."

"All recovered?"

"Yes, all recovered!" Jake said, laughing at the interrogation.

"Good!" Anna said, distractedly stroking the top of her thigh. "Good, I'm glad. That was an incredible thing you did for me, just an incredible thing."

"Anna, please," Jake protested, turning his head to meet her eyes. "I enjoyed it too, you know."

Anna smiled but quickly looked away in embarrassment. "Of course, now... now it's your turn." Anna was clearly getting nervous. "I owe you some--"

"No," Jake said a little too firmly, sitting up. "No, listen. There's nothing owed. Nothing transactional here. If some day in the future you find yourself needing to touch me, truly deeply needing it, then nothing would be more welcome. Nothing. But I've been slapping this salami and having orgasms for years. I'm fine. What's important now is you've taken a huge risk with this first step, and it was a good experience. I think you should load up on good experiences before taking more risks."

"'Good experience' rather understates things," Anna said with a laugh.

"Here's what I think," Jake said. "No offense, but you look a bit worn out. How about I get us a snack and we watch a movie to relax?"

Anna smiled. "I do feel a bit drained. That would be nice."

Jake returned with some apple slices, cheese, and crackers. Anna cued up a movie and he realized he was feeling pretty drained himself.

* * * * *

Some time later he awoke to find Anna still sitting with him. The movie was over. It took him a moment to notice she was looking down at his crotch.

Jake must have moved a little because Anna startled, looked away, and began to get up.

"What's the matter?" he asked.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have been staring while you were asleep."

Jake laughed. "Are you joking? We've been naked with each other for weeks now. Why would I mind if you looked at my ugly wiener?"

"I don't know," Anna said, settling back down on the couch beside him and leaning against him. "It just felt like peeping or something." She smiled. "I guess I was being silly." Jake nodded and put his arm around her again, feeling her shoulders rise and fall as she breathed, enjoying how her breasts moved.

"I don't think it's ugly," Anna said after a few minutes.

"Hmmm?"

"Your penis. Your COCK," she added with a smile. "I don't think it's ugly. It got super small while you slept. I thought it was cute."

Jake felt the topic of discussion begin to swell. He whispered, "Uh oh, it knows you're talking about it."

Anna bent down close to his dick and whispered to it, "I think you're cute when you're all shrunk up small!" Then she sat back up, giggling.

His dick jumped a little in response, and Anna laughed more.

"Can I tell you something stupid?" Anna asked.

"Of course."

"This is embarrassing... but... when your cock gets really big..." Anna looked down. In a quiet voice, she said, "I feel a little bit scared of it."

Jake immediately began to shrink. He frightened her? He moved to cover himself with his hands.

"No wait," Anna said, grabbing his arm and pulling him back down. "That's not what I meant. You didn't do anything wrong." She pulled his hands up so his crotch was exposed again. "All I meant was it's intimidating when it gets big."

Jake thought for a moment. "I have to be honest. It's hard to not be aroused when I'm with you. But I will try!"

"No," Anna said. "No, I don't want that. This doesn't make sense, but I also like when it gets big. I feel both excited and a little afraid." She looked down and then back into his eyes. "I guess what I mean is I appreciate how patient you're being with me. I intend to return the generosity you've shown me, but... but I'm just not ready yet."

Jake let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Oh, well that's no problem. I thought we already settled this? You don't 'owe' me anything."

"I know," Anna said, "I just--"

"Listen," Jake interrupted. "Believe me. I'm having a... profoundly good time. All I can think about is hoping you'll invite me back for another round."

"What does your schedule look like tomorrow evening?" she asked.

Jake chuckled, and he felt his dick jump at the thought. "I think I can fit you in," he said.

Anna smiled, and leaned her head against his shoulder again.

* * * * *

Anna didn't like to directly ask for Jake to work his magic on her. Her face would occasionally get this hungry look that was extremely obvious, and Jake made sure to offer. As he practiced on her more and more, he became immensely proud of his growing expertise. He had learned to read her feelings, her body's reactions, and her needs. Sometimes it was clear she needed immediate relief, and he would give it to her. Other times, his favorite times, she enjoyed dragging it out. He would bring her right to the edge, and then back away, teasing her over and over until she couldn't stand it even one more second. When she reached that point, he would take her over the edge into an incredibly powerful orgasm that left both of them exhausted afterwards.

She wasn't ready to return the attention. Occasionally she would offer, though it clearly came from a sense of obligation. Jake wanted her to touch him out of desire, not guilt. At least he wasn't embarrassed about being erect around her anymore. Sometimes he got that "blue balls" ache, but not often. After she left every evening, he didn't even feel the need to masturbate anymore. He just missed her and tried to get to sleep quickly so the morning would bring her back.

Jake hated hiding his true feelings from her, but he feared ruining what they had. Maybe someday he would have to confront that. He wasn't ready.

* * * * *

It had been a tiring Saturday, but fun. Hiking in the nearby foothills, taking countless photos, and talking about all kinds of things. She seemed so fond of him as they explored and laughed together, he could almost believe she loved him as much as he loved her. He hoped so, at least. Lost in his thoughts, he realized Anna was talking to him as she drove them home.

"It's funny," Anna said. "I was talking with my mom the other day and she was acting all confused about us. Apparently, I talk about you all the time and she thinks we're actually dating. 'Mom!' I said, 'Jake doesn't think of me that way. We're just good friends.' I don't know why she won't let this go."

Jake felt his ears burning. HE doesn't feel about HER that way? Feeling exhausted from the hike, he was unable to slow the emotion building in his heart.

"That's bullshit," he said, more anger in his voice than he intended. He stared out the front window.

Anna glanced at him with surprise. Jake didn't turn toward her. He knew Anna wasn't a malicious person, and he knew he was probably messing up everything, but it hurt.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked quietly.

Jake knew his anger was out of control, but he spoke anyway. "You always assume too much. Mostly I don't mind, but you don't get to make assumptions about my feelings, to lie to my face. It couldn't be more obvious how I feel about you, how I've felt about you from the very start. I don't expect you to love me back. You don't owe me anything. But it would be really fucking decent of you to at least be honest that YOU set the rules. You don't get to put words in my mouth."

Anna didn't respond. Jake stared straight ahead. He heard some sniffling and saw her wiping her eyes. He wanted to comfort her. He hated to see her in pain, no matter the reason. But his angry heart felt better, even if he dreaded to think what he had done to their friendship.

The rest of the drive home was silent. They went to their separate apartments that evening. Jake showered by himself for the first time in weeks feeling lonely and sad. Fearing he had made the biggest mistake of his life, he made it as far as the couch before breaking down in tears and crying himself to sleep beneath the throw blanket.

Sometime later, Jake heard Anna's voice. Was it a dream? His head felt heavy with sleep. In the darkness, Anna was pulling his hand.

"Come on, sleepy-head, you'll be more comfortable in bed," she said.

Her voice held no anger, only kindness. It must be a dream. He found himself in his bed. Anna climbed in beside him, her warm back snuggled up against him as she pulled his arm around her. He longed for it to be real, though he knew it couldn't be. Anna hated him now. It was over. Jake's mind drifted into blank despair again.

Anna was smiling at him. Her face was the most beautiful thing in the world and her gaze felt like being bathed in warm sunshine. She leaned in to kiss him. In the dream logic, this wasn't a surprise. She loved him as he loved her, and kissing him was the most natural thing in the world. Her lips touched his and he felt his heart grow and expand until it consumed the universe with their love and joy. All they needed was each other, forever. Touching her face, he was the happiest man in the world. He called out her name.

"Jake," he heard Anna's voice, gentle and tender. "Jake, are you okay?" He felt a warm hand on his cheek.

He opened his eyes and saw the light of dawn, soft on Anna's face. What was she doing here? Genuine concern was in her eyes.

"Jake, you were having a dream. Are you okay?"

As he woke up more, he realized his dick felt strange. Moving his hand, he found it was on Anna's hip, and her hip was wet. The sheets were wet. His crotch was wet. With horror he realized it had been a wet dream. The biggest, messiest wet dream of his life. And it was all over Anna.

His body involuntarily jerked in panic. Tears erupted from his eyes and he started gasping, unable to speak even if he knew what to say. What was she even doing here? He couldn't see clearly through the tears, but he had no trouble imagining the hateful look she must be giving him.

"Sorry!" he blurted. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." He started to pull back, to climb out of the bed and away from the mess, away from everything. But she gently pulled him back down beside her.

"Shhhh, don't talk," she said. "Just look into my eyes and breathe."

Jake squeezed his eyes shut, too ashamed to look at her.

"Everything's okay, Jake," Anna continued. "I'm here with you, and everything is okay."

Jake opened his mouth to apologize again but she put a finger over his lips before he could speak.

"There's nothing to say. Just breathe with me."

He opened his eyes and through the tears saw Anna's kind eyes looking into his. He inhaled, and his chest jerked with a suppressed sob.

"Everything's okay, Jake. Just breathe with me."

Jake took another breath, and he managed to make it a bit smoother. Anna smiled and stroked his temple. He focused on the warmth of her hand on his face and tried to forget the shameful wet mess between them on the sheets.

Eventually his breathing calmed down. Anna used her thumb to wipe the tears off his cheeks, and she smiled at him.

"Now we're going to do something silly," Anna said, "And you're not going to argue with me. You're going to come with me to the shower, but first you're going to close your eyes. Do you trust me?"

Jake was puzzled but he nodded and closed his eyes. He felt her pull the cold sticky sheet off them, and then she helped him stand up. Holding him from the side, she slowly guided him, and he realized she was doing this so he wouldn't look at the mess on the bed. He felt the shame lurch back into his heart, but at that very instant she put her hand on his chest, right over his heart, and he calmed back down.

He kept his eyes closed as his feet touched the cold tile of the bathroom. He heard Anna start the shower, and then she pulled them together into the hot water. She pressed the front of her body against the front of his and squeezed him close, her head on his shoulder with her face against his neck. Her breasts were soft and comforting. Her hips pushed against his and he felt his shrunken, ashamed dick press against her thighs. He put his arms around her and returned the hug. The hot water poured over them both and he felt his body relaxing.

For a few minutes they just held each other. Anna adjusted the water slightly hotter. The air filled with steam and their bodies seemed to blend as the water coursed over their shoulders. Anna sighed happily against his neck. She didn't hate him for ejaculating on her in his sleep. She wasn't repelled. She didn't find him revolting. Anna squeezed him tighter, then pulled back from her hug.

"You can open your eyes now." She was smiling at him. She put her finger to his lips and then grabbed the shampoo bottle. Her fingers massaged the shampoo into his scalp and his eyes rolled back in pleasure. She rubbed far longer than was needed to wash his hair, clearly enjoying his reaction. With a soapy wash cloth, she rubbed his shoulders. Her thumbs worked into his muscles as she washed down his back, down each arm, across his chest and down his belly.

Without hesitation she gently held his shrunken dick and stroked it carefully with the wash cloth. It wasn't sexual as she cleaned him, it was simply loving. She washed his bottom, his legs, and his feet, including scrubbing between each toe.

She pushed him back into the hot water to rinse and held a finger up to tell him to stay there. Then she carefully shampooed her own hair, and washed her own body, making sure he was watching. Finally, she joined him in the hot stream of water and hugged him as she rinsed.

When Anna turned the water off she grabbed a fresh towel and dried him carefully over his whole body before drying herself while he watched. He laughed when she used the hair dryer on him, blowing warm air all over their bodies until they were fully dry before she got a brush and started drying his hair too. She had fun styling his hair to look ridiculous, and then quickly dried her own hair too.

Anna wrapped them each in bath robes to stay warm, and walked him to the kitchen. She put him in a chair and he watched while she made coffee, toast, and eggs. She sat beside him while they ate in silence, watching each other and giggling now and then.

When they finished eating, she held up her finger again to tell him to stay in his chair, and then went off to the bedroom. Anna was gone only a few minutes before returning and leading him by the hand back to the bed, which now had fresh sheets. She sat beside him on the bed and smiled at him.

"How are you feeling now?" Anna asked. "Better?"